Chapter 16

[Mimi]

“I need John. I won’t do it unless he is here,” Marlena said empathetically, looking directly at Alex. “Okay fine, Marlena, I’m going to give you an injection of amobarbital, it’s an..” Alex started. “I know what it is, remember I’m a doctor.” Marlena interrupted. “Then you know the benefits and risks?” he asked. “I’m worried about you having another panic attack in a session and want to keep you as calm as possible.” In the pasty two months of treating her he found that she was having more and more panic attacks that had him concerned. “Fine,” she said as she offered him up a vein. She just wanted to remember, not caring how it came about. He quickly injected the liquid into her arm and watched as she seemed to become a lot more relaxed. John sat on the couch, holding Marlena in his arms, his chest against her back, as the drug started to take effect. He slowly stroked her hair, wishing to god that it was him in her position. He would give anything to spare her the pain. “Marlena, are you ready?” Dr. North asked. “Yes, as ready as I’ll ever be.” She really wasn’t ready, but recognized that she may never be. “Great. Okay then, for this session I want to talk to you about something that made you happy. Can you tell me about something in your past that brought you a lot of joy.” “Sure, giving birth to Belle,” she said. John smiled as he remembered the details of his daughter’s birth – delivering her and then saving her life when she stopped breathing. He had never been more proud of Marlena than at that moment when she brought life into the world. “Wait, you remember that?” John asked. “Mr. Black, if you are going to be here during therapy you will have to sit by quietly and not ask questions.” Alex reminded him. He wished that Marlena had not insisted that he be there. “Sorry,” John mumbled as he continued to stroke her hair. “Marlena, are you having memories of giving birth to Belle?” Alex asked he looked over at Marlena. She shook her head indicating yes. “What can you tell me about the experience?” Alex asked. “I was so glad that John was there for me. He was amazing. I didn’t intend to give birth at the cabin, I thought I could hold out. But the pain was so intense and I knew the baby was coming. I couldn’t have done it without him.” Suddenly Marlena gasped and started crying. “What’s wrong Doc?” John asked as he gently stroked her hair. “I lost my baby. I lost my baby,” she sobbed. Suddenly she started rocking back and forth on the couch; eyes squeezed shut as she was gripped in the midst of a memory. “It’s okay Doc, I’m here,” John whispered into her ear as he held her tightly in his arms. “Not it’s not. How can you say that?” she asked physcially unable to open her eyes. “Because I love you,” he said softly. “Sometimes love is not enough,” Marlena responded in between sobs. “Don’t say that Marlena.” “Why, it’s true.” She continued to rock back and forth. Alex sat calmly watching the Blacks attempt to face their demons. “Marlena, do you know why you slept with Roman Brady?” Alex asked, trying to get control back over her therapy session. The effects of the drug seemed to have worn off. “Yes,” she replied as she rocked. “Look, I don’t want to talk about Roman Brady,” John said. “It’s in the past, leave it there.” “I’m sorry Mr. Black, but this isn’t a couples therapy session I’m running. I’m trying to get to the cause of Marlena’s amnesia and if that causes you discomfort, so be it. We need to discuss this Mr. Black. Marlena, back to the original question, why did you sleep with Roman Brady?” “Because you didn’t love me anymore,” she said quietly to John. “What?” John asked. She jerked out of his embrace and stood up, pointing her finger at him as she replied, “You didn’t love me anymore. This connection you say we have between us that is supposed to be soooo strong and would carry us through anything was a fucking lie.” “How was it a lie?” Alex asked, silently amused by her reaction. “He brought that woman into my house. My house! How could you?” she screamed at John, tears streaming down her face. “I thought you were dead Marlena,” John tried to explain. “See there it is again. If we had a connection so strong you should have known I was alive or least gone looking for me, but did you? No, you brought that woman into my house, my house, John. And you fucked her in my bed over and over again. My bed, John! How could you?” Marlena sunk to her knees on the floor overcome with an overwhelming sense of loss of what she and John once were. No matter what the future held for them, they would never have that special connection again. Although Marlena didn’t have the memories to know why that connection was lost, she felt it. John had never seen her look so hurt before. “If you loved me as much as you say you do you never would have taken up with that woman in my house, in my bed.” “It wasn’t like that Marlena,” John said trying to calm her down. Alex sat with a smirk on his face, knowing that if he sat by quietly long enough and let this confrontation play out, John and Marlena would destroy their own relationship without him having to do a damn thing. “Then tell me how it is? Lie to me and tell me what I saw on video wasn’t real. Tell me that you were acting and your declaration of love to Kate wasn’t real. Can you do it John? Can you lie to my face and make it all better for me? Can you?” she screamed at him. “It wasn’t like that Marlena,” John said quietly, head in his hands. “That’s what you said before.” “If you’d stop interrupting me, I’ll tell you how it is,” he raised his voice, looking down at her on the floor. “I don’t care John, don’t you get it? I don’t fucking care anymore.” She started crying again. “No I don’t get it Marlena.” “I can’t deal with his now. I don’t want to know. You’re suffocating me. I need to get out of here” Marlena got up off of the floor and went to the door. “Marlena, we need to talk this through, please don’t walk out on me. We need to resolve this issue. Please don’t leave,” John begged. “No, I can’t deal with this now. Please leave me alone and go back to Kate. It’s her you want anyway. Poor John, he’s only with Marlena because she came back from the dead. Do you know how that makes me feel knowing that it’s not me who you really want? I’m just your obligation. Nothing more. Please let me go. You made your bed, as I did mine, now we’re going to both have to lie in it,” Marlena said sadly it as she opened the door and left. Alex got up out of his chair to follow Marlena, but John stopped him. “North, she’s my wife, I’ll handle this.” John said as he left the room.