Post by Mimi on Aug 18, 2006 10:22:57 GMT -5
Marlena tossed and turned in the large four-post canopied bed. She couldn’t find a comfortable position to sleep in, no matter how hard she tried. She knew that her sleeplessness was a direct result of the fight that she and John had about their sleeping arrangements. John had insisted that she sleep in the master bedroom and that he would sleep in the adjoining suite. She wanted to share a room and a bed with him but he refused stating that he needed to get some sleep so that he would be better prepared to protect her. Marlena knew deep down that he was avoiding her and it pissed her off. In retrospect, she had to admit that she hadn’t been kind with her words and had said some cruel and hurtful things to John that she would never be able to take back.
After what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, Marlena got up out of bed and made her way into the large walk-in closet. She needed to get out of the house or she was going to go insane. She needed to get away from John and Roman and their over protectiveness. She hated that her every move was studied and analyzed. Why couldn’t they see that they were making things worse for her than Alex North? Alex wanted to protect her and help her. John and Roman wanted to protect her and keep her helpless. She has seen their stares and had walked in on conversations they seemed to be having about her. Deep down they probably both got some sort of pleasure playing her protector. She wasn’t a doll that they got to take down from the shelf and play with and at the end of the day put away so that it would be safe…But that’s how she felt. Everything about her life was beginning to look like it was controlled and programmed. The walk-in closet was full of clothes that John had selected, or at least she assumed that he had. The toiletries in the bathroom and even her toothbrush were things that he picked out. Everything in the room was something that he selected. Nothing in the room belonged to her. Everything was John’s. All John Blacks. He probably sees me as a belonging of his too. She needed to get out, away from all things John Black. The more she looked around and the more she thought about their fight, the madder she got. I hate him. I fucking hate him. She tore through the closet looking for something that he hadn’t selected. Shirt after shirt was pulled off the hanger and thrown onto the floor. Shoes, pants and undergarments soon followed. Where in the hell is the stuff Sami packed. She looked in vain in the room and couldn’t find the suitcase. Wait, where are the clothes I changed into on the plane…Sami picked those out…Damn the maid must have taken them. The more Marlena looked, the more frantic she became. She tore the covers and sheets off the bed looking for something that didn’t belong to John. I hate John…I’m not some toy of his…I’m his wife… He needs to start treating me like one. Marlena pulled the drawers out of the dressers and dumped all the contents on the floor. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and slowly removed her wedding band followed by her nightclothes…He had picked it out. Why does he get to pick everything out…why is everything about John fucking Black? She needed to get out of the suffocating room. The more she looked around, the more stuff she saw that belonged to him. She was gasping for air by the time she left the room.
~~~~~
John woke up with a start, hearing the sound of the alarm. He ran into Marlena’s room to see if she was okay, immediately noticing that the door was slightly ajar.
“Marlena,” he said as he tentatively pushed the door open. Roman followed him into the room.
“Holy shit,” Roman said as soon as he saw the condition of the room. The mattress was on the floor, all covers removed. The drapes ripped down, dresser drawers removed.
John walked into the bathroom and saw that all the toiletries had been dumped into the large marble in ground tub. The closet wasn’t in much better condition.
“Where the hell is Doc?” Roman asked.
“My guess is that she had some sort of panic attack and did this…we need to find her,” John said as he surveyed the extent of the damage. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the sparkle of a diamond and realized that it was her wedding ring. “God dammit,” he said as he bent down and picked it up.
“Let’s go find her,” Roman said as he watched John put the ring into his pinky finger.
“Roman, you take the west side of the island and I’ll take the east…call me on the walkie talkie if you see or hear anything,” John said as he retrieved two walkie-talkies from his room and threw one at Roman.
Approximately a half-mile from the house Roman found Marlena huddled in a cave, arms wrapped around herself, crying.
“Doc,” Roman said as he slowly approached her.
“Leave me alone,” she cried out, not looking up.
“Are you okay?” He asked as he moved closer to her. The visibility was poor and Roman had to strain to see Marlena through the darkness and mist.
“I’m fine,” she weakly replied.
“Liar.” Roman moved closer to her. He was somewhat stunned when he realized that she didn’t have on any clothes. “Mar, where are your clothes?”
“They were suffocating me…I needed to take them off…Where is he?” she asked.
“Looking for you…I need to let John know that you’re safe.”
“NO,” she yelled, looking up at him with a tear stained face. “No, I am begging you, please just go away and forget that you saw me here…please Roman.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that… John is worried sick about you… I need to let him know that you’re okay.” Roman moved closer to Marlena and realized that she was shivering from the cold.
“Why is everything about John?” She cried out, her voice echoing in cove.
“It’s not…He’s your husband, he’s worried about you.”
“Please Roman… If I ever meant anything to you, you won’t tell John…Just go back to the house and forgot that you saw me… Please.”
“Mar, would you mind telling me why you don’t want John to know where you are?”
“Why is everything about him?”
“It’s not Marlena… lets talk about you,” Roman said as he slowly pressed the talk button in on the walkie talkie hoping that John could hear their conversation and would find them.
“I don’t want to talk… I want you to go away and leave me alone… I’ve done enough talking…”
“Let me give you my shirt,” Roman said as he leaned forward to take it off.
“No, I don’t want your shirt…I don’t want to talk…I just want to be left alone… Please just go, I’ll be okay.”
“Mar, please let me be here with you.”
“Roman, please leave me alone.”
“No, I can’t do that… It’s cold and you’re naked… I’m not leaving you alone out here.”
“Nothing is going to happen… didn’t you hear, the great, wealthy, all powerful John Black has employed the latest security techniques… No one can get in and no one can leave without the mighty John Black knowing…Well fuck you John Black.” Marlena laid down in the cave on her side, wishing that Roman would go away. “Go away.”
“No.”
“You are so annoying,” Marlena said as she sat up and faced him, not bothering to cover herself.
“Come back with me to the house and I’ll leave you alone.”
“I’m not going back there… It’s his house, his things, his way… I’m sick of it… I want to go back to Salem.”
“It’s not safe for you there Marlena… you know that.”
“Safe is a relative word Roman… We could be here forever… Yes, John fucking Black will be able to dictate our every move for who knows how long… I just want to go home… Is that too much to ask?”
“Why are you so mad at John?” Roman finally asked. He took his T-shirt off and handed it to her. She threw it back at him. “I want my own stuff, not something that belongs to someone else.”
“He’s your husband…”
“So you keep saying…so does he…please just go Roman.”
“It’s not going to happen Doc so you may as well stop asking me… God, Mar… please let me help you…you’re all over the place…”
“You can’t help me,” Marlena said as she rested her head on her arms. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her legs. “I don’t know what’s wrong me Roman… I love John, but he’s suffocating me… I want to be with him, but at the same time I don’t… At times I look at him and hate him… God, that’s so wrong of me and sounds pathetic.”
“No, you’re just being honest… Where is all this rage in you coming from Marlena?” Roman took his shirt and put it around her shoulders. She didn’t resist.
“I don’t know… I honestly don’t and that’s what scares me… I’m terrified that subconsciously I’m acting this way because of something John did to me in the last 13 years…that scares me Roman… At times I feel such anger towards him, most of it unwarranted, or is it?”
“I don’t know what to tell you Doc.”
“Your silence speaks volumes Roman.”
“It’s not meant to, so please don’t take it that way.”
“You know in all the years we were married, I was never this pissed off at you for anything… Why do you think that is? … Never mind, I don’t want to know… Could you please leave me alone?”
“It’s not going to happen, so you may as well stop asking…Doc, how do you know Alex North?”
“He’s my psychiatrist…”
“Before he came to Salem? How did you know him?”
“Why do you think I knew him?”
“Just a hunch… I’ve always been able to read you fairly well Mar… Did you go to medical school with him?”
“It’s complicated Roman. I didn’t go to medical school with him, but I know him.”
“Why didn’t you tell John?”
“Why would I? This is going to sound odd, but when I woke up in the hospital I didn’t know it was him… It wasn’t until he took me up to his cabin that I realized who he was.”
“Is Alex North even his name?”
“No… and I’m not going to tell you what it is either… Look, have I given you enough information, will you leave now?” Marlena continued to hold her legs looking down at the dirt ground.
“No.”
“I’m so tired of this Roman… I need a drink,” Marlena said as she slowly stood up.
“Mar, please put on my shirt,” Roman said as he bent down and picked the shirt up off the dirt floor.
“No… I’m fine… I really am Roman… I appreciate your concern, I do… I’m glad that you’re here on the island with me now… I’m not really in the mood to talk right now…Sorry.” Marlena started walking toward the house with Roman following her.
“Marlena, there you are?” John said out of breath. “I was worried sick out about you… Are you okay.” John tried to pull Marlena into his arms but was met with resistance.
“As I just told Roman, I’m fine… I just need to be alone, away from you, away from this.” She gestured toward the large estate that could be seeing glowing in the distance.
“Please put on my shirt,” John said as he started to take his shirt off.
“NO,” she yelled at him. Roman and John were both getting on her nerves. Their over protectiveness was really annoying her. “No, I want to wear Roman’s shirt…not yours.”
“Come on Doc…take my shirt.”
“No, Roman’s”
“John, let her take my shirt…or else she is going to stand out here naked all night and get sick…do you want that?”
“No, please stop looking at my wife.” John looked over at Roman and gave him a warning.
“Good god John…I was married to her…I’ve seen it all before.” Roman realized that he was going to go stark raving mad if he had to put up with John and Marlena and their issues for much longer. For two people that were so smart and together he didn’t get how they could be so stubborn and clueless.
“Why his shirt Marlena? Tell me that much?” John asked. Roman rolled his eyes. Out of everything that Marlena had disclosed, when it came down to it John was jealous of any perceived attention Marlena paid to another man. He wished that a bolt of lightening would strike him dead so that he could escape the ensuing typhoon called John and Marlena.
“Because it’s his not yours…I feel safe with Roman, I always have… Roman has seen the worst in me and will always be my friend…I know that whatever life throws me he’ll be there for me… The way I feel about you is different. You have expectations… He doesn’t…he is content to just let me be me, you don’t… you want me to always be something, someone… I’m tired of living up to that… I don’t feel safe with you…I’m sorry I don’t… When I’m with you I’m scared…” Marlena took Roman’s shirt out of his hand and put it on. Roman left Marlena and John alone, walking back up to the house. He was in desperate need of a stiff drink.
“Scared of what?”
“Scared that I won’t be able to be who you expect me to be.”
“That’s ridiculous Doc…I love you… I want to protect you.”
“It has nothing to do with you John … this is about me… I would love to be what you want me to be, but I’m not and can’t be…
“I expect you to be you…that’s all Doc… I don’t expect you to be anyone else… I’m sorry if you have the impression that I want something more… look, it’s getting cold out here, please come back to the house with me.” John reached out to take her hand. “Please Marlena.” “Fine, but you need to understand that if I go back with you it doesn’t meant that this is over. This is far from over John…I want a divorce.”
After what seemed like hours of tossing and turning, Marlena got up out of bed and made her way into the large walk-in closet. She needed to get out of the house or she was going to go insane. She needed to get away from John and Roman and their over protectiveness. She hated that her every move was studied and analyzed. Why couldn’t they see that they were making things worse for her than Alex North? Alex wanted to protect her and help her. John and Roman wanted to protect her and keep her helpless. She has seen their stares and had walked in on conversations they seemed to be having about her. Deep down they probably both got some sort of pleasure playing her protector. She wasn’t a doll that they got to take down from the shelf and play with and at the end of the day put away so that it would be safe…But that’s how she felt. Everything about her life was beginning to look like it was controlled and programmed. The walk-in closet was full of clothes that John had selected, or at least she assumed that he had. The toiletries in the bathroom and even her toothbrush were things that he picked out. Everything in the room was something that he selected. Nothing in the room belonged to her. Everything was John’s. All John Blacks. He probably sees me as a belonging of his too. She needed to get out, away from all things John Black. The more she looked around and the more she thought about their fight, the madder she got. I hate him. I fucking hate him. She tore through the closet looking for something that he hadn’t selected. Shirt after shirt was pulled off the hanger and thrown onto the floor. Shoes, pants and undergarments soon followed. Where in the hell is the stuff Sami packed. She looked in vain in the room and couldn’t find the suitcase. Wait, where are the clothes I changed into on the plane…Sami picked those out…Damn the maid must have taken them. The more Marlena looked, the more frantic she became. She tore the covers and sheets off the bed looking for something that didn’t belong to John. I hate John…I’m not some toy of his…I’m his wife… He needs to start treating me like one. Marlena pulled the drawers out of the dressers and dumped all the contents on the floor. She caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, and slowly removed her wedding band followed by her nightclothes…He had picked it out. Why does he get to pick everything out…why is everything about John fucking Black? She needed to get out of the suffocating room. The more she looked around, the more stuff she saw that belonged to him. She was gasping for air by the time she left the room.
~~~~~
John woke up with a start, hearing the sound of the alarm. He ran into Marlena’s room to see if she was okay, immediately noticing that the door was slightly ajar.
“Marlena,” he said as he tentatively pushed the door open. Roman followed him into the room.
“Holy shit,” Roman said as soon as he saw the condition of the room. The mattress was on the floor, all covers removed. The drapes ripped down, dresser drawers removed.
John walked into the bathroom and saw that all the toiletries had been dumped into the large marble in ground tub. The closet wasn’t in much better condition.
“Where the hell is Doc?” Roman asked.
“My guess is that she had some sort of panic attack and did this…we need to find her,” John said as he surveyed the extent of the damage. Out of the corner of his eye he saw the sparkle of a diamond and realized that it was her wedding ring. “God dammit,” he said as he bent down and picked it up.
“Let’s go find her,” Roman said as he watched John put the ring into his pinky finger.
“Roman, you take the west side of the island and I’ll take the east…call me on the walkie talkie if you see or hear anything,” John said as he retrieved two walkie-talkies from his room and threw one at Roman.
Approximately a half-mile from the house Roman found Marlena huddled in a cave, arms wrapped around herself, crying.
“Doc,” Roman said as he slowly approached her.
“Leave me alone,” she cried out, not looking up.
“Are you okay?” He asked as he moved closer to her. The visibility was poor and Roman had to strain to see Marlena through the darkness and mist.
“I’m fine,” she weakly replied.
“Liar.” Roman moved closer to her. He was somewhat stunned when he realized that she didn’t have on any clothes. “Mar, where are your clothes?”
“They were suffocating me…I needed to take them off…Where is he?” she asked.
“Looking for you…I need to let John know that you’re safe.”
“NO,” she yelled, looking up at him with a tear stained face. “No, I am begging you, please just go away and forget that you saw me here…please Roman.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that… John is worried sick about you… I need to let him know that you’re okay.” Roman moved closer to Marlena and realized that she was shivering from the cold.
“Why is everything about John?” She cried out, her voice echoing in cove.
“It’s not…He’s your husband, he’s worried about you.”
“Please Roman… If I ever meant anything to you, you won’t tell John…Just go back to the house and forgot that you saw me… Please.”
“Mar, would you mind telling me why you don’t want John to know where you are?”
“Why is everything about him?”
“It’s not Marlena… lets talk about you,” Roman said as he slowly pressed the talk button in on the walkie talkie hoping that John could hear their conversation and would find them.
“I don’t want to talk… I want you to go away and leave me alone… I’ve done enough talking…”
“Let me give you my shirt,” Roman said as he leaned forward to take it off.
“No, I don’t want your shirt…I don’t want to talk…I just want to be left alone… Please just go, I’ll be okay.”
“Mar, please let me be here with you.”
“Roman, please leave me alone.”
“No, I can’t do that… It’s cold and you’re naked… I’m not leaving you alone out here.”
“Nothing is going to happen… didn’t you hear, the great, wealthy, all powerful John Black has employed the latest security techniques… No one can get in and no one can leave without the mighty John Black knowing…Well fuck you John Black.” Marlena laid down in the cave on her side, wishing that Roman would go away. “Go away.”
“No.”
“You are so annoying,” Marlena said as she sat up and faced him, not bothering to cover herself.
“Come back with me to the house and I’ll leave you alone.”
“I’m not going back there… It’s his house, his things, his way… I’m sick of it… I want to go back to Salem.”
“It’s not safe for you there Marlena… you know that.”
“Safe is a relative word Roman… We could be here forever… Yes, John fucking Black will be able to dictate our every move for who knows how long… I just want to go home… Is that too much to ask?”
“Why are you so mad at John?” Roman finally asked. He took his T-shirt off and handed it to her. She threw it back at him. “I want my own stuff, not something that belongs to someone else.”
“He’s your husband…”
“So you keep saying…so does he…please just go Roman.”
“It’s not going to happen Doc so you may as well stop asking me… God, Mar… please let me help you…you’re all over the place…”
“You can’t help me,” Marlena said as she rested her head on her arms. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her legs. “I don’t know what’s wrong me Roman… I love John, but he’s suffocating me… I want to be with him, but at the same time I don’t… At times I look at him and hate him… God, that’s so wrong of me and sounds pathetic.”
“No, you’re just being honest… Where is all this rage in you coming from Marlena?” Roman took his shirt and put it around her shoulders. She didn’t resist.
“I don’t know… I honestly don’t and that’s what scares me… I’m terrified that subconsciously I’m acting this way because of something John did to me in the last 13 years…that scares me Roman… At times I feel such anger towards him, most of it unwarranted, or is it?”
“I don’t know what to tell you Doc.”
“Your silence speaks volumes Roman.”
“It’s not meant to, so please don’t take it that way.”
“You know in all the years we were married, I was never this pissed off at you for anything… Why do you think that is? … Never mind, I don’t want to know… Could you please leave me alone?”
“It’s not going to happen, so you may as well stop asking…Doc, how do you know Alex North?”
“He’s my psychiatrist…”
“Before he came to Salem? How did you know him?”
“Why do you think I knew him?”
“Just a hunch… I’ve always been able to read you fairly well Mar… Did you go to medical school with him?”
“It’s complicated Roman. I didn’t go to medical school with him, but I know him.”
“Why didn’t you tell John?”
“Why would I? This is going to sound odd, but when I woke up in the hospital I didn’t know it was him… It wasn’t until he took me up to his cabin that I realized who he was.”
“Is Alex North even his name?”
“No… and I’m not going to tell you what it is either… Look, have I given you enough information, will you leave now?” Marlena continued to hold her legs looking down at the dirt ground.
“No.”
“I’m so tired of this Roman… I need a drink,” Marlena said as she slowly stood up.
“Mar, please put on my shirt,” Roman said as he bent down and picked the shirt up off the dirt floor.
“No… I’m fine… I really am Roman… I appreciate your concern, I do… I’m glad that you’re here on the island with me now… I’m not really in the mood to talk right now…Sorry.” Marlena started walking toward the house with Roman following her.
“Marlena, there you are?” John said out of breath. “I was worried sick out about you… Are you okay.” John tried to pull Marlena into his arms but was met with resistance.
“As I just told Roman, I’m fine… I just need to be alone, away from you, away from this.” She gestured toward the large estate that could be seeing glowing in the distance.
“Please put on my shirt,” John said as he started to take his shirt off.
“NO,” she yelled at him. Roman and John were both getting on her nerves. Their over protectiveness was really annoying her. “No, I want to wear Roman’s shirt…not yours.”
“Come on Doc…take my shirt.”
“No, Roman’s”
“John, let her take my shirt…or else she is going to stand out here naked all night and get sick…do you want that?”
“No, please stop looking at my wife.” John looked over at Roman and gave him a warning.
“Good god John…I was married to her…I’ve seen it all before.” Roman realized that he was going to go stark raving mad if he had to put up with John and Marlena and their issues for much longer. For two people that were so smart and together he didn’t get how they could be so stubborn and clueless.
“Why his shirt Marlena? Tell me that much?” John asked. Roman rolled his eyes. Out of everything that Marlena had disclosed, when it came down to it John was jealous of any perceived attention Marlena paid to another man. He wished that a bolt of lightening would strike him dead so that he could escape the ensuing typhoon called John and Marlena.
“Because it’s his not yours…I feel safe with Roman, I always have… Roman has seen the worst in me and will always be my friend…I know that whatever life throws me he’ll be there for me… The way I feel about you is different. You have expectations… He doesn’t…he is content to just let me be me, you don’t… you want me to always be something, someone… I’m tired of living up to that… I don’t feel safe with you…I’m sorry I don’t… When I’m with you I’m scared…” Marlena took Roman’s shirt out of his hand and put it on. Roman left Marlena and John alone, walking back up to the house. He was in desperate need of a stiff drink.
“Scared of what?”
“Scared that I won’t be able to be who you expect me to be.”
“That’s ridiculous Doc…I love you… I want to protect you.”
“It has nothing to do with you John … this is about me… I would love to be what you want me to be, but I’m not and can’t be…
“I expect you to be you…that’s all Doc… I don’t expect you to be anyone else… I’m sorry if you have the impression that I want something more… look, it’s getting cold out here, please come back to the house with me.” John reached out to take her hand. “Please Marlena.” “Fine, but you need to understand that if I go back with you it doesn’t meant that this is over. This is far from over John…I want a divorce.”
