Post by Mimi on Aug 18, 2006 11:39:35 GMT -5
I stare around the room, taking in everything about the waiting room that I am sitting in. I never did like these places…they are so cold and distant, kind of like a holding cell before you slip into the seventh circle of hell. I remember everytime one of the kids got sick….usually Marlena would take them but there were times that she couldn’t and I would have to step in. God I hated those moments….moments of agony….like a countdown before my spawns go into nervous breakdowns whether from shots, or just plain old doctors. Marlena was always better here anyways…after all she was a doctor…she knew how to deal with it better then I ever could. Fast forward to the present….I glance down at this magazine, flipping through pages and not really paying much attention. I place it back down on the coffee table and glance at my watch, wondering how much time has actually passed since Marlena went in the observation cubicle. I am angry at myself now for refusing to go in with her, even though I knew she wanted me to go in, I could tell by the way she was asking me….but I wasn’t crazy about going in there, at least not for this part of the check-up. Something about watching your wife lay on her back with her legs up, while some male doctor checks her in areas that I should only be allowed to see….really doesn’t appease me. And now I can only picture what he is doing….and even though I know this is his job…he sees these things everyday…and it just becomes habit…it still nerves me. God why must I be an idiot all the time….I should have just sucked it up. All my thoughts have vanished when I hear my name called as I glance up and see a nurse. I quickly stand to my feet as I walk to her, worried that something may be wrong.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, hoping that I am blessed with an encouraging answer.
“Well Mrs. Black would like to see you…if you’ll just follow me.” She smiles softly and turns around….so now my mind is racing with hundreds of questions, what if’s? What happened? Man I should have been in there with her….what was I thinking? The nurse knocks on the door softly as she opens it up slowly, telling my wife that she has what she was looking for. I slip in from behind the nurse as I smile as Marlena, who is now sitting up on the table, dressed in a gown, her hands tightly pressed in her lap. I hear the door close behind me as I walk up to my wife, reaching for her face as I can tell something isn’t right.
“Hey baby….What’s the matter? What’s with the long face?” I ask her, smiling softly and hoping to get a good answer.
“John I think something is wrong….The doctor was checking me and he said that he wanted to do an ultrasound now…just to be on the safe side.” I watch as a tear slides from her eye…and I reach out and swipe at it before she even reaches for it.
“Honey, that means nothing. He might just want to look and see if the baby is progressing normally. Don’t worry about….I’m here and everything is going to be okay…don’t cry okay sweetie?” I grab her hand and bring it in mine while I lean in and kiss the top of her head. We hear a knock at the door and a quick hello as the doctor reappears, shaking my hand and introducing himself before quickly walking to the machine and turning it on.
“Alright so I’m sure you both know this procedure….I was telling your wife that I want to do an ultrasound just to make sure everything is going smoothly, no complications and so forth. I was also explaining to Marlena and I’m sure you both have an idea that this pregnancy is high risk….which doesn’t mean this can’t go well with flying colors…we just have to pay close attention and monitor him or her very well. With that said….lets begin this procedure and if you have any questions or concerns at all…please ask away.” I look at Marlena and notice the slight fear in her eyes as we both nod. I kiss her head as the doctor applies some gel on her stomach and I assume it’s warm since she doesn’t jump much. “Not only has there been amazing advances with technology…we finally also learned to warm the gel up….it took a few decades though.” He laughs as he prepares the machine and grasps the handle while we smile. He places the device on her stomach as he begins to move it around slowly, trying to get a good picture on the screen. We hear the heartbeat as I laugh a bit, filling up with pure joy after hearing my child’s heartbeat. This is the first time that I have ever experienced this with my wife….and I must say…it’s a priceless moment. I look down at her and she smiles too…a few tears falling….but tears of happiness. I hear a sigh and notice the doctor’s face as he struggles to see the screen clearly. My smile fades as I try to get Marlena’s attention….almost as if I’m trying to distract her form what we’re about to hear….but as I look at her closely…she already has caught on.
“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?” I place a gentle hand over hers as I tell her to relax for a minute and to take it easy. The doctor closes his eyes as he turns the screen to us and tells us to look closely. He points at the small figure…our child…and then zooms in a bit.
“There seems to be a problem…but I think we may be able to progress the situation.” Panic fills me and I do everything in my power not to breakdown and stay strong for my wife. I watch as he points at the screen again and then pause’s it...removing the device from her flat stomach. He sits down and removes his gloves, throwing it in the trash beside him before placing his hands in his lap. “The baby appears to have a slight hole in its heart…which means the heart hasn’t fully developed. Now this doesn’t mean we can’t do anything right now. We can start giving you some steroids….which should boost up the development and keep a close eye. I have a strong feeling and with my experience in situations like this…95% of the time, everything goes perfectly.”
“And what if it doesn’t? What happens then?” I ask nervously…afraid of what the answer may be.
He gives a small sigh and raises his eyebrows a bit and then takes a deep breath. “Then you have some decisions to make. But when we get there…correction…if we even get there…we’ll go through it.”
“I want to know now!” I hear my wife’s voice and I turn to her, grasping her hand again, as if silently telling her to remain calm.
“Marlena…don’t work yourself up….I need you especially to remain strong for this baby. If you don’t then it won’t be good for him or her at all.”
“I need to know what may be the decisions we may face. Please…I need to know.” She practically begs and I nod to the doctor, telling him to go ahead and say it.
“You would probably have to decide whether you chose to have this baby, accepting that there will be complications later and the high chance of it not surviving till birth or even after birth….or……. having an abortion.” He whispers the last part and I close my eyes in pain, squeezing my wife’s hand. I look over at her as her mouth is slightly dropped and her eyes are in shock, tears beginning to form….and disbelief written on her face. My wildest dreams that had come true…was now fading into a nightmare and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, hoping that I am blessed with an encouraging answer.
“Well Mrs. Black would like to see you…if you’ll just follow me.” She smiles softly and turns around….so now my mind is racing with hundreds of questions, what if’s? What happened? Man I should have been in there with her….what was I thinking? The nurse knocks on the door softly as she opens it up slowly, telling my wife that she has what she was looking for. I slip in from behind the nurse as I smile as Marlena, who is now sitting up on the table, dressed in a gown, her hands tightly pressed in her lap. I hear the door close behind me as I walk up to my wife, reaching for her face as I can tell something isn’t right.
“Hey baby….What’s the matter? What’s with the long face?” I ask her, smiling softly and hoping to get a good answer.
“John I think something is wrong….The doctor was checking me and he said that he wanted to do an ultrasound now…just to be on the safe side.” I watch as a tear slides from her eye…and I reach out and swipe at it before she even reaches for it.
“Honey, that means nothing. He might just want to look and see if the baby is progressing normally. Don’t worry about….I’m here and everything is going to be okay…don’t cry okay sweetie?” I grab her hand and bring it in mine while I lean in and kiss the top of her head. We hear a knock at the door and a quick hello as the doctor reappears, shaking my hand and introducing himself before quickly walking to the machine and turning it on.
“Alright so I’m sure you both know this procedure….I was telling your wife that I want to do an ultrasound just to make sure everything is going smoothly, no complications and so forth. I was also explaining to Marlena and I’m sure you both have an idea that this pregnancy is high risk….which doesn’t mean this can’t go well with flying colors…we just have to pay close attention and monitor him or her very well. With that said….lets begin this procedure and if you have any questions or concerns at all…please ask away.” I look at Marlena and notice the slight fear in her eyes as we both nod. I kiss her head as the doctor applies some gel on her stomach and I assume it’s warm since she doesn’t jump much. “Not only has there been amazing advances with technology…we finally also learned to warm the gel up….it took a few decades though.” He laughs as he prepares the machine and grasps the handle while we smile. He places the device on her stomach as he begins to move it around slowly, trying to get a good picture on the screen. We hear the heartbeat as I laugh a bit, filling up with pure joy after hearing my child’s heartbeat. This is the first time that I have ever experienced this with my wife….and I must say…it’s a priceless moment. I look down at her and she smiles too…a few tears falling….but tears of happiness. I hear a sigh and notice the doctor’s face as he struggles to see the screen clearly. My smile fades as I try to get Marlena’s attention….almost as if I’m trying to distract her form what we’re about to hear….but as I look at her closely…she already has caught on.
“What’s the matter? What’s wrong?” I place a gentle hand over hers as I tell her to relax for a minute and to take it easy. The doctor closes his eyes as he turns the screen to us and tells us to look closely. He points at the small figure…our child…and then zooms in a bit.
“There seems to be a problem…but I think we may be able to progress the situation.” Panic fills me and I do everything in my power not to breakdown and stay strong for my wife. I watch as he points at the screen again and then pause’s it...removing the device from her flat stomach. He sits down and removes his gloves, throwing it in the trash beside him before placing his hands in his lap. “The baby appears to have a slight hole in its heart…which means the heart hasn’t fully developed. Now this doesn’t mean we can’t do anything right now. We can start giving you some steroids….which should boost up the development and keep a close eye. I have a strong feeling and with my experience in situations like this…95% of the time, everything goes perfectly.”
“And what if it doesn’t? What happens then?” I ask nervously…afraid of what the answer may be.
He gives a small sigh and raises his eyebrows a bit and then takes a deep breath. “Then you have some decisions to make. But when we get there…correction…if we even get there…we’ll go through it.”
“I want to know now!” I hear my wife’s voice and I turn to her, grasping her hand again, as if silently telling her to remain calm.
“Marlena…don’t work yourself up….I need you especially to remain strong for this baby. If you don’t then it won’t be good for him or her at all.”
“I need to know what may be the decisions we may face. Please…I need to know.” She practically begs and I nod to the doctor, telling him to go ahead and say it.
“You would probably have to decide whether you chose to have this baby, accepting that there will be complications later and the high chance of it not surviving till birth or even after birth….or……. having an abortion.” He whispers the last part and I close my eyes in pain, squeezing my wife’s hand. I look over at her as her mouth is slightly dropped and her eyes are in shock, tears beginning to form….and disbelief written on her face. My wildest dreams that had come true…was now fading into a nightmare and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
