Post by Mimi on Aug 18, 2006 10:54:53 GMT -5
* (NC-17) –Warning. This chapter contains disturbing imagery, which some people may find objectionable.*
“Aren’t you going to tell me to stop Julie?” He said as he slowly ran his tongue along the rim of her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her ear and neck as he slowly breathed in and out. She couldn’t see him clearly in the darkness, only the side of his face out of the corner of her eye. Trying to calm herself, she imagined that his tongue was a small snail and nothing more. Up and down the little snail crawled leaving a trail of slime. “This too shall pass,” she told herself, as she willed her legs to stop shaking and betraying her fear.
“Julie, Julie, such a little foolie,” he taunted her as he grabbed her breasts over her school uniform and squeezed them hard. She closed her eyes and tried not to react even though the pain was unbearable. Maybe if he thought that what he was doing to her didn’t really bother her he’d leave her alone. “Come on Julie, why aren’t you playing?” Tauntingly, he slowly ran one of his hands up the front of her chest where it rested on her neck. “Come on Julie, you’re no fun,” he hissed in her ear before he grabbed her neck and squeezed hard. She felt the feel the smooth tips of his manicured fingernails as they pressed into her skin. In and out his breath blew softly against her ear, providing little warmth in the freezing room.
“Stop it,” she begged him between gasps of air as she brought her hands up to her neck trying to free herself. He was taller than her and was standing behind her. “Please…please…I can’t breathe,” she gasped. As he increased his hold on her neck she felt his erection pushing into her backside. Her struggle was turning him on.
“No,” she said as she tried to get away from him. He was pressing himself into her slowly, enjoying her discomfort. She kicked her right leg back hoping to connect with his shin and hurt him while at the same time trying to get his hands off from around her neck.
“That’s how I like it Jules,” he whispered directly into her ear. “Do you even realize how hot you are?”
“Let me go.” She was starting to feel lightheaded and was having a hard time concentrating. In front of her she could see the door to the room, the exit sign illuminated in the darkness.
“Fine,” he yelled in her ear as he abruptly pushed her forward. She tumbled face forward to the ground, her hands breaking her fall. As she scrambled on the trash-strewn floor towards the door, she saw it. Exit. Exit. Exit. She couldn’t stop staring at the sign.
She heard him laughing behind her in a sing-song voice. “You can run, but you can’t hide.”
Exit. Exit. Exit. The sign was a beacon in the night, a chance for escape. Slowly she crawled, feeling the glass on the floor cutting into her knees. Through the pain, she crawled one step at a time towards the door. She was almost to the door when she heard the unmistakable sound of his pants zipper being lowered. “It’s time I took what was mine,” she heard him say with lust in his voice as he approached her. As he moved closer to her she looked up at him, his blond hair reflecting the red of the exit sign.
“No,” Marlena screamed louder than she had ever screamed in her life. She tried to get her arms free, but John was holding her down.
“Stop it John,” she begged him. He looked at her with confusion, then let her arms go. He was straddling her hips, grinding himself into her. She felt the cold tile of the bathroom floor through her thin T-shirt. The long skirt she wore didn’t provide much comfort or protection from the dirt and grime. As she turned her head to the right she saw and smelled a puddle of urine.
“Shut up,” he said as he smacked her hard across the face, drawing blood. She felt her lip begin to smell.
“John, why are you doing this?” she asked him as she felt him run his hands roughly up her inner thighs. There was nothing loving or gentle about his touch.
Suddenly he stood up, cowering over her on the floor. Grabbing a quarter out of his pocket he bought a condom from the machine on the bathroom wall. Marlena tried to sit up, disgusted that she was lying on the floor in a public bathroom.
“I don’t want to do this here John,” she said as tears stared to well up in her eyes. She knew that John liked to have kinky sex in public places occasionally, but this choice was disturbing.
“Shut up bitch,” he said as he pushed her down on the tile floor. She watched through half closed terrified eyes as he lowered his pants and rolled the condom carefully down the length of his shaft. Crawling on top of her ripped her underwear off and spread her legs wide. She tried to move back from away him, not wanting to go though with it, not in this place. “No John…No,” she begged, hoping that he would see her fear and stop. “No.”
He grabbed her hands and held them tightly over her head as he roughly entered her in one move. “Stop John…please stop…you’re hurting me,” she sobbed. His eyes were demonic as he moved in and out of her at a quickening pace.
“Dumb bitch…my name ain’t John,” the man replied as his face morphed from John’s familiar one into a strangers.
“Nooooooooooooo,” Marlena screamed at she sat up in her bed in the psychiatric ward. Her clothing and sheets were soaking wet. “It was just a dream,” she said outloud as she tried to calm herself down. The images in the dream were disturbing to her, but like most things she was remembering, what was real and what was imagined? On unsteady legs, she slowly got up off the bed and went to the door of the room, wondering what time it was.
“Hello,” she knocked on the door of the room trying to get the guard’s attention. She was thirsty and didn’t feel well and hoped that the guard could help.
“What do you want?” the guard asked annoyed, as he looked through the small window at Marlena. The woman on the other side looked disturbed, her long blond hair plastered to the side of her head, wet from what he assumed was sweat. Her gown that hung from her thin frame was much too big for her. Her eyes had the same vacant look that so many people that wound up in the psychiatric ward had.
“I need some new sheets and clothes,” she yelled through the beveled glass wishing that he would just open the damn door. She felt like a criminal.
“Can’t help you…I’ve got instructions to wait for Dr. Jones or Dr. North…” she heard the guard yell. Dr. North? She started to feel faint. Alex North. Alex fucking North. Why was he involved in this? A sudden sharp pain in her right temporal lobe brought her to her knees. She grabbed her head trying to stop the pain as memories from her past flashed through her mind. She saw herself arguing with John about him being JT’s father and her slapping him across the face hard….she felt the anger and hate that she felt towards him in that instance. She saw John yelling at her, telling her that she couldn’t handle Brady because he didn’t treat her like a goddess like everybody else…she felt the pain of the realization that John was pulling away from her and believed his son over her. She saw herself walking through the parking garage at University Hospital and being approached by John…she saw herself being led into the small basement bathroom where John demanded that she have sex with him…she felt the pain and the shame as he entered her roughly and left her there on the floor, realizing that it wasn’t him.
“You’re a crazy bitch,” the stranger laughed at her as he continued to pump into her. Marlena tried to move her hands, but he held them firmly above her head.
“Please stop,” she begged the man. The physical pain was tolerable, the emotional pain unbearable. Where was John?
“Shut the fuck up before I kill you,” he yelled. He lowered his head and tried to kiss her. Marlena felt the taste of bourbon on his breath as his tongue entered her mouth. The mixture of the blood from the cut on her lip when he’d hit her, the bourbon and the salt from her tears created a unique combination. She struggled against him, trying to stop the assault, trying to stop the pain, but her was too big and strong for her. Giving up, she layed there on the floor and sobbed, allowing the stranger to violate her. Where was John?
This was not happening to her, not again. She cried out for John.
“Man, I should have done this before…you’re pretty tight, you know that.” Marlena closed her eyes tightly wishing that it would all be over with. With each thrust she felt her hair being pulled as he moved her body back and forth against the dirty tile floor. She tried to imagine herself in another place, far away, a place where she was safe and loved. Her mind tried to find that place, but couldn’t. She didn’t feel safe and loved. Things with John were so fractured; they were barely on speaking terms, strangers living in the same house. They never talked anymore, only argued.
With a final push and a grunt the stranger came and then pulled out of Marlena and stood up leaving her on the floor. “You mention this to anyone and I’ll kill you…better yet, I hear your precious daughter is a pretty one…question is, is she as good as her momma?” He quickly buttoned his pants and adjusted his red checked flannel button down shirt.
“Leave her alone.” Marlena panicked, as she lowered her skirt, trying to cover herself. She tried so hard to give her daughter the kind of life, the kind of love and security, that she never had growing up. She would not allow this man to destroy Belle’s innocence. “You go near my daughter and I will kill you,” she said coldly.
“So says the tramp on the floor….later bitch,” the man said as he unlocked the door and left the bathroom.
Marlena immediately stood up and ran to the door locking it behind him. Turning around and leaning against the door she fell to the floor sobbing. What had she done?
For hours she sat there, crying and shaking, afraid to open the door to find the stranger on the other side. Clearly he knew her, but how? Her head hurt from trying to remember.
She contemplated going back into the hospital and having a rape kit done, but the woman inside of her couldn’t handle the looks and stares she was sure to get. She was strong; she could handle this on her own. She would compartmentalize it, file it away and move on with her life. John would help her through this; he would be there for her, he would be the strong one and allow her a moment of weakness. John. He was going to hate her.
She crawled across the filthy floor, no longer caring what was on it and retrieved her purse from under the sink. Taking out her cell phone she called the penthouse and got the answering machine. John had to be on the other line. She then flipped through her contacts for “sailor” and pressed the button. His phone rang and rang; finally his familiar voice came on the line saying that he was not available and to leave a message.
“No,” she cried out, needing to talk to him. If anyone could make this all go away, it was John. Where was he? She needed him.
Over and over she called the number, comforted by his message. “I need you John, please answer,” she pleaded into the phone.
For hours she sat in front of the door and tried to call John until her cell phone battery died.
She saw herself as she slowly drove around Salem for hours, sobbing in the car, wondering how she was going to explain to John that she’d let a stranger rape her. If he was her soulmate, why hadn’t he heard her cries for help?
She saw herself as she slowly entered the penthouse, humiliated, scared, and in pain….John was talking to someone on the phone and barely noticed her.
She walked past him and stood behind the living room couch, waiting for him to finish his phone call. After ten minutes, with him barely glancing in her direction, he hung up the phone.
“John I need to talk to you about something,” she said, trying to maintain her composure. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to stop the flow of tears and trying to be strong. She desperately wanted John to take her into his arms and forgive her and make everything alright.
“Can’t it wait until later?” He asked, barely looking up at her, as he looked through the pile of mail on the desk.
“It’s kind of important,” she whispered as she watched him. She hoped that he wouldn’t be mad and blame her for what had happened, even though she knew that she was partially at fault. How could she have mistaken a stranger for John? Why did she follow him into the bathroom? How could she have let the stranger push her down on the floor? She felt the bile rise up in her throat as she thought about what the man had done to her. Could John forgive her? Would John forgive her?
“Something has come up that I need to deal with right now,” he said as he finally looked up at her. He must have seen the tears and swelling on her face. “Oh lord, you’re crying again… What horrible grievance did my bad son commit against you now?” John sarcastically asked.
“What?” she asked in confusion, shaken from her memories.
“Oh I’m sorry Marlena,” John said emphasizing the word Marlena, “Of course its not imagined, right?… I forgot how this goes, as the great psychiatrist, you are always right…isn’t that the way it is?”
“What?” She just wanted to tell him about what had happened. She felt humiliated and ashamed and wanted to take a shower but here John was talking about Brady. Her legs shaking and unsteady, she grabbed on the couch for support. She just wanted to tell him what had happened, why was he talking about Brady?
“Don’t play dumb with me Marlena… You’ve been trying to drive a wedge between me and my son for months now…well its not going to work… you’re just going to have to be a little less sensitive and suck it up…every time he gives you a mean look I don’t want to have to hear about it, nor should I…. You’re the adult here, you’re the parent, why don’t you start acting like it,” John rudely said without even glancing over at Marlena. He grabbed his keys off of the small desk and quickly walked toward the door.
“But,” she said, shocked that he was about to leave her here alone. “Its midnight.”
“So, there are some things I need to do that have come up…okay…they are important to me… I don’t want to talk about it, because we’ll just end up fighting about it and I am so tired of fighting with you… don’t wait up for me,” John said right before he closed the door behind him.
She watched him as he closed the door behind him, barely looking at her. Never before had she felt so unwanted, so unloved and so alone.
“Are you alright? Are you alright?” the guard frantically asked as he looked through the glass window, barely seeing Marlena laying on the floor in the corner of the white room. Her blood was freely flowing from her nostrils, pooling on the white tile floor. Eyes rolled back in her head, limbs twitching, she appeared to be having a grand mal seizure. The guard pressed the medical alert button, summoning medical help while he watched Dr. Evans helplessly though the small glass window.
“Aren’t you going to tell me to stop Julie?” He said as he slowly ran his tongue along the rim of her ear. She could feel the warmth of his breath against her ear and neck as he slowly breathed in and out. She couldn’t see him clearly in the darkness, only the side of his face out of the corner of her eye. Trying to calm herself, she imagined that his tongue was a small snail and nothing more. Up and down the little snail crawled leaving a trail of slime. “This too shall pass,” she told herself, as she willed her legs to stop shaking and betraying her fear.
“Julie, Julie, such a little foolie,” he taunted her as he grabbed her breasts over her school uniform and squeezed them hard. She closed her eyes and tried not to react even though the pain was unbearable. Maybe if he thought that what he was doing to her didn’t really bother her he’d leave her alone. “Come on Julie, why aren’t you playing?” Tauntingly, he slowly ran one of his hands up the front of her chest where it rested on her neck. “Come on Julie, you’re no fun,” he hissed in her ear before he grabbed her neck and squeezed hard. She felt the feel the smooth tips of his manicured fingernails as they pressed into her skin. In and out his breath blew softly against her ear, providing little warmth in the freezing room.
“Stop it,” she begged him between gasps of air as she brought her hands up to her neck trying to free herself. He was taller than her and was standing behind her. “Please…please…I can’t breathe,” she gasped. As he increased his hold on her neck she felt his erection pushing into her backside. Her struggle was turning him on.
“No,” she said as she tried to get away from him. He was pressing himself into her slowly, enjoying her discomfort. She kicked her right leg back hoping to connect with his shin and hurt him while at the same time trying to get his hands off from around her neck.
“That’s how I like it Jules,” he whispered directly into her ear. “Do you even realize how hot you are?”
“Let me go.” She was starting to feel lightheaded and was having a hard time concentrating. In front of her she could see the door to the room, the exit sign illuminated in the darkness.
“Fine,” he yelled in her ear as he abruptly pushed her forward. She tumbled face forward to the ground, her hands breaking her fall. As she scrambled on the trash-strewn floor towards the door, she saw it. Exit. Exit. Exit. She couldn’t stop staring at the sign.
She heard him laughing behind her in a sing-song voice. “You can run, but you can’t hide.”
Exit. Exit. Exit. The sign was a beacon in the night, a chance for escape. Slowly she crawled, feeling the glass on the floor cutting into her knees. Through the pain, she crawled one step at a time towards the door. She was almost to the door when she heard the unmistakable sound of his pants zipper being lowered. “It’s time I took what was mine,” she heard him say with lust in his voice as he approached her. As he moved closer to her she looked up at him, his blond hair reflecting the red of the exit sign.
“No,” Marlena screamed louder than she had ever screamed in her life. She tried to get her arms free, but John was holding her down.
“Stop it John,” she begged him. He looked at her with confusion, then let her arms go. He was straddling her hips, grinding himself into her. She felt the cold tile of the bathroom floor through her thin T-shirt. The long skirt she wore didn’t provide much comfort or protection from the dirt and grime. As she turned her head to the right she saw and smelled a puddle of urine.
“Shut up,” he said as he smacked her hard across the face, drawing blood. She felt her lip begin to smell.
“John, why are you doing this?” she asked him as she felt him run his hands roughly up her inner thighs. There was nothing loving or gentle about his touch.
Suddenly he stood up, cowering over her on the floor. Grabbing a quarter out of his pocket he bought a condom from the machine on the bathroom wall. Marlena tried to sit up, disgusted that she was lying on the floor in a public bathroom.
“I don’t want to do this here John,” she said as tears stared to well up in her eyes. She knew that John liked to have kinky sex in public places occasionally, but this choice was disturbing.
“Shut up bitch,” he said as he pushed her down on the tile floor. She watched through half closed terrified eyes as he lowered his pants and rolled the condom carefully down the length of his shaft. Crawling on top of her ripped her underwear off and spread her legs wide. She tried to move back from away him, not wanting to go though with it, not in this place. “No John…No,” she begged, hoping that he would see her fear and stop. “No.”
He grabbed her hands and held them tightly over her head as he roughly entered her in one move. “Stop John…please stop…you’re hurting me,” she sobbed. His eyes were demonic as he moved in and out of her at a quickening pace.
“Dumb bitch…my name ain’t John,” the man replied as his face morphed from John’s familiar one into a strangers.
“Nooooooooooooo,” Marlena screamed at she sat up in her bed in the psychiatric ward. Her clothing and sheets were soaking wet. “It was just a dream,” she said outloud as she tried to calm herself down. The images in the dream were disturbing to her, but like most things she was remembering, what was real and what was imagined? On unsteady legs, she slowly got up off the bed and went to the door of the room, wondering what time it was.
“Hello,” she knocked on the door of the room trying to get the guard’s attention. She was thirsty and didn’t feel well and hoped that the guard could help.
“What do you want?” the guard asked annoyed, as he looked through the small window at Marlena. The woman on the other side looked disturbed, her long blond hair plastered to the side of her head, wet from what he assumed was sweat. Her gown that hung from her thin frame was much too big for her. Her eyes had the same vacant look that so many people that wound up in the psychiatric ward had.
“I need some new sheets and clothes,” she yelled through the beveled glass wishing that he would just open the damn door. She felt like a criminal.
“Can’t help you…I’ve got instructions to wait for Dr. Jones or Dr. North…” she heard the guard yell. Dr. North? She started to feel faint. Alex North. Alex fucking North. Why was he involved in this? A sudden sharp pain in her right temporal lobe brought her to her knees. She grabbed her head trying to stop the pain as memories from her past flashed through her mind. She saw herself arguing with John about him being JT’s father and her slapping him across the face hard….she felt the anger and hate that she felt towards him in that instance. She saw John yelling at her, telling her that she couldn’t handle Brady because he didn’t treat her like a goddess like everybody else…she felt the pain of the realization that John was pulling away from her and believed his son over her. She saw herself walking through the parking garage at University Hospital and being approached by John…she saw herself being led into the small basement bathroom where John demanded that she have sex with him…she felt the pain and the shame as he entered her roughly and left her there on the floor, realizing that it wasn’t him.
“You’re a crazy bitch,” the stranger laughed at her as he continued to pump into her. Marlena tried to move her hands, but he held them firmly above her head.
“Please stop,” she begged the man. The physical pain was tolerable, the emotional pain unbearable. Where was John?
“Shut the fuck up before I kill you,” he yelled. He lowered his head and tried to kiss her. Marlena felt the taste of bourbon on his breath as his tongue entered her mouth. The mixture of the blood from the cut on her lip when he’d hit her, the bourbon and the salt from her tears created a unique combination. She struggled against him, trying to stop the assault, trying to stop the pain, but her was too big and strong for her. Giving up, she layed there on the floor and sobbed, allowing the stranger to violate her. Where was John?
This was not happening to her, not again. She cried out for John.
“Man, I should have done this before…you’re pretty tight, you know that.” Marlena closed her eyes tightly wishing that it would all be over with. With each thrust she felt her hair being pulled as he moved her body back and forth against the dirty tile floor. She tried to imagine herself in another place, far away, a place where she was safe and loved. Her mind tried to find that place, but couldn’t. She didn’t feel safe and loved. Things with John were so fractured; they were barely on speaking terms, strangers living in the same house. They never talked anymore, only argued.
With a final push and a grunt the stranger came and then pulled out of Marlena and stood up leaving her on the floor. “You mention this to anyone and I’ll kill you…better yet, I hear your precious daughter is a pretty one…question is, is she as good as her momma?” He quickly buttoned his pants and adjusted his red checked flannel button down shirt.
“Leave her alone.” Marlena panicked, as she lowered her skirt, trying to cover herself. She tried so hard to give her daughter the kind of life, the kind of love and security, that she never had growing up. She would not allow this man to destroy Belle’s innocence. “You go near my daughter and I will kill you,” she said coldly.
“So says the tramp on the floor….later bitch,” the man said as he unlocked the door and left the bathroom.
Marlena immediately stood up and ran to the door locking it behind him. Turning around and leaning against the door she fell to the floor sobbing. What had she done?
For hours she sat there, crying and shaking, afraid to open the door to find the stranger on the other side. Clearly he knew her, but how? Her head hurt from trying to remember.
She contemplated going back into the hospital and having a rape kit done, but the woman inside of her couldn’t handle the looks and stares she was sure to get. She was strong; she could handle this on her own. She would compartmentalize it, file it away and move on with her life. John would help her through this; he would be there for her, he would be the strong one and allow her a moment of weakness. John. He was going to hate her.
She crawled across the filthy floor, no longer caring what was on it and retrieved her purse from under the sink. Taking out her cell phone she called the penthouse and got the answering machine. John had to be on the other line. She then flipped through her contacts for “sailor” and pressed the button. His phone rang and rang; finally his familiar voice came on the line saying that he was not available and to leave a message.
“No,” she cried out, needing to talk to him. If anyone could make this all go away, it was John. Where was he? She needed him.
Over and over she called the number, comforted by his message. “I need you John, please answer,” she pleaded into the phone.
For hours she sat in front of the door and tried to call John until her cell phone battery died.
She saw herself as she slowly drove around Salem for hours, sobbing in the car, wondering how she was going to explain to John that she’d let a stranger rape her. If he was her soulmate, why hadn’t he heard her cries for help?
She saw herself as she slowly entered the penthouse, humiliated, scared, and in pain….John was talking to someone on the phone and barely noticed her.
She walked past him and stood behind the living room couch, waiting for him to finish his phone call. After ten minutes, with him barely glancing in her direction, he hung up the phone.
“John I need to talk to you about something,” she said, trying to maintain her composure. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to stop the flow of tears and trying to be strong. She desperately wanted John to take her into his arms and forgive her and make everything alright.
“Can’t it wait until later?” He asked, barely looking up at her, as he looked through the pile of mail on the desk.
“It’s kind of important,” she whispered as she watched him. She hoped that he wouldn’t be mad and blame her for what had happened, even though she knew that she was partially at fault. How could she have mistaken a stranger for John? Why did she follow him into the bathroom? How could she have let the stranger push her down on the floor? She felt the bile rise up in her throat as she thought about what the man had done to her. Could John forgive her? Would John forgive her?
“Something has come up that I need to deal with right now,” he said as he finally looked up at her. He must have seen the tears and swelling on her face. “Oh lord, you’re crying again… What horrible grievance did my bad son commit against you now?” John sarcastically asked.
“What?” she asked in confusion, shaken from her memories.
“Oh I’m sorry Marlena,” John said emphasizing the word Marlena, “Of course its not imagined, right?… I forgot how this goes, as the great psychiatrist, you are always right…isn’t that the way it is?”
“What?” She just wanted to tell him about what had happened. She felt humiliated and ashamed and wanted to take a shower but here John was talking about Brady. Her legs shaking and unsteady, she grabbed on the couch for support. She just wanted to tell him what had happened, why was he talking about Brady?
“Don’t play dumb with me Marlena… You’ve been trying to drive a wedge between me and my son for months now…well its not going to work… you’re just going to have to be a little less sensitive and suck it up…every time he gives you a mean look I don’t want to have to hear about it, nor should I…. You’re the adult here, you’re the parent, why don’t you start acting like it,” John rudely said without even glancing over at Marlena. He grabbed his keys off of the small desk and quickly walked toward the door.
“But,” she said, shocked that he was about to leave her here alone. “Its midnight.”
“So, there are some things I need to do that have come up…okay…they are important to me… I don’t want to talk about it, because we’ll just end up fighting about it and I am so tired of fighting with you… don’t wait up for me,” John said right before he closed the door behind him.
She watched him as he closed the door behind him, barely looking at her. Never before had she felt so unwanted, so unloved and so alone.
“Are you alright? Are you alright?” the guard frantically asked as he looked through the glass window, barely seeing Marlena laying on the floor in the corner of the white room. Her blood was freely flowing from her nostrils, pooling on the white tile floor. Eyes rolled back in her head, limbs twitching, she appeared to be having a grand mal seizure. The guard pressed the medical alert button, summoning medical help while he watched Dr. Evans helplessly though the small glass window.
