Post by Melissa on Aug 18, 2006 16:31:58 GMT -5
A House That Is Not Our Home 3 Part 2
A Little Agony, Some Despair, & A Whole Lot Of Pleasure
Her eyes stood focused on her slender hands as they were pressed tightly together. Nervously she moved her fingers back and forth, causing the sunlight to hit the diamond on her finger and sending thousands of shimmers along the wall. John caught the glimmer as his eyes traveled to the rock on her hand, admiring it, wondering about it. His hand reached for her hands as he untangled them from each other, and slowly brought her left hand to him. Her gaze slowly rose as she watched carefully as he studied the ring before meeting her gaze.
“I’m glad to see you still have this on.” He smiled as she gave a weak smile before wondering what to say, how could she even say anything after what she just asked of him.
“Of course…why wouldn’t I?” She said nervously, knowing very well it was the wrong thing to say the moment it slipped past her lips.
“Well because you asked me for a separation…you would think it should be off.”
“You want me to take it off….you want it back….fine, you can have it then….” She said with venom in her voice, her attitude now present in what was a nervous conversation. She yanked her hand back as she prepared to fling off the ring but John quickly grabbed her hand back, refusing for her to continue the task.
“No I don’t want it….its yours…and it will always be yours.” He simply stated as she tried to bring her hand back.
“No you obviously want it or you wouldn’t have mentioned anything….well in that case I’ll let you hold it for the remainder of our separation….just to put your mind at ease….if it makes you feel any better.” She spat as she shoved on John’s chest, trying desperately to get him to release her hand. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she was unable to hold in anymore emotion. After minutes of trying to get her hand free, she finally broke down in hysterical tears as she pushed John back as hard as she could. He grabbed her quickly and pulled her to him, cradling her face to his chest as she broke down, slightly hitting on his muscular arms as she repeated over and over how much she hated him. “God How I hate you….I hate you so much.” She cried as John closed his eyes in pain.
“No you don’t….you love me just as much as I love you….and you know that you can’t fight it….you couldn’t before…and you can’t now.” John whispered as she continued to cry, letting his hands hold her closely. She felt his hands skim along her shoulders and then up her neck as they began to cradle her face, forcing her to look up at him. She closed her eyes as she let the tears run down her cheeks, feeling his thumbs wiping them away. “Open your eyes and look at me….” He whispered as she slowly opened them, seeing his pure blue eyes staring back at her. “That ring belongs to you and only you…when I gave it you…there were no circumstances then and there are none now. You hold on to it till you’re ready to come back to me.” His voice was gentle and unhurriedly, as if he were trying to persuade her that everything was okay.
She closed her eyes again and let the tears fall once more, unable to handle them anymore. Her life was spiraling out of control and she couldn’t stop herself from this miserable feeling. Suddenly his hands were no longer cradling her face…and his arms were nowhere near her body. She felt her body drift towards the couch and as quickly as she was brought there, she was seated without a word. She looked up at him as he sat down on the coffee table and reached for her hand, kissing it gently before choosing his words carefully. “Now you are coming back to me right?” He asked as she smiled softly.
“Yes… I am not leaving, leaving you. I want you with me forever….I am so much In love with you….I am just so confused right now and I think maybe having some time to myself, where I am able to think and realize what is going on…might help me. With Alex, Abuse, Miscarriage….I am just drowning in confusion and sorrow right now and maybe time alone can help. But I want you back and here with me after I am done with all that. Just in the meantime….If you can let me have some space…that’s all I’m asking for….but I definitely don’t want a divorce or anything like that.” She said softly as John smiled and dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.
“Then why don’t you let me help you with this…I can be here for you. This is a marriage…we work together…not apart. What if I had come to you and asked for a separation when all that shit was going with Hope and the baby….what would you have done?” John quietly spoke as he heard her sigh.
“You’re right….I probably would be saying the same thing you are….but I would understand…and as much as it pains me….I would give that to you.”
“Would you?” He looked up and stared into her eyes…the pain so very much evident in his voice and stare.
A simple nod and weak smile is all she gives before muttering two simple words. “I would.”
He bit his lip as he shook his head for a moment and then stood up. “What can I do to change your mind….is there anything?” She stood up and wrapped her hands around her waist as she shook her head.
“No honey…there isn’t.” She turned her body away, unable to his face, refusing to take in his pain as well….after this was just as painful for her.
“Nothing…” A deep whisper in her ear was all she heard as she felt his hands travel around her waist and coming to meet hers, intertwining their fingers with one another. “Are you sure there isn’t?” His lips grazed her ear before tugging on the skin gently, causing a deep moan to escape past Marlena’s lips….her body….her soul….it was betraying her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
A Little Agony, Some Despair, & A Whole Lot Of Pleasure
Her eyes stood focused on her slender hands as they were pressed tightly together. Nervously she moved her fingers back and forth, causing the sunlight to hit the diamond on her finger and sending thousands of shimmers along the wall. John caught the glimmer as his eyes traveled to the rock on her hand, admiring it, wondering about it. His hand reached for her hands as he untangled them from each other, and slowly brought her left hand to him. Her gaze slowly rose as she watched carefully as he studied the ring before meeting her gaze.
“I’m glad to see you still have this on.” He smiled as she gave a weak smile before wondering what to say, how could she even say anything after what she just asked of him.
“Of course…why wouldn’t I?” She said nervously, knowing very well it was the wrong thing to say the moment it slipped past her lips.
“Well because you asked me for a separation…you would think it should be off.”
“You want me to take it off….you want it back….fine, you can have it then….” She said with venom in her voice, her attitude now present in what was a nervous conversation. She yanked her hand back as she prepared to fling off the ring but John quickly grabbed her hand back, refusing for her to continue the task.
“No I don’t want it….its yours…and it will always be yours.” He simply stated as she tried to bring her hand back.
“No you obviously want it or you wouldn’t have mentioned anything….well in that case I’ll let you hold it for the remainder of our separation….just to put your mind at ease….if it makes you feel any better.” She spat as she shoved on John’s chest, trying desperately to get him to release her hand. Tears began to well up in her eyes as she was unable to hold in anymore emotion. After minutes of trying to get her hand free, she finally broke down in hysterical tears as she pushed John back as hard as she could. He grabbed her quickly and pulled her to him, cradling her face to his chest as she broke down, slightly hitting on his muscular arms as she repeated over and over how much she hated him. “God How I hate you….I hate you so much.” She cried as John closed his eyes in pain.
“No you don’t….you love me just as much as I love you….and you know that you can’t fight it….you couldn’t before…and you can’t now.” John whispered as she continued to cry, letting his hands hold her closely. She felt his hands skim along her shoulders and then up her neck as they began to cradle her face, forcing her to look up at him. She closed her eyes as she let the tears run down her cheeks, feeling his thumbs wiping them away. “Open your eyes and look at me….” He whispered as she slowly opened them, seeing his pure blue eyes staring back at her. “That ring belongs to you and only you…when I gave it you…there were no circumstances then and there are none now. You hold on to it till you’re ready to come back to me.” His voice was gentle and unhurriedly, as if he were trying to persuade her that everything was okay.
She closed her eyes again and let the tears fall once more, unable to handle them anymore. Her life was spiraling out of control and she couldn’t stop herself from this miserable feeling. Suddenly his hands were no longer cradling her face…and his arms were nowhere near her body. She felt her body drift towards the couch and as quickly as she was brought there, she was seated without a word. She looked up at him as he sat down on the coffee table and reached for her hand, kissing it gently before choosing his words carefully. “Now you are coming back to me right?” He asked as she smiled softly.
“Yes… I am not leaving, leaving you. I want you with me forever….I am so much In love with you….I am just so confused right now and I think maybe having some time to myself, where I am able to think and realize what is going on…might help me. With Alex, Abuse, Miscarriage….I am just drowning in confusion and sorrow right now and maybe time alone can help. But I want you back and here with me after I am done with all that. Just in the meantime….If you can let me have some space…that’s all I’m asking for….but I definitely don’t want a divorce or anything like that.” She said softly as John smiled and dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded.
“Then why don’t you let me help you with this…I can be here for you. This is a marriage…we work together…not apart. What if I had come to you and asked for a separation when all that shit was going with Hope and the baby….what would you have done?” John quietly spoke as he heard her sigh.
“You’re right….I probably would be saying the same thing you are….but I would understand…and as much as it pains me….I would give that to you.”
“Would you?” He looked up and stared into her eyes…the pain so very much evident in his voice and stare.
A simple nod and weak smile is all she gives before muttering two simple words. “I would.”
He bit his lip as he shook his head for a moment and then stood up. “What can I do to change your mind….is there anything?” She stood up and wrapped her hands around her waist as she shook her head.
“No honey…there isn’t.” She turned her body away, unable to his face, refusing to take in his pain as well….after this was just as painful for her.
“Nothing…” A deep whisper in her ear was all she heard as she felt his hands travel around her waist and coming to meet hers, intertwining their fingers with one another. “Are you sure there isn’t?” His lips grazed her ear before tugging on the skin gently, causing a deep moan to escape past Marlena’s lips….her body….her soul….it was betraying her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.