Post by Mimi on Aug 31, 2006 21:58:59 GMT -5
2.6 Now Starts The Craft of The Father
“We are all tied to our destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves.”
-- Rita Hayworth
The residue of lovemaking, her skin aflame particularly the cherry hue coloring her face and neck, contrasted to the cold chill in the air. Marlena hurried from her car balancing her briefcase beneath an arm and Belle’s latest bundle of gifts from the well-wishers at the hospital. She caught a glimpse of Sami’s blonde hair from the couch, as she nearly fell into the door, tripping over Sami’s book bag.
“Samantha Gene Brady,” She said dropping the load in her hand. “I nearly broke my neck.”
“I’m sorry Mom.” Sami said popping up from the couch to retrieve her book bag. “What’s all this stuff?”
“Belle’s gifts… some of the other doctor’s stopped by with them. Where’s Grandma… and Belle?” She said holding securely to her ankle-length pea coat. Her torn jacket and John’s markings would give new meaning to dinner talk. “Is Daddy home yet?”
Sami shrugged, “Grandma Caroline has Belle upstairs giving her a bath, though. We already had dinner.”
Marlena clasped Sami’s hand, “How was your day sweetie?”
“Fine… nothing new in a teenager’s world.”
“I bet,” Marlena said raising her eyebrows. She hugged Sami snugly against her chest. “I missed you today. I miss you everyday.”
“Mom,” Sami said squirming in her arms. “Why are you being weird? Are you okay?”
“Yes I am,” she said smiling cheerfully at Sami. “I just wanted you to know how much I love you.”
“Well, I know Mom. We all know.”
“Good,” Marlena said freeing Sami. “Where’s Carrie,” she asked looking around.
Sami shrugged again.
“Hmm.”
“She’s in college.” Sami reminded her. “I’m going up to do homework. Grandma saved you and Daddy some food… check the microwave.”
“Ok honey. I’m going to check things down here before I go up.” Marlena said watching Sami climb the stairs. She waited until she heard Sami’s bedroom door close before finding the telephone; she could also hear Caroline cooing with Belle in the bathroom. She dialed John’s loft quickly, tipping quietly into the kitchen. The telephone rang several times before his machine picked up, she thought better of leaving a message. Addled, Marlena slammed the cordless back on the table in the living room and headed to Belle and Caroline.
“There’s Mama’s baby,” Marlena cooed upon Belle’s bedroom where Caroline was dressing her. “Hi Belle.”
“She’s an angel,” Caroline said stepping back from Belle’s crib to allow Marlena room with Belle.
“Thank you Caroline… I’m so sorry for being late,” Marlena said lifting Belle from the crib.
“Don’t worry dear. She was no trouble at all.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Caroline said nipping Belle’s apple cheeks with a kiss. “I do however have to get to the pub. Shawn’s expecting me.”
“I understand. Goodnight.” Marlena kissed Caroline before she walked from the room. “Oh my goodness Belle, Mommy better get out of these clothes and then we’ll put you down for the night.” She said lying Belle back in her crib, turning on the mobile, and heading to her own bedroom. Locking the bathroom door behind her, she undressed and examined herself in the mirror. John’s persistent tongue and teeth left her skin welted with circular bruises on the inside of her upper thighs and along her collarbone. Her skin was still tender to touch; the steady stream of water beat painfully across her bruised regions. She rushed from the shower, dressing hurriedly into a pair of flannel pajamas that hid every inch of her body behind squares of red and green cloth. Hearing Belle’s cries, Marlena tossed her skirt and jacket into a bag for the garbage and headed toward Belle’s room.
“Daddy’s here baby,” Roman whispered with Belle in his arms. Marlena hovered in the doorway for a brief moment before entering the room. Roman wasn’t aware of her presence.
“I was showering.” Marlena mumbled as she stepped beside Roman and Belle. “Was she crying long?”
“Nope. I just walked in the door. When I got to the top of the stairs she started… maybe she sensed her old man was home.” Roman said catching Marlena’s roaming eyes.
She smiled uneasily, forcefully. “I’ll take her. I was going to put her to bed.”
“Okay.” He said softly, handing Belle to Marlena.
Marlena was aware of Roman; he watched her as she as took Belle and went to the rocking chair near the window. He couldn’t know, she thought inwardly. He didn’t seem angry; he was in fact unusually peaceful.
“Okay sweetie girl, it’s time for you to sleep. Mama’s going to be right here until you find that dreamland you love so much,” Marlena told Belle as she drew lazy lines across her cheeks. “I’m sure you were wondering where Mama was today. Believe me I missed you as much as you missed me… but Grandma Caroline said you were an angel. Of course you were,” Marlena whispered watching Roman leave Belle’s room. She heard his footsteps descending the stairs. “I was with your Daddy today. Belle … I don’t know what Mama’s going to do but I have to do something. I love him honey—so much. And Daddy loves me, too… about as much as he loves you. You’re so lucky to have Roman and John. They both love you very much… and you’re allowed to love them Belle.” She lowered her lips to Belle’s fuzzy hair. “I want Daddy… honey I want your daddy so badly to be in our lives. I need him to be here for you and me. I don’t want to lose him. But I owe Roman so much more than this. When you’re all grown up Belle these things won’t matter at all… but now that you’re a little baby—my helpless baby, I have to make decisions that are appropriate for us. Roman is your daddy. I have to make this work with Roman. I won’t see John again.” She said convincing herself. Belle slept undisturbed by Marlena’s emotional outpouring. She was crying inaudibly, catching her tears before they completed their journey down her cheeks. “I can’t see John again.” She carried Belle back to her crib, kissing her before she went back to her own bedroom. She climbed into her empty bed and turned over.
“Doc?” Roman’s voice floated in the darkness around their bedroom. He was standing hesitantly by the side of their bed.
She shifted in bed, looking over her shoulder and catching a glimpse of Roman’s shadow in the moonlight. “Roman.”
“I want to talk… I came by your office today,” he paused. “I guess you’d already left.”
“I’m sorry about that,” she apologized sincerely.
“It’s not a big deal. I was paged for a quickie meeting with our new D.A. anyway. I just wanted to see you Doc, to talk to you. I told Bo about what happened between us.”
Marlena sat up in the bed; she moved to turn on at her bedside.
“Don’t,” he said sitting on the edge of the bed. “Leave them off.”
“Roman, you wanted to talk… about what happened between us. What almost happened between us,” she edited in her soft, caressing voice. “I would like to discuss that. It can never happen again. It’s volatile and dangerous. We have to be able to control our anger.”
“You mean I have to control my anger?”
“It’s not only you,” Marlena told him hugging her middle. “I know how you feel about John. I should not have said that to you.”
“I don’t want to talk about John, Marlena. I’m talking about us. About you, me, and this marriage honey… I realized today that I’m not very happy in this marriage anymore.”
She turned in the darkness, seeing only his back. “Why do you think that is?”
“Because I spend the majority of my time thinking that John’s making a play for you; that you’re still in love with him, and that he can have my place in this family whenever he wants to.”
“Oh Roman, it isn’t that way at all. You’re so afraid to lose us but you’re losing us… you’re pushing me away. I don’t know what to say to you anymore. You’re so angry and sullen towards me.”
He grabbed the edge of the bed, “and you’re not different towards me. Doc, I can’t get to you anymore. You’ve changed so much. It used to be that I could look into your eyes, in that face,” he said turning towards her, “and see everything you wanted to say… or wanted. I can’t do that anymore. You’re not the same woman I married.”
“Roman we all change.”
“Bo said the same thing.”
“We do honey,” she conveyed compassionately. “I’m not the same woman you married. We’ve had children who are growing up and you and I have both been in and out of each other’s lives so frequently… nothing is the same. We have to grow with the changes Roman. We can’t go back to being those people anymore.”
“I liked those people Marlena. I was comfortable with those people.”
“Well, it’s impossible to be the same woman I was before I lost you.”
“Before John?”
“Before even you… don’t you remember what I was like? I had been hurt terribly by what happened with Don and DJ. I didn’t think I’d ever have another person who I could love and trust deeply. And then you came along with your protection and smiles,” she said remembering their first initial encounters. “And I loved you. I absolutely loved you.”
“Loved… as in the past.”
“How could I not love you now? You’re the father of my children Roman. My husband. I love you.”
“There are so many things that can happen—that have happened… I’m afraid Doc. I’m afraid that I’m losing you again.”
“You’re not losing me,” she said without thought. “I’m here Roman. You just have to stop pushing me away.” She moved closer to Roman, bringing her legs over the edge of his side of the bed.
“I would never hurt you Marlena,” He said, pulling her face toward him. “I’m sorry.” Roman caught her mouth between his lips, as they found each other in the darkness. His tongue probed anxiously around the walls of her mouth. He raked his fingers through her hair, yanking her head back for better access to her mouth.
“Roman… I think we…” she attempted to say against Roman’s lips.
“Shh Doc...” he said fumbling with her buttons. He removed the flannel top slowly, stealing warm kisses from her neck to her stomach as he did. She helped him pull her pants down the length of her legs. “It’s been so long since you’ve let me touch you.” He said lifting her from the bed to his lap. She wrapped her legs around his stomach and leaned forward to kiss him. He took his time with her bra, unhooking it leisurely along with her underwear; he tossed them across the room. Roman was a gentle lover—lifting her hair in his hand, so that he could toy with the skin at the nape of her neck. He sucked mind-altering circles with his tongue from one end of her neck toward the other. It took her a couple of minutes to realize that Roman was marking her body, too. She didn’t push him away; she helped him out of his shirt by lifting the heavy material over his head and flinging it to the floor. He caressed her legs from her knees—his fingertips flittering along the sensitive skin— to the inside of her thighs. His touching caused her head to fling back. He dove between her breasts, caressing each one gently between his fingers, kissing them, sucking them as she writhed in his lap. He stood and laid her on the bed, urgently removing his pants. He climbed on top of her, spreading her legs with his knees. “Are you okay Doc?” he asked before continuing.
She nodded against him, bracing herself for his entrance into her sensitive middle. She bucked beneath him when he plunged into her, the pain and pleasure causing her to hold on to the small of his back. He waited; instead of moving, he dipped his head up and pulled her lips with his teeth before sucking her lips into numbness. “Now,” she said breaking away from his mouth. Roman paced himself, moving at an easy and comfortable pace between her legs. He spread her legs more with his hand, for deeper access, increasing his speed. She closed her eyes, seeing John’s indigo eyes staring back at her. Shaking the vision away, she opened her eyes again to Roman. Concentrating on Roman, she pressed her forehead against his as he braced himself against the bed. They locked eyes and he pumped harder into her. She was suddenly very aware of every sound in the room, Roman’s groaning, and breathing, her own moaning. He rocked their bodies in syncopation with some distant drum, crushing inside of her, reaching her walls with powerful strokes of his manhood. She suddenly couldn’t catch her breath as her body betrayed her and began rising in pleasure, synced with Roman’s; they reached a level of intense climax together. He shuddered against her body as she lost control, quivering beneath Roman. She broke the connection between them first, easing from Roman’s grasp into her side of the bed while he sated and fulfilled, fell asleep. Her tears wet the pillowcase after she realized that she’d done it again. Endless tears fell. She was helpless to stop them as sleep prevailed.
“We are all tied to our destiny and there is no way we can liberate ourselves.”
-- Rita Hayworth
The residue of lovemaking, her skin aflame particularly the cherry hue coloring her face and neck, contrasted to the cold chill in the air. Marlena hurried from her car balancing her briefcase beneath an arm and Belle’s latest bundle of gifts from the well-wishers at the hospital. She caught a glimpse of Sami’s blonde hair from the couch, as she nearly fell into the door, tripping over Sami’s book bag.
“Samantha Gene Brady,” She said dropping the load in her hand. “I nearly broke my neck.”
“I’m sorry Mom.” Sami said popping up from the couch to retrieve her book bag. “What’s all this stuff?”
“Belle’s gifts… some of the other doctor’s stopped by with them. Where’s Grandma… and Belle?” She said holding securely to her ankle-length pea coat. Her torn jacket and John’s markings would give new meaning to dinner talk. “Is Daddy home yet?”
Sami shrugged, “Grandma Caroline has Belle upstairs giving her a bath, though. We already had dinner.”
Marlena clasped Sami’s hand, “How was your day sweetie?”
“Fine… nothing new in a teenager’s world.”
“I bet,” Marlena said raising her eyebrows. She hugged Sami snugly against her chest. “I missed you today. I miss you everyday.”
“Mom,” Sami said squirming in her arms. “Why are you being weird? Are you okay?”
“Yes I am,” she said smiling cheerfully at Sami. “I just wanted you to know how much I love you.”
“Well, I know Mom. We all know.”
“Good,” Marlena said freeing Sami. “Where’s Carrie,” she asked looking around.
Sami shrugged again.
“Hmm.”
“She’s in college.” Sami reminded her. “I’m going up to do homework. Grandma saved you and Daddy some food… check the microwave.”
“Ok honey. I’m going to check things down here before I go up.” Marlena said watching Sami climb the stairs. She waited until she heard Sami’s bedroom door close before finding the telephone; she could also hear Caroline cooing with Belle in the bathroom. She dialed John’s loft quickly, tipping quietly into the kitchen. The telephone rang several times before his machine picked up, she thought better of leaving a message. Addled, Marlena slammed the cordless back on the table in the living room and headed to Belle and Caroline.
“There’s Mama’s baby,” Marlena cooed upon Belle’s bedroom where Caroline was dressing her. “Hi Belle.”
“She’s an angel,” Caroline said stepping back from Belle’s crib to allow Marlena room with Belle.
“Thank you Caroline… I’m so sorry for being late,” Marlena said lifting Belle from the crib.
“Don’t worry dear. She was no trouble at all.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” Caroline said nipping Belle’s apple cheeks with a kiss. “I do however have to get to the pub. Shawn’s expecting me.”
“I understand. Goodnight.” Marlena kissed Caroline before she walked from the room. “Oh my goodness Belle, Mommy better get out of these clothes and then we’ll put you down for the night.” She said lying Belle back in her crib, turning on the mobile, and heading to her own bedroom. Locking the bathroom door behind her, she undressed and examined herself in the mirror. John’s persistent tongue and teeth left her skin welted with circular bruises on the inside of her upper thighs and along her collarbone. Her skin was still tender to touch; the steady stream of water beat painfully across her bruised regions. She rushed from the shower, dressing hurriedly into a pair of flannel pajamas that hid every inch of her body behind squares of red and green cloth. Hearing Belle’s cries, Marlena tossed her skirt and jacket into a bag for the garbage and headed toward Belle’s room.
“Daddy’s here baby,” Roman whispered with Belle in his arms. Marlena hovered in the doorway for a brief moment before entering the room. Roman wasn’t aware of her presence.
“I was showering.” Marlena mumbled as she stepped beside Roman and Belle. “Was she crying long?”
“Nope. I just walked in the door. When I got to the top of the stairs she started… maybe she sensed her old man was home.” Roman said catching Marlena’s roaming eyes.
She smiled uneasily, forcefully. “I’ll take her. I was going to put her to bed.”
“Okay.” He said softly, handing Belle to Marlena.
Marlena was aware of Roman; he watched her as she as took Belle and went to the rocking chair near the window. He couldn’t know, she thought inwardly. He didn’t seem angry; he was in fact unusually peaceful.
“Okay sweetie girl, it’s time for you to sleep. Mama’s going to be right here until you find that dreamland you love so much,” Marlena told Belle as she drew lazy lines across her cheeks. “I’m sure you were wondering where Mama was today. Believe me I missed you as much as you missed me… but Grandma Caroline said you were an angel. Of course you were,” Marlena whispered watching Roman leave Belle’s room. She heard his footsteps descending the stairs. “I was with your Daddy today. Belle … I don’t know what Mama’s going to do but I have to do something. I love him honey—so much. And Daddy loves me, too… about as much as he loves you. You’re so lucky to have Roman and John. They both love you very much… and you’re allowed to love them Belle.” She lowered her lips to Belle’s fuzzy hair. “I want Daddy… honey I want your daddy so badly to be in our lives. I need him to be here for you and me. I don’t want to lose him. But I owe Roman so much more than this. When you’re all grown up Belle these things won’t matter at all… but now that you’re a little baby—my helpless baby, I have to make decisions that are appropriate for us. Roman is your daddy. I have to make this work with Roman. I won’t see John again.” She said convincing herself. Belle slept undisturbed by Marlena’s emotional outpouring. She was crying inaudibly, catching her tears before they completed their journey down her cheeks. “I can’t see John again.” She carried Belle back to her crib, kissing her before she went back to her own bedroom. She climbed into her empty bed and turned over.
“Doc?” Roman’s voice floated in the darkness around their bedroom. He was standing hesitantly by the side of their bed.
She shifted in bed, looking over her shoulder and catching a glimpse of Roman’s shadow in the moonlight. “Roman.”
“I want to talk… I came by your office today,” he paused. “I guess you’d already left.”
“I’m sorry about that,” she apologized sincerely.
“It’s not a big deal. I was paged for a quickie meeting with our new D.A. anyway. I just wanted to see you Doc, to talk to you. I told Bo about what happened between us.”
Marlena sat up in the bed; she moved to turn on at her bedside.
“Don’t,” he said sitting on the edge of the bed. “Leave them off.”
“Roman, you wanted to talk… about what happened between us. What almost happened between us,” she edited in her soft, caressing voice. “I would like to discuss that. It can never happen again. It’s volatile and dangerous. We have to be able to control our anger.”
“You mean I have to control my anger?”
“It’s not only you,” Marlena told him hugging her middle. “I know how you feel about John. I should not have said that to you.”
“I don’t want to talk about John, Marlena. I’m talking about us. About you, me, and this marriage honey… I realized today that I’m not very happy in this marriage anymore.”
She turned in the darkness, seeing only his back. “Why do you think that is?”
“Because I spend the majority of my time thinking that John’s making a play for you; that you’re still in love with him, and that he can have my place in this family whenever he wants to.”
“Oh Roman, it isn’t that way at all. You’re so afraid to lose us but you’re losing us… you’re pushing me away. I don’t know what to say to you anymore. You’re so angry and sullen towards me.”
He grabbed the edge of the bed, “and you’re not different towards me. Doc, I can’t get to you anymore. You’ve changed so much. It used to be that I could look into your eyes, in that face,” he said turning towards her, “and see everything you wanted to say… or wanted. I can’t do that anymore. You’re not the same woman I married.”
“Roman we all change.”
“Bo said the same thing.”
“We do honey,” she conveyed compassionately. “I’m not the same woman you married. We’ve had children who are growing up and you and I have both been in and out of each other’s lives so frequently… nothing is the same. We have to grow with the changes Roman. We can’t go back to being those people anymore.”
“I liked those people Marlena. I was comfortable with those people.”
“Well, it’s impossible to be the same woman I was before I lost you.”
“Before John?”
“Before even you… don’t you remember what I was like? I had been hurt terribly by what happened with Don and DJ. I didn’t think I’d ever have another person who I could love and trust deeply. And then you came along with your protection and smiles,” she said remembering their first initial encounters. “And I loved you. I absolutely loved you.”
“Loved… as in the past.”
“How could I not love you now? You’re the father of my children Roman. My husband. I love you.”
“There are so many things that can happen—that have happened… I’m afraid Doc. I’m afraid that I’m losing you again.”
“You’re not losing me,” she said without thought. “I’m here Roman. You just have to stop pushing me away.” She moved closer to Roman, bringing her legs over the edge of his side of the bed.
“I would never hurt you Marlena,” He said, pulling her face toward him. “I’m sorry.” Roman caught her mouth between his lips, as they found each other in the darkness. His tongue probed anxiously around the walls of her mouth. He raked his fingers through her hair, yanking her head back for better access to her mouth.
“Roman… I think we…” she attempted to say against Roman’s lips.
“Shh Doc...” he said fumbling with her buttons. He removed the flannel top slowly, stealing warm kisses from her neck to her stomach as he did. She helped him pull her pants down the length of her legs. “It’s been so long since you’ve let me touch you.” He said lifting her from the bed to his lap. She wrapped her legs around his stomach and leaned forward to kiss him. He took his time with her bra, unhooking it leisurely along with her underwear; he tossed them across the room. Roman was a gentle lover—lifting her hair in his hand, so that he could toy with the skin at the nape of her neck. He sucked mind-altering circles with his tongue from one end of her neck toward the other. It took her a couple of minutes to realize that Roman was marking her body, too. She didn’t push him away; she helped him out of his shirt by lifting the heavy material over his head and flinging it to the floor. He caressed her legs from her knees—his fingertips flittering along the sensitive skin— to the inside of her thighs. His touching caused her head to fling back. He dove between her breasts, caressing each one gently between his fingers, kissing them, sucking them as she writhed in his lap. He stood and laid her on the bed, urgently removing his pants. He climbed on top of her, spreading her legs with his knees. “Are you okay Doc?” he asked before continuing.
She nodded against him, bracing herself for his entrance into her sensitive middle. She bucked beneath him when he plunged into her, the pain and pleasure causing her to hold on to the small of his back. He waited; instead of moving, he dipped his head up and pulled her lips with his teeth before sucking her lips into numbness. “Now,” she said breaking away from his mouth. Roman paced himself, moving at an easy and comfortable pace between her legs. He spread her legs more with his hand, for deeper access, increasing his speed. She closed her eyes, seeing John’s indigo eyes staring back at her. Shaking the vision away, she opened her eyes again to Roman. Concentrating on Roman, she pressed her forehead against his as he braced himself against the bed. They locked eyes and he pumped harder into her. She was suddenly very aware of every sound in the room, Roman’s groaning, and breathing, her own moaning. He rocked their bodies in syncopation with some distant drum, crushing inside of her, reaching her walls with powerful strokes of his manhood. She suddenly couldn’t catch her breath as her body betrayed her and began rising in pleasure, synced with Roman’s; they reached a level of intense climax together. He shuddered against her body as she lost control, quivering beneath Roman. She broke the connection between them first, easing from Roman’s grasp into her side of the bed while he sated and fulfilled, fell asleep. Her tears wet the pillowcase after she realized that she’d done it again. Endless tears fell. She was helpless to stop them as sleep prevailed.
