Post by Hellokitty on Aug 19, 2006 8:57:23 GMT -5
Falling Book 2: Finding Marlena – Chapter 10
John ran along the beach as fast as his legs would carry him. The shifting sand beneath his bare soles made his journey cumbersome.
“MARLENA,” he screamed as he frantically looked around the deserted beach trying to catch sight of her. The moment he heard her cry for help he was on autopilot unable to focus on anything but finding Marlena. Although his feet were bleeding from where the rocky shards of the underwater reef cut into them when he jumped off the boat, he felt nothing but the pounding of his heart in his chest. Where the hell was she?
“MARLENA,” he yelled again, as he followed a set of footprints he assumed were hers towards the dense jungle. Was someone else on the island? Did that person shoot Marlena? A million question entered his mind as he ran with abandon.
“MARLENA.” John sensed that she needed him and was frustrated and panicked that he couldn’t find her and that she wasn’t responding. Not watching where he was going, he came to an abrupt stop when a low lying tree branch hit him in the middle of the forehead. “Fuck,” he yelled out in pain as he rubbed the injury, feeling a trickle of blood ooze from it. Not having the time to clean and bandage his gash, once again he took off running towards the area where he thought her scream originated from.
“John,” he heard Marlena yell somewhere in the distance in front of him.
“Marlena?” John yelled back, grateful and relieved to hear the sweet sound of her voice. His head hurt like hell, but he didn’t have the time to deal with it. Once he knew she was safe, he’d clean and bandage it.
“Over here,” she yelled back.
“Keep yelling so I can find you,” John yelled. The forest undergrowth was so thick that sunlight was barely penetrating the tree canopy. Added to that, there was no path. He was literally running through and jumping over bushes, small trees and who knows what else. He was amazed that Marlena had made it that far into the jungle, but questioned her sanity to even venture off the beach.
Instead of yelling, John was surprised to hear Marlena start singing a song he hadn’t heard her sing since Belle was a little girl. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.”
John followed her slightly off key voice as he climbed up a steep incline using the aerated roots of some of the trees for support. Shaking his head at her stupidity and physical prowess he continued to follow the sound of her singing.
“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved; how precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”
Suddenly the sound of her singing stopped. “Marlena?” John yelled as he started climbing faster and faster. “Keep singing.”
“I don’t want to sing anymore,” she yelled back.
“Come on Doc…I’m almost there,” John replied in frustration. “I’ll sing with you…. The Lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures; he will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace,” John sang out but quickly realized that he was only hearing the sound of his own voice, not hers.
“Sing dammit,” he yelled. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath and gather his bearings, he willed himself to calm down. His frustration was starting to show. “I’m sorry Marlena,” he yelled out into the forest. “Please keep singing….it’s the only way I’m going to find you. I can’t see anything from where I am, but from the sound of your voice I’m almost there.”
“The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,” her sweet voice sang out sadly. “The sun forbear to shine; but God, who called me here below, will be forever mine. When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we’d first begun.”
“There you are,” he exclaimed as he saw the back of her blond head poking out through the top of a bush. “You scared the crap out of me Marlena.” Carefully navigating his way towards her he saw that she was holding onto a gun in one hand and pointing it at something.
“Marlena,” he said softly as he walked towards her.
“Move slowly John,” she warned him.
Not being able to see what she was pointing the gun at he followed her command.
“A boar?” he questioned when he saw the large animal bleeding two feet from where Marlena was kneeling. “You’re fucking amazing,” he said in wonderment as he knelt down beside her and took the gun out of her hand. Lying dead in front of Marlena was a 150-pound wild pig with half of its head blown off.
“Well we need to eat and I was hungry…”
“I’d say so,” John replied amazed that his wife had hunted down and killed lunch and dinner for them. She was certainly full of surprises. Feeling for a pulse on the pig, John confirmed his suspicion that it was dead. Reaching over, he swatted the flies away where they had gathered to feast on the blood and lay their eggs. “Where’d you get the gun?”
“I found it on the boat in one of the cupboards,” Marlena said as she slowly stood up, bushing the dirt off her knees. She had yet to look at him.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” John asked in a somewhat accusing tone as he wiped the blood from his forehead on the sleeve of his T-shirt.
“You needed the sleep and I didn’t…I was hungry, the gun was there…end of story.” Marlena turned her back to him signaling that the conversation was also over.
“I worry about you Doc,” John said as he walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. “When I woke up and you were gone I was afraid something had happened to you.”
“You have to stop looking at me and treating me like a child John… I am more than capable of taking care of myself…I’ve done it for years before I ever met you.”
“I know honey, its just that I like to think of myself as your protector,” John admitted.
“I’d say that you have the caveman routine down,” Marlena said with a hint of nostalgia in her voice as she thought back to the last time he had acted like a caveman, picking her up and taking her back to the penthouse where he had his way with her.
“Are you complaining?”
“No…at times I rather enjoy when you get all possessive and macho.”
“But….”
“But, other times I don’t need for you to be that way. I’ve worked hard to get where I am in life and at times your constant need to protect me overshadows all my accomplishments….It’s almost as if no matter how capable I am, it doesn’t count at all, that because I am a woman I will always need a man to take care of me.”
“As long as that man is me,” John joked as he kissed her neck.
“John, I’m serious,” Marlena said as she pulled out of his kiss. “You seriously think that because I’m a woman I need a man.”
“Marlena, lets not talk about this.”
“No…I want to finish this conversation.”
“Marlena.”
“John.”
“Come on honey, let’s drag dinner back down to the boat.”
“No,” she said as she turned toward him and looked him in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere until we finish this conversation.”
“I don’t want to fight with you Marlena.”
“And I don’t want to fight either, but this is a serious matter John.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“It already is….I was only joking earlier when I suggested that you thought I needed a man to take care of me, not believing that was actually how you felt, but it is, isn’t it?”
“Yes, alright yes…. No matter how well educated you are Marlena, there are things that you need a man for.”
“I cannot believe you John Black.”
“You need me Marlena.”
“Sure I need you John, but that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of living without you or another man for that matter…. You have a daughter John…. What about Belle? As her father do you believe that she needs a man to take care of her?”
Realizing that he was in an impossible situation and just digging a deeper hole, John tried to end the conversation.
“Doc… I don’t want to fight with you all right… Do I believe that you are capable of taking care of yourself? Of course…. You are the strongest woman emotionally and mentally that I’ve ever met and ever will meet…. I’m not suggesting that you aren’t. Could you live without a man? Of course. Would I want you to? No, because I’m the man that wants to spend the rest of his life with you, pampering, loving and taking care of you.”
“But you still think that you’re better than me….”
“Shut up,” John said as he interrupted her, grabbing her face roughly in his hands and kissing her passionately. He felt her resolve slowly being to crumble as she gave into and accepted the kiss.
“Now, let drag dinner to the boat,” John said after he pulled out of the kiss, noticing the starstruck look on Marlena’s face. Picking up the carcass, he threw it over his shoulder and looked around for an easier path down the hillside.
“John, what happened to your forehead?” Marlena finally asked as she followed him down the hill.
“Another time, another story,” John said as he focused on dinner.
**********************
“I still can’t believe that my incredible wife shot and killed a wild pig,” John said with amazement. He was equally impressed when without hesitation she gutted and skinned the pig. Never in his wildest imagination would he ever have guessed that prim and proper Dr. Marlena Evans would even know what to do with a dead animal that didn’t come nicely packaged from Safeway. She was barely capable of cooking, yet here she was expertly and efficiently handling the pig like she’d done it for her whole life.
“Ex-wife,” Marlena reminded him, as she tried to daintily chew on a pork rib. Scouring the cupboards of the boat earlier they had managed to find a couple of tin plates and one set of silverware that they would have to share. John still hadn’t told Marlena the truth about the divorce and as time went on he wasn’t sure how he should approach it. The time never seemed to be right. He wanted her to ask him about it, thinking that if he kept on mentioning that she was his wife that one day she’d ask him about it, but she never seemed to. Marlena would always matter of factly remind him that she was his ex-wife and move onto another line of conversation as if being his ex-wife wasn’t an issue for her. Maybe she was glad that they were divorced.
“So John, would you mind sharing with me what you were dreaming about earlier on the boat,” Marlena asked as she set the rib down on her plate and tried to find something to wipe her greasy fingers on. Finding nothing, she wiped her fingers on the tops of her bare thighs.
Marlena didn’t miss the brief look of guilt pass over John’s face when she asked the question. Although he tried to hide the look, it was out there. He was aware that she knew he’d dreamt about something he didn’t want to share with her. Standing up, he walked towards the bonfire and pensively stared into it. The pain of his dream about Alex and what he had done to Marlena was raw in his mind. Not grasping or processing the full implications of his dream, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. If what he dreamt about was real and did happen, like he had a hunch had, talking about it might cause Marlena to further withdraw.
“John, please don’t shut me out,” Marlena said softly as she put her hand on his arm. Lips pursed in frustration, John continued to stare into the fire, knowing that if he looked at her his defenses would painfully shatter. He needed to be strong for both of them and not further confuse her with his speculations regarding Alex. As soon as he found a phone he’d call Shane and ask him to investigate.
“I just had a weird dream…that’s all.”
“I can tell that it bothered you.”
“Confused me is more like it,” he responded deciding to tell her about the dream he had with her in it. “Marlena…have you ever been to Barbados?”
“Why?” Marlena asked as she stepped back instinctively. For some reason his question really bothered her.
“Just curious…that’s all.” Looking out of the corner of his eye, John watched as Marlena seemed to be remembering something from her past. “So have you been there?”
“I don’t know,” she replied defensively. In her mind she saw herself running down a beach towards someone or something. She tried to concentrate what she was running towards but her mind wouldn’t allow her to go that far. Something pulled her back at the last minute. As quick as the memory came, it left, leaving a conflicting emotion. If the brief flash of her memory she felt both extreme sadness and extreme joy. Was the memory real?
“I had a dream about you in Barbados,” John told her hoping to probe her memory and see if she’d react again.
“That sounds nice…I’d like to go there someday.”
“What if you have already been?”
“I think I would remember that John,” Marlena said as she turned towards him. The glow from the fire cast haunting shadows across John’s face.
“I guess so,” John said as he sat down on a log in front of the fire and put his hands in his head. His head still ached where he smashed it into the tree branch earlier. He felt her defense walls being erected once again, block by block, with his line of questioning.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she sat down next to him on the log and leaned on his shoulder for support. “Is it your head?” Although she had cleaned, stitched and bandaged the injury earlier, she knew that without medication he had to be in incredible pain.
“Everything…nothing….this….you….me.”
“Okay, that was a rather cryptic answer,” Marlena said as she sat up and turned to look at him. All her psychiatric training immediately came into play. “Overlooking the obvious…being our current situation…lets start with me.”
John turned his head quickly towards her, incredulous that she of all people actually wanted to have this conversation. “I don’t want to talk about it Doc,” John warned her, regretting that he’d said anything.
“John, its not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up inside.”
“Let it go,” he warned her. She was starting to play Dr. Evans and it was pissing him off. She was the one that needed help, not him.
“No…you’ve been edgy for weeks John… if we’re going to peacefully co-exist we need to discuss these things,” Marlena told him in frustration. He always wanted to play the role of the strong macho supporter. His earlier comments about her needing a man to take care of her played over and over in her mind. Did he find her independence threatening? Was this what his little outburst was about?
“You’re one to talk,” John muttered under his breath.
“What did you just say?”
“Nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing John… it sounded like you said that I’m one to talk….care to tell me what you meant by that?” Marlena was trying her hardest to remain professional but having an extremely difficult time.
“Drop it Marlena.”
“No…we need to talk about this,” she insisted, frustrated by his behavior, secrecy and all around attitude. It sucked, he sucked and she just wanted to deal with the issues now since they were out in the open.
“Fine, you want to talk about but don’t say I didn’t warn you…I’m sick and tired of being kept in the dark regarding what the hell is going on in your head,” John blurted out. Marlena sat back stunned. This was the last thing she expected him to say. “….you’ve become like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde in the last year. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but sometimes you just make it so damn difficult Marlena,” John said as he looked over at her, committing her responses to memory. “Please don’t cry,” John pleaded with her. “Great, now I’m an ass for making you cry.”
“You think I’m trying to be like this…. You think I like being like this?” she cried out in frustration as she turned from him. He’d hurt her feelings with his comment and she hated that she was showing him a sign of weakness that would just reaffirm what he already thought of her and women. If for just a minute she wished that he could be her so she wouldn’t have to explain what she was seeing and feeling. After wiping her tears on her sleeve, she folded her arms across her chest defensively.
“I don’t know what to think Marlena….I’m trying to be supportive and understanding…I know what you’re remembering is probably extremely painful but I want to help…I want to be there for you,” John said as he lowered his voice, regretting that he’d made her cry.
“You are John…you are.”
“No I’m not…I may be physically here for you, but I am in no way closer to understanding who you are than when we left Salem.”
Every word he’d spoken was the truth, something that Marlena couldn’t deny. “I don’t know what to say.”
“How about you start with the truth Marlena….just the truth.”
“I resent the implication that I haven’t been telling you the truth,” she said with a hint of animosity. John saw the fire in her eyes and knew that he’d made her mad. How was he able to push all of her buttons so easily?
“How about all your lies of omission….you’ve been remembering things for months Marlena and I’ve only been told what I need to know when its been convenient for you.” John had nothing to lose at this point. His frustration with her was out on the table. better to deal with their issues that politely put them back on the shelf to look at and play with them later. If they needed to have an all out yelling, screaming and crying match then that was what they were going to have.
“That’s not true.”
“Oh its not? Well why don’t you tell me all about Alex then?” John yelled at her in anger. It was too late to turn back the clock and undo things that had been said.
“I don’t owe you any answers John…got that,” Marlena said as she stood up to leave. She wasn’t going to deal with John in his current state. Fighting wasn’t going to solve any of their problems. She knew that and he knew that, but for some reason he was hell-bent on it. She supposed that a lot of his frustration was borne out of their current situation, which was inevitably her fault,
“Don’t you walk away from me Marlena,” John said as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. “You don’t walk away when I’m talking to you…got that,” he yelled as he raised his hand towards her face.
John ran along the beach as fast as his legs would carry him. The shifting sand beneath his bare soles made his journey cumbersome.
“MARLENA,” he screamed as he frantically looked around the deserted beach trying to catch sight of her. The moment he heard her cry for help he was on autopilot unable to focus on anything but finding Marlena. Although his feet were bleeding from where the rocky shards of the underwater reef cut into them when he jumped off the boat, he felt nothing but the pounding of his heart in his chest. Where the hell was she?
“MARLENA,” he yelled again, as he followed a set of footprints he assumed were hers towards the dense jungle. Was someone else on the island? Did that person shoot Marlena? A million question entered his mind as he ran with abandon.
“MARLENA.” John sensed that she needed him and was frustrated and panicked that he couldn’t find her and that she wasn’t responding. Not watching where he was going, he came to an abrupt stop when a low lying tree branch hit him in the middle of the forehead. “Fuck,” he yelled out in pain as he rubbed the injury, feeling a trickle of blood ooze from it. Not having the time to clean and bandage his gash, once again he took off running towards the area where he thought her scream originated from.
“John,” he heard Marlena yell somewhere in the distance in front of him.
“Marlena?” John yelled back, grateful and relieved to hear the sweet sound of her voice. His head hurt like hell, but he didn’t have the time to deal with it. Once he knew she was safe, he’d clean and bandage it.
“Over here,” she yelled back.
“Keep yelling so I can find you,” John yelled. The forest undergrowth was so thick that sunlight was barely penetrating the tree canopy. Added to that, there was no path. He was literally running through and jumping over bushes, small trees and who knows what else. He was amazed that Marlena had made it that far into the jungle, but questioned her sanity to even venture off the beach.
Instead of yelling, John was surprised to hear Marlena start singing a song he hadn’t heard her sing since Belle was a little girl. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.”
John followed her slightly off key voice as he climbed up a steep incline using the aerated roots of some of the trees for support. Shaking his head at her stupidity and physical prowess he continued to follow the sound of her singing.
“Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved; how precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed. Through many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come; ’Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home.”
Suddenly the sound of her singing stopped. “Marlena?” John yelled as he started climbing faster and faster. “Keep singing.”
“I don’t want to sing anymore,” she yelled back.
“Come on Doc…I’m almost there,” John replied in frustration. “I’ll sing with you…. The Lord has promised good to me, his word my hope secures; he will my shield and portion be, as long as life endures. Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail, and mortal life shall cease, I shall possess, within the veil, a life of joy and peace,” John sang out but quickly realized that he was only hearing the sound of his own voice, not hers.
“Sing dammit,” he yelled. Stopping for a moment to catch his breath and gather his bearings, he willed himself to calm down. His frustration was starting to show. “I’m sorry Marlena,” he yelled out into the forest. “Please keep singing….it’s the only way I’m going to find you. I can’t see anything from where I am, but from the sound of your voice I’m almost there.”
“The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,” her sweet voice sang out sadly. “The sun forbear to shine; but God, who called me here below, will be forever mine. When we’ve been there ten thousand years, bright shining as the sun, we’ve no less days to sing God’s praise than when we’d first begun.”
“There you are,” he exclaimed as he saw the back of her blond head poking out through the top of a bush. “You scared the crap out of me Marlena.” Carefully navigating his way towards her he saw that she was holding onto a gun in one hand and pointing it at something.
“Marlena,” he said softly as he walked towards her.
“Move slowly John,” she warned him.
Not being able to see what she was pointing the gun at he followed her command.
“A boar?” he questioned when he saw the large animal bleeding two feet from where Marlena was kneeling. “You’re fucking amazing,” he said in wonderment as he knelt down beside her and took the gun out of her hand. Lying dead in front of Marlena was a 150-pound wild pig with half of its head blown off.
“Well we need to eat and I was hungry…”
“I’d say so,” John replied amazed that his wife had hunted down and killed lunch and dinner for them. She was certainly full of surprises. Feeling for a pulse on the pig, John confirmed his suspicion that it was dead. Reaching over, he swatted the flies away where they had gathered to feast on the blood and lay their eggs. “Where’d you get the gun?”
“I found it on the boat in one of the cupboards,” Marlena said as she slowly stood up, bushing the dirt off her knees. She had yet to look at him.
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” John asked in a somewhat accusing tone as he wiped the blood from his forehead on the sleeve of his T-shirt.
“You needed the sleep and I didn’t…I was hungry, the gun was there…end of story.” Marlena turned her back to him signaling that the conversation was also over.
“I worry about you Doc,” John said as he walked towards her and put his hands on her shoulders. “When I woke up and you were gone I was afraid something had happened to you.”
“You have to stop looking at me and treating me like a child John… I am more than capable of taking care of myself…I’ve done it for years before I ever met you.”
“I know honey, its just that I like to think of myself as your protector,” John admitted.
“I’d say that you have the caveman routine down,” Marlena said with a hint of nostalgia in her voice as she thought back to the last time he had acted like a caveman, picking her up and taking her back to the penthouse where he had his way with her.
“Are you complaining?”
“No…at times I rather enjoy when you get all possessive and macho.”
“But….”
“But, other times I don’t need for you to be that way. I’ve worked hard to get where I am in life and at times your constant need to protect me overshadows all my accomplishments….It’s almost as if no matter how capable I am, it doesn’t count at all, that because I am a woman I will always need a man to take care of me.”
“As long as that man is me,” John joked as he kissed her neck.
“John, I’m serious,” Marlena said as she pulled out of his kiss. “You seriously think that because I’m a woman I need a man.”
“Marlena, lets not talk about this.”
“No…I want to finish this conversation.”
“Marlena.”
“John.”
“Come on honey, let’s drag dinner back down to the boat.”
“No,” she said as she turned toward him and looked him in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere until we finish this conversation.”
“I don’t want to fight with you Marlena.”
“And I don’t want to fight either, but this is a serious matter John.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“It already is….I was only joking earlier when I suggested that you thought I needed a man to take care of me, not believing that was actually how you felt, but it is, isn’t it?”
“Yes, alright yes…. No matter how well educated you are Marlena, there are things that you need a man for.”
“I cannot believe you John Black.”
“You need me Marlena.”
“Sure I need you John, but that doesn’t mean that I’m incapable of living without you or another man for that matter…. You have a daughter John…. What about Belle? As her father do you believe that she needs a man to take care of her?”
Realizing that he was in an impossible situation and just digging a deeper hole, John tried to end the conversation.
“Doc… I don’t want to fight with you all right… Do I believe that you are capable of taking care of yourself? Of course…. You are the strongest woman emotionally and mentally that I’ve ever met and ever will meet…. I’m not suggesting that you aren’t. Could you live without a man? Of course. Would I want you to? No, because I’m the man that wants to spend the rest of his life with you, pampering, loving and taking care of you.”
“But you still think that you’re better than me….”
“Shut up,” John said as he interrupted her, grabbing her face roughly in his hands and kissing her passionately. He felt her resolve slowly being to crumble as she gave into and accepted the kiss.
“Now, let drag dinner to the boat,” John said after he pulled out of the kiss, noticing the starstruck look on Marlena’s face. Picking up the carcass, he threw it over his shoulder and looked around for an easier path down the hillside.
“John, what happened to your forehead?” Marlena finally asked as she followed him down the hill.
“Another time, another story,” John said as he focused on dinner.
**********************
“I still can’t believe that my incredible wife shot and killed a wild pig,” John said with amazement. He was equally impressed when without hesitation she gutted and skinned the pig. Never in his wildest imagination would he ever have guessed that prim and proper Dr. Marlena Evans would even know what to do with a dead animal that didn’t come nicely packaged from Safeway. She was barely capable of cooking, yet here she was expertly and efficiently handling the pig like she’d done it for her whole life.
“Ex-wife,” Marlena reminded him, as she tried to daintily chew on a pork rib. Scouring the cupboards of the boat earlier they had managed to find a couple of tin plates and one set of silverware that they would have to share. John still hadn’t told Marlena the truth about the divorce and as time went on he wasn’t sure how he should approach it. The time never seemed to be right. He wanted her to ask him about it, thinking that if he kept on mentioning that she was his wife that one day she’d ask him about it, but she never seemed to. Marlena would always matter of factly remind him that she was his ex-wife and move onto another line of conversation as if being his ex-wife wasn’t an issue for her. Maybe she was glad that they were divorced.
“So John, would you mind sharing with me what you were dreaming about earlier on the boat,” Marlena asked as she set the rib down on her plate and tried to find something to wipe her greasy fingers on. Finding nothing, she wiped her fingers on the tops of her bare thighs.
Marlena didn’t miss the brief look of guilt pass over John’s face when she asked the question. Although he tried to hide the look, it was out there. He was aware that she knew he’d dreamt about something he didn’t want to share with her. Standing up, he walked towards the bonfire and pensively stared into it. The pain of his dream about Alex and what he had done to Marlena was raw in his mind. Not grasping or processing the full implications of his dream, he wasn’t ready to talk about it. If what he dreamt about was real and did happen, like he had a hunch had, talking about it might cause Marlena to further withdraw.
“John, please don’t shut me out,” Marlena said softly as she put her hand on his arm. Lips pursed in frustration, John continued to stare into the fire, knowing that if he looked at her his defenses would painfully shatter. He needed to be strong for both of them and not further confuse her with his speculations regarding Alex. As soon as he found a phone he’d call Shane and ask him to investigate.
“I just had a weird dream…that’s all.”
“I can tell that it bothered you.”
“Confused me is more like it,” he responded deciding to tell her about the dream he had with her in it. “Marlena…have you ever been to Barbados?”
“Why?” Marlena asked as she stepped back instinctively. For some reason his question really bothered her.
“Just curious…that’s all.” Looking out of the corner of his eye, John watched as Marlena seemed to be remembering something from her past. “So have you been there?”
“I don’t know,” she replied defensively. In her mind she saw herself running down a beach towards someone or something. She tried to concentrate what she was running towards but her mind wouldn’t allow her to go that far. Something pulled her back at the last minute. As quick as the memory came, it left, leaving a conflicting emotion. If the brief flash of her memory she felt both extreme sadness and extreme joy. Was the memory real?
“I had a dream about you in Barbados,” John told her hoping to probe her memory and see if she’d react again.
“That sounds nice…I’d like to go there someday.”
“What if you have already been?”
“I think I would remember that John,” Marlena said as she turned towards him. The glow from the fire cast haunting shadows across John’s face.
“I guess so,” John said as he sat down on a log in front of the fire and put his hands in his head. His head still ached where he smashed it into the tree branch earlier. He felt her defense walls being erected once again, block by block, with his line of questioning.
“What’s wrong?” she asked as she sat down next to him on the log and leaned on his shoulder for support. “Is it your head?” Although she had cleaned, stitched and bandaged the injury earlier, she knew that without medication he had to be in incredible pain.
“Everything…nothing….this….you….me.”
“Okay, that was a rather cryptic answer,” Marlena said as she sat up and turned to look at him. All her psychiatric training immediately came into play. “Overlooking the obvious…being our current situation…lets start with me.”
John turned his head quickly towards her, incredulous that she of all people actually wanted to have this conversation. “I don’t want to talk about it Doc,” John warned her, regretting that he’d said anything.
“John, its not healthy to keep your feelings bottled up inside.”
“Let it go,” he warned her. She was starting to play Dr. Evans and it was pissing him off. She was the one that needed help, not him.
“No…you’ve been edgy for weeks John… if we’re going to peacefully co-exist we need to discuss these things,” Marlena told him in frustration. He always wanted to play the role of the strong macho supporter. His earlier comments about her needing a man to take care of her played over and over in her mind. Did he find her independence threatening? Was this what his little outburst was about?
“You’re one to talk,” John muttered under his breath.
“What did you just say?”
“Nothing.”
“It wasn’t nothing John… it sounded like you said that I’m one to talk….care to tell me what you meant by that?” Marlena was trying her hardest to remain professional but having an extremely difficult time.
“Drop it Marlena.”
“No…we need to talk about this,” she insisted, frustrated by his behavior, secrecy and all around attitude. It sucked, he sucked and she just wanted to deal with the issues now since they were out in the open.
“Fine, you want to talk about but don’t say I didn’t warn you…I’m sick and tired of being kept in the dark regarding what the hell is going on in your head,” John blurted out. Marlena sat back stunned. This was the last thing she expected him to say. “….you’ve become like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde in the last year. I’ve tried to be patient and understanding, but sometimes you just make it so damn difficult Marlena,” John said as he looked over at her, committing her responses to memory. “Please don’t cry,” John pleaded with her. “Great, now I’m an ass for making you cry.”
“You think I’m trying to be like this…. You think I like being like this?” she cried out in frustration as she turned from him. He’d hurt her feelings with his comment and she hated that she was showing him a sign of weakness that would just reaffirm what he already thought of her and women. If for just a minute she wished that he could be her so she wouldn’t have to explain what she was seeing and feeling. After wiping her tears on her sleeve, she folded her arms across her chest defensively.
“I don’t know what to think Marlena….I’m trying to be supportive and understanding…I know what you’re remembering is probably extremely painful but I want to help…I want to be there for you,” John said as he lowered his voice, regretting that he’d made her cry.
“You are John…you are.”
“No I’m not…I may be physically here for you, but I am in no way closer to understanding who you are than when we left Salem.”
Every word he’d spoken was the truth, something that Marlena couldn’t deny. “I don’t know what to say.”
“How about you start with the truth Marlena….just the truth.”
“I resent the implication that I haven’t been telling you the truth,” she said with a hint of animosity. John saw the fire in her eyes and knew that he’d made her mad. How was he able to push all of her buttons so easily?
“How about all your lies of omission….you’ve been remembering things for months Marlena and I’ve only been told what I need to know when its been convenient for you.” John had nothing to lose at this point. His frustration with her was out on the table. better to deal with their issues that politely put them back on the shelf to look at and play with them later. If they needed to have an all out yelling, screaming and crying match then that was what they were going to have.
“That’s not true.”
“Oh its not? Well why don’t you tell me all about Alex then?” John yelled at her in anger. It was too late to turn back the clock and undo things that had been said.
“I don’t owe you any answers John…got that,” Marlena said as she stood up to leave. She wasn’t going to deal with John in his current state. Fighting wasn’t going to solve any of their problems. She knew that and he knew that, but for some reason he was hell-bent on it. She supposed that a lot of his frustration was borne out of their current situation, which was inevitably her fault,
“Don’t you walk away from me Marlena,” John said as he grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. “You don’t walk away when I’m talking to you…got that,” he yelled as he raised his hand towards her face.