Post by Mimi on Aug 31, 2006 21:41:49 GMT -5
2.2 Pray To God You Can Cope
“Perhaps it does not matter so very much
What it is one loves
In this world—
But love something one must.”
-- Katherine Mansfield
Marred by considerable pain—an indescribable affliction upon his very soul—Roman made his way through the shadowy streets of Salem; he was home. Salem was the home he knew unconsciously, streets and landmarks were engraved in his memory… this was his home. Thomas Wolfe’s aphorism ‘You can’t go home again’ rung in the inner sanctum of his mind. Was this not his home anymore? His sense of entitlement of the city, of Marlena dwindled; it slipped slowly from his grip with every hour he’d spent in Louisiana, dissecting memories and missing years. There was always a piece of Marlena that he felt he’d lost to John, he could see it when he held her closely, looking directly into those splendid honey eyes… a piece of her was lost to him. This did not make Roman happy, but he could live with it. He could love her enough for both of them. Before Louisiana and Mira, and especially Amelia, he could have lived with the slight distance between he and Doc. He could have lived with anything for Marlena’s sake. Amelia changed that; she changed everything.
Upon Mira’s insistence, Roman flew into Salem with her, on her private jet—her family was apparently remarkably wealthy—promising Roman that she would stay in a hotel outside of town, awaiting an appropriate time to meet John. Roman agreed to help, agreed to be the middle man for Mira, in order that she could be an invisible participant in John’s life. She felt Amelia’s place was in New Orleans with Raysa protecting her. Mira’s refusal to allow Roman to meet Amelia struck him oddly, but he understood how much she wanted to protect the little girl. He was also unprepared for coming face to face with the love child of John and Marlena. She was the only connection that John could fully claim on his wife. He’d agreed with Mira’s wishes. They’d flown into town and immediately gone to a hotel that was suitable for Mira. Roman left her alone, assuring her that he would stay in contact as much as it was possible.
He was anxious to get back to his life, to see his children and wife again—to forget, pretend for a couple of hours that all was well in the Brady family. He smiled to himself thinking of Belle, of her newness and idyllic spirit. Her birth had awakened some part of himself that he thought had died while he was away. Her birth proved that he was still alive, and that his love for Marlena was strong enough to create a life, despite his insecurity over their lives—of John’s place in their lives. Watching Marlena’s stomach grow, protecting their baby with her body made Roman appreciate her. A vision of Marlena sleeping in the center of their bed, swollen with their child was interrupted by the car phone.
“Roman Brady.”
“Dad… it’s me… Eric,” his voice trembled slightly. “I’ve been trying to call you.”
“Hey son,” Roman said joyfully. “I’m sorry I was on a case out of town. What’s up son? Everything going well in Colorado… how are your grandparents?”
“Fine,” Eric answered quickly. “Grandma and Grandpa Evans are fine.”
“Well, what’s up?”
“I think I need to come home… I miss the family. I miss Sami and Mom.” He said sounding vague and unsure of his words. “Just for a little bit.”
“Why what’s going on? You don’t like school?”
“School’s fine.”
“Grandparents riding you too hard,” Roman kidded.
“No,” Eric said abruptly. “I just need to see Salem again.”
“Have you talked to your mother about this?”
“No, I haven’t. She’s busy with Belle… and I don’t want her to worry.”
“Son, it sounds like you should maybe wait until the holiday break… you could come home and visit the family. Does that sound okay with you?”
Eric hesitated, “Yeah… okay Dad. I’ll wait it out.”
“That’s what Brady’s do. We make things work. Whatever’s bothering you—and I’m not asking you to tell me—it will work itself out, right?”
“Sure.”
“Kid, we love you… you know that don’t you?”
“Yeah Dad… I know.”
“Good. I’ll check up on you later on this week. Hang in there son.”
“I will,” Eric said sadly. “Dad could you maybe send me some money? I’m all out and I don’t want to go to Grandpa again.”
“Again? What happened to your part-time job?”
“I still have it… I just bought a couple of new clothes… I went overboard. I just need a little.”
“Okay son. No problem,” Roman said, pulling into the driveway of their home. “Son, I’m just getting home. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Okay Dad, thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Bye Dad.”
Roman grabbed his overnight bag from the passenger seat and headed towards the door. A light illuminated the window of his bedroom; he turned the key to enter the house. He checked his wrist, realizing that Marlena and the girls were probably preparing for bed. After dropping his bag at the bottom of the stairs, he climbed the stairs quietly. He checked Belle’s room; she was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Kissing her goodnight, he moved down the hall to Sami’s room; he opened her door and saw her sleeping form in her bed. He walked by Carrie’s door, hearing her talking softly on the phone, he decided to forgo another argument about bedtime rules and moved on to his own bedroom.
“Roman,” Marlena said physically jumping; her satin pajamas swiftly fell from her hand. She reached down quickly, pulling the pants over her legs as she sat on the edge of their bed.
“Hi Doc.”
Her eyes flashed nervously. She unconsciously covered her upper body, crossing her hands across her chest—hiding the bruised skin along her chest, the consequences of John’s passion for her. The camisole hugged her upper body. The rapid thumb of her heart pounded against her chest. She moved from the bed, crossing the room to her closet.
Roman watched her without a sound.
“What? What’s wrong?” Marlena said buttoning the long sleeved replacement for the camisole.
“Nothing. I haven’t seen my wife in a number of days. How about affection,” he smirked, removing his jacket. “I missed you Doc.”
“Did you?” She said furrowing her well-defined eyebrows. She walked to the dresser to pick up her brush. She stroked it through her hair a couple of times before placing it back on the dresser. “I really couldn’t tell… you never called.”
Roman tossed his shirt on the floor in front of him. Marlena eyed the sun-kissed skin of his arms. “I was on a case.”
“Got that part Roman. There were no phones?”
“Doc… come on.”
“Roman don’t patronize me… I’m so tired of you doing that. I have valid concerns. We have a newborn baby… and other children as well. We need you at home.” She said angrily pulling the covers back on the bed.
“Wait,” he said standing behind her. “What do you mean patronizing you? I’m not. We had this discussion before I left. This is my job. It’s what I do.”
“Roman, it can’t be like this anymore.” She said inching away from him. Feeling crowded, she plopped on the bed.
He stood over her. “What happened?” Roman said, pointing to the bruised skin on her chest.
She inhaled sharply, “I ran into the door.” She lied quickly, easily. She held her shirt together with nervous fingers. “It’s fine. It’ll heal soon.”
“Doc how’d you run into a door,” he asked curiously, sitting next to her.
“Roman, it’s nothing.”
“Doc, come on.”
“No,” she said standing to pace the floor. “Um… Belle was sick while you were away.”
“What?”
“She stopped breathing and was rushed to the hospital.” Marlena confessed, watching Roman digest the news. “She’s fine now.”
“What happened to her?”
“Apnea… it’s a mild condition that will dissipate over time.”
“Why didn’t you call…”
“You? You didn’t leave any information… before you hear this from someone else—John was there. He saved her life… again.” She said carefully, still holding her shirt together. “I was afraid… I called him.”
“Oh Doc, I’m so sorry honey.” He said pulling her into his arms.
“She’s okay now Roman. We had a check up today and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health.” Marlena said relaxing in Roman’s arms. She dropped her head to his shoulder. “I was so afraid that she wouldn’t make it… and I panicked… and John came in and gave her CPR. She was lying on our bed… her lips were blue… it was terrifying.” She said reliving the frightening moment.
Roman rubbed her back softly, “Don’t worry Doc. I’m not going anywhere again. I’m sorry you went through that without me.”
“I had John,” she said in a tiny voice. “I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.” She felt Roman’s body stiffen against her. He loosened his hold and slipped away. “What… you weren’t here. She was dying,” she called after him.
“Honey, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Roman continued to walk. He pulled his jeans off and walked into the bathroom.
“Wait a minute,” Marlena said standing in the door of the bathroom, as Roman stood at the sink rinsing off his face. “I understood that you might be upset by this… but he saved our daughter’s life… again. I didn’t call him because I wanted to see him,” she said calmly.
“No, but you did call Doc. And he ran—as usual. It’s what he does best. He’ll always come when you call,” he spat angrily. “And you’ll always call won’t you?” He asked gripping the rim of the sink, shifting the olive hued color of his knuckles to white.
“You weren’t here,” she said softly. “What would you like me to have done? He is her godfather Roman.”
“Yes he is… he’s also the man who was your husband.”
“Roman this is not about that at all. This was about my daughter… and I would have called anyone to come at that point.”
“John?”
“Yes because while you’re out trying to save the world, John is playing daddy better than you…” She said angrily. She watched Roman’s hand raise between them. She moved back, preparing for the impact—a terrifying feeling.
“Doc,” he said pulling his hands to his side. “He’s not her daddy. I am. Don’t forget that.” He said squaring his jaw tightly at her.
Marlena’s eyes widened; the terror passed slowly from her face. She waited for Roman to acknowledge what had almost transpired between them—he’d almost struck her. An unrecognizable anger had slipped into the room and gripped him, and in that moment, she didn’t recognize Roman Brady. A long, quiet, and tense moment passed before she walked away.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said coming from the bathroom and grabbing a pillow from the bed. Amelia and John flashed in his mind as he walked from his bedroom closing the door behind him.
“Perhaps it does not matter so very much
What it is one loves
In this world—
But love something one must.”
-- Katherine Mansfield
Marred by considerable pain—an indescribable affliction upon his very soul—Roman made his way through the shadowy streets of Salem; he was home. Salem was the home he knew unconsciously, streets and landmarks were engraved in his memory… this was his home. Thomas Wolfe’s aphorism ‘You can’t go home again’ rung in the inner sanctum of his mind. Was this not his home anymore? His sense of entitlement of the city, of Marlena dwindled; it slipped slowly from his grip with every hour he’d spent in Louisiana, dissecting memories and missing years. There was always a piece of Marlena that he felt he’d lost to John, he could see it when he held her closely, looking directly into those splendid honey eyes… a piece of her was lost to him. This did not make Roman happy, but he could live with it. He could love her enough for both of them. Before Louisiana and Mira, and especially Amelia, he could have lived with the slight distance between he and Doc. He could have lived with anything for Marlena’s sake. Amelia changed that; she changed everything.
Upon Mira’s insistence, Roman flew into Salem with her, on her private jet—her family was apparently remarkably wealthy—promising Roman that she would stay in a hotel outside of town, awaiting an appropriate time to meet John. Roman agreed to help, agreed to be the middle man for Mira, in order that she could be an invisible participant in John’s life. She felt Amelia’s place was in New Orleans with Raysa protecting her. Mira’s refusal to allow Roman to meet Amelia struck him oddly, but he understood how much she wanted to protect the little girl. He was also unprepared for coming face to face with the love child of John and Marlena. She was the only connection that John could fully claim on his wife. He’d agreed with Mira’s wishes. They’d flown into town and immediately gone to a hotel that was suitable for Mira. Roman left her alone, assuring her that he would stay in contact as much as it was possible.
He was anxious to get back to his life, to see his children and wife again—to forget, pretend for a couple of hours that all was well in the Brady family. He smiled to himself thinking of Belle, of her newness and idyllic spirit. Her birth had awakened some part of himself that he thought had died while he was away. Her birth proved that he was still alive, and that his love for Marlena was strong enough to create a life, despite his insecurity over their lives—of John’s place in their lives. Watching Marlena’s stomach grow, protecting their baby with her body made Roman appreciate her. A vision of Marlena sleeping in the center of their bed, swollen with their child was interrupted by the car phone.
“Roman Brady.”
“Dad… it’s me… Eric,” his voice trembled slightly. “I’ve been trying to call you.”
“Hey son,” Roman said joyfully. “I’m sorry I was on a case out of town. What’s up son? Everything going well in Colorado… how are your grandparents?”
“Fine,” Eric answered quickly. “Grandma and Grandpa Evans are fine.”
“Well, what’s up?”
“I think I need to come home… I miss the family. I miss Sami and Mom.” He said sounding vague and unsure of his words. “Just for a little bit.”
“Why what’s going on? You don’t like school?”
“School’s fine.”
“Grandparents riding you too hard,” Roman kidded.
“No,” Eric said abruptly. “I just need to see Salem again.”
“Have you talked to your mother about this?”
“No, I haven’t. She’s busy with Belle… and I don’t want her to worry.”
“Son, it sounds like you should maybe wait until the holiday break… you could come home and visit the family. Does that sound okay with you?”
Eric hesitated, “Yeah… okay Dad. I’ll wait it out.”
“That’s what Brady’s do. We make things work. Whatever’s bothering you—and I’m not asking you to tell me—it will work itself out, right?”
“Sure.”
“Kid, we love you… you know that don’t you?”
“Yeah Dad… I know.”
“Good. I’ll check up on you later on this week. Hang in there son.”
“I will,” Eric said sadly. “Dad could you maybe send me some money? I’m all out and I don’t want to go to Grandpa again.”
“Again? What happened to your part-time job?”
“I still have it… I just bought a couple of new clothes… I went overboard. I just need a little.”
“Okay son. No problem,” Roman said, pulling into the driveway of their home. “Son, I’m just getting home. I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Okay Dad, thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Bye Dad.”
Roman grabbed his overnight bag from the passenger seat and headed towards the door. A light illuminated the window of his bedroom; he turned the key to enter the house. He checked his wrist, realizing that Marlena and the girls were probably preparing for bed. After dropping his bag at the bottom of the stairs, he climbed the stairs quietly. He checked Belle’s room; she was sleeping peacefully in her crib. Kissing her goodnight, he moved down the hall to Sami’s room; he opened her door and saw her sleeping form in her bed. He walked by Carrie’s door, hearing her talking softly on the phone, he decided to forgo another argument about bedtime rules and moved on to his own bedroom.
“Roman,” Marlena said physically jumping; her satin pajamas swiftly fell from her hand. She reached down quickly, pulling the pants over her legs as she sat on the edge of their bed.
“Hi Doc.”
Her eyes flashed nervously. She unconsciously covered her upper body, crossing her hands across her chest—hiding the bruised skin along her chest, the consequences of John’s passion for her. The camisole hugged her upper body. The rapid thumb of her heart pounded against her chest. She moved from the bed, crossing the room to her closet.
Roman watched her without a sound.
“What? What’s wrong?” Marlena said buttoning the long sleeved replacement for the camisole.
“Nothing. I haven’t seen my wife in a number of days. How about affection,” he smirked, removing his jacket. “I missed you Doc.”
“Did you?” She said furrowing her well-defined eyebrows. She walked to the dresser to pick up her brush. She stroked it through her hair a couple of times before placing it back on the dresser. “I really couldn’t tell… you never called.”
Roman tossed his shirt on the floor in front of him. Marlena eyed the sun-kissed skin of his arms. “I was on a case.”
“Got that part Roman. There were no phones?”
“Doc… come on.”
“Roman don’t patronize me… I’m so tired of you doing that. I have valid concerns. We have a newborn baby… and other children as well. We need you at home.” She said angrily pulling the covers back on the bed.
“Wait,” he said standing behind her. “What do you mean patronizing you? I’m not. We had this discussion before I left. This is my job. It’s what I do.”
“Roman, it can’t be like this anymore.” She said inching away from him. Feeling crowded, she plopped on the bed.
He stood over her. “What happened?” Roman said, pointing to the bruised skin on her chest.
She inhaled sharply, “I ran into the door.” She lied quickly, easily. She held her shirt together with nervous fingers. “It’s fine. It’ll heal soon.”
“Doc how’d you run into a door,” he asked curiously, sitting next to her.
“Roman, it’s nothing.”
“Doc, come on.”
“No,” she said standing to pace the floor. “Um… Belle was sick while you were away.”
“What?”
“She stopped breathing and was rushed to the hospital.” Marlena confessed, watching Roman digest the news. “She’s fine now.”
“What happened to her?”
“Apnea… it’s a mild condition that will dissipate over time.”
“Why didn’t you call…”
“You? You didn’t leave any information… before you hear this from someone else—John was there. He saved her life… again.” She said carefully, still holding her shirt together. “I was afraid… I called him.”
“Oh Doc, I’m so sorry honey.” He said pulling her into his arms.
“She’s okay now Roman. We had a check up today and the doctor gave her a clean bill of health.” Marlena said relaxing in Roman’s arms. She dropped her head to his shoulder. “I was so afraid that she wouldn’t make it… and I panicked… and John came in and gave her CPR. She was lying on our bed… her lips were blue… it was terrifying.” She said reliving the frightening moment.
Roman rubbed her back softly, “Don’t worry Doc. I’m not going anywhere again. I’m sorry you went through that without me.”
“I had John,” she said in a tiny voice. “I don’t know what I would have done otherwise.” She felt Roman’s body stiffen against her. He loosened his hold and slipped away. “What… you weren’t here. She was dying,” she called after him.
“Honey, I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Roman continued to walk. He pulled his jeans off and walked into the bathroom.
“Wait a minute,” Marlena said standing in the door of the bathroom, as Roman stood at the sink rinsing off his face. “I understood that you might be upset by this… but he saved our daughter’s life… again. I didn’t call him because I wanted to see him,” she said calmly.
“No, but you did call Doc. And he ran—as usual. It’s what he does best. He’ll always come when you call,” he spat angrily. “And you’ll always call won’t you?” He asked gripping the rim of the sink, shifting the olive hued color of his knuckles to white.
“You weren’t here,” she said softly. “What would you like me to have done? He is her godfather Roman.”
“Yes he is… he’s also the man who was your husband.”
“Roman this is not about that at all. This was about my daughter… and I would have called anyone to come at that point.”
“John?”
“Yes because while you’re out trying to save the world, John is playing daddy better than you…” She said angrily. She watched Roman’s hand raise between them. She moved back, preparing for the impact—a terrifying feeling.
“Doc,” he said pulling his hands to his side. “He’s not her daddy. I am. Don’t forget that.” He said squaring his jaw tightly at her.
Marlena’s eyes widened; the terror passed slowly from her face. She waited for Roman to acknowledge what had almost transpired between them—he’d almost struck her. An unrecognizable anger had slipped into the room and gripped him, and in that moment, she didn’t recognize Roman Brady. A long, quiet, and tense moment passed before she walked away.
“I’ll sleep on the couch,” he said coming from the bathroom and grabbing a pillow from the bed. Amelia and John flashed in his mind as he walked from his bedroom closing the door behind him.
