Post by Mimi on Sept 17, 2006 22:08:24 GMT -5
3.1 Some Days Don’t Come Easy
“It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”
--Anne Sexton
A new moon arose; the dark canvas of open sky collided with glittering stars of dazzling white arrayed in linear patterns of intricate design. A new moon arising, at the foot of a new year encased Salem serendipitously; the presence of its beauty signified an ending to the tumultuous anxiety of yesteryear. Among the prevailing optimism of the New Year was John: anticipating the New Year with a clearer head, a little less weary, a little less sad. With Avery Chase on his arm, he moved charismatically through the crowd, confidence in his stride, a smile cemented on his face.
“It’s beautiful here John,” Avery Chase said surveying the interior of Salem’s newest upscale restaurant: The Penthouse Grill.
“Yes I guess it is…but there is another beauty here that captures my eye,” he said kissing her lightly on her forehead, “you look absolutely stunning Avery.” He hooked his arm across the small of her back. “Let’s dance.” Admiring the strapless evening gown hugging Avery’s body as he followed her lead to the dance floor.
“Are you happy John?”
He pulled Avery closer, “Yes I am. I feel renewed.”
“It’s probably just New Year fever.”
“New Year fever?” he repeated scrunching his eyebrows.
“We call it a fever in the South. Everything is made new again on this night…old things have passed away. I’ve always enjoyed New Year’s Eve. It’s my favorite time of the year. We have large celebrations back home in New Orleans.” Avery explained. “You know auld lang syne and all.”
“Auld lang syne: the times gone past; the good old days.”
“Good old days? Do you still long for those good old days?”
“I’m looking ahead to the future,” John told Avery frankly. The future without Marlena; the future with his daughter. “Those test results really changed my life.”
“You knew the results anyway,” Avery reminded him. “You always knew she was your daughter.”
“Well now Doc knows.”
“Have you decided about what the results mean? How you will proceed with this?”
“No, I don’t know what the New Year will bring.”
“Do you hope it’ll bring Marlena Evans back into your life,” Avery asked. A jealous spark flashed in the brownness of her wide eyes.
John stroked her cheek softly. “I’m happy with the company I am keeping now.”
“Good. These past three weeks have been the happiest of my entire life. I found myself becoming a member of the John Black appreciation club.”
He blushed. “There is no club.”
“Of course there is John. There are many members in the club. Luckily, I’m ahead of the rest of them,” she said winking. “I’m going to go powder my nose. Will you order me a strong drink?”
“Yes I will. I’ll find a table.” He headed to the bar. Almost immediately, he spotted more than a few familiar faces. The Brady’s: Bo and Hope, Shawn and Caroline, and Roman; the Horton’s: Laura and Mike with respective dates, and Carrie and Sami huddled conspiratorially in the back of the restaurant. He smiled as Carrie made her way toward him.
“John, I’m so happy to see you here.”
Words seemed impossible as John eyed his daughter, noticing how mature she seemed and looked in her evening gown. He held onto her, enjoying the feeling of having one of his babies back in his arms. “Punkin, how are you?”
“Fine…I miss you,” she said pressing her head against his chest. “We all miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he admitted freely. “I miss you and the twinners more than anything else.”
“That’s right; you have all the memories, don’t you?”
“Yes I do. Enough of all that,” he said catching the ire in Roman’s face across the room. “You look beautiful baby. You’re growing up.”
“I’m grown up. I’m in college now.” She said proudly.
“Carrie, you’ll always be a little runt to me.”
“Good. I want to be.” She said finally loosening her arms from around John’s waist. “I saw you come in with a date. Who is she?”
John took a step back. “Whose the…” pausing at his choice of words.
“You are the dad and I am the daughter. I’m asking as your daughter.”
Touched by Carrie’s words, he circled his arm around her shoulder. “You don’t have to say that, Carrie. You know your dad is back.”
“I’m looking at my dad,” she said unashamed. “You’re my dad as much as Roman is. And as my dad, I’m asking you who the woman we saw you with,” she said tilting her head towards Sami, who was watching their exchange. “We’d like to know.”
“We? As in Sami and you?”
“As in Sami and me.”
“Avery Chase.” He said realizing he would tell her anything that she asked. They had the ability—his girls—with a tilt of the head, or a gleam in their eye to pull any truth from him.
“Are you dating her?”
“We’re taking things slowly.”
“Oh…have you heard from Marlena?”
His eyes glazed over with the mention of her name. “No. I haven’t. She’s still in Colorado?”
“Yes. They’ll be home tomorrow. We’ve missed them so much. Sami and I have been going crazy in the house with Roman. It’s not the same. He’s not like you.”
“Come on Punkin, don’t compare…we’re two different men.”
“And fathers too…Roman doesn’t understand that I’m growing up. I’m moving on.”
“Moving?”
“Well, I’m thinking of it. I’d like to talk about that with you.”
“Oh, I’m all ears,” he said seriously. “What does Marlena think?”
“Not now daddy,” Carrie said so sweetly. “I don’t want to ruin New Year’s Eve for you.”
“This is me you’re talking to kid. I want to know what you’re doing. I’ve been neglectful, I’m sorry about that Carrie.”
“It’s understandable. Nobody knows the boundaries of our relationships anymore. Sami is just as confused as I am. Roman expects our relationship to be perfect overnight. Sami wants to please him; I just want everything to be the way it was.”
“It can’t be…but that doesn’t mean that you and I can’t have a relationship. I know I told Roman that I would stay away from you all…”
Carrie interrupted, “Why would you promise that?”
“I’m trying to be fair to him.”
“What about you? What about how unfair that seems to you?”
“Carrie, this is not the time to get into this. You know the way I feel about you.”
“I know how you feel about all of us…even Marlena. Something is going on with you two. I know it.”
“Not now,” he said hugging her again. “You enjoy this night. I want to see you tomorrow whenever you’re free. Okay?”
Carrie nodded, waving Sami over toward them. “She’s so worried about upsetting Roman…she does miss you daddy.”
They watched Sami ease uncomfortably toward them, glancing at her family as she did. She stood beside Carrie; her hands tightly strewn together at her waist. “Hello John.”
"Hi Sami, how’s it going?”
“Good.” She said turning slightly to read Roman’s face.
“I know you don’t want to hurt him,” John whispered, remaining at the distance between them. “I don’t want to upset your relationship. I still love you Samantha.”
Sami awkwardly lowered her eyes to the floor as she was nervously twiddling her thumbs. “I know.”
“You don’t have to choose Samantha. He is your father.”
“You’re our father,” Carrie added. “Sami knows that. Don’t you Sami?”
“Carrie…I—it’s not you daddy,” she said easily. The words slipped so naturally that it took her time to recover from her slip.
“You don’t have to be ashamed of your feelings. I don’t expect you to want me around anymore.”
She looked up suddenly, “but I do. I don’t want you to be gone from our lives. I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“Understandable honey…it’s your call. You can call me whenever you need to talk. I’m here for you. I still love you as if you were my family,” John told the girls. Carrie’s face lit up at his utterance of family. She reached out and grabbed his hand. “I’ll always love you.”
Sami moved forward slightly. An awkward motion to encircle John instigated the clearance he needed. He pulled her into his arms, nuzzling against her blonde hair. “I love you.” Sami whispered, letting go of John quickly.
“More fans for the appreciation club?” Avery said stepping beside John.
Carrie and Sami looked her over intently. It was Carrie who spoke up first. “I’m John’s daughter Carrie…you must be Avery,” she said hooking her arm through Sami’s arm. “And this is my sister Samantha.”
Avery’s cheeks flushed crimson. “I am Avery.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Carrie said extending her hand graciously while Sami eyed the interaction silently.
“Avery these are my two best ladies,” John said trying to clear the tension.
“Have you met our mother?” Carrie asked suddenly.
“No, I’ve heard many nice things about her. She’s a lovely lady.”
“We think so, don’t we daddy?”
John smirked. “Yes we do. Everybody loves Dr. Marlena Evans.”
“Yes,” Carrie said. “Everybody. Well daddy we’ll go and let you enjoy your date. Happy New Year.”
“We will,” Avery answered unwarranted. Carrie shot her a glance before departing. “Lovely girls.” She said after they were safely on their side of the room.
“I think so. My Punkins.”
“I guess.” She said cautiously. “They are pretty territorial about you and their mother.”
“You think? All kids want their parents to be together.”
“John, from what I’ve learned in the three weeks we’ve been dating is that they are no longer your family. They are Roman’s daughters…in fact Carrie is not even Marlena’s biological daughter.”
“Semantics Avery…those are my daughters as much as Belle. Marlena loves Carrie with the same regard as she does any of her other children. The same goes for me. We are an intricate family but we all love one another.”
“Well,” She said lifting the glass from the bar to her lips. “Where does that leave me?”
“Wherever you want to be. I can’t promise you one hundred percent of myself.”
“I’m not asking for one hundred percent. I just want a piece of you.”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for. I’m ready to move on.”
“How can you move on with Marlena’s children still calling you daddy?”
“Avery, it might be hard for you to understand this but I’m the man they know of as daddy. I was that for a very long time. I’m being as honest as I know how to be: I love Marlena. I love her children. That won’t change. I know I can’t be with her; I’m choosing to be here with you. We can’t talk about my relationship with them, you don’t understand it, and I’m not willing to explain it. Accept that this is the person that I am, right now. Down the road who knows…but for right now, this is all I can offer.”
Avery leaned forward to kiss John. She pulled salaciously on his mouth with her lips, unaware of eyes and murmurings. “I want to go home with you, now.” She whispered.
“Are you sure?”
She snatched his hand, propped her drink back on the bar and pulled him out of the restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Honey…can we talk?” Marlena asked in the doorframe of Eric’s bedroom. The room was a composition of Eric’s personality. He was more Evans than Brady. Beautiful art and personal photography covered the walls of the tidy bedroom. “I love this one,” Marlena said spotting a black and white photo of her parents, taken by Eric. He had captured the easy essence of their lovingly devoted relationship. “It’s gorgeous honey.”
“Thanks Mom.” Eric said without moving from the bed where he was sitting with his legs planted firmly on the floor.
Marlena observed his behavior. The avoidance he’d been practicing with not only her but also Belle, since their arrival. “Can I sit?”
“Sure.” He said looking at the empty space beside him. “I don’t want to be head shrunk Mom.” He told her politely.
Marlena sat, placing her hands in her lap to ensure that she wouldn’t reach out to touch her son. She wanted to run her fingers through his blonde hair and stroke his cheeks, to kiss him apathetically. She didn’t; instead, she looked to the picture that his attention was focused on: a picture of their family, with John sitting in the center of the children; Marlena hung securely around his neck from behind. “I don’t remember that picture.”
“We took this after you came home. Dad—John wanted to remember…never mind.”
Marlena turned toward Eric, “No, go on honey. I want to know what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing is bothering me.” He answered quickly. “I’m fine. We’re all fine.”
“No we’re not. You’ve been avoiding me since I came home Eric. It’s not a judgment honey.”
“Mom, can we not do this?”
“You sound like me when you say that,” she said smiling at her son. “You know me honey. You know I have to talk about this. I’m not sure where this is coming from…you’re silent and brooding.”
“Mom, don’t analyze me please.”
“I’m not. This is your mama talking…not the doctor. I love you and your sisters very much. I don’t know how to settle this for you. Is it about your daddy? And John?”
“Mom.” He said pained. “Please leave it be.”
“I can’t honey. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk. I just want to be left alone. You sent me away to be left alone. I don’t think that’ll be hard for you.” He said in a hushed tone.
“Eric.”
“I’m sorry Mom.”
“No,” she said attempting to muddle through the anger in Eric’s voice. “I want you to feel comfortable with your words.”
“I just don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you…too much time has passed.”
“It’s never too late. I’m here.”
“You’re here now,” he reminded her. “You haven’t always been here Mom. It was John that was here…and now I’m not supposed to love him. You’re not supposed to love him. I don’t understand. I’ve been trying so hard to love Dad—Roman; to reach out to him. He doesn’t get it. I don’t think anybody gets it.”
“Baby, I understand that,” she confirmed for Eric, “I know what you’re going through. Can I be honest? You’re mature enough to understand that what happened to our family is impossible to come through without any scars. We’re scarred. And we’re trying to move on…especially you kids.”
“What about you Mom? I don’t want to hurt your feelings or Dad’s but I don’t know you all as much as I know John. I know him. I know he feels about us…how much he loves Sami, Carrie, and me. I also remember how much he loves you, how much he’s always loved you. I feel like we’re living a lie.”
Marlena inched closer to Eric, gently taking his hand—with his nod of approval—into her hand, “Baby, it’s not a lie…not the way I feel about you.”
“I know you love me and my sisters. I know that. I love Roman because that’s what I’m supposed to do, but I want our family to be John and you. I want that back.”
“Honey, we can’t have that back. It’s too late for that.” She said sorrowfully. She unconsciously covered her belly with a protective hand. “Now we have to move on and make this family work.”
“No. I’m sorry but that was my family; that was my life that you and Roman are trying to move on from. You even had a new baby to forget what we had. It’s unfair of you to think that just because you want Roman to be the husband, and be the father that that’s what we want. We don’t.”
“I’m not…I don’t expect you to forget what you had with John. He loves you.”
“I know…but we’re not allowed to love him.”
“Eric, you can love as many people as your powerful heart can allow.”
“Mom, it’s not that simple. I’m sixteen and I understand that it’s not that simple.”
“Baby, listen to me…you don’t have to worry about these things. I’m the parent. It’s my responsibility. You said that we left you alone here…I thought it’s what you wanted.”
“I’m a kid Mom. I don’t know what I want…not all the time,” he reminded her.
She smiled, acknowledging Eric’s poignant statement. “I know. Sometimes you are so mature I forget that you still need me to be your mommy.”
“I don’t want to be mature. I want to be a normal sixteen-year-old kid with normal issues.”
“You can be.”
“I can’t…not here anymore.”
“What do you mean not here? In Colorado?”
“Mom, I’ve been getting involved in some things…promise me that you’ll listen.”
“I promise.”
“Keith and I owe some guy a lot of money…for drugs.”
Her face dropped, “drugs?”
“Mom, listen to me,” Eric continued, “it’s something new…just something we wanted to do. I’m not going to get into specifics but we’re into some kid that scores for us for a lot of money.”
“How much Eric?”
“A lot, but it’s my debt to pay. I don’t want you to handle it.”
“You’re telling me because you couldn’t handle it. Are you using drugs now?”
“No.”
“Eric?” She said raising her eyebrows.
“No Mom, I swear.”
“You’re coming home with me and your sister. Tomorrow. I can’t leave you here.” She said suddenly. “You understand that I can’t allow you to stay here.”
“I’m done with the drugs.” Eric said solemnly. “I really am. I wanted to experience something…to experiment.”
“Honey, experimentation leads to so many other things. And I fear that this was more than trying to gain experience. You’re a good kid Eric.”
“Sometimes good kids do stupid things.”
“Exactly. You’re smarter than that.”
“Am I?”
“Yes,” Marlena cried squeezing Eric’s hand. “You are. Now I’m not promising that everything will be okay when you get home, but together we can work towards that. It’s going to be a New Year honey. We can all start a fresh and new. Okay?”
“Mom, I don’t know.”
“It’s not really a choice that I’m giving you. I can’t allow with good conscious you to stay here. We’ll figure this all out. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“This is a promise I will keep,” she assured him, “we’re going to get through this together. My children are the most important things in my life. I’m not going to lose you. I’ll talk to your grandparents about this.”
“You won’t tell them will you?”
“I’ll handle it. Don’t worry. We’ll take care of everything before we leave. I know what I have to do here and in Salem.” She said reaching for Eric. He allowed her to grasp him firmly. She hadn’t held her boy in a long time. The sinewy frame she remembered was getting thicker. He was growing, maturing. “I love you baby. I want you to stop worrying. I’m going to work this all out,” she said, speaking to both the new baby growing inside her stomach and her older baby, holding her tightly. “Mommy will work it out.”
“Mom, I’m scared.”
“You don’t have to be. We’re going to be okay.”
She saw the clock at Eric’s bedside, midnight was seconds away. “Come on honey…lets go celebrate the New Year with Mama and Daddy.” They scurried to the living room where Martha and Frank were holding champagne flutes filled with sparkling water. Marlena handed Eric a glass before taking one. At midnight, they formed a circle of hugs; Marlena kissed each one of her family members whispering, “Happy New Year.”
“It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was.”
--Anne Sexton
A new moon arose; the dark canvas of open sky collided with glittering stars of dazzling white arrayed in linear patterns of intricate design. A new moon arising, at the foot of a new year encased Salem serendipitously; the presence of its beauty signified an ending to the tumultuous anxiety of yesteryear. Among the prevailing optimism of the New Year was John: anticipating the New Year with a clearer head, a little less weary, a little less sad. With Avery Chase on his arm, he moved charismatically through the crowd, confidence in his stride, a smile cemented on his face.
“It’s beautiful here John,” Avery Chase said surveying the interior of Salem’s newest upscale restaurant: The Penthouse Grill.
“Yes I guess it is…but there is another beauty here that captures my eye,” he said kissing her lightly on her forehead, “you look absolutely stunning Avery.” He hooked his arm across the small of her back. “Let’s dance.” Admiring the strapless evening gown hugging Avery’s body as he followed her lead to the dance floor.
“Are you happy John?”
He pulled Avery closer, “Yes I am. I feel renewed.”
“It’s probably just New Year fever.”
“New Year fever?” he repeated scrunching his eyebrows.
“We call it a fever in the South. Everything is made new again on this night…old things have passed away. I’ve always enjoyed New Year’s Eve. It’s my favorite time of the year. We have large celebrations back home in New Orleans.” Avery explained. “You know auld lang syne and all.”
“Auld lang syne: the times gone past; the good old days.”
“Good old days? Do you still long for those good old days?”
“I’m looking ahead to the future,” John told Avery frankly. The future without Marlena; the future with his daughter. “Those test results really changed my life.”
“You knew the results anyway,” Avery reminded him. “You always knew she was your daughter.”
“Well now Doc knows.”
“Have you decided about what the results mean? How you will proceed with this?”
“No, I don’t know what the New Year will bring.”
“Do you hope it’ll bring Marlena Evans back into your life,” Avery asked. A jealous spark flashed in the brownness of her wide eyes.
John stroked her cheek softly. “I’m happy with the company I am keeping now.”
“Good. These past three weeks have been the happiest of my entire life. I found myself becoming a member of the John Black appreciation club.”
He blushed. “There is no club.”
“Of course there is John. There are many members in the club. Luckily, I’m ahead of the rest of them,” she said winking. “I’m going to go powder my nose. Will you order me a strong drink?”
“Yes I will. I’ll find a table.” He headed to the bar. Almost immediately, he spotted more than a few familiar faces. The Brady’s: Bo and Hope, Shawn and Caroline, and Roman; the Horton’s: Laura and Mike with respective dates, and Carrie and Sami huddled conspiratorially in the back of the restaurant. He smiled as Carrie made her way toward him.
“John, I’m so happy to see you here.”
Words seemed impossible as John eyed his daughter, noticing how mature she seemed and looked in her evening gown. He held onto her, enjoying the feeling of having one of his babies back in his arms. “Punkin, how are you?”
“Fine…I miss you,” she said pressing her head against his chest. “We all miss you.”
“I miss you too,” he admitted freely. “I miss you and the twinners more than anything else.”
“That’s right; you have all the memories, don’t you?”
“Yes I do. Enough of all that,” he said catching the ire in Roman’s face across the room. “You look beautiful baby. You’re growing up.”
“I’m grown up. I’m in college now.” She said proudly.
“Carrie, you’ll always be a little runt to me.”
“Good. I want to be.” She said finally loosening her arms from around John’s waist. “I saw you come in with a date. Who is she?”
John took a step back. “Whose the…” pausing at his choice of words.
“You are the dad and I am the daughter. I’m asking as your daughter.”
Touched by Carrie’s words, he circled his arm around her shoulder. “You don’t have to say that, Carrie. You know your dad is back.”
“I’m looking at my dad,” she said unashamed. “You’re my dad as much as Roman is. And as my dad, I’m asking you who the woman we saw you with,” she said tilting her head towards Sami, who was watching their exchange. “We’d like to know.”
“We? As in Sami and you?”
“As in Sami and me.”
“Avery Chase.” He said realizing he would tell her anything that she asked. They had the ability—his girls—with a tilt of the head, or a gleam in their eye to pull any truth from him.
“Are you dating her?”
“We’re taking things slowly.”
“Oh…have you heard from Marlena?”
His eyes glazed over with the mention of her name. “No. I haven’t. She’s still in Colorado?”
“Yes. They’ll be home tomorrow. We’ve missed them so much. Sami and I have been going crazy in the house with Roman. It’s not the same. He’s not like you.”
“Come on Punkin, don’t compare…we’re two different men.”
“And fathers too…Roman doesn’t understand that I’m growing up. I’m moving on.”
“Moving?”
“Well, I’m thinking of it. I’d like to talk about that with you.”
“Oh, I’m all ears,” he said seriously. “What does Marlena think?”
“Not now daddy,” Carrie said so sweetly. “I don’t want to ruin New Year’s Eve for you.”
“This is me you’re talking to kid. I want to know what you’re doing. I’ve been neglectful, I’m sorry about that Carrie.”
“It’s understandable. Nobody knows the boundaries of our relationships anymore. Sami is just as confused as I am. Roman expects our relationship to be perfect overnight. Sami wants to please him; I just want everything to be the way it was.”
“It can’t be…but that doesn’t mean that you and I can’t have a relationship. I know I told Roman that I would stay away from you all…”
Carrie interrupted, “Why would you promise that?”
“I’m trying to be fair to him.”
“What about you? What about how unfair that seems to you?”
“Carrie, this is not the time to get into this. You know the way I feel about you.”
“I know how you feel about all of us…even Marlena. Something is going on with you two. I know it.”
“Not now,” he said hugging her again. “You enjoy this night. I want to see you tomorrow whenever you’re free. Okay?”
Carrie nodded, waving Sami over toward them. “She’s so worried about upsetting Roman…she does miss you daddy.”
They watched Sami ease uncomfortably toward them, glancing at her family as she did. She stood beside Carrie; her hands tightly strewn together at her waist. “Hello John.”
"Hi Sami, how’s it going?”
“Good.” She said turning slightly to read Roman’s face.
“I know you don’t want to hurt him,” John whispered, remaining at the distance between them. “I don’t want to upset your relationship. I still love you Samantha.”
Sami awkwardly lowered her eyes to the floor as she was nervously twiddling her thumbs. “I know.”
“You don’t have to choose Samantha. He is your father.”
“You’re our father,” Carrie added. “Sami knows that. Don’t you Sami?”
“Carrie…I—it’s not you daddy,” she said easily. The words slipped so naturally that it took her time to recover from her slip.
“You don’t have to be ashamed of your feelings. I don’t expect you to want me around anymore.”
She looked up suddenly, “but I do. I don’t want you to be gone from our lives. I just don’t want to hurt him.”
“Understandable honey…it’s your call. You can call me whenever you need to talk. I’m here for you. I still love you as if you were my family,” John told the girls. Carrie’s face lit up at his utterance of family. She reached out and grabbed his hand. “I’ll always love you.”
Sami moved forward slightly. An awkward motion to encircle John instigated the clearance he needed. He pulled her into his arms, nuzzling against her blonde hair. “I love you.” Sami whispered, letting go of John quickly.
“More fans for the appreciation club?” Avery said stepping beside John.
Carrie and Sami looked her over intently. It was Carrie who spoke up first. “I’m John’s daughter Carrie…you must be Avery,” she said hooking her arm through Sami’s arm. “And this is my sister Samantha.”
Avery’s cheeks flushed crimson. “I am Avery.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” Carrie said extending her hand graciously while Sami eyed the interaction silently.
“Avery these are my two best ladies,” John said trying to clear the tension.
“Have you met our mother?” Carrie asked suddenly.
“No, I’ve heard many nice things about her. She’s a lovely lady.”
“We think so, don’t we daddy?”
John smirked. “Yes we do. Everybody loves Dr. Marlena Evans.”
“Yes,” Carrie said. “Everybody. Well daddy we’ll go and let you enjoy your date. Happy New Year.”
“We will,” Avery answered unwarranted. Carrie shot her a glance before departing. “Lovely girls.” She said after they were safely on their side of the room.
“I think so. My Punkins.”
“I guess.” She said cautiously. “They are pretty territorial about you and their mother.”
“You think? All kids want their parents to be together.”
“John, from what I’ve learned in the three weeks we’ve been dating is that they are no longer your family. They are Roman’s daughters…in fact Carrie is not even Marlena’s biological daughter.”
“Semantics Avery…those are my daughters as much as Belle. Marlena loves Carrie with the same regard as she does any of her other children. The same goes for me. We are an intricate family but we all love one another.”
“Well,” She said lifting the glass from the bar to her lips. “Where does that leave me?”
“Wherever you want to be. I can’t promise you one hundred percent of myself.”
“I’m not asking for one hundred percent. I just want a piece of you.”
“Well, that’s what I’m here for. I’m ready to move on.”
“How can you move on with Marlena’s children still calling you daddy?”
“Avery, it might be hard for you to understand this but I’m the man they know of as daddy. I was that for a very long time. I’m being as honest as I know how to be: I love Marlena. I love her children. That won’t change. I know I can’t be with her; I’m choosing to be here with you. We can’t talk about my relationship with them, you don’t understand it, and I’m not willing to explain it. Accept that this is the person that I am, right now. Down the road who knows…but for right now, this is all I can offer.”
Avery leaned forward to kiss John. She pulled salaciously on his mouth with her lips, unaware of eyes and murmurings. “I want to go home with you, now.” She whispered.
“Are you sure?”
She snatched his hand, propped her drink back on the bar and pulled him out of the restaurant.
~~~~~~~~~~
“Honey…can we talk?” Marlena asked in the doorframe of Eric’s bedroom. The room was a composition of Eric’s personality. He was more Evans than Brady. Beautiful art and personal photography covered the walls of the tidy bedroom. “I love this one,” Marlena said spotting a black and white photo of her parents, taken by Eric. He had captured the easy essence of their lovingly devoted relationship. “It’s gorgeous honey.”
“Thanks Mom.” Eric said without moving from the bed where he was sitting with his legs planted firmly on the floor.
Marlena observed his behavior. The avoidance he’d been practicing with not only her but also Belle, since their arrival. “Can I sit?”
“Sure.” He said looking at the empty space beside him. “I don’t want to be head shrunk Mom.” He told her politely.
Marlena sat, placing her hands in her lap to ensure that she wouldn’t reach out to touch her son. She wanted to run her fingers through his blonde hair and stroke his cheeks, to kiss him apathetically. She didn’t; instead, she looked to the picture that his attention was focused on: a picture of their family, with John sitting in the center of the children; Marlena hung securely around his neck from behind. “I don’t remember that picture.”
“We took this after you came home. Dad—John wanted to remember…never mind.”
Marlena turned toward Eric, “No, go on honey. I want to know what’s bothering you.”
“Nothing is bothering me.” He answered quickly. “I’m fine. We’re all fine.”
“No we’re not. You’ve been avoiding me since I came home Eric. It’s not a judgment honey.”
“Mom, can we not do this?”
“You sound like me when you say that,” she said smiling at her son. “You know me honey. You know I have to talk about this. I’m not sure where this is coming from…you’re silent and brooding.”
“Mom, don’t analyze me please.”
“I’m not. This is your mama talking…not the doctor. I love you and your sisters very much. I don’t know how to settle this for you. Is it about your daddy? And John?”
“Mom.” He said pained. “Please leave it be.”
“I can’t honey. Talk to me.”
“I don’t want to talk. I just want to be left alone. You sent me away to be left alone. I don’t think that’ll be hard for you.” He said in a hushed tone.
“Eric.”
“I’m sorry Mom.”
“No,” she said attempting to muddle through the anger in Eric’s voice. “I want you to feel comfortable with your words.”
“I just don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you…too much time has passed.”
“It’s never too late. I’m here.”
“You’re here now,” he reminded her. “You haven’t always been here Mom. It was John that was here…and now I’m not supposed to love him. You’re not supposed to love him. I don’t understand. I’ve been trying so hard to love Dad—Roman; to reach out to him. He doesn’t get it. I don’t think anybody gets it.”
“Baby, I understand that,” she confirmed for Eric, “I know what you’re going through. Can I be honest? You’re mature enough to understand that what happened to our family is impossible to come through without any scars. We’re scarred. And we’re trying to move on…especially you kids.”
“What about you Mom? I don’t want to hurt your feelings or Dad’s but I don’t know you all as much as I know John. I know him. I know he feels about us…how much he loves Sami, Carrie, and me. I also remember how much he loves you, how much he’s always loved you. I feel like we’re living a lie.”
Marlena inched closer to Eric, gently taking his hand—with his nod of approval—into her hand, “Baby, it’s not a lie…not the way I feel about you.”
“I know you love me and my sisters. I know that. I love Roman because that’s what I’m supposed to do, but I want our family to be John and you. I want that back.”
“Honey, we can’t have that back. It’s too late for that.” She said sorrowfully. She unconsciously covered her belly with a protective hand. “Now we have to move on and make this family work.”
“No. I’m sorry but that was my family; that was my life that you and Roman are trying to move on from. You even had a new baby to forget what we had. It’s unfair of you to think that just because you want Roman to be the husband, and be the father that that’s what we want. We don’t.”
“I’m not…I don’t expect you to forget what you had with John. He loves you.”
“I know…but we’re not allowed to love him.”
“Eric, you can love as many people as your powerful heart can allow.”
“Mom, it’s not that simple. I’m sixteen and I understand that it’s not that simple.”
“Baby, listen to me…you don’t have to worry about these things. I’m the parent. It’s my responsibility. You said that we left you alone here…I thought it’s what you wanted.”
“I’m a kid Mom. I don’t know what I want…not all the time,” he reminded her.
She smiled, acknowledging Eric’s poignant statement. “I know. Sometimes you are so mature I forget that you still need me to be your mommy.”
“I don’t want to be mature. I want to be a normal sixteen-year-old kid with normal issues.”
“You can be.”
“I can’t…not here anymore.”
“What do you mean not here? In Colorado?”
“Mom, I’ve been getting involved in some things…promise me that you’ll listen.”
“I promise.”
“Keith and I owe some guy a lot of money…for drugs.”
Her face dropped, “drugs?”
“Mom, listen to me,” Eric continued, “it’s something new…just something we wanted to do. I’m not going to get into specifics but we’re into some kid that scores for us for a lot of money.”
“How much Eric?”
“A lot, but it’s my debt to pay. I don’t want you to handle it.”
“You’re telling me because you couldn’t handle it. Are you using drugs now?”
“No.”
“Eric?” She said raising her eyebrows.
“No Mom, I swear.”
“You’re coming home with me and your sister. Tomorrow. I can’t leave you here.” She said suddenly. “You understand that I can’t allow you to stay here.”
“I’m done with the drugs.” Eric said solemnly. “I really am. I wanted to experience something…to experiment.”
“Honey, experimentation leads to so many other things. And I fear that this was more than trying to gain experience. You’re a good kid Eric.”
“Sometimes good kids do stupid things.”
“Exactly. You’re smarter than that.”
“Am I?”
“Yes,” Marlena cried squeezing Eric’s hand. “You are. Now I’m not promising that everything will be okay when you get home, but together we can work towards that. It’s going to be a New Year honey. We can all start a fresh and new. Okay?”
“Mom, I don’t know.”
“It’s not really a choice that I’m giving you. I can’t allow with good conscious you to stay here. We’ll figure this all out. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“This is a promise I will keep,” she assured him, “we’re going to get through this together. My children are the most important things in my life. I’m not going to lose you. I’ll talk to your grandparents about this.”
“You won’t tell them will you?”
“I’ll handle it. Don’t worry. We’ll take care of everything before we leave. I know what I have to do here and in Salem.” She said reaching for Eric. He allowed her to grasp him firmly. She hadn’t held her boy in a long time. The sinewy frame she remembered was getting thicker. He was growing, maturing. “I love you baby. I want you to stop worrying. I’m going to work this all out,” she said, speaking to both the new baby growing inside her stomach and her older baby, holding her tightly. “Mommy will work it out.”
“Mom, I’m scared.”
“You don’t have to be. We’re going to be okay.”
She saw the clock at Eric’s bedside, midnight was seconds away. “Come on honey…lets go celebrate the New Year with Mama and Daddy.” They scurried to the living room where Martha and Frank were holding champagne flutes filled with sparkling water. Marlena handed Eric a glass before taking one. At midnight, they formed a circle of hugs; Marlena kissed each one of her family members whispering, “Happy New Year.”
