Post by Mimi on Sept 17, 2006 22:13:41 GMT -5
Her voice was barely audible when she opened her mouth again. Dryness coated the roof of her mouth and she circled around the walls of her mouth with her tongue, trying to replenish some lubrication. “John. Let me down,” she whispered, unhooking her legs, still wet from the friction of John’s warm skin against her. She gasped as John pulled himself from her middle, settling her on the balls of her foot on the cool metal. Numbness intruded and she slid slowly down the wall behind her, plopping on her backside.
“Doc.” John fell to his knees in front of her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine...my legs...they’re just numb.” She said rubbing them. “I’ll be just fine.” She said bracing the wall behind her to stand. She leaned against the metal, feeling the warm place where John had pounded mercilessly into her body. The smell of their sex filled the air. The agony of defeat—her defeat—lined her face sadly. She’d given in. She would always give in. In a quiet moment of reflection, she pulled her skirt back over her hips, smoothing down the material with the palms of her clammy hands. She hadn’t looked into his face, into those indigo hued eyes yet, not enough to see what he was thinking and afraid to voice. She heard the small breaths he took as his body returned to their pre-sexual normalcy. He turned and dressed himself while she studied the movements from behind. He fumbled nervously with his pants, as she reached for her coat behind him.
“Wait a minute Doc.” John reached out and grasped her wrist in his hand lightly. The light overhead cast them in an unusual glow. He squinted beneath its harshness. Drawing his free hand toward her stomach, John raised her shirt slowly and cupped her flat belly in the palm of his hand. She jumped slightly; and then unpretentiously moved forward to angle herself nearer to him.
“Another one?” John said with a pride induced smile creasing his lips. He lowered himself, laying his head against her belly. “I can’t believe it Doc. Are you sure about this?”
She nodded silently as she looked down and laced her fingers through his hair.
“Doc, my baby is growing inside of here.”
She found her voice again. “Our baby…this time I’m certain.” Her tone was uncertain. She wasn’t exactly sure what she should feel. With John’s happiness came the end of Roman’s family, his certainty in their future. The guilt would mount eventually but for now, all she could see was the love in John’s face when she pulled his head back gently to glimpse his face. His anger had diminished; her jealousy subsided; love abounded. He stood up to his full height, still cupping her stomach, “I’m sorry,” he said pitifully, drawing her closer.
She wrapped herself around him, finding the familiar position along his taut chest. “What happened? What’s going on with us? I don’t understand this part of our relationship.”
John ran his hand up her back until he reached her hair. He could smell himself in the blonde mane. He loved smelling himself on her body, in her hair. Unable to release her, the feeling of her body pressed to him was euphorically dizzying; he pulled them both back to the metal floor. He sat legs stretched in front of him. She positioned herself with her back against his chest between his legs, entangling their fingers together in her lap. He inhaled her again, holding on.
“Doc,” John said after a few moments, “I’m sorry…did I hurt you or the baby?”
“No, we’re okay. The baby is resting inside of me.” She took their hands and brought them closer to her stomach. “I’m sorry about those things I said to you.”
“You should be. They were very mean.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m…jealous…” she admitted halfheartedly, rolling her eyes. “I’m ashamed to admit that.”
“Doc, I feel the same way about you.” John pressed his lips into the arch of her neck. “I don’t want to talk about that though.”
“I do. This is unhealthy…this back and forth; for you and me, and now the baby.”
“Tell me about the baby.”
“Well, there’s not much to tell really. I haven’t gone for a check up yet.”
“And you’re sure that you’re pregnant?”
“The blood tests,” she said carefully, knowing how touchy the subject would forever be for them. “I learned from the results of Belle’s paternity test.”
“In Colorado?”
“Yes.”
“You came home? To tell me? Or Roman…what’s going to happen?”
Marlena twisted around slightly, “I wanted you to know first. You are this baby’s father. I’m almost positive we created this baby the night Belle was sick. I was still very fertile at that point.”
“You didn’t make love to Roman,” John asked.
She shifted again in his lap, leaning forward. “We did…only once.” She couldn’t say more without causing another argument. Praying that he could accept her explanation, she fell against him again.
“So, you’re leaving Roman?”
“I have to. He deserves someone who can love him fully, the way he deserves to be loved. There would no way that he could accept two of your children as his own; I know him. He’s a prideful man.”
“Of course he is…but you’re forgetting something, I wouldn’t let Roman raise my children without any say so from me.”
“And that’s the reason I have to do this.”
“The only reason,” he asked quickly.
“John you know the answer to that. You’ve always known the answer to that. There would be no way I could have our babies and not let them be around you; Roman would refuse to allow that.”
“Doc that’s not the answer I wanted to hear.”
“Well it’s all I have right now. I have to focus on me and my children, all of my children.” She said remembering Eric and Belle. “They need me. Eric needs me. I brought him home from Mama and Daddy’s. He’s at The Pub with Belle. John he’s gotten himself into trouble.”
John angled himself around her, trying to see her face. “What kind of trouble Doc?”
“Drugs.” She said simply.
“What’s our boy doing with drugs?”
“I don’t know…that’s why I have to focus on him right now. He’s needs some time with his family. He’ll also want to spend time with you.”
“He won’t have a family anymore Doc, once you tell Roman that you want to leave him, there will be no family.”
“We’ll always be a family.” She said optimistically. “Roman and I will always be the parents of the twins. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Well what about our family? I want my children to have a family too…Belle,” he said touching her stomach again, “and this baby too. I’m their daddy and I want to take care of them with you. I want to be responsible for them with you.”
“We’ll work all of this out.”
“I’m serious Marlena…and please don’t ever threaten me with taking them away from me. Don’t you know I would do everything in my power to prevent that.” His voice grew stern with his admonishment.
Marlena closed her eyes. Things would never be the same again. Roman would never forgive her for being with John. She didn’t know how to live without John; she couldn’t fathom John loving anyone else; being with anyone else; she wanted him to be in her life. “John, things will never be the same again.”
“I don’t want them to be. I want to create something new with you and our babies…and Sami and Eric. Even Carrie. I love all of you. I’ve always loved all of you.”
“And you made love to Avery.” She said wrapping her arms around her middle.
“I made love to Avery because I couldn’t make love to you,” John told her as a matter of factly. “I made a mistake. I have no excuses.”
“I think that’s what happened here. You and I hit that very thin line between love and hate. I’ve never wanted to hurt or hate you more than when I heard her voice on your machine.”
“Doc, it’s the past.”
“It’s not really. She’s very much apart of your future. I don’t expect that she’ll be thrilled that I’m having your baby.”
“Doc, let’s get married,” he said turning her to face him. “I want you to marry me. Will you do that? Will you marry me?”
She couldn’t help but smile at his excitement. “John, we can’t.”
“Yes, we can. Nothing is impossible.”
“This won’t make me forget Avery. I told you honey, I have to focus on my children. I don’t want to do anything that jeopardizes them right now. This is going to be hard for them to handle. I have to be present and in the moment.”
“I love you Doc.”
“I know.”
“What will you do…I mean after you tell Roman.”
“I guess I’ll have to look for a house for the children and me.”
“I’ll do it.”
“No,” she said shaking her had negatively. “I want to handle this. They’re my children.”
“They are my children too. I’m going to take care of you like I have never taken care of you, especially with my baby.”
“I don’t want you to do anything special. We’re going to be parents to our children…nothing more. I can’t really think about all that right now.”
“I know. This isn’t about us…I want the kids to feel safe and secure with you.”
“I know John. I know.” She said clutching his chin. “We can’t do this again. Not until we’re clear on what we mean to each other. I want to stay focused.”
“I understand.”
“Promise me that you won’t do this to me again.”
“Doc.”
“John, I need us to be stronger than this. I don’t want to give Roman any more reason than we’ve already given him. Can you understand that?”
“I can. Do you need me to go with you when you talk to Roman?”
“Uh no…I don’t think he’ll appreciate the gesture.”
“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him and the children?”
“Ever since I learned about the baby I’ve been trying to gather words in my mouth. Nothing seems quite appropriate enough. I loved him for a very long time. This is going to hurt him immensely. He’s not only losing a wife; he’s losing a little girl that he wanted desperately.”
“I’ve got no sympathy for the man.”
“John…please.”
“Doc, I don’t. I want to be completely honest with you and myself from now on. I am going to devote myself to you honey.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I am. I’m going to be the best daddy for Brady, Belle…and this little one. I never had a dad except for that short time with Shawn. I learned a lot from him. I want to raise our children with pride Doc. They are not going to be ashamed of who they are, not ever.”
“Of course not.”
“Things have changed for us…and I’m happy,” he said holding her.
“Are you? Good. I know you’re a good daddy.”
“Thank you Doc for giving me life again. Thank you for having this baby, for having the strength to face whatever comes.”
“I love my children…my baby…I’m not ashamed of loving them or you,” she said feeling John’s lips sweep across the top her forehead. “We just have to take everything slowly.”
“Come on.” John said reaching for Marlena’s coat. He helped her pull her arms into the sleeves. “All set?”
“Yes.” Marlena said fixing her hair.
John pressed the elevator release and held Marlena as it jerked loose before smoothly transferring them back downstairs.
“Doc, can I kiss you one last time?” John asked before the doors opened. She stepped back to brace herself. He took her face into his hands as he grazed her mouth; mind numbing, body trembling, awe inspired moments passed before he released her face and mouth.
“Oh boy,” she said pecking his lips once more before sprinting from the elevator.
“Slow down…take it easy.” He fussed as he led her to the car. “If you need me I’ll be here all night.” He told her after opening the door and helping her into the seat. “Be careful,” he said kissing her forehead and closing her door.
She pressed two fingers against the glass window, turned her ignition over and shifted into gear mouthing I love you as she pulled off.
“My baby.” John said watching her drive away.
“Doc.” John fell to his knees in front of her. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine...my legs...they’re just numb.” She said rubbing them. “I’ll be just fine.” She said bracing the wall behind her to stand. She leaned against the metal, feeling the warm place where John had pounded mercilessly into her body. The smell of their sex filled the air. The agony of defeat—her defeat—lined her face sadly. She’d given in. She would always give in. In a quiet moment of reflection, she pulled her skirt back over her hips, smoothing down the material with the palms of her clammy hands. She hadn’t looked into his face, into those indigo hued eyes yet, not enough to see what he was thinking and afraid to voice. She heard the small breaths he took as his body returned to their pre-sexual normalcy. He turned and dressed himself while she studied the movements from behind. He fumbled nervously with his pants, as she reached for her coat behind him.
“Wait a minute Doc.” John reached out and grasped her wrist in his hand lightly. The light overhead cast them in an unusual glow. He squinted beneath its harshness. Drawing his free hand toward her stomach, John raised her shirt slowly and cupped her flat belly in the palm of his hand. She jumped slightly; and then unpretentiously moved forward to angle herself nearer to him.
“Another one?” John said with a pride induced smile creasing his lips. He lowered himself, laying his head against her belly. “I can’t believe it Doc. Are you sure about this?”
She nodded silently as she looked down and laced her fingers through his hair.
“Doc, my baby is growing inside of here.”
She found her voice again. “Our baby…this time I’m certain.” Her tone was uncertain. She wasn’t exactly sure what she should feel. With John’s happiness came the end of Roman’s family, his certainty in their future. The guilt would mount eventually but for now, all she could see was the love in John’s face when she pulled his head back gently to glimpse his face. His anger had diminished; her jealousy subsided; love abounded. He stood up to his full height, still cupping her stomach, “I’m sorry,” he said pitifully, drawing her closer.
She wrapped herself around him, finding the familiar position along his taut chest. “What happened? What’s going on with us? I don’t understand this part of our relationship.”
John ran his hand up her back until he reached her hair. He could smell himself in the blonde mane. He loved smelling himself on her body, in her hair. Unable to release her, the feeling of her body pressed to him was euphorically dizzying; he pulled them both back to the metal floor. He sat legs stretched in front of him. She positioned herself with her back against his chest between his legs, entangling their fingers together in her lap. He inhaled her again, holding on.
“Doc,” John said after a few moments, “I’m sorry…did I hurt you or the baby?”
“No, we’re okay. The baby is resting inside of me.” She took their hands and brought them closer to her stomach. “I’m sorry about those things I said to you.”
“You should be. They were very mean.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m…jealous…” she admitted halfheartedly, rolling her eyes. “I’m ashamed to admit that.”
“Doc, I feel the same way about you.” John pressed his lips into the arch of her neck. “I don’t want to talk about that though.”
“I do. This is unhealthy…this back and forth; for you and me, and now the baby.”
“Tell me about the baby.”
“Well, there’s not much to tell really. I haven’t gone for a check up yet.”
“And you’re sure that you’re pregnant?”
“The blood tests,” she said carefully, knowing how touchy the subject would forever be for them. “I learned from the results of Belle’s paternity test.”
“In Colorado?”
“Yes.”
“You came home? To tell me? Or Roman…what’s going to happen?”
Marlena twisted around slightly, “I wanted you to know first. You are this baby’s father. I’m almost positive we created this baby the night Belle was sick. I was still very fertile at that point.”
“You didn’t make love to Roman,” John asked.
She shifted again in his lap, leaning forward. “We did…only once.” She couldn’t say more without causing another argument. Praying that he could accept her explanation, she fell against him again.
“So, you’re leaving Roman?”
“I have to. He deserves someone who can love him fully, the way he deserves to be loved. There would no way that he could accept two of your children as his own; I know him. He’s a prideful man.”
“Of course he is…but you’re forgetting something, I wouldn’t let Roman raise my children without any say so from me.”
“And that’s the reason I have to do this.”
“The only reason,” he asked quickly.
“John you know the answer to that. You’ve always known the answer to that. There would be no way I could have our babies and not let them be around you; Roman would refuse to allow that.”
“Doc that’s not the answer I wanted to hear.”
“Well it’s all I have right now. I have to focus on me and my children, all of my children.” She said remembering Eric and Belle. “They need me. Eric needs me. I brought him home from Mama and Daddy’s. He’s at The Pub with Belle. John he’s gotten himself into trouble.”
John angled himself around her, trying to see her face. “What kind of trouble Doc?”
“Drugs.” She said simply.
“What’s our boy doing with drugs?”
“I don’t know…that’s why I have to focus on him right now. He’s needs some time with his family. He’ll also want to spend time with you.”
“He won’t have a family anymore Doc, once you tell Roman that you want to leave him, there will be no family.”
“We’ll always be a family.” She said optimistically. “Roman and I will always be the parents of the twins. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Well what about our family? I want my children to have a family too…Belle,” he said touching her stomach again, “and this baby too. I’m their daddy and I want to take care of them with you. I want to be responsible for them with you.”
“We’ll work all of this out.”
“I’m serious Marlena…and please don’t ever threaten me with taking them away from me. Don’t you know I would do everything in my power to prevent that.” His voice grew stern with his admonishment.
Marlena closed her eyes. Things would never be the same again. Roman would never forgive her for being with John. She didn’t know how to live without John; she couldn’t fathom John loving anyone else; being with anyone else; she wanted him to be in her life. “John, things will never be the same again.”
“I don’t want them to be. I want to create something new with you and our babies…and Sami and Eric. Even Carrie. I love all of you. I’ve always loved all of you.”
“And you made love to Avery.” She said wrapping her arms around her middle.
“I made love to Avery because I couldn’t make love to you,” John told her as a matter of factly. “I made a mistake. I have no excuses.”
“I think that’s what happened here. You and I hit that very thin line between love and hate. I’ve never wanted to hurt or hate you more than when I heard her voice on your machine.”
“Doc, it’s the past.”
“It’s not really. She’s very much apart of your future. I don’t expect that she’ll be thrilled that I’m having your baby.”
“Doc, let’s get married,” he said turning her to face him. “I want you to marry me. Will you do that? Will you marry me?”
She couldn’t help but smile at his excitement. “John, we can’t.”
“Yes, we can. Nothing is impossible.”
“This won’t make me forget Avery. I told you honey, I have to focus on my children. I don’t want to do anything that jeopardizes them right now. This is going to be hard for them to handle. I have to be present and in the moment.”
“I love you Doc.”
“I know.”
“What will you do…I mean after you tell Roman.”
“I guess I’ll have to look for a house for the children and me.”
“I’ll do it.”
“No,” she said shaking her had negatively. “I want to handle this. They’re my children.”
“They are my children too. I’m going to take care of you like I have never taken care of you, especially with my baby.”
“I don’t want you to do anything special. We’re going to be parents to our children…nothing more. I can’t really think about all that right now.”
“I know. This isn’t about us…I want the kids to feel safe and secure with you.”
“I know John. I know.” She said clutching his chin. “We can’t do this again. Not until we’re clear on what we mean to each other. I want to stay focused.”
“I understand.”
“Promise me that you won’t do this to me again.”
“Doc.”
“John, I need us to be stronger than this. I don’t want to give Roman any more reason than we’ve already given him. Can you understand that?”
“I can. Do you need me to go with you when you talk to Roman?”
“Uh no…I don’t think he’ll appreciate the gesture.”
“Have you thought about what you’re going to say to him and the children?”
“Ever since I learned about the baby I’ve been trying to gather words in my mouth. Nothing seems quite appropriate enough. I loved him for a very long time. This is going to hurt him immensely. He’s not only losing a wife; he’s losing a little girl that he wanted desperately.”
“I’ve got no sympathy for the man.”
“John…please.”
“Doc, I don’t. I want to be completely honest with you and myself from now on. I am going to devote myself to you honey.”
“Don’t say that.”
“I am. I’m going to be the best daddy for Brady, Belle…and this little one. I never had a dad except for that short time with Shawn. I learned a lot from him. I want to raise our children with pride Doc. They are not going to be ashamed of who they are, not ever.”
“Of course not.”
“Things have changed for us…and I’m happy,” he said holding her.
“Are you? Good. I know you’re a good daddy.”
“Thank you Doc for giving me life again. Thank you for having this baby, for having the strength to face whatever comes.”
“I love my children…my baby…I’m not ashamed of loving them or you,” she said feeling John’s lips sweep across the top her forehead. “We just have to take everything slowly.”
“Come on.” John said reaching for Marlena’s coat. He helped her pull her arms into the sleeves. “All set?”
“Yes.” Marlena said fixing her hair.
John pressed the elevator release and held Marlena as it jerked loose before smoothly transferring them back downstairs.
“Doc, can I kiss you one last time?” John asked before the doors opened. She stepped back to brace herself. He took her face into his hands as he grazed her mouth; mind numbing, body trembling, awe inspired moments passed before he released her face and mouth.
“Oh boy,” she said pecking his lips once more before sprinting from the elevator.
“Slow down…take it easy.” He fussed as he led her to the car. “If you need me I’ll be here all night.” He told her after opening the door and helping her into the seat. “Be careful,” he said kissing her forehead and closing her door.
She pressed two fingers against the glass window, turned her ignition over and shifted into gear mouthing I love you as she pulled off.
“My baby.” John said watching her drive away.
