Post by Mimi on Aug 18, 2006 10:50:52 GMT -5
The moments following Marlena’s admission of guilt in three unsolved murders were surreal. Roman immediately told her not to say another thing to him or to anyone else until she spoke with an attorney. John stared at her dumbfounded, unable to find his voice. Marlena felt a strange sense of liberation but at the same time was terrified that they both had lied to her and that they wouldn’t stand by her as promised. No one quite knew what to say.
“I did it… I killed them.” Marlena’s words echoed through John’s head over and over. He couldn’t forget the look on her face when she finally admitted the truth. “I did it…I killed them.” As much as he didn’t want to believe her, he knew that she was telling the truth. Still, his mind was incapable of grasping the implications of what she had said and what that meant. “I did it…I killed them.” How could the one woman he knew better than he knew himself keep that kind of secret for more than 35 years? “I did it…I killed them.” How? Where? Why? Who? What could he say to her? I’m sorry that you killed someone, care to tell me why? There was nothing that could be said to make this situation better.
As the three occupants of the sedan rode in silence to Salem University Hospital, Marlena watched as long familiar buildings passed by, trying to commit the little details to memory. The burly man who stood on the corner and sold newspapers, the abandoned lot at Mills and Main that was rumored to be haunted, the gas station where she occasionally bought lottery tickets but never told John because he would laugh at her, the apartment building that she lived in when she first moved to Salem. So many memories lined the route. Would this be the last time that she’d ever ride this route again? As the car turned the corner and passed by Salem Place Marlena smiled and thought about all the memories that had been made there, all the cups of coffee she’d shared with Roman and John there over the years. She saw her favorite clothing store, the old bookstore, the flower shop and John’s favorite jewelry store. John. She looked over at him, trying to gauge how he was feeling. His face held a neutral expression that she recognized well. He was shutting down and becoming detached to the situation surrounding him. She of all people would know the signs, having done that so many times herself over the years.
“I did it…I killed them.” John just couldn’t get her statement out of his mind. There had to be some mistake, there just had to be. Marlena wouldn’t kill anyone, would she? “I did it…I killed them.”
Roman numbly drove the car to the hospital; thankful that he had driven the route so many times over the years that he could do it without much thought. He couldn’t get over Marlena’s confession and wished in a way that she could take it back. “I did it…I killed them.” How could he have not known that was what she was hiding? He’d seen the ISA files on Marlena. He’d seen the files on her parents and the others involved in her case. “I did it…I killed them.” He knew the outcome, just not the who, the when and the how. It all made perfect sense in a way, the murders explained everything. All the missing pieces that never seemed to add up in Marlena’s past; the mysterious trips that she used to take early in their marriage, the abject secrecy she seemed to live under, her strained relationship with the Evans’, the suicide attempts, her overwhelming propensity to run. On the outside she was the picture of perfection, what every girl wanted to grow up and be like. On the inside she was anything but; a damaged little girl who wanted to grow up and be someone else. “I did it…I killed them.” How the hell was he going to get her out of this?
As the car approached the garage of the hospital, John was thankful that Roman hadn’t chosen the emergency entrance. He needed the few extra minutes and the privacy the garage afforded to really talk to Marlena. Once they entered the hospital, John knew true privacy between them would be non-existent. As much as he wanted to take her into his arms and reassure her that everything would be all right, he couldn’t find the words to make things right. After everything that they had been through together over the years, Marlena deserved happiness, she deserved to know that she was loved, she deserved a chance at pure emotional freedom. He was heartbroken that he couldn’t provide her with that, that he couldn’t and wouldn’t be the one to save her.
As the car came to a stop in the corner of the garage, Roman turned off the engine.
“Thank you Roman,” Marlena said softly. Roman looked at her in the rearview mirror not knowing what to say. What was there to say? She was either going to go to a mental institution or to jail. Nothing he could say would change that fact and it tore him up inside with a feeling of helplessness.
“Roman, could you give Marlena and I a few minutes alone before you take her in?” John asked.
Roman looked at John in the rearview mirror and nodded. “You have five minutes tops, maybe less,” Roman said as he opened the car door and stepped out, grabbing his cell phone. If he could get a hold of Bo, he might be able to buy them some more time.
“Doc,” John said as he turned in the car and faced her. “Please look at me.”
Marlena turned and made eye contact with him. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh god Doc,” John said as he took Marlena into his arms and held her close. “I’m the one that’s sorry…I’m the one that should be sorry... You’ve been carrying this horrible secret around unable to tell anyone…God, what that must have been doing to you.”
“I’m okay…I’ll be okay,” Marlena whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder.
“How can you say that? How can you act like things are fine?” John said as he pulled out of the hug and really looked at her. Maybe she was really mentally ill. How could she seriously be sitting in front of him acting like this was no big deal? She was going to be okay? He didn’t think so. “This is your life, this is our life, this is our children’s lives here….things aren’t fine, please don’t say that they are,” John pleaded with her softly as he slowly touched her face, trying to commit every line, every contour to memory.
“John, I have to believe that things are going to be okay because if I don’t then I have to accept the fact that I may never get to love you again, never hold you, never make love to you…I can’t do it John, I can’t,” Marlena said as she started crying.
“Please don’t cry,” John said as he took her in his arms and tried to provide her with comfort. “Please don’t cry…whatever it takes Doc, I’ll find a way to get you out of this.”
“Be there for the kids John…make sure that Rachel and Noah know that I love them, please do that for me,” Marlena begged through her sobs. She intrinsically knew that she would never get to see her children again, never hold them again. “Oh god, my babies,” she continued to sob. “John, you have to swear to me that whatever happens to me that they know that they are loved, that they feel that they are loved, that they never doubt that they are loved…Please, promise me.” Marlena grabbed onto John’s shirt for support. “Please,” she whispered.
John started crying at her admission, knowing that what she was wishing for her own children was what she as a child never had. The pain she must have felt growing up never knowing a mothers love. “I promise you…I swear on my life, I promise you,” John said as he grabbed her face through his own sobs and kissed her hard.
“Oh god, what am I going to do without you Doc,” John cried out.
“I need you John…I need you,” Marlena sobbed as she returned his kiss with equal passion, force and most of all desperation. “I can’t do this without you.”
“You’ve always had me Doc…you’ve always had me,” John blurted out in desperation as he grabbed Marlena’s face and kissed her roughly. He couldn’t stand the fact that this may be the last time in a long time that they could be like this together. Once she was admitted to the hospital she would be under constant surveillance and most likely suicide watch. If she was arrested and taken to jail, it would be much the same situation.
Marlena opened her mouth and allowed John’s tongue access. As he expertly moved his tongue inside her, she opened her eyes, wanting to memorize the look on his face. She wanted to be able to replay this memory, this instance, when other memories she tried hard to repress surfaced.
She felt his hands move roughly against the smooth skin of her stomach as they rose higher and higher. She tried to memorize the feel of his hands as they reached underneath the bottom of her bra and slid over her breasts. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she gave into the feeling. She was wanted. She was desired. She was loved.
John moaned into her mouth as he felt her nipples harden at his touch, wanting to memorize the way that her body seemed to become alive at his touch. Needing to be closer to her, he abruptly removed his hands from her shirt and concentrated on unbuttoning her pants and lowering them. She stared at him, a wistful look on her face. “I need you Doc…I need you now.” He lowered the zipper on his pants and removed his engorged manhood.
Marlena took him into her hand and stroked him, trying to memorize the feel of him in her hand. She traced her fingers slowly up and down the length of his shaft, not wanting to forget the feel and placement of each vein. Climbing onto his lap she guided him into her. Two became one. If only for the instance that they connected, both felt like they were home and that’s things would be okay.
“I love you,” Marlena whispered as she stared deep into his blue eyes as he thrust in and out of her.
“Love you MB,” John said as he stared deep into her hazel eyes and saw the shine. Regardless of what happened to her, to them, Marlena Black was worth it all. “God, do I love you,” John groaned as he continued to pump faster. He could hear by the sound of her breathing that she was close to the edge and about to fall off.
“Love you more JB…you are everything to me,” Marlena moaned as she tried to maintain eye contact with him but was finding it exceedingly difficult.
“You are mine and I’ll never give you up…. got that…all mine,” John himself was close to the edge, but trying to prolong the moment, this moment, for as long as possible.
“All yours,” Marlena said as she smiled. “Yours…I need you so much…. love you….John,” Marlena screamed out as she came hard on John’s lap. John felt her violently convulse around him. As he fell hard right behind her he tried to memorize her kiss, her smile, her touch and the look in her eyes when she said that she needed and loved him.
As John held Marlena close to his heart he swore to himself that although he couldn’t fix her and her problems, he would die trying to. She was worth it all.
“I did it… I killed them.” Marlena’s words echoed through John’s head over and over. He couldn’t forget the look on her face when she finally admitted the truth. “I did it…I killed them.” As much as he didn’t want to believe her, he knew that she was telling the truth. Still, his mind was incapable of grasping the implications of what she had said and what that meant. “I did it…I killed them.” How could the one woman he knew better than he knew himself keep that kind of secret for more than 35 years? “I did it…I killed them.” How? Where? Why? Who? What could he say to her? I’m sorry that you killed someone, care to tell me why? There was nothing that could be said to make this situation better.
As the three occupants of the sedan rode in silence to Salem University Hospital, Marlena watched as long familiar buildings passed by, trying to commit the little details to memory. The burly man who stood on the corner and sold newspapers, the abandoned lot at Mills and Main that was rumored to be haunted, the gas station where she occasionally bought lottery tickets but never told John because he would laugh at her, the apartment building that she lived in when she first moved to Salem. So many memories lined the route. Would this be the last time that she’d ever ride this route again? As the car turned the corner and passed by Salem Place Marlena smiled and thought about all the memories that had been made there, all the cups of coffee she’d shared with Roman and John there over the years. She saw her favorite clothing store, the old bookstore, the flower shop and John’s favorite jewelry store. John. She looked over at him, trying to gauge how he was feeling. His face held a neutral expression that she recognized well. He was shutting down and becoming detached to the situation surrounding him. She of all people would know the signs, having done that so many times herself over the years.
“I did it…I killed them.” John just couldn’t get her statement out of his mind. There had to be some mistake, there just had to be. Marlena wouldn’t kill anyone, would she? “I did it…I killed them.”
Roman numbly drove the car to the hospital; thankful that he had driven the route so many times over the years that he could do it without much thought. He couldn’t get over Marlena’s confession and wished in a way that she could take it back. “I did it…I killed them.” How could he have not known that was what she was hiding? He’d seen the ISA files on Marlena. He’d seen the files on her parents and the others involved in her case. “I did it…I killed them.” He knew the outcome, just not the who, the when and the how. It all made perfect sense in a way, the murders explained everything. All the missing pieces that never seemed to add up in Marlena’s past; the mysterious trips that she used to take early in their marriage, the abject secrecy she seemed to live under, her strained relationship with the Evans’, the suicide attempts, her overwhelming propensity to run. On the outside she was the picture of perfection, what every girl wanted to grow up and be like. On the inside she was anything but; a damaged little girl who wanted to grow up and be someone else. “I did it…I killed them.” How the hell was he going to get her out of this?
As the car approached the garage of the hospital, John was thankful that Roman hadn’t chosen the emergency entrance. He needed the few extra minutes and the privacy the garage afforded to really talk to Marlena. Once they entered the hospital, John knew true privacy between them would be non-existent. As much as he wanted to take her into his arms and reassure her that everything would be all right, he couldn’t find the words to make things right. After everything that they had been through together over the years, Marlena deserved happiness, she deserved to know that she was loved, she deserved a chance at pure emotional freedom. He was heartbroken that he couldn’t provide her with that, that he couldn’t and wouldn’t be the one to save her.
As the car came to a stop in the corner of the garage, Roman turned off the engine.
“Thank you Roman,” Marlena said softly. Roman looked at her in the rearview mirror not knowing what to say. What was there to say? She was either going to go to a mental institution or to jail. Nothing he could say would change that fact and it tore him up inside with a feeling of helplessness.
“Roman, could you give Marlena and I a few minutes alone before you take her in?” John asked.
Roman looked at John in the rearview mirror and nodded. “You have five minutes tops, maybe less,” Roman said as he opened the car door and stepped out, grabbing his cell phone. If he could get a hold of Bo, he might be able to buy them some more time.
“Doc,” John said as he turned in the car and faced her. “Please look at me.”
Marlena turned and made eye contact with him. “I’m sorry.”
“Oh god Doc,” John said as he took Marlena into his arms and held her close. “I’m the one that’s sorry…I’m the one that should be sorry... You’ve been carrying this horrible secret around unable to tell anyone…God, what that must have been doing to you.”
“I’m okay…I’ll be okay,” Marlena whispered as she rested her head on his shoulder.
“How can you say that? How can you act like things are fine?” John said as he pulled out of the hug and really looked at her. Maybe she was really mentally ill. How could she seriously be sitting in front of him acting like this was no big deal? She was going to be okay? He didn’t think so. “This is your life, this is our life, this is our children’s lives here….things aren’t fine, please don’t say that they are,” John pleaded with her softly as he slowly touched her face, trying to commit every line, every contour to memory.
“John, I have to believe that things are going to be okay because if I don’t then I have to accept the fact that I may never get to love you again, never hold you, never make love to you…I can’t do it John, I can’t,” Marlena said as she started crying.
“Please don’t cry,” John said as he took her in his arms and tried to provide her with comfort. “Please don’t cry…whatever it takes Doc, I’ll find a way to get you out of this.”
“Be there for the kids John…make sure that Rachel and Noah know that I love them, please do that for me,” Marlena begged through her sobs. She intrinsically knew that she would never get to see her children again, never hold them again. “Oh god, my babies,” she continued to sob. “John, you have to swear to me that whatever happens to me that they know that they are loved, that they feel that they are loved, that they never doubt that they are loved…Please, promise me.” Marlena grabbed onto John’s shirt for support. “Please,” she whispered.
John started crying at her admission, knowing that what she was wishing for her own children was what she as a child never had. The pain she must have felt growing up never knowing a mothers love. “I promise you…I swear on my life, I promise you,” John said as he grabbed her face through his own sobs and kissed her hard.
“Oh god, what am I going to do without you Doc,” John cried out.
“I need you John…I need you,” Marlena sobbed as she returned his kiss with equal passion, force and most of all desperation. “I can’t do this without you.”
“You’ve always had me Doc…you’ve always had me,” John blurted out in desperation as he grabbed Marlena’s face and kissed her roughly. He couldn’t stand the fact that this may be the last time in a long time that they could be like this together. Once she was admitted to the hospital she would be under constant surveillance and most likely suicide watch. If she was arrested and taken to jail, it would be much the same situation.
Marlena opened her mouth and allowed John’s tongue access. As he expertly moved his tongue inside her, she opened her eyes, wanting to memorize the look on his face. She wanted to be able to replay this memory, this instance, when other memories she tried hard to repress surfaced.
She felt his hands move roughly against the smooth skin of her stomach as they rose higher and higher. She tried to memorize the feel of his hands as they reached underneath the bottom of her bra and slid over her breasts. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she gave into the feeling. She was wanted. She was desired. She was loved.
John moaned into her mouth as he felt her nipples harden at his touch, wanting to memorize the way that her body seemed to become alive at his touch. Needing to be closer to her, he abruptly removed his hands from her shirt and concentrated on unbuttoning her pants and lowering them. She stared at him, a wistful look on her face. “I need you Doc…I need you now.” He lowered the zipper on his pants and removed his engorged manhood.
Marlena took him into her hand and stroked him, trying to memorize the feel of him in her hand. She traced her fingers slowly up and down the length of his shaft, not wanting to forget the feel and placement of each vein. Climbing onto his lap she guided him into her. Two became one. If only for the instance that they connected, both felt like they were home and that’s things would be okay.
“I love you,” Marlena whispered as she stared deep into his blue eyes as he thrust in and out of her.
“Love you MB,” John said as he stared deep into her hazel eyes and saw the shine. Regardless of what happened to her, to them, Marlena Black was worth it all. “God, do I love you,” John groaned as he continued to pump faster. He could hear by the sound of her breathing that she was close to the edge and about to fall off.
“Love you more JB…you are everything to me,” Marlena moaned as she tried to maintain eye contact with him but was finding it exceedingly difficult.
“You are mine and I’ll never give you up…. got that…all mine,” John himself was close to the edge, but trying to prolong the moment, this moment, for as long as possible.
“All yours,” Marlena said as she smiled. “Yours…I need you so much…. love you….John,” Marlena screamed out as she came hard on John’s lap. John felt her violently convulse around him. As he fell hard right behind her he tried to memorize her kiss, her smile, her touch and the look in her eyes when she said that she needed and loved him.
As John held Marlena close to his heart he swore to himself that although he couldn’t fix her and her problems, he would die trying to. She was worth it all.
