Post by Hellokitty on Sept 5, 2006 17:02:21 GMT -5
Falling Book 2: Finding Marlena Chapter 18
“In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair.” Auguste Napier [/i}
“Welcome to Casa de soledad,” Stefano said as he opened the large double paneled mahogany doors, welcoming his guests inside. “I hope that you found your trip most enjoyable and a welcome change from those awful confines in Germany.”
“What do you want with us Dimera?” John asked, as he clutched Marlena’s hand tighter. She seemed to be in a trance, mutely standing before Stefano, not able to look him in the eyes. Circling his index finger in the center of her palm he tried to provide some reassurance that everything would be all right.
“I want to keep you safe from those dreadful Americans,” Stefano said as he watched John and Marlena enter the parlor. Shutting the door behind him, he turned and eyed them, “that is all.”
“That is all?” John laughed nervously. “That’s rich coming from someone like you….what you couldn’t take someone else chasing after us so you had to get in on the game as well?”
“Why must you think of me in this way?” Stefano asked as he led them through several rooms out to the back of the mansion. John was surprised to see the place beautifully decorated, light and airy. Gone were the morose paneled walls and the deep burgundies of Maison Blanche. Brown Italian leather furniture, tiled floors and modern art lined the walls.
“You’ve given me no reason not to,” John said as he moved Marlena to the other side of him, putting as much distance between him and Stefano as possible. Her behavior was starting to scare him. She hadn’t said a word since they left Munich. Looking down at her he willed her to look up at him, to meet his eyes. He needed that connection. One look and he would know how she was feeling. They’d always had that connection and always would. Something had happened during her questioning with Dr. Gunther that had affected her somehow. If only he could get her alone and talk to her.
“Fair enough…do know John Black that if I wanted to ‘take you out’ as you so call it, I could have done so easily a long time ago.”
“Sorry if I don’t trust you old man, because I don’t.”
“And nor should you,” he cautioned as he stopped and unlocked the french doors leading out the patio. “The less you trust, the better.”
“So really….Why are we here?” John asked.
“As I told you a couple of minutes ago, I want nothing more than to keep you safe,” Stefano said as he stood before John and carefully met his glare. “Two can play this game,” John thought as he stood staring back at Stefano wanting him to be the one to break eye contact first. He was not going to back down to Stefano ever again.
“And as I told you earlier, sorry if I don’t trust you… How do I know that you aren’t going to turn us over to Owens and his cronies?”
“You don’t John…you don’t… but the way I see it you either take your chances with me here or out there,” he said as he waved his hand across the vast expanse of land that laid below the balcony. The house was situated on top of a hill overlooking a lush valley covered with grapevines as far as the eye could see. This was a place were you came to on a romantic getaway, not a place where Stefano Dimera held one captive. “Why don’t I have Celia show you to your room where you both can freshen up. Stefano’s manners were too impeccable to say anything, but they both looked awful. John looked like he’d been wearing the same clothes for months, dirt covered and ripped. His hair was down past his shoulders and his beard unkempt. Marlena smelled of vomit and was lacking pants. It was hard to tell what color her T-shirt was through all the dirt and grime. Her hair was a tangled curly mess with golden highlights from the sun. Stefano tried not to look at her, concentrating all of his attention on John.
“You aren’t going to separate us?” John asked as he eyed Stefano suspiciously, wondering what he was up to.
“Did you think I was going to chain you up in my dungeon?” Stefano laughed, but quickly stopped when he noticed the serious look that came over John’s face. “Oh you cannot be serious John…you aren’t my prisoners.”
“Then what are we? We were brought here against our will….”
“No, you were rescued…”
“From what? The ISA? You have got to me kidding me….I felt safer there with them than here with you.
“You are a bigger fool than I thought if you think that the ISA had your best interests at heart… They only wanted one thing and once they got it…” Stefano started and then stopped.
“Finish your sentence old man….once they got it, then what.”
“You both are expendable to them.”
“You’re lying Stefano.”
“Am I?” he asked. “There is time to talk later….why don’t you both freshen up and then we can talk.”
“I want answers first,” John demanded. “I want to know about the Stockholm Consortium and what you want with us.”
“John Black, why must you try my patience?” Stefano asked as his temperature started to climb. He was trying to be a gracious host, trying to be nice, when all he wanted was to throw John over the balcony to his death. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t because of her, because of his niece. He was unable to say her name anymore, not even in the darkness of the night when he laid alone in bed thinking about her.
“Because you have fucked with me and Marlena and the rest of the Brady family for years…I don’t trust you and I’m not going upstairs to ‘freshen up’ in your house until I get some answers…are we clear?”
“For once in your life stop being selfish…look at her,” Stefano yelled at John as he motioned towards Marlena. She was shivering, her emaciated frame shaking from the chill of the air conditioning of the house. Although she wouldn’t look up, she had the stance of someone that was exhausted and on the verge of collapsing. “Look at her.”
“I’ll take my chances on the outside old man,” John said as he grabbed Marlena’s hand and pulled her towards the house. “We’re leaving.”
“Fine, that is your choice, but once you leave this house I cannot offer you protection.”
“From what? Owens and the CIA?”
“There are forces out there at work right now that are greater than you realize John…stop being foolish. Are you going to put your life at risk, put her life at risk to get back at me? Are you? If you do, you’re a bigger fool than I thought you were.”
“Tell me what I have to be afraid of old man… From the way I see it you have always been and always will be a greater danger to me and my family than the sum of ‘them’ could ever be.”
Standing next to the french doors Stefano contemplated how much to tell John. “I promise you that after you freshen up I will tell you what you want to know.”
“How do I know that this isn’t a trap?”
“You don’t…but know this….you may not be able to trust me, but she can. Dimera blood is thicker than water and we never harm our own. She will always be under the protection of the family.”
******
As John undressed in the bathroom he contemplated Stefano’s words to him. “She will always be under the protection of the family.” God help them all if Stefano actually thought that she was one of them now.
“What are you up to old man?” John asked as he slowly drug the blade of the razor across his cheek. “Is it me that you want or is it Doc?”
“Think Black….think,” John told himself as he tried to determine what Stefano’s game plan was. He couldn’t allow himself to willingly walk into another trap. They’d been through too much with Stefano to turn a blind eye to the past and just assume that because there was a newfound ‘family’ relationship things would be different. If anything, things were more complicated than ever.
“What does he want with you Marlena?” he asked as he once again drew the razor blade slowly across his face. Jutting his chin up in the air, he inspected the job he’d done so far. Not too many nicks. He’d try to see if Marlena was up to cutting his hair. Marlena. What was he going to do about her? He’d left her lying on the bed resting and hoped that she was okay. Opening the door slowly, he peeked out into the bedroom and was relieved to see that she was sleeping soundly under the covers.
“Doc, Doc, Doc…What am I going to do about you?” John asked himself as he turned on the shower and stepped inside. “If only I understood what was going on inside of you I could help.” He thought back to the questioning at Bad Orb. Stefano had insinuated that the ISA couldn’t be trusted and they wanted something from Marlena. What was it? Everything came back to Marlena. If only he could figure out what it was that was in her mind that they all wanted maybe he could give them that information and their lives could get back to normal.
As the scalding water beat down against his skin he thought back to the beginning of it all. It all started with her amnesia and Alex North treating her. He wanted the best psychiatrist for his wife, someone who specialized in memory disorders. Lexi had recommended him. “Alexandra Dimera,” John said outloud. “I should have known better…She’s just like her old man, no matter how hard we want to believe that she has changed.” Had Lexi known that Marlena and Alex had a past together and that they were in fact childhood friends? What about Roman Brady? Roman admitted to having met Alex North in the past but when Marlena woke up with amnesia in the hospital, Roman acted like it was the first time that he had seen Alex. “Roman Brady,” John questioned. “What else do you know about my wife that you aren’t admitting to?” Roman was ISA. How could he not have known about her and her past? Did he know? Was he part of this organized plot? John felt sick to his stomach at the thought of Marlena possibly being duped by someone she once loved.
“Noah and Rachel,” John said in a panic, horrified by the thought that he had trusted Roman with his children enough to name him their godfather. He needed to get back to Salem and figure out what was going on. If Roman couldn’t be trusted, he needed to make sure that his children were cared for by someone that was. The more he thought about Roman, the more concerned he became. It was rather convenient for Roman to leave the Greek isle with Marlena for Alaska. What rational man would willingly give up his life to follow his ex-wife around the world? John was happy at the time, thankful that Doc had someone to rely on in her time of need. Had he foolishly misplaced his trust?
“I’m just so stupid,” John moaned as he threw the bar of soap against the tile wall. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…I gave him access to her for months….months.…”
“Oh my god….the castle,” John thought. This deception could have gone back well before she had amnesia. During the time he was grieving her loss, she sought solace and comfort in the arms of Roman Brady and would up pregnant with his child. What is that was part of the plan? “No, he wouldn’t,” John tried to convince himself. He’d relived the devastation that brought Marlena to that point with Roman. He felt her anger and wrath on the hotel terrace a year ago when she confronted him about his relationship with Kate and explained her reasons for sleeping with Roman.
“I’m going to kill him.” The more that John thought about Roman, the madder her became. Why was Roman always there, unable to move on with his own life? Sure, he was briefly married to Kate, but married her knowing that Kate was Marlena’s best friend. Was that marriage orchestrated to get closer to Marlena?
“Roman couldn’t….could he?”
“I have to stop this…this is not about Roman, this is about Marlena and who is after her…..” John thought for a moment, trying to figure out this complicated puzzle. The ISA wanted her for some reason. Dimera wanted to keep her safe. Alexander North also wanted her was going to have to pay for raping Marlena. The thought of another man touching her made him sick and brought out the mercenary in him. He tried hard to hide and control the baser part of his personality that could kill and torture without regret, but the thought of retribution for Marlena filled him with a perverse sense of joy. He would get even; it was only a matter of when. Mason Jones was also an unknown, but appeared to be a lackey of North. Channing Maxwell wanted Marlena for the obvious reason, retribution for his brother’s death. Rafael Torres, who was supposed to be dead, was now partnered with Stefano Dimera and Leopold Alamain, who was also supposed to be dead. “Could this be anymore more complicated?”
John leaned his head against the cold tile and closed his eyes, trying to make sense of it all. Everyone wanted Marlena, but the question was, was it for the same reason or did people have their own reasons and agendas? The longer John thought about Marlena, the more the memories of his past long since repressed, seemed to return. He couldn’t get the memory of making love to her as Forrest Alamain out of his mind. Although she denied a shared past, he was convinced more than ever that they had always been linked, linked before they were born. He was a child born out of wedlock to Daphne Dimera, Stefano’s wife, given to her sister and her brother in law to raise as their own. Raised in a world of privilege as an Alamain, the world was his playground. A continent away, Marlena had a far different upbringing. An unwanted and abused child of Stefano’s brother John, she grew up never experiencing unconditional parental love.
Despite their pasts they were connected in a twisted familial way. The one constant through their whole lives, parts remembered and forgotten, was the Dimera’s.
“Were you my first love?” John asked as he lathered soap in his hands and applied it to his hair. “Did I make love to you in that field of daisy’s so long ago?” When so much of his past was missing it was hard for him to know where the fantasy ended and reality began. Was he wishing that it happened or did it?
“Think John…think,” he told himself as he tried as hard as he could to grasp something from his past, something real. An image of his father Leopold popped in his mind. He saw himself as a young boy of twelve approaching his father in his den.
”Father, may I play a game of chess with you?” he asked.
“Sure Forrest, but for just a little while and then its time for bed. You know that your mother doesn’t like for you to stay up late on a school night,” the elder Alamain said as he sat pensively at his desk staring at a picture of his family.
“I know…I promise just a quick game and then I’ll go to bed,” he said as he approached the imposing desk, his father looking so big and important behind it. He was holding a picture of the family taken a couple years before at the ball held for his great Aunt Anastasia on his mother’s side of the family. Forrest hated large family gatherings, as they were always large and almost always boring. No one ever seemed to think about any of the children, as all the activities and festivities were geared towards the adults. He was thankful for his cousins Nicholas, Tyler, Ian, Matthew, Anthony, Samuel, Gerald, Christopher, Michael, Samantha and Julie as they always made things more fun.
“Forrest, no matter what happens in life know that I’m your father and I’ll always love you.”
“Oh my God,” John exclaimed as he sat down dumfounded on the tile shower bench. Memory after memory returned with surprising clarity, confusing him and at the same time providing a much-needed explanation for his whole existence. John remembered being Forrest Alamain, but more importantly remembered his whole past.
“In each family a story is playing itself out, and each family's story embodies its hope and despair.” Auguste Napier [/i}
“Welcome to Casa de soledad,” Stefano said as he opened the large double paneled mahogany doors, welcoming his guests inside. “I hope that you found your trip most enjoyable and a welcome change from those awful confines in Germany.”
“What do you want with us Dimera?” John asked, as he clutched Marlena’s hand tighter. She seemed to be in a trance, mutely standing before Stefano, not able to look him in the eyes. Circling his index finger in the center of her palm he tried to provide some reassurance that everything would be all right.
“I want to keep you safe from those dreadful Americans,” Stefano said as he watched John and Marlena enter the parlor. Shutting the door behind him, he turned and eyed them, “that is all.”
“That is all?” John laughed nervously. “That’s rich coming from someone like you….what you couldn’t take someone else chasing after us so you had to get in on the game as well?”
“Why must you think of me in this way?” Stefano asked as he led them through several rooms out to the back of the mansion. John was surprised to see the place beautifully decorated, light and airy. Gone were the morose paneled walls and the deep burgundies of Maison Blanche. Brown Italian leather furniture, tiled floors and modern art lined the walls.
“You’ve given me no reason not to,” John said as he moved Marlena to the other side of him, putting as much distance between him and Stefano as possible. Her behavior was starting to scare him. She hadn’t said a word since they left Munich. Looking down at her he willed her to look up at him, to meet his eyes. He needed that connection. One look and he would know how she was feeling. They’d always had that connection and always would. Something had happened during her questioning with Dr. Gunther that had affected her somehow. If only he could get her alone and talk to her.
“Fair enough…do know John Black that if I wanted to ‘take you out’ as you so call it, I could have done so easily a long time ago.”
“Sorry if I don’t trust you old man, because I don’t.”
“And nor should you,” he cautioned as he stopped and unlocked the french doors leading out the patio. “The less you trust, the better.”
“So really….Why are we here?” John asked.
“As I told you a couple of minutes ago, I want nothing more than to keep you safe,” Stefano said as he stood before John and carefully met his glare. “Two can play this game,” John thought as he stood staring back at Stefano wanting him to be the one to break eye contact first. He was not going to back down to Stefano ever again.
“And as I told you earlier, sorry if I don’t trust you… How do I know that you aren’t going to turn us over to Owens and his cronies?”
“You don’t John…you don’t… but the way I see it you either take your chances with me here or out there,” he said as he waved his hand across the vast expanse of land that laid below the balcony. The house was situated on top of a hill overlooking a lush valley covered with grapevines as far as the eye could see. This was a place were you came to on a romantic getaway, not a place where Stefano Dimera held one captive. “Why don’t I have Celia show you to your room where you both can freshen up. Stefano’s manners were too impeccable to say anything, but they both looked awful. John looked like he’d been wearing the same clothes for months, dirt covered and ripped. His hair was down past his shoulders and his beard unkempt. Marlena smelled of vomit and was lacking pants. It was hard to tell what color her T-shirt was through all the dirt and grime. Her hair was a tangled curly mess with golden highlights from the sun. Stefano tried not to look at her, concentrating all of his attention on John.
“You aren’t going to separate us?” John asked as he eyed Stefano suspiciously, wondering what he was up to.
“Did you think I was going to chain you up in my dungeon?” Stefano laughed, but quickly stopped when he noticed the serious look that came over John’s face. “Oh you cannot be serious John…you aren’t my prisoners.”
“Then what are we? We were brought here against our will….”
“No, you were rescued…”
“From what? The ISA? You have got to me kidding me….I felt safer there with them than here with you.
“You are a bigger fool than I thought if you think that the ISA had your best interests at heart… They only wanted one thing and once they got it…” Stefano started and then stopped.
“Finish your sentence old man….once they got it, then what.”
“You both are expendable to them.”
“You’re lying Stefano.”
“Am I?” he asked. “There is time to talk later….why don’t you both freshen up and then we can talk.”
“I want answers first,” John demanded. “I want to know about the Stockholm Consortium and what you want with us.”
“John Black, why must you try my patience?” Stefano asked as his temperature started to climb. He was trying to be a gracious host, trying to be nice, when all he wanted was to throw John over the balcony to his death. But he couldn’t and wouldn’t because of her, because of his niece. He was unable to say her name anymore, not even in the darkness of the night when he laid alone in bed thinking about her.
“Because you have fucked with me and Marlena and the rest of the Brady family for years…I don’t trust you and I’m not going upstairs to ‘freshen up’ in your house until I get some answers…are we clear?”
“For once in your life stop being selfish…look at her,” Stefano yelled at John as he motioned towards Marlena. She was shivering, her emaciated frame shaking from the chill of the air conditioning of the house. Although she wouldn’t look up, she had the stance of someone that was exhausted and on the verge of collapsing. “Look at her.”
“I’ll take my chances on the outside old man,” John said as he grabbed Marlena’s hand and pulled her towards the house. “We’re leaving.”
“Fine, that is your choice, but once you leave this house I cannot offer you protection.”
“From what? Owens and the CIA?”
“There are forces out there at work right now that are greater than you realize John…stop being foolish. Are you going to put your life at risk, put her life at risk to get back at me? Are you? If you do, you’re a bigger fool than I thought you were.”
“Tell me what I have to be afraid of old man… From the way I see it you have always been and always will be a greater danger to me and my family than the sum of ‘them’ could ever be.”
Standing next to the french doors Stefano contemplated how much to tell John. “I promise you that after you freshen up I will tell you what you want to know.”
“How do I know that this isn’t a trap?”
“You don’t…but know this….you may not be able to trust me, but she can. Dimera blood is thicker than water and we never harm our own. She will always be under the protection of the family.”
******
As John undressed in the bathroom he contemplated Stefano’s words to him. “She will always be under the protection of the family.” God help them all if Stefano actually thought that she was one of them now.
“What are you up to old man?” John asked as he slowly drug the blade of the razor across his cheek. “Is it me that you want or is it Doc?”
“Think Black….think,” John told himself as he tried to determine what Stefano’s game plan was. He couldn’t allow himself to willingly walk into another trap. They’d been through too much with Stefano to turn a blind eye to the past and just assume that because there was a newfound ‘family’ relationship things would be different. If anything, things were more complicated than ever.
“What does he want with you Marlena?” he asked as he once again drew the razor blade slowly across his face. Jutting his chin up in the air, he inspected the job he’d done so far. Not too many nicks. He’d try to see if Marlena was up to cutting his hair. Marlena. What was he going to do about her? He’d left her lying on the bed resting and hoped that she was okay. Opening the door slowly, he peeked out into the bedroom and was relieved to see that she was sleeping soundly under the covers.
“Doc, Doc, Doc…What am I going to do about you?” John asked himself as he turned on the shower and stepped inside. “If only I understood what was going on inside of you I could help.” He thought back to the questioning at Bad Orb. Stefano had insinuated that the ISA couldn’t be trusted and they wanted something from Marlena. What was it? Everything came back to Marlena. If only he could figure out what it was that was in her mind that they all wanted maybe he could give them that information and their lives could get back to normal.
As the scalding water beat down against his skin he thought back to the beginning of it all. It all started with her amnesia and Alex North treating her. He wanted the best psychiatrist for his wife, someone who specialized in memory disorders. Lexi had recommended him. “Alexandra Dimera,” John said outloud. “I should have known better…She’s just like her old man, no matter how hard we want to believe that she has changed.” Had Lexi known that Marlena and Alex had a past together and that they were in fact childhood friends? What about Roman Brady? Roman admitted to having met Alex North in the past but when Marlena woke up with amnesia in the hospital, Roman acted like it was the first time that he had seen Alex. “Roman Brady,” John questioned. “What else do you know about my wife that you aren’t admitting to?” Roman was ISA. How could he not have known about her and her past? Did he know? Was he part of this organized plot? John felt sick to his stomach at the thought of Marlena possibly being duped by someone she once loved.
“Noah and Rachel,” John said in a panic, horrified by the thought that he had trusted Roman with his children enough to name him their godfather. He needed to get back to Salem and figure out what was going on. If Roman couldn’t be trusted, he needed to make sure that his children were cared for by someone that was. The more he thought about Roman, the more concerned he became. It was rather convenient for Roman to leave the Greek isle with Marlena for Alaska. What rational man would willingly give up his life to follow his ex-wife around the world? John was happy at the time, thankful that Doc had someone to rely on in her time of need. Had he foolishly misplaced his trust?
“I’m just so stupid,” John moaned as he threw the bar of soap against the tile wall. “Stupid, stupid, stupid…I gave him access to her for months….months.…”
“Oh my god….the castle,” John thought. This deception could have gone back well before she had amnesia. During the time he was grieving her loss, she sought solace and comfort in the arms of Roman Brady and would up pregnant with his child. What is that was part of the plan? “No, he wouldn’t,” John tried to convince himself. He’d relived the devastation that brought Marlena to that point with Roman. He felt her anger and wrath on the hotel terrace a year ago when she confronted him about his relationship with Kate and explained her reasons for sleeping with Roman.
“I’m going to kill him.” The more that John thought about Roman, the madder her became. Why was Roman always there, unable to move on with his own life? Sure, he was briefly married to Kate, but married her knowing that Kate was Marlena’s best friend. Was that marriage orchestrated to get closer to Marlena?
“Roman couldn’t….could he?”
“I have to stop this…this is not about Roman, this is about Marlena and who is after her…..” John thought for a moment, trying to figure out this complicated puzzle. The ISA wanted her for some reason. Dimera wanted to keep her safe. Alexander North also wanted her was going to have to pay for raping Marlena. The thought of another man touching her made him sick and brought out the mercenary in him. He tried hard to hide and control the baser part of his personality that could kill and torture without regret, but the thought of retribution for Marlena filled him with a perverse sense of joy. He would get even; it was only a matter of when. Mason Jones was also an unknown, but appeared to be a lackey of North. Channing Maxwell wanted Marlena for the obvious reason, retribution for his brother’s death. Rafael Torres, who was supposed to be dead, was now partnered with Stefano Dimera and Leopold Alamain, who was also supposed to be dead. “Could this be anymore more complicated?”
John leaned his head against the cold tile and closed his eyes, trying to make sense of it all. Everyone wanted Marlena, but the question was, was it for the same reason or did people have their own reasons and agendas? The longer John thought about Marlena, the more the memories of his past long since repressed, seemed to return. He couldn’t get the memory of making love to her as Forrest Alamain out of his mind. Although she denied a shared past, he was convinced more than ever that they had always been linked, linked before they were born. He was a child born out of wedlock to Daphne Dimera, Stefano’s wife, given to her sister and her brother in law to raise as their own. Raised in a world of privilege as an Alamain, the world was his playground. A continent away, Marlena had a far different upbringing. An unwanted and abused child of Stefano’s brother John, she grew up never experiencing unconditional parental love.
Despite their pasts they were connected in a twisted familial way. The one constant through their whole lives, parts remembered and forgotten, was the Dimera’s.
“Were you my first love?” John asked as he lathered soap in his hands and applied it to his hair. “Did I make love to you in that field of daisy’s so long ago?” When so much of his past was missing it was hard for him to know where the fantasy ended and reality began. Was he wishing that it happened or did it?
“Think John…think,” he told himself as he tried as hard as he could to grasp something from his past, something real. An image of his father Leopold popped in his mind. He saw himself as a young boy of twelve approaching his father in his den.
”Father, may I play a game of chess with you?” he asked.
“Sure Forrest, but for just a little while and then its time for bed. You know that your mother doesn’t like for you to stay up late on a school night,” the elder Alamain said as he sat pensively at his desk staring at a picture of his family.
“I know…I promise just a quick game and then I’ll go to bed,” he said as he approached the imposing desk, his father looking so big and important behind it. He was holding a picture of the family taken a couple years before at the ball held for his great Aunt Anastasia on his mother’s side of the family. Forrest hated large family gatherings, as they were always large and almost always boring. No one ever seemed to think about any of the children, as all the activities and festivities were geared towards the adults. He was thankful for his cousins Nicholas, Tyler, Ian, Matthew, Anthony, Samuel, Gerald, Christopher, Michael, Samantha and Julie as they always made things more fun.
“Forrest, no matter what happens in life know that I’m your father and I’ll always love you.”
“Oh my God,” John exclaimed as he sat down dumfounded on the tile shower bench. Memory after memory returned with surprising clarity, confusing him and at the same time providing a much-needed explanation for his whole existence. John remembered being Forrest Alamain, but more importantly remembered his whole past.
