Post by Mimi on Aug 31, 2006 21:21:30 GMT -5
“Seeing Belle lying in that way… her lips that awful color blue… not moving…” Marlena said bringing her trembling hands to her mouth, “It felt like D.J. all over again. John the only thing I could see was D.J.’s lifeless body lying their helpless.”
“Come on baby, don’t think about that now,” he told her, securing his arms around her waist from behind.
She fell into in John’s chest, dropping her head to his shoulder. “This is a punishment,” she said in a low, sad voice. Belle’s condition was still unknown. Mike and a specialist had taken her for testing as soon as they arrived at University.
“No Doc.”
She broke away from John’s hold, walking down the aisle of the chapel of the hospital. The light from the candles at the altar glimmered against the dimness of the small room, illuminating Marlena’s tear-stained face. John watched her every move, allowing her to find the distance that she was seeking. He knew why she needed to physically distance herself; he understood her need to preserve whatever integrity she could maintain where their relationship was concerned. She caught his gaze. Her honey colored eyes carrying the sadness of the world, her body quivering from a fear that he could not erase. Turning away, Marlena extended her hand, lit a candle, and knelt in front of the altar.
“God please don’t punish my baby for my sins,” she began earnestly “she’s so precious and helpless. If I could change this situation, I would… I would do that if it meant that I could keep Belle. God you know what she means to me. Please allow her a life filled with nothing except good things. She deserves that. I’ll be true to my vows.” Marlena raised her eyes toward Heaven; she closed her eyes humbly. What she didn’t see was John walking from the room.
*******
Dr. Mina James, a pediatric specialist, examined Belle with her stethoscope. She moved the metal instrument across Belle’s chest gradually as she listened for any blockage or congestion. “She’s all clear now, Dr. Evans and…”
“John.”
“John,” Mina said offering John and Marlena a reassuring smile. “You were right to panic. Belle’s condition could have been more serious had you not taken correct precautions.”
“The CPR,” Marlena asked stepping closer to Belle’s bed. She stroked Belle’s fuzzy strands of hair, relishing the normality of Belle’s condition.
“Yes. The tests are conclusive. Belle has a mild form of infant apnea,” Dr. James informed them. “Apnea simply means that there are times when breathing stops… apnea spells.”
John stepped forward, “Is this fatal?”
“No John, babies normally breathe 20 to 60 times a minute and sometimes stop breathing for 10 to 12 seconds. These breathing pauses are considered normal if the heart rate returns to normal. Pauses between breaths that are longer than 15 seconds or pauses that occur with a change in the baby’s skin color and a drop in heart rate are not normal.”
“Like with Belle tonight?”
“Exactly Dr. Evans… but luckily you were able to restart her breathing.”
“So what do we…” she edited herself avoiding John’s eyes, “what do my husband and I do?”
“Well you and John can—
Marlena interrupted the doctor, “No, this is Belle’s godfather… my husband is away on business.”
Dr. James apologized, “I’m sorry for my assumption. You simply monitor her breathing. I don’t think she’s likely to have any more episodes. Unfortunately apnea can be triggered by other things… in Belle’s case the infection is what triggered this apnea spell.”
“What infection,” John asked.
“Oh, I assumed that they explained her condition fully. Belle has a mild ear infection. Her fever was indicative of that. She’s been given some antibiotics and she’ll be all set to go.”
“Go?” Marlena said eyeing the doctor suspiciously. “My daughter nearly died tonight.”
“Dr. Evans believe me when I tell you Belle is out of danger. We would not discharge her otherwise. Keep an eye on her as you would with any sick child. She’s free to go.” Dr. James said giving Belle one last look over.
“Uh thank you Dr. James… I really appreciate you coming down on such short notice,” Marlena said offering her hand.
“Oh don’t mention it. She really is a special little girl Dr. Evans. Enjoy her.” She said waving goodbye to John on her way out of the room.
Marlena leaned over the metal edge of Belle’s crib. She kissed a trail across Belle’s forehead before saying thank you silently. When she turned back around John was standing beside her. He reached into the crib and lifted Belle out.
“Little girl I’m so happy that your okay. Doc,” he said pressing Belle’s cheek to his mouth, “I’m staying with you and my daughter tonight.”
Marlena shook her head in protest. “John, that can’t happen. I promised…”
“Doc, this is my little girl,” he said before realizing what she said. “You promised what,” he questioned Marlena with Belle hugged to his chest.
“Roman… I promised Roman that I would stay away from you,” she admitted painfully.
“Oh come on Doc. You can’t make a promise like that. You can’t promise God that… and you can’t promise Roman that,” he told her bitterly, reminding her of the prayer she’d said an hour ago.
“John, please… he’s my husband. I have to respect his wishes.”
“And this is my little girl… what about my wishes and rights?”
“Things are just so complicated John.”
“Then uncomplicate them… tell Roman the truth.”
Marlena turned her body away from John and their little girl. The guilt was eating her alive, “What truth John?”
“That you love me dammit… that truth. We can start there. You’re so afraid to admit that. This indecision is killing me.”
“Am I? I’ve told you that I love you. I also love Roman.” She said angrily, tired of fighting the same battle with John. “Can you please just take us home?”
“Doc, I’m not leaving her.”
“I don’t have the strength to argue with you. What do you want from me? I’ve already committed the greatest sin possible for you… we made this little girl when we had no right to do so.”
“Yes, we made her.”
“And I’m going to protect her. I’m her mother.”
“Doc I’m her daddy.”
“John. I’ll call a cab.”
“No you won’t,” he said grabbing her wrist forcefully. “You’re going to have to face the truth… the whole truth one day.”
Marlena pulled away, sighing heavily. “I’ll get Belle’s discharge papers,” she said
“Come on baby, don’t think about that now,” he told her, securing his arms around her waist from behind.
She fell into in John’s chest, dropping her head to his shoulder. “This is a punishment,” she said in a low, sad voice. Belle’s condition was still unknown. Mike and a specialist had taken her for testing as soon as they arrived at University.
“No Doc.”
She broke away from John’s hold, walking down the aisle of the chapel of the hospital. The light from the candles at the altar glimmered against the dimness of the small room, illuminating Marlena’s tear-stained face. John watched her every move, allowing her to find the distance that she was seeking. He knew why she needed to physically distance herself; he understood her need to preserve whatever integrity she could maintain where their relationship was concerned. She caught his gaze. Her honey colored eyes carrying the sadness of the world, her body quivering from a fear that he could not erase. Turning away, Marlena extended her hand, lit a candle, and knelt in front of the altar.
“God please don’t punish my baby for my sins,” she began earnestly “she’s so precious and helpless. If I could change this situation, I would… I would do that if it meant that I could keep Belle. God you know what she means to me. Please allow her a life filled with nothing except good things. She deserves that. I’ll be true to my vows.” Marlena raised her eyes toward Heaven; she closed her eyes humbly. What she didn’t see was John walking from the room.
*******
Dr. Mina James, a pediatric specialist, examined Belle with her stethoscope. She moved the metal instrument across Belle’s chest gradually as she listened for any blockage or congestion. “She’s all clear now, Dr. Evans and…”
“John.”
“John,” Mina said offering John and Marlena a reassuring smile. “You were right to panic. Belle’s condition could have been more serious had you not taken correct precautions.”
“The CPR,” Marlena asked stepping closer to Belle’s bed. She stroked Belle’s fuzzy strands of hair, relishing the normality of Belle’s condition.
“Yes. The tests are conclusive. Belle has a mild form of infant apnea,” Dr. James informed them. “Apnea simply means that there are times when breathing stops… apnea spells.”
John stepped forward, “Is this fatal?”
“No John, babies normally breathe 20 to 60 times a minute and sometimes stop breathing for 10 to 12 seconds. These breathing pauses are considered normal if the heart rate returns to normal. Pauses between breaths that are longer than 15 seconds or pauses that occur with a change in the baby’s skin color and a drop in heart rate are not normal.”
“Like with Belle tonight?”
“Exactly Dr. Evans… but luckily you were able to restart her breathing.”
“So what do we…” she edited herself avoiding John’s eyes, “what do my husband and I do?”
“Well you and John can—
Marlena interrupted the doctor, “No, this is Belle’s godfather… my husband is away on business.”
Dr. James apologized, “I’m sorry for my assumption. You simply monitor her breathing. I don’t think she’s likely to have any more episodes. Unfortunately apnea can be triggered by other things… in Belle’s case the infection is what triggered this apnea spell.”
“What infection,” John asked.
“Oh, I assumed that they explained her condition fully. Belle has a mild ear infection. Her fever was indicative of that. She’s been given some antibiotics and she’ll be all set to go.”
“Go?” Marlena said eyeing the doctor suspiciously. “My daughter nearly died tonight.”
“Dr. Evans believe me when I tell you Belle is out of danger. We would not discharge her otherwise. Keep an eye on her as you would with any sick child. She’s free to go.” Dr. James said giving Belle one last look over.
“Uh thank you Dr. James… I really appreciate you coming down on such short notice,” Marlena said offering her hand.
“Oh don’t mention it. She really is a special little girl Dr. Evans. Enjoy her.” She said waving goodbye to John on her way out of the room.
Marlena leaned over the metal edge of Belle’s crib. She kissed a trail across Belle’s forehead before saying thank you silently. When she turned back around John was standing beside her. He reached into the crib and lifted Belle out.
“Little girl I’m so happy that your okay. Doc,” he said pressing Belle’s cheek to his mouth, “I’m staying with you and my daughter tonight.”
Marlena shook her head in protest. “John, that can’t happen. I promised…”
“Doc, this is my little girl,” he said before realizing what she said. “You promised what,” he questioned Marlena with Belle hugged to his chest.
“Roman… I promised Roman that I would stay away from you,” she admitted painfully.
“Oh come on Doc. You can’t make a promise like that. You can’t promise God that… and you can’t promise Roman that,” he told her bitterly, reminding her of the prayer she’d said an hour ago.
“John, please… he’s my husband. I have to respect his wishes.”
“And this is my little girl… what about my wishes and rights?”
“Things are just so complicated John.”
“Then uncomplicate them… tell Roman the truth.”
Marlena turned her body away from John and their little girl. The guilt was eating her alive, “What truth John?”
“That you love me dammit… that truth. We can start there. You’re so afraid to admit that. This indecision is killing me.”
“Am I? I’ve told you that I love you. I also love Roman.” She said angrily, tired of fighting the same battle with John. “Can you please just take us home?”
“Doc, I’m not leaving her.”
“I don’t have the strength to argue with you. What do you want from me? I’ve already committed the greatest sin possible for you… we made this little girl when we had no right to do so.”
“Yes, we made her.”
“And I’m going to protect her. I’m her mother.”
“Doc I’m her daddy.”
“John. I’ll call a cab.”
“No you won’t,” he said grabbing her wrist forcefully. “You’re going to have to face the truth… the whole truth one day.”
Marlena pulled away, sighing heavily. “I’ll get Belle’s discharge papers,” she said
