Post by Mimi on Sept 17, 2006 22:15:42 GMT -5
3.4 Some Days I Pray For Soul
“If you look into your heart
With a positive mind
Take self-inventory of your woman
And your glory
Leave the bad things behind.
Everybody’s got a story
About love and the good things
But for the spices of your life
You just [got] to pay the price.
When I finally found [that] there was nothing left
I do believe I found myself
And I want to give me to you baby.”
-- Curtis Mayfield
Life changes with every breath you take; it is the nature of life—the ever evolving circle of her life. Behind the door of the home that she shared with Roman, as Mrs. Brady, life was moving; their children were growing; it was only their marriage that had stalled. She switched her car off. Checking her face in the rearview mirror for signs of where she’d been, and feeling sure that no trace of John was detectable, she removed herself slowly from the car.
Don. She thought of Don as she followed the brick driveway onto the pathway that led to the front door. She remembered the way her she felt when her heart broke when she confronted him with the truth of his affair with Liz. How she’d cried during their confrontation because she couldn’t control the emotions; the way he stood with an almost smug look on his face. And now she was doing exactly what Don had done to her all those years ago. They’d lost their son; Roman would lose Isabella. She’d lost her sense of identity; Roman would lose some piece of himself in the outcome of her decision.
“Mom?”
Marlena jumped and turned to see Sami coming up the pathway. “Hi baby girl. What are you doing coming home so late?”
“I was studying at the Jamie’s.”
“Were you dropped off…I didn’t hear a car?” She reached for Sami’s hand and they walked together to the door.
“I walked.”
“Oh Sami, I don’t like that. You could have called Daddy or me to come and pick you up.”
“It was cool Mom. I’m here. I’m safe.” Sami said opening the door with her free hand. She dropped her book bag at the foot of the stairs and walked toward the kitchen.
Marlena looked around the room, searching for signs of Roman. His empty holster and badge lay on the coffee table. She set her purse and keys next to the holster. The cop and the doc; they had been those people ages ago. So much had changed—at least for her. She wasn’t the same woman anymore; she didn’t feel the same emotions, and she didn’t feel them in the same way. Everything was much larger and more powerful for her. Especially her connection to her children—they exemplified how much she had changed. Before them, her life had been a shallow shadow of existence. They filled her with such joy and enlightened her life. It tore her apart to think that she was undoing their very foundation—their family. It was Roman who taught her to laugh again after D.J and Sam’s deaths. It was Roman who gifted her to become a mother again, blessing her with two babies that anchored her love for him and her life. How had she fallen so deeply in love with John? How had John been able to usurp Roman’s place without much force?
“Doc…you’re finally home.” Roman stood at the bottom of the stairwell, staring at her with a precarious snarl. She smiled politely, mechanically and crossed the room to meet him. “I’m sorry…” She said automatically. It was more than for her lateness. “I had to take care of some things at work immediately.” Lying had become too easy to do with Roman; she accomplished it effortlessly.
He reached for her, “I’m glad you’re here. We all missed you. Where are the baby and Eric? I thought they were coming in with you?”
“With your parents…I wanted to get them situated.” She said pulling out of his embrace.
“At The Pub?”
She realized how unfocused she was. Roman’s unassuming manner hindered her; how could he not know what she was thinking, she wondered inwardly. “Can we talk?”
He followed her to the couch where she sat down beside him. “Sami…I need to talk to daddy, will you give us some privacy?” She called out to the kitchen.
Sami burst through the door with a bag of chips. “Talk…I’m going to bed anyway.” She skipped past her parents, grabbed her book bag, and headed upstairs.
Roman reached out to touch Marlena’s hand. She didn’t pull it away. “What do you want to talk about honey? I was actually on my way out.”
“This can’t wait.” Her tone was low and serious. “We have to discuss some things.”
He eyed her suspiciously, moving closer. He took her hand fully this time. “Look, I promise I’ll give you all the time in the world when I get back from this stakeout. Bo’s waiting…”
“I’ve been waiting…we have to—I need to tell you how I feel. A lot has changed with me.”
“I can see that…but I just don’t have the time to…”
“Roman, I want a divorce.” She blurted out uneasily.
It took a moment before he said another word.
“Roman?”
“Yeah, I heard you…a divorce…you want a divorce?” He said completely shocked.
“I told you when I left that I wanted to work some things out alone. I’ve done that in Colorado.” She explained feeling suddenly remorseful. He looked as if she’d speared him with a sharp object. She felt the heat of his hand warming hers. “I think it’s time that we stopped living this…”
“Marlena…can we talk about this when I get back,” he said checking his vibrating pager, “its Bo.”
“This can’t wait…I can’t wait anymore,” she told him. “I don’t want to hurt you at all but our entire existence at this point has been a lie.”
“Doc, please…give me a couple of hours to deal with this. I don’t want to hear this divorce mess…we can work this out…whatever you need to work out.”
“You’re not hearing me Roman.”
“I heard you. I’m saying table it…or let’s do a separation. I can live with that…just don’t end us like this.”
“Roman…you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” She said almost tempted to force a reaction from him, by telling him of Belle’s true parentage.
“I’m not going to give you a divorce without at least trying. I don’t know what the problem is honey. I’m trying to…”
“You’re trying to put me off.” She said pulling away from him. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that we have a life because they’re busy. We’re suffering here…the children are suffering.”
“This helps? You leaving me will help them suffer less.”
“If I can refocus myself…I’ll be a better parent for them. I know you want that. You’re not happy.”
“Don’t tell me what I am.”
“Well,” she said lowering her head, “I’m not happy with you anymore.”
“You’re not happy with yourself. You’ve shut down Marlena, not me.”
“Maybe so…but there has to be a reason why.”
“Exactly, so you find that reason and when you do we can work on it together.”
“I don’t want to do that. I want this to end.” She whispered. The finality of her words struck her overwhelmingly. How much truth were those words? She had to end it because she was carrying John’s baby, because Belle was John’s daughter, didn’t she?
“Honey, come on…give me a day. Just one day. We can discuss this then.” He said pulling his holster on. “I love you too much to give up Doc.” Roman kissed her mouth quickly and headed for the door.
“Roman…I’m sorry.” She said knowing she wouldn’t be there when he returned.
“I’ll be back Doc.” He told her slipping out of the door.
A lonely tear wet her cheek as she took a deep breath and stood up. At the top of the stairs, she heard Sami sobbing. Rushing upstairs she found Sami laying on the floor, balled in a fetal position with her arms covering her face. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Marlena said pulling Sami’s hair back to see her daughter’s face.
“Mommy, you can’t leave Daddy,” she said in between her broken sobs. “Please don’t leave us.”
“Oh Sami.” Marlena cried wrapping her arms around Sami’s shoulders. “I wouldn’t leave you…I won’t ever leave you again.”
“But you’re leaving Daddy,” she asked lifting her head. Her face was streaming with tears. “I don’t want you to leave Daddy.”
“Baby, this has nothing to do with you. I’m always going to be your Mama…okay? Come on…get up.” She tried to help Sami move but she pushed her away.
“Why do you have to leave Daddy?” Sami inquired angrily.
“Baby.”
“Why?”
“It’s between Daddy and me.”
“No…what you do affects us. We deserve to know what’s going on.” Sami pleaded. She wasn’t a little girl anymore. In that moment, Marlena realized how much pain Sami internalized; and she waited until she felt Sami was calm enough to listen.
“Sometimes we have to do things that will hurt others Sami. It’s just how life goes baby. I would do anything in my power to make you hurt less.”
“Don’t leave daddy.”
“Sami, you don’t understand this…it’s not about you. This is about daddy and I. We need to have separate lives now.”
“You just got back together Mom. Give it some time.”
“That’s not an option,” Marlena said. “I have to do this now.”
“Now. You’re leaving tonight?”
“I have to.”
“Mommy please don’t go…” Sami cried as her tears rolled. She grabbed Marlena’s waist, clasping herself around it desperately.
“Samantha, please calm down. You’re frightening me. Take some deep breaths. You’re getting yourself all worked up.” She said inching Sami slowly toward her bedroom.
“No.”
“Sami.”
“Marlena what’s wrong?” Carrie asked entering the house and hearing Sami. She rushed upstairs. “Sami.”
“Carrie, she’s leaving Daddy.” Sami yelled.
Marlena tried to hold onto Sami as she squirmed in her arms. Sami pulled away, sending Marlena into the wall behind her.
“Are you okay?” Carrie asked coming to her side immediately.
Sami waited for her response before running into her room.
“I’m okay. I’m fine.” Marlena assured Carrie as she headed to Sami’s room.
“I think you should give her some time…besides I want to know what’s going on?” Carrie said helping Marlena down the hallway. “You’re leaving him?” Carrie asked as she and Marlena crossed the doorframe of her bedroom. Carrie sat cross-legged on the bed. “What happened?”
“Nothing specifically…it’s complicated honey. I have to do this.”
“I believe you. I know you wouldn’t just do this…you obviously feel like you have to.”
“I do,” she said moving to where Carrie was sitting. “You’re not upset.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I know you and he aren’t in love the way you should be Marlena.”
Marlena watched Carrie as she assessed her marriage. She spoke with a confidence that had once been hidden beneath the shy and withdrawn little girl. Carrie had grown into a beautiful woman. “Sami will understand eventually. They all will. You’re leaving him for John, aren’t you?”
Marlena flinched. “Carrie, no. I’m leaving Roman because I have to do this…its got nothing to do with John.”
“I know you Marlena. I know how you and daddy feel about each other…not Roman. I don’t think of him as daddy. Whenever I say that word all I can see is John there…he’s always been there.”
“Carrie.”
“No listen to me. I love Roman. I really do…but John is my daddy. And I want you two together. I always have. You’re not happy with Roman because he’s not Daddy. He’ll never be Daddy.”
“Honey, you don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“But I do. I’ve known you ever since I was a little girl. I’ve seen what you’re like with Daddy and I’ve seen what your like with Roman. There’s no comparison. You would tell me to go with my heart…right…because your heart never lies.”
“Sometimes it does honey.”
“Not this time though. Mom I know this is tough for you. I know that. You’re such a kind and loving person that you can’t stand to see the pain that Roman will be in…and Sami. But you deserve happiness don’t you.”
“Honey, I love it when you call me Mom. It makes me feel like we have a special relationship.”
“We do. Being a mother doesn’t always mean blood and veins. You are my mother just as John is my daddy. Its right…I love you both so much. I want you to be a happy with each other. I saw Daddy with that woman…she looks like you. I think that’s why he dates her. He’ll never get over you.”
“Carrie, I’m not accustomed to you giving me advice. I’m the mother here.”
“Yes. But I’m the daughter and I’m telling you that I want you to do what makes you happy. John makes you very happy.”
Marlena didn’t confirm Carrie’s notion. She did tug on her hand, feeling like she had a comrade in the whole ugly mess.
“Marlena…can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“Belle…she’s not Roman’s baby, is she?”
Marlena was too shocked to answer.
“Don’t be afraid. I haven’t said anything to anyone. I just watch her and I see him in her. Those eyes. She looks at me in the same way that Daddy does, as if she knows more about me than I know about her.”
“Carrie.”
“It’s true. She is his baby. I’m not judging you.”
“Oh honey, this is not a situation that I want you to be loyall
about. It was wrong. I’m not ashamed of Belle at all…I’m ashamed of the circumstances.” She explained. “How could you know that?”
“I know Daddy. And I know you. Belle is both.”
“Honey, this…”
“You don’t have to explain to me. I love you regardless of this. Trust me…I’ll never hurt you with this. I’ll protect you all as much as I can.” Carrie laid her head on Marlena’s shoulder. “Roman doesn’t know?”
“No.”
“Does Daddy know?”
”Yes…he knows.”
“Are you leaving Roman for Daddy?”
“No Carrie I’m leaving Roman because of me. I don’t deserve him.”
“How could you say that?”
“Carrie, I’m having another baby…I’m having John’s baby,” she confessed without provocation. “I can’t do this to Roman again.”
“A baby with Daddy?”
“Yes. You’re going to be a sister again,” she said allowing herself to feel joyful. “No one knows except for you us.”
“Oh that’s perfect. You can be with Daddy and the new baby.”
“No, I want to focus on you children. I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I just want to be a good mom.”
“You already are a good mom.”
“Thanks honey…but I’m not so sure. This is going to destroy our family.”
“Not if we don’t let it. I’m going to be here for you.”
“Thank you. I don’t want to make you into my warrior.”
“It’s not your choice.”
“I see…I love you honey. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Carrie said tipping her head up to kiss Marlena’s cheek. She touched the place where john’s hand had been. “Do you know how pregnant you are?’
“No,” Marlena replied running her fingers through Carrie’s blonde curls. “My best guess would be six weeks.” She said recollecting the night she believed the baby had been conceived: in John’s loft, after Belle’s sick episode. “I’m going to go to the doctor as soon as this is straightened out.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m moving out. Tonight. I tried to tell Roman honey, he left before I could tell him about Belle and the baby. But I feel I have to leave now…it can’t wait.”
“I understand.”
“I know you do. Sami doesn’t.” Marlena said imaging her daughter’s red-rimmed eyes glaring at her. “You know that wherever I am, you’re welcome to come. You always have a place with me sweetie.”
“I know Mom. Maybe I’d better stay with him to be fair.”
“Whatever you want,” Marlena said squeezing Carrie. “It’s fine. I don’t want to put you in the middle.”
“Sami won’t go with you.”
“I still want her to know that she can.”
“Where will you go?”
“Salem Inn. I’ll stay alone tonight…and pick up Belle and Eric tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to come?”
“No honey you stay with Sami. She needs you to be here with her. I’ll feel better knowing you’re taking care of her.”
“I will.”
“I know. I better get this over with.” She kissed Carrie again. “Whenever you call me…I’ll always be there.”
“This isn’t goodbye Mom.” Carrie said walking Marlena to the door. “I’ll go talk to Sami.”
Marlena walked into her bedroom without turning on the lights. Her bags were already in the car. She wanted to take one last look at the place where she’d last spent time alone with Roman. His cologne filled the air. The pants he’d been wearing were at the foot of the bed. A wet towel lay sprawled in the center of the bed. “Goodbye Roman.” She turned, closed the door, and headed back down the hall. Stopping at Sami’s open door, she saw Carrie sitting in front of a still distraught Sami.
“Baby, I’ll be at the Salem Inn if you want to talk.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Not now…but you will. I know this hurts right now…”
“Mom please.” Sami cried. “I don’t want to talk to you now.”
“Call me.” She said as she entered the room and ran her hand down Sami’s hair. She kissed the top of her head, kissed Carrie again, and left.
~~~~~Notes From The Writers~~~~~~~~~
In a world of I's and you's, it's a pleasure to know that WE are a team.
Inspiration. Motivation. Beauty. Brains. Words are our craft,
imaginations set affire, CC and Meli simply known as The Writers.
It is a priveledge for us to bring you into a world of imagination, a world so far away from the one we face now. Thank you for your support and your dedication. It is greatlyappreciated.
Sincerely Yours,
Cee & Melissa
“If you look into your heart
With a positive mind
Take self-inventory of your woman
And your glory
Leave the bad things behind.
Everybody’s got a story
About love and the good things
But for the spices of your life
You just [got] to pay the price.
When I finally found [that] there was nothing left
I do believe I found myself
And I want to give me to you baby.”
-- Curtis Mayfield
Life changes with every breath you take; it is the nature of life—the ever evolving circle of her life. Behind the door of the home that she shared with Roman, as Mrs. Brady, life was moving; their children were growing; it was only their marriage that had stalled. She switched her car off. Checking her face in the rearview mirror for signs of where she’d been, and feeling sure that no trace of John was detectable, she removed herself slowly from the car.
Don. She thought of Don as she followed the brick driveway onto the pathway that led to the front door. She remembered the way her she felt when her heart broke when she confronted him with the truth of his affair with Liz. How she’d cried during their confrontation because she couldn’t control the emotions; the way he stood with an almost smug look on his face. And now she was doing exactly what Don had done to her all those years ago. They’d lost their son; Roman would lose Isabella. She’d lost her sense of identity; Roman would lose some piece of himself in the outcome of her decision.
“Mom?”
Marlena jumped and turned to see Sami coming up the pathway. “Hi baby girl. What are you doing coming home so late?”
“I was studying at the Jamie’s.”
“Were you dropped off…I didn’t hear a car?” She reached for Sami’s hand and they walked together to the door.
“I walked.”
“Oh Sami, I don’t like that. You could have called Daddy or me to come and pick you up.”
“It was cool Mom. I’m here. I’m safe.” Sami said opening the door with her free hand. She dropped her book bag at the foot of the stairs and walked toward the kitchen.
Marlena looked around the room, searching for signs of Roman. His empty holster and badge lay on the coffee table. She set her purse and keys next to the holster. The cop and the doc; they had been those people ages ago. So much had changed—at least for her. She wasn’t the same woman anymore; she didn’t feel the same emotions, and she didn’t feel them in the same way. Everything was much larger and more powerful for her. Especially her connection to her children—they exemplified how much she had changed. Before them, her life had been a shallow shadow of existence. They filled her with such joy and enlightened her life. It tore her apart to think that she was undoing their very foundation—their family. It was Roman who taught her to laugh again after D.J and Sam’s deaths. It was Roman who gifted her to become a mother again, blessing her with two babies that anchored her love for him and her life. How had she fallen so deeply in love with John? How had John been able to usurp Roman’s place without much force?
“Doc…you’re finally home.” Roman stood at the bottom of the stairwell, staring at her with a precarious snarl. She smiled politely, mechanically and crossed the room to meet him. “I’m sorry…” She said automatically. It was more than for her lateness. “I had to take care of some things at work immediately.” Lying had become too easy to do with Roman; she accomplished it effortlessly.
He reached for her, “I’m glad you’re here. We all missed you. Where are the baby and Eric? I thought they were coming in with you?”
“With your parents…I wanted to get them situated.” She said pulling out of his embrace.
“At The Pub?”
She realized how unfocused she was. Roman’s unassuming manner hindered her; how could he not know what she was thinking, she wondered inwardly. “Can we talk?”
He followed her to the couch where she sat down beside him. “Sami…I need to talk to daddy, will you give us some privacy?” She called out to the kitchen.
Sami burst through the door with a bag of chips. “Talk…I’m going to bed anyway.” She skipped past her parents, grabbed her book bag, and headed upstairs.
Roman reached out to touch Marlena’s hand. She didn’t pull it away. “What do you want to talk about honey? I was actually on my way out.”
“This can’t wait.” Her tone was low and serious. “We have to discuss some things.”
He eyed her suspiciously, moving closer. He took her hand fully this time. “Look, I promise I’ll give you all the time in the world when I get back from this stakeout. Bo’s waiting…”
“I’ve been waiting…we have to—I need to tell you how I feel. A lot has changed with me.”
“I can see that…but I just don’t have the time to…”
“Roman, I want a divorce.” She blurted out uneasily.
It took a moment before he said another word.
“Roman?”
“Yeah, I heard you…a divorce…you want a divorce?” He said completely shocked.
“I told you when I left that I wanted to work some things out alone. I’ve done that in Colorado.” She explained feeling suddenly remorseful. He looked as if she’d speared him with a sharp object. She felt the heat of his hand warming hers. “I think it’s time that we stopped living this…”
“Marlena…can we talk about this when I get back,” he said checking his vibrating pager, “its Bo.”
“This can’t wait…I can’t wait anymore,” she told him. “I don’t want to hurt you at all but our entire existence at this point has been a lie.”
“Doc, please…give me a couple of hours to deal with this. I don’t want to hear this divorce mess…we can work this out…whatever you need to work out.”
“You’re not hearing me Roman.”
“I heard you. I’m saying table it…or let’s do a separation. I can live with that…just don’t end us like this.”
“Roman…you haven’t heard a word I’ve said.” She said almost tempted to force a reaction from him, by telling him of Belle’s true parentage.
“I’m not going to give you a divorce without at least trying. I don’t know what the problem is honey. I’m trying to…”
“You’re trying to put me off.” She said pulling away from him. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that we have a life because they’re busy. We’re suffering here…the children are suffering.”
“This helps? You leaving me will help them suffer less.”
“If I can refocus myself…I’ll be a better parent for them. I know you want that. You’re not happy.”
“Don’t tell me what I am.”
“Well,” she said lowering her head, “I’m not happy with you anymore.”
“You’re not happy with yourself. You’ve shut down Marlena, not me.”
“Maybe so…but there has to be a reason why.”
“Exactly, so you find that reason and when you do we can work on it together.”
“I don’t want to do that. I want this to end.” She whispered. The finality of her words struck her overwhelmingly. How much truth were those words? She had to end it because she was carrying John’s baby, because Belle was John’s daughter, didn’t she?
“Honey, come on…give me a day. Just one day. We can discuss this then.” He said pulling his holster on. “I love you too much to give up Doc.” Roman kissed her mouth quickly and headed for the door.
“Roman…I’m sorry.” She said knowing she wouldn’t be there when he returned.
“I’ll be back Doc.” He told her slipping out of the door.
A lonely tear wet her cheek as she took a deep breath and stood up. At the top of the stairs, she heard Sami sobbing. Rushing upstairs she found Sami laying on the floor, balled in a fetal position with her arms covering her face. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Marlena said pulling Sami’s hair back to see her daughter’s face.
“Mommy, you can’t leave Daddy,” she said in between her broken sobs. “Please don’t leave us.”
“Oh Sami.” Marlena cried wrapping her arms around Sami’s shoulders. “I wouldn’t leave you…I won’t ever leave you again.”
“But you’re leaving Daddy,” she asked lifting her head. Her face was streaming with tears. “I don’t want you to leave Daddy.”
“Baby, this has nothing to do with you. I’m always going to be your Mama…okay? Come on…get up.” She tried to help Sami move but she pushed her away.
“Why do you have to leave Daddy?” Sami inquired angrily.
“Baby.”
“Why?”
“It’s between Daddy and me.”
“No…what you do affects us. We deserve to know what’s going on.” Sami pleaded. She wasn’t a little girl anymore. In that moment, Marlena realized how much pain Sami internalized; and she waited until she felt Sami was calm enough to listen.
“Sometimes we have to do things that will hurt others Sami. It’s just how life goes baby. I would do anything in my power to make you hurt less.”
“Don’t leave daddy.”
“Sami, you don’t understand this…it’s not about you. This is about daddy and I. We need to have separate lives now.”
“You just got back together Mom. Give it some time.”
“That’s not an option,” Marlena said. “I have to do this now.”
“Now. You’re leaving tonight?”
“I have to.”
“Mommy please don’t go…” Sami cried as her tears rolled. She grabbed Marlena’s waist, clasping herself around it desperately.
“Samantha, please calm down. You’re frightening me. Take some deep breaths. You’re getting yourself all worked up.” She said inching Sami slowly toward her bedroom.
“No.”
“Sami.”
“Marlena what’s wrong?” Carrie asked entering the house and hearing Sami. She rushed upstairs. “Sami.”
“Carrie, she’s leaving Daddy.” Sami yelled.
Marlena tried to hold onto Sami as she squirmed in her arms. Sami pulled away, sending Marlena into the wall behind her.
“Are you okay?” Carrie asked coming to her side immediately.
Sami waited for her response before running into her room.
“I’m okay. I’m fine.” Marlena assured Carrie as she headed to Sami’s room.
“I think you should give her some time…besides I want to know what’s going on?” Carrie said helping Marlena down the hallway. “You’re leaving him?” Carrie asked as she and Marlena crossed the doorframe of her bedroom. Carrie sat cross-legged on the bed. “What happened?”
“Nothing specifically…it’s complicated honey. I have to do this.”
“I believe you. I know you wouldn’t just do this…you obviously feel like you have to.”
“I do,” she said moving to where Carrie was sitting. “You’re not upset.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I know you and he aren’t in love the way you should be Marlena.”
Marlena watched Carrie as she assessed her marriage. She spoke with a confidence that had once been hidden beneath the shy and withdrawn little girl. Carrie had grown into a beautiful woman. “Sami will understand eventually. They all will. You’re leaving him for John, aren’t you?”
Marlena flinched. “Carrie, no. I’m leaving Roman because I have to do this…its got nothing to do with John.”
“I know you Marlena. I know how you and daddy feel about each other…not Roman. I don’t think of him as daddy. Whenever I say that word all I can see is John there…he’s always been there.”
“Carrie.”
“No listen to me. I love Roman. I really do…but John is my daddy. And I want you two together. I always have. You’re not happy with Roman because he’s not Daddy. He’ll never be Daddy.”
“Honey, you don’t understand what you’re saying.”
“But I do. I’ve known you ever since I was a little girl. I’ve seen what you’re like with Daddy and I’ve seen what your like with Roman. There’s no comparison. You would tell me to go with my heart…right…because your heart never lies.”
“Sometimes it does honey.”
“Not this time though. Mom I know this is tough for you. I know that. You’re such a kind and loving person that you can’t stand to see the pain that Roman will be in…and Sami. But you deserve happiness don’t you.”
“Honey, I love it when you call me Mom. It makes me feel like we have a special relationship.”
“We do. Being a mother doesn’t always mean blood and veins. You are my mother just as John is my daddy. Its right…I love you both so much. I want you to be a happy with each other. I saw Daddy with that woman…she looks like you. I think that’s why he dates her. He’ll never get over you.”
“Carrie, I’m not accustomed to you giving me advice. I’m the mother here.”
“Yes. But I’m the daughter and I’m telling you that I want you to do what makes you happy. John makes you very happy.”
Marlena didn’t confirm Carrie’s notion. She did tug on her hand, feeling like she had a comrade in the whole ugly mess.
“Marlena…can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“Belle…she’s not Roman’s baby, is she?”
Marlena was too shocked to answer.
“Don’t be afraid. I haven’t said anything to anyone. I just watch her and I see him in her. Those eyes. She looks at me in the same way that Daddy does, as if she knows more about me than I know about her.”
“Carrie.”
“It’s true. She is his baby. I’m not judging you.”
“Oh honey, this is not a situation that I want you to be loyall
about. It was wrong. I’m not ashamed of Belle at all…I’m ashamed of the circumstances.” She explained. “How could you know that?”
“I know Daddy. And I know you. Belle is both.”
“Honey, this…”
“You don’t have to explain to me. I love you regardless of this. Trust me…I’ll never hurt you with this. I’ll protect you all as much as I can.” Carrie laid her head on Marlena’s shoulder. “Roman doesn’t know?”
“No.”
“Does Daddy know?”
”Yes…he knows.”
“Are you leaving Roman for Daddy?”
“No Carrie I’m leaving Roman because of me. I don’t deserve him.”
“How could you say that?”
“Carrie, I’m having another baby…I’m having John’s baby,” she confessed without provocation. “I can’t do this to Roman again.”
“A baby with Daddy?”
“Yes. You’re going to be a sister again,” she said allowing herself to feel joyful. “No one knows except for you us.”
“Oh that’s perfect. You can be with Daddy and the new baby.”
“No, I want to focus on you children. I’m not ready for a relationship right now. I just want to be a good mom.”
“You already are a good mom.”
“Thanks honey…but I’m not so sure. This is going to destroy our family.”
“Not if we don’t let it. I’m going to be here for you.”
“Thank you. I don’t want to make you into my warrior.”
“It’s not your choice.”
“I see…I love you honey. I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” Carrie said tipping her head up to kiss Marlena’s cheek. She touched the place where john’s hand had been. “Do you know how pregnant you are?’
“No,” Marlena replied running her fingers through Carrie’s blonde curls. “My best guess would be six weeks.” She said recollecting the night she believed the baby had been conceived: in John’s loft, after Belle’s sick episode. “I’m going to go to the doctor as soon as this is straightened out.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I’m moving out. Tonight. I tried to tell Roman honey, he left before I could tell him about Belle and the baby. But I feel I have to leave now…it can’t wait.”
“I understand.”
“I know you do. Sami doesn’t.” Marlena said imaging her daughter’s red-rimmed eyes glaring at her. “You know that wherever I am, you’re welcome to come. You always have a place with me sweetie.”
“I know Mom. Maybe I’d better stay with him to be fair.”
“Whatever you want,” Marlena said squeezing Carrie. “It’s fine. I don’t want to put you in the middle.”
“Sami won’t go with you.”
“I still want her to know that she can.”
“Where will you go?”
“Salem Inn. I’ll stay alone tonight…and pick up Belle and Eric tomorrow.”
“Do you want me to come?”
“No honey you stay with Sami. She needs you to be here with her. I’ll feel better knowing you’re taking care of her.”
“I will.”
“I know. I better get this over with.” She kissed Carrie again. “Whenever you call me…I’ll always be there.”
“This isn’t goodbye Mom.” Carrie said walking Marlena to the door. “I’ll go talk to Sami.”
Marlena walked into her bedroom without turning on the lights. Her bags were already in the car. She wanted to take one last look at the place where she’d last spent time alone with Roman. His cologne filled the air. The pants he’d been wearing were at the foot of the bed. A wet towel lay sprawled in the center of the bed. “Goodbye Roman.” She turned, closed the door, and headed back down the hall. Stopping at Sami’s open door, she saw Carrie sitting in front of a still distraught Sami.
“Baby, I’ll be at the Salem Inn if you want to talk.”
“I don’t have anything to say to you.”
“Not now…but you will. I know this hurts right now…”
“Mom please.” Sami cried. “I don’t want to talk to you now.”
“Call me.” She said as she entered the room and ran her hand down Sami’s hair. She kissed the top of her head, kissed Carrie again, and left.
~~~~~Notes From The Writers~~~~~~~~~
In a world of I's and you's, it's a pleasure to know that WE are a team.
Inspiration. Motivation. Beauty. Brains. Words are our craft,
imaginations set affire, CC and Meli simply known as The Writers.
It is a priveledge for us to bring you into a world of imagination, a world so far away from the one we face now. Thank you for your support and your dedication. It is greatlyappreciated.
Sincerely Yours,
Cee & Melissa
