Post by Mimi on Aug 31, 2006 21:37:56 GMT -5
2.0 Lying Here Next To You
“Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even
To suffer; than to remain a dupe to
Illusions all one’s life.”
--Kate Chopin
Marlena touched the empty space beside her, “John… honey.”
John walked back into the bedroom with Belle in his arms, “We’re here baby. Belle wanted her daddy to come and rescue her from that mean old darkness.”
Marlena sat up in the bed, securing the sheet around her nakedness; looking from John to Belle, knowing that this moment would pass soon and she would be confronted with the reality of her life. John climbed into bed and lay Belle between them.
“Doc this little girl is so perfect.” John said watching Belle in fascination. The idea that he and Marlena had created such a perfect angel amazed John. “We haven’t done this in a long time.”
“What,” Marlena asked lessening the space between she and Belle.
“Lay in bed with the kids… remember Saturday mornings with the twinners. Sami refused to let Eric near you. She would turn down the corners of her little mouth and poke out her lips until Eric was safely away from you.” John said mimicking Sami’s pout.
“I do remember that. That’s my girl… she knows what she wants. Eric has always been the peacemaker in this family.”
“Yes he has. After you died… after we thought you died, he was the cheerleader for the family. In our sadness, my sadness I lost some part of myself… the part of me that was so deeply connected to you. Eric forced us to be happy for you… he said Daddy she’s in a happy place now.”
Marlena’s head sunk to her chest; the grief her family suffered angered and saddened her. “I’m so sorry you all had to go through any pain. If I had a choice I would never have gone anywhere.”
“I know that Doc. The kids know that too.”
“Do they? I hope so. I hope they know that I regret all the time I missed with them. All the funny stories, vacations, and holidays… I wanted to be there.” She said brushing the hair on Belle’s head with the tips of her fingers.
“Doc, if you were able you would have.”
“I know… John I’m never going to let Belle be without me… not like I was when the other children were babies. I’ll never be able to make that time up with them.”
“You can now. They love you sweetheart. They also understand that you being gone was not your choice.”
“It makes me wonder what happened to me when I was away from you all. I understand how you feel now… not knowing things about your own life. It’s frightening.” Marlena said shutting her eyes tightly.
“Baby, I don’t need to know what I was before I met you. I have you and that’s all I need. It’s all I’ve ever needed.”
“John, you don’t wonder about the Alamain family and what really happened to you.”
He shook his gently, “No. I don’t care. The first day of my life was seeing you… loving you has replenished my need to feel apart of something. You allowed me to love you; to become apart of this family without judgments… even now—I’ll always love you for that.”
Marlena leaned over Belle, kissing John tenderly in the shadows. “Remember all those years ago… when we thought you were Roman still. I wanted so much to give you a baby again. I wanted to give you all the time you missed with the twins when we’d thought you disappeared.”
“I wanted that too. We tried for that,” he said sarcastically, “and tried and tried.”
Marlena shoved him lightly, “yes we did. I think it would have been different if we’d had a baby then. A legitimate testament of how much I love you. A child with your dark hair and beautiful eyes…”
“What about your beautiful eyes,” he asked twirling the ends of her hair between his fingers. “Belle’s going to be as beautiful just like her mommy. She’s going to be wise, kind, and gentle… and she’s going to know how much her parents loved her. Doc we can’t raise her in this denial.” He looked at his daughter lying between himself and the woman he loved. She would always be their connection; Belle was the bridge between their past and their future. “It is against my very nature to deny my child… you realize that Doc.”
“I know honey,” Marlena said sighing heavily. “I can’t ask you to do that. I’m asking just you to let me work this out on my own. Belle’s not going anywhere. After Roman gets home, we’ll gauge the situation… and see how we can work this out.”
“Doc, I don’t think that you will.” He said honestly. “Roman has a hold over you. As long as you’re with him, you’ll never be free to admit the truth about us or Belle.”
“Your right,” she agreed. “I feel like I owe him so much. Roman risked his life to come back to a life that didn’t belong to him anymore. We’d moved on… without him. We replaced him.”
“You replaced him?”
“Yes, I replaced him. I made it possible for the Brady’s to replace him, the police station… all because I brought you back to them and said this is Roman Brady—the man I love. They would never have believed it otherwise.”
“Doc, you didn’t know baby. Everything was laid out so that you would believe I was Roman.”
“I knew,” she admitted in a tiny voice. “I knew you were different. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to love you… I still can’t help myself.” She said turning to face him. No judgment or pain stared back; he eyed her with only love. “I’m glad you didn’t leave that day… that you didn’t take Brady and leave Salem. I don’t how I could have survived it. John, I can’t survive not loving you in some capacity. I thought I could move on… I thought I had when you married Isabella and had Brady. It was painful to watch you happy with them.”
“Sweetheart, don’t…”
“No, it’s okay… I understand that you had to move on. I wanted you to be happy. I still want you to be happy. Don’t you know that I would do anything to make you happy?”
“Except leave Roman?”
“Don’t ask me to do that… not now. You know Roman’s really intimidated by your presence. He’s knows me so well… I think that’s why he asked me to stay away from you.”
“If you were mine I would ask the same thing of you. I cringe every time I see him kiss you Doc. I can’t stand the thought of Roman touching you.”
“John, I should probably get home,” she said suddenly, shifting their conversation. “Roman could call and wonder where we are.”
“He hasn’t called in two days… I’m sure he won’t tonight. Give me tonight with you and my daughter. Please,” he said running his finger down the span of her chin.
“Oh John… we can’t.”
“We already have. Brady’s with Victor and Belle’s here. The girls are safe. All is well in the world. It’s okay… I promise you that it’ll be all right. Now come on and get some rest. Lay down,” he instructed her. He laid back down securing Belle in the place between them. John reached for Marlena’s hand intertwining their fingers together. “Goodnight baby,” he told Belle leaning over to kiss her head.
“John?”
“Yea sweetheart.”
She whispered in a shaky voice, “Promise me that nothing I ever do or say will come between us… that’ll you’ll always understand where I’m coming from even when I don’t. I can’t explain why I feel the things I do for you… or why I keep breaking my marriage vows. The best way I can describe this is that my heart is at war with itself. I don’t want to hurt anyone—not you or Roman. I love you both very much. I just want you to know that.”
“I love you too. Don’t worry. We’ll work this out.”
“Perhaps it is better to wake up after all, even
To suffer; than to remain a dupe to
Illusions all one’s life.”
--Kate Chopin
Marlena touched the empty space beside her, “John… honey.”
John walked back into the bedroom with Belle in his arms, “We’re here baby. Belle wanted her daddy to come and rescue her from that mean old darkness.”
Marlena sat up in the bed, securing the sheet around her nakedness; looking from John to Belle, knowing that this moment would pass soon and she would be confronted with the reality of her life. John climbed into bed and lay Belle between them.
“Doc this little girl is so perfect.” John said watching Belle in fascination. The idea that he and Marlena had created such a perfect angel amazed John. “We haven’t done this in a long time.”
“What,” Marlena asked lessening the space between she and Belle.
“Lay in bed with the kids… remember Saturday mornings with the twinners. Sami refused to let Eric near you. She would turn down the corners of her little mouth and poke out her lips until Eric was safely away from you.” John said mimicking Sami’s pout.
“I do remember that. That’s my girl… she knows what she wants. Eric has always been the peacemaker in this family.”
“Yes he has. After you died… after we thought you died, he was the cheerleader for the family. In our sadness, my sadness I lost some part of myself… the part of me that was so deeply connected to you. Eric forced us to be happy for you… he said Daddy she’s in a happy place now.”
Marlena’s head sunk to her chest; the grief her family suffered angered and saddened her. “I’m so sorry you all had to go through any pain. If I had a choice I would never have gone anywhere.”
“I know that Doc. The kids know that too.”
“Do they? I hope so. I hope they know that I regret all the time I missed with them. All the funny stories, vacations, and holidays… I wanted to be there.” She said brushing the hair on Belle’s head with the tips of her fingers.
“Doc, if you were able you would have.”
“I know… John I’m never going to let Belle be without me… not like I was when the other children were babies. I’ll never be able to make that time up with them.”
“You can now. They love you sweetheart. They also understand that you being gone was not your choice.”
“It makes me wonder what happened to me when I was away from you all. I understand how you feel now… not knowing things about your own life. It’s frightening.” Marlena said shutting her eyes tightly.
“Baby, I don’t need to know what I was before I met you. I have you and that’s all I need. It’s all I’ve ever needed.”
“John, you don’t wonder about the Alamain family and what really happened to you.”
He shook his gently, “No. I don’t care. The first day of my life was seeing you… loving you has replenished my need to feel apart of something. You allowed me to love you; to become apart of this family without judgments… even now—I’ll always love you for that.”
Marlena leaned over Belle, kissing John tenderly in the shadows. “Remember all those years ago… when we thought you were Roman still. I wanted so much to give you a baby again. I wanted to give you all the time you missed with the twins when we’d thought you disappeared.”
“I wanted that too. We tried for that,” he said sarcastically, “and tried and tried.”
Marlena shoved him lightly, “yes we did. I think it would have been different if we’d had a baby then. A legitimate testament of how much I love you. A child with your dark hair and beautiful eyes…”
“What about your beautiful eyes,” he asked twirling the ends of her hair between his fingers. “Belle’s going to be as beautiful just like her mommy. She’s going to be wise, kind, and gentle… and she’s going to know how much her parents loved her. Doc we can’t raise her in this denial.” He looked at his daughter lying between himself and the woman he loved. She would always be their connection; Belle was the bridge between their past and their future. “It is against my very nature to deny my child… you realize that Doc.”
“I know honey,” Marlena said sighing heavily. “I can’t ask you to do that. I’m asking just you to let me work this out on my own. Belle’s not going anywhere. After Roman gets home, we’ll gauge the situation… and see how we can work this out.”
“Doc, I don’t think that you will.” He said honestly. “Roman has a hold over you. As long as you’re with him, you’ll never be free to admit the truth about us or Belle.”
“Your right,” she agreed. “I feel like I owe him so much. Roman risked his life to come back to a life that didn’t belong to him anymore. We’d moved on… without him. We replaced him.”
“You replaced him?”
“Yes, I replaced him. I made it possible for the Brady’s to replace him, the police station… all because I brought you back to them and said this is Roman Brady—the man I love. They would never have believed it otherwise.”
“Doc, you didn’t know baby. Everything was laid out so that you would believe I was Roman.”
“I knew,” she admitted in a tiny voice. “I knew you were different. I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to love you… I still can’t help myself.” She said turning to face him. No judgment or pain stared back; he eyed her with only love. “I’m glad you didn’t leave that day… that you didn’t take Brady and leave Salem. I don’t how I could have survived it. John, I can’t survive not loving you in some capacity. I thought I could move on… I thought I had when you married Isabella and had Brady. It was painful to watch you happy with them.”
“Sweetheart, don’t…”
“No, it’s okay… I understand that you had to move on. I wanted you to be happy. I still want you to be happy. Don’t you know that I would do anything to make you happy?”
“Except leave Roman?”
“Don’t ask me to do that… not now. You know Roman’s really intimidated by your presence. He’s knows me so well… I think that’s why he asked me to stay away from you.”
“If you were mine I would ask the same thing of you. I cringe every time I see him kiss you Doc. I can’t stand the thought of Roman touching you.”
“John, I should probably get home,” she said suddenly, shifting their conversation. “Roman could call and wonder where we are.”
“He hasn’t called in two days… I’m sure he won’t tonight. Give me tonight with you and my daughter. Please,” he said running his finger down the span of her chin.
“Oh John… we can’t.”
“We already have. Brady’s with Victor and Belle’s here. The girls are safe. All is well in the world. It’s okay… I promise you that it’ll be all right. Now come on and get some rest. Lay down,” he instructed her. He laid back down securing Belle in the place between them. John reached for Marlena’s hand intertwining their fingers together. “Goodnight baby,” he told Belle leaning over to kiss her head.
“John?”
“Yea sweetheart.”
She whispered in a shaky voice, “Promise me that nothing I ever do or say will come between us… that’ll you’ll always understand where I’m coming from even when I don’t. I can’t explain why I feel the things I do for you… or why I keep breaking my marriage vows. The best way I can describe this is that my heart is at war with itself. I don’t want to hurt anyone—not you or Roman. I love you both very much. I just want you to know that.”
“I love you too. Don’t worry. We’ll work this out.”
