Post by kris1907 on Aug 22, 2006 16:16:44 GMT -5
Chapter 6
Smiling, John lifts a hand to his chin and rubs a hand over his tired face. His fingers move over the rough skin, across his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose tightly. Letting out a deep yawn, John shakes himself out of his stupor and pushes himself away from the wall.
He moves quietly along the wood floor boards and peeks around the couch to see the baby sleeping peacefully on the quilt, before looking at his daughter. Carefully, he pulls a blanket up and over Belle’s shoulders, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well baby girl.”
Heading to the door, he opens it and steps outside into the crisp air. He stands just outside of the cabin, breathing in the air and allowing himself, for the first time in a while, to settle down.
John watches Marlena’s shoulders move slightly with her breathing. He takes in her posture, her folded arms, and the slight tilt in her chin to show that she is studying something far off in the distance. No words are said and John isn’t exactly sure she knows that he is out here with her.
He stands still and scans the woods around them. He can remember so much that had happened here, far within the woods. Two lost souls, finding a connection and for the first of many times, learning how to help each other survive. John can see her eyes, how scared they were, yet determined. The pink jacket that she refused to throw away. So much began here, but at the same time, so much ended here.
“Are you just going to stand there all night by yourself?”
“Well, I could say the same for you.”
Marlena’s head dips slightly and turns, but not far enough to look at him, “True, but you are the one who came out here, not me. Come join me.”
Silently, he moves towards her and stands right behind her. He slowly moves his arms to her side, but does not immediately touch her. He waits for some sign from her that she doesn’t mind the contact. It is the movement of her upper body, as she leans slightly back towards him that allows him to comfortably step closer and wrap his arms around her waist. She rests perfectly on his chest, as his chin comes to rest upon her blonde hair.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing really.”
“Really?”
“Honestly.” Marlena rests her arms upon his and breaths in his scent, “I’m just looking at the view. Not really thinking about anything in particular. How are the girls?”
“Passed out. It’s so cute. Claire sleeps just like her mom use to. Remember how Belle would pass out on floor or in her crib, with both arms up and over her head? Claire is in there the same way. It’s amazing how similar she is to Belle.”
“That’s all you. The hands over your head. You always would do that and still do when you are overtired.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. God, I remember how you always wanted to tickle Belle.”
“Well, can you blame me?” He laughs lightly into her hair, “Especially in the summer, when her pudgy belly would be hanging out there, how could I not tickle it?”
“You were to be a father who wanted to keep his daughter sleeping, not constantly waking her up.”
“Nah, miss too much if they sleep all day.”
“And boy, we have missed so much.”
“Doc…” He leaves his plea right there. A simple statement of her name to know that she does not need to go down that path right now.
However, Marlena pays little attention to him, “It’s true. No reason to hide that fact and no, I’m not just talking about the last year or the last three years. The both of us have been away from our loved ones too much. What other parents have chunks of their child’s lives missing from their memory?”
“I dunno. I’ve never quite figured out why us. Why everything seems to focus in on us. But if it wasn’t our lives the universe was messing with, we never would have met. So in a way, some things just work out.”
“We wouldn’t have met, you really believe that?”
“Yeah, I do.” He runs his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to warm her up, “Because why else would I have ended up in Salem if I wasn’t being screwed with? There was a purpose. We were just meant to intertwine. Sometimes I just…” John breaks off and allows the words to be carried away with the wind. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head.
“What do you wish?”
“Huh?”
“You said sometimes I just… and I assume the next word was wish. I’d like to hear what is on your mind.”
“Oh it’s nothing really. Just being on that sentimental wavelength, I can’t help but look over these woods and the cabin and remember so many good and so many horrible things.”
“We have a lot of memories about this place. Was a… a confusing time and rather scary. But we got through it all together. In some ways we found each other out here.”
“Found out that I was supposedly Roman.”
Marlena sighs and she smiles lightly as she feels him do the same. She is about to talk but she feels his breathing skip a beat and she knows that he is attempting to hold back in a yawn. “You probably should go to bed.”
“Nah, I’m fine.”
“Yeah right.” Silence overtakes them again, as Marlena’s mind works at the current conversation, trying to decide where to take the next portion of their chat. “We… we did find out that you were… well we were lead to believe that you were Roman here. It’s where it all began.”
“Yeah.”
With no help from him, Marlena continues, “So how are you feeling? Being back here?”
“Honestly? I’m bitter.”
“Bitter?”
“Yeah, bitter. I’m bitter that we have to be hiding out here at all and even more so, I’m bitter that we ever came here in the first place.”
Marlena turns in his arms. She holds on tightly to his hands, but looks him straight in the eyes, “Why?”
“Because, if we had stayed in Salem, I never would have become Roman. I would have been John Black from beginning to end.”
“How do you know that? We don’t know that.” He opens his mouth to respond but Marlena stops him, “We don’t know what would have happened if we hadn’t come here. Victor might have come after us in Salem, or the KGB. Anything is possible.”
“Yes, but I would still have been John Black. Clueless John Black who was falling in love with his doctor. It would have been easier. It would have saved so much hurt.”
She cups his cheeks and forces him to look at her. Together, they study each other’s eyes, as Marlena attempts to follow his current line of thinking. “John, what is this about? Just say it.”
“I dunno Doc.” Grabbing her hands from his face, John kisses her knuckles and covers them with his own hands, “I just look at this place and hate it. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I look out at these trees or stand in the kitchen. I see flashes of what happened here. I blame here… I blame this cabin and these woods for everything and I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have never been able to figure out who to blame. For fourteen years I have looked for someone or something to blame and frankly, Stefano just isn’t good enough anymore.”
“Blame for what John?”
“For that… for my identity. For everything. For all the hurt and confusion and problems. I became Roman here and I thought that was the best thing that would ever happen to me in my life and man, I was wrong. If I had just been John Black, we could have gotten married, been happy. Would have saved Carrie some pain, kept Orpheus from taking you away, and when it was all said and done and if Roman ever returned, I would have been John Black and I would have had a place in everybody’s lives to stake claim to. I wouldn’t have lost.”
“Oh baby…” Marlena pulls him towards her and kisses his wet eyes, his cheeks and gently wipes away a stray tear. Kissing his lips lightly, she apologizes to him and tells him that everything will be okay. “I always thought I understood, but I don’t think I ever have. That I ever can truly understand.”
John captures her lips in one more brief kiss before pulling back. He strokes the side of her face, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…” He waves his hand to show that he doesn’t really know what he means.
“You didn’t realize how this place would affect you. That’s understandable. How would you know until you got here? But remember, you are the one who always says that everything happens for a reason, right?”
“Yeah, but sometimes I wonder.” He looks down and apologizes again, “I’m sorry. I’m tired and it’s been a long few months here. Hell, a few long years and I’m so out of it. I question everything and I have so much rage built up inside that I tend to lash out at anything- at random things.”
“Honey, it makes sense. I honestly understand. Things have been very hard, on all of us and right now you are back at a place that began it all. In your mind, this was the beginning of a lot of happiness and a lot of pain.” She moves up to her tip toes to kiss him lightly on his chin. “What is the plan for tomorrow?”
“I thought hiking perhaps.”
Cocking a confused eyebrow at him, “Hiking?”
“Yeah. Thought about taking Belle out hiking in the morning, give you some time with the baby, if that’s alright with you?”
Marlena’s features brighten into a beautiful smile at the idea of some one-on-one time with her little granddaughter, “I would love that.”
“Then a picnic for us all and we can follow that up with…” Waving his arms up on either side, “I don’t know. Anything I guess.”
“The overall plan? I know, you’re tired… sorry for all the questions.”
“Never apologize sweetheart. I was thinking two days here. Maybe three and then you and the girls are going to go on another little vacation and I’m going to go to work.”
“John…”
“I have backup Doc. Honestly, it will be okay. Don’t worry.” Pouting slightly, she giggles as John leans down and nips lightly at her full bottom lip. “Don’t pout.”
As a yawn interrupts John’s no-nonsense stare, Marlena can’t hold back the strong laugh. “Bedtime Mister.”
Together they move back into the cabin. John sends Marlena ahead to change and goes back over towards the couch. He is about to sit down on the couch, but instead moves back towards the bedroom door. His hands lay flat on either side of the door, as he leans in, “Doc?”
“Yeah?”
“I was planning on Belle sleeping in here with you, but I hate to risk waking her. Think she’ll be okay on the couch?” Before Marlena has a chance to process the question, “Nevermind. She’ll be more comfortable on the bed.”
He moves back towards the couch, not listening to Marlena’s soft protests. Moving towards Claire, John slowly and firmly slides his hands under the baby’s back and lifts her into his arms. “Shhh…” He hums softly to her, as he walks towards the playpen. “Goodnight sweetie.”
John watches her for a moment, making sure that she has settled herself back down before moving over to his baby girl. He turns slightly and then straightens back up again as he attempts to figure out how to do about his task. He moves around the couch and leans over the low cut back of the couch. Awkwardly, he bends and attempts to scoop her into his arms. Lifting her over the couch and cradling her into his arms, he can’t help but laugh as his solid sleeper of a daughter doesn’t bat an eye at the movement.
He returns to the bedroom and lays her down gently on the bed, as Marlena helps cover her up. “She is one hard sleeper. A gift from her mother.”
“Well, in her old age, she better not snore like her father.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Oh no? Ha.” Marlena moves over to John and hands him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She finishes straightening up as he strips and changes clothes. She walks up to him and trails her fingers up his bare back, “Room on that couch for two?”
“Always, but not sure Claire would appreciate it.” Smiling, he pulls his shirt over his head and grabs Marlena. She laughs as she falls against his chest and welcomes his warm lips.
“Oh my.” She attempts to hold in her emotions, but they come shining through as she whispers “I love you” into his ear.
“I love you too. Sleep tight.”
With one final kiss, John takes the spare blanket for him and moves into the other room. Picking up the pillow, he fluffs it out before dropping it back into place. It takes mere moments for him to fall asleep, after he finally allows his exhausted eyes to close.
Smiling, John lifts a hand to his chin and rubs a hand over his tired face. His fingers move over the rough skin, across his eyes and pinch the bridge of his nose tightly. Letting out a deep yawn, John shakes himself out of his stupor and pushes himself away from the wall.
He moves quietly along the wood floor boards and peeks around the couch to see the baby sleeping peacefully on the quilt, before looking at his daughter. Carefully, he pulls a blanket up and over Belle’s shoulders, before leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on her forehead. “Sleep well baby girl.”
Heading to the door, he opens it and steps outside into the crisp air. He stands just outside of the cabin, breathing in the air and allowing himself, for the first time in a while, to settle down.
John watches Marlena’s shoulders move slightly with her breathing. He takes in her posture, her folded arms, and the slight tilt in her chin to show that she is studying something far off in the distance. No words are said and John isn’t exactly sure she knows that he is out here with her.
He stands still and scans the woods around them. He can remember so much that had happened here, far within the woods. Two lost souls, finding a connection and for the first of many times, learning how to help each other survive. John can see her eyes, how scared they were, yet determined. The pink jacket that she refused to throw away. So much began here, but at the same time, so much ended here.
“Are you just going to stand there all night by yourself?”
“Well, I could say the same for you.”
Marlena’s head dips slightly and turns, but not far enough to look at him, “True, but you are the one who came out here, not me. Come join me.”
Silently, he moves towards her and stands right behind her. He slowly moves his arms to her side, but does not immediately touch her. He waits for some sign from her that she doesn’t mind the contact. It is the movement of her upper body, as she leans slightly back towards him that allows him to comfortably step closer and wrap his arms around her waist. She rests perfectly on his chest, as his chin comes to rest upon her blonde hair.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing really.”
“Really?”
“Honestly.” Marlena rests her arms upon his and breaths in his scent, “I’m just looking at the view. Not really thinking about anything in particular. How are the girls?”
“Passed out. It’s so cute. Claire sleeps just like her mom use to. Remember how Belle would pass out on floor or in her crib, with both arms up and over her head? Claire is in there the same way. It’s amazing how similar she is to Belle.”
“That’s all you. The hands over your head. You always would do that and still do when you are overtired.”
“Do I?”
“Yeah. God, I remember how you always wanted to tickle Belle.”
“Well, can you blame me?” He laughs lightly into her hair, “Especially in the summer, when her pudgy belly would be hanging out there, how could I not tickle it?”
“You were to be a father who wanted to keep his daughter sleeping, not constantly waking her up.”
“Nah, miss too much if they sleep all day.”
“And boy, we have missed so much.”
“Doc…” He leaves his plea right there. A simple statement of her name to know that she does not need to go down that path right now.
However, Marlena pays little attention to him, “It’s true. No reason to hide that fact and no, I’m not just talking about the last year or the last three years. The both of us have been away from our loved ones too much. What other parents have chunks of their child’s lives missing from their memory?”
“I dunno. I’ve never quite figured out why us. Why everything seems to focus in on us. But if it wasn’t our lives the universe was messing with, we never would have met. So in a way, some things just work out.”
“We wouldn’t have met, you really believe that?”
“Yeah, I do.” He runs his hands up and down her arms in an attempt to warm her up, “Because why else would I have ended up in Salem if I wasn’t being screwed with? There was a purpose. We were just meant to intertwine. Sometimes I just…” John breaks off and allows the words to be carried away with the wind. He wraps his arms around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head.
“What do you wish?”
“Huh?”
“You said sometimes I just… and I assume the next word was wish. I’d like to hear what is on your mind.”
“Oh it’s nothing really. Just being on that sentimental wavelength, I can’t help but look over these woods and the cabin and remember so many good and so many horrible things.”
“We have a lot of memories about this place. Was a… a confusing time and rather scary. But we got through it all together. In some ways we found each other out here.”
“Found out that I was supposedly Roman.”
Marlena sighs and she smiles lightly as she feels him do the same. She is about to talk but she feels his breathing skip a beat and she knows that he is attempting to hold back in a yawn. “You probably should go to bed.”
“Nah, I’m fine.”
“Yeah right.” Silence overtakes them again, as Marlena’s mind works at the current conversation, trying to decide where to take the next portion of their chat. “We… we did find out that you were… well we were lead to believe that you were Roman here. It’s where it all began.”
“Yeah.”
With no help from him, Marlena continues, “So how are you feeling? Being back here?”
“Honestly? I’m bitter.”
“Bitter?”
“Yeah, bitter. I’m bitter that we have to be hiding out here at all and even more so, I’m bitter that we ever came here in the first place.”
Marlena turns in his arms. She holds on tightly to his hands, but looks him straight in the eyes, “Why?”
“Because, if we had stayed in Salem, I never would have become Roman. I would have been John Black from beginning to end.”
“How do you know that? We don’t know that.” He opens his mouth to respond but Marlena stops him, “We don’t know what would have happened if we hadn’t come here. Victor might have come after us in Salem, or the KGB. Anything is possible.”
“Yes, but I would still have been John Black. Clueless John Black who was falling in love with his doctor. It would have been easier. It would have saved so much hurt.”
She cups his cheeks and forces him to look at her. Together, they study each other’s eyes, as Marlena attempts to follow his current line of thinking. “John, what is this about? Just say it.”
“I dunno Doc.” Grabbing her hands from his face, John kisses her knuckles and covers them with his own hands, “I just look at this place and hate it. I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach whenever I look out at these trees or stand in the kitchen. I see flashes of what happened here. I blame here… I blame this cabin and these woods for everything and I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have never been able to figure out who to blame. For fourteen years I have looked for someone or something to blame and frankly, Stefano just isn’t good enough anymore.”
“Blame for what John?”
“For that… for my identity. For everything. For all the hurt and confusion and problems. I became Roman here and I thought that was the best thing that would ever happen to me in my life and man, I was wrong. If I had just been John Black, we could have gotten married, been happy. Would have saved Carrie some pain, kept Orpheus from taking you away, and when it was all said and done and if Roman ever returned, I would have been John Black and I would have had a place in everybody’s lives to stake claim to. I wouldn’t have lost.”
“Oh baby…” Marlena pulls him towards her and kisses his wet eyes, his cheeks and gently wipes away a stray tear. Kissing his lips lightly, she apologizes to him and tells him that everything will be okay. “I always thought I understood, but I don’t think I ever have. That I ever can truly understand.”
John captures her lips in one more brief kiss before pulling back. He strokes the side of her face, “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…” He waves his hand to show that he doesn’t really know what he means.
“You didn’t realize how this place would affect you. That’s understandable. How would you know until you got here? But remember, you are the one who always says that everything happens for a reason, right?”
“Yeah, but sometimes I wonder.” He looks down and apologizes again, “I’m sorry. I’m tired and it’s been a long few months here. Hell, a few long years and I’m so out of it. I question everything and I have so much rage built up inside that I tend to lash out at anything- at random things.”
“Honey, it makes sense. I honestly understand. Things have been very hard, on all of us and right now you are back at a place that began it all. In your mind, this was the beginning of a lot of happiness and a lot of pain.” She moves up to her tip toes to kiss him lightly on his chin. “What is the plan for tomorrow?”
“I thought hiking perhaps.”
Cocking a confused eyebrow at him, “Hiking?”
“Yeah. Thought about taking Belle out hiking in the morning, give you some time with the baby, if that’s alright with you?”
Marlena’s features brighten into a beautiful smile at the idea of some one-on-one time with her little granddaughter, “I would love that.”
“Then a picnic for us all and we can follow that up with…” Waving his arms up on either side, “I don’t know. Anything I guess.”
“The overall plan? I know, you’re tired… sorry for all the questions.”
“Never apologize sweetheart. I was thinking two days here. Maybe three and then you and the girls are going to go on another little vacation and I’m going to go to work.”
“John…”
“I have backup Doc. Honestly, it will be okay. Don’t worry.” Pouting slightly, she giggles as John leans down and nips lightly at her full bottom lip. “Don’t pout.”
As a yawn interrupts John’s no-nonsense stare, Marlena can’t hold back the strong laugh. “Bedtime Mister.”
Together they move back into the cabin. John sends Marlena ahead to change and goes back over towards the couch. He is about to sit down on the couch, but instead moves back towards the bedroom door. His hands lay flat on either side of the door, as he leans in, “Doc?”
“Yeah?”
“I was planning on Belle sleeping in here with you, but I hate to risk waking her. Think she’ll be okay on the couch?” Before Marlena has a chance to process the question, “Nevermind. She’ll be more comfortable on the bed.”
He moves back towards the couch, not listening to Marlena’s soft protests. Moving towards Claire, John slowly and firmly slides his hands under the baby’s back and lifts her into his arms. “Shhh…” He hums softly to her, as he walks towards the playpen. “Goodnight sweetie.”
John watches her for a moment, making sure that she has settled herself back down before moving over to his baby girl. He turns slightly and then straightens back up again as he attempts to figure out how to do about his task. He moves around the couch and leans over the low cut back of the couch. Awkwardly, he bends and attempts to scoop her into his arms. Lifting her over the couch and cradling her into his arms, he can’t help but laugh as his solid sleeper of a daughter doesn’t bat an eye at the movement.
He returns to the bedroom and lays her down gently on the bed, as Marlena helps cover her up. “She is one hard sleeper. A gift from her mother.”
“Well, in her old age, she better not snore like her father.”
“I don’t snore.”
“Oh no? Ha.” Marlena moves over to John and hands him a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. She finishes straightening up as he strips and changes clothes. She walks up to him and trails her fingers up his bare back, “Room on that couch for two?”
“Always, but not sure Claire would appreciate it.” Smiling, he pulls his shirt over his head and grabs Marlena. She laughs as she falls against his chest and welcomes his warm lips.
“Oh my.” She attempts to hold in her emotions, but they come shining through as she whispers “I love you” into his ear.
“I love you too. Sleep tight.”
With one final kiss, John takes the spare blanket for him and moves into the other room. Picking up the pillow, he fluffs it out before dropping it back into place. It takes mere moments for him to fall asleep, after he finally allows his exhausted eyes to close.