Post by Mimi on Sept 17, 2006 22:17:32 GMT -5
3.6 I Will Never Be The Same
“Our life is always deeper than we know, is always more divine than it seems, and hence we are able to survive degradations and despairs which otherwise must have engulfed us.”
-- Henry James
God forgives—with a reasonable amount of atonement—because sin is forgivable; the scriptures proclaim that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Love couldn’t be a sin; God is love and she loved as she had been instructed, but love had been her downfall. Loving John, praying for forgiveness, she needed to be forgiven. In her solitude, she prayed. She knelt on the floor of the marble tiled shower, prostrate and vulnerable to the author and finisher of her faith, supplicating quietly.
Beads of scorching water pelted the span of her narrow shoulder blades, dampening her hair beneath its spray. The tension of the past few weeks had finally gathered in heavy knots in the area between her shoulders. She felt it; Sami’s visceral pain, Roman’s forthcoming pain and loss, and the fallout of her decision to end her marriage, it was all she could do not to turn around and weaken under the burden of Sami’s pleas. It might have been enough—Sami’s adverse reaction—to stop her from walking out of the door. She almost had stopped, and turned back before it was too late until the baby inside of her fluttered around in the pool of its origins, sealed inside her womb; and she was compelled to move on, to continue out of the door, to drive away from their house, to say goodbye to her life as Mrs. Roman Brady.
Who was she now she wondered still beseeching God for a clear conscience: a single mother with children who could possibly hate her, with a baby whose father she was not married to, and an unborn child who would forever be associated to the circumstances of its conception?
She arose slowly from the floor of the shower, and reached to turn off the faucet. Wrapping herself in a towel, she navigated the room clumsily in the darkness; it suited her purpose. Darkness and pain, a terrible partnership. She lay in the center of the queen-sized bed and lowered her eyelids tightly. She wanted to find that calmness, to center herself, because a sense of drifting was slowly encumbering her.
The reverie of her meditation was broken by the sound of heavy knocking. She leapt up and hurried to the door. She was greeted by the lucidity of those sapphire eyes. “Doc, I couldn’t stay away,” he said as soon as she pulled the door fully open. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”
She stepped aside as John brushed pass her. It had been hours since she’d been in his arms and she could still smell her perfume shadowing him. She closed the door and turned to offer him a seat. “Have a seat.” She spoke as if she hadn’t just revealed the greatest of blessings to him, as if they were strangers, as if she weren’t pregnant with their second love child.
“Are you okay?” He asked surveying the length of her damp body, bathed in the essence of new motherhood. Wondering why it was that she seemed more naked than any other woman he’d seen in that state; she was standing unpretentiously in a towel as if it were her most natural state.
“Fine. Fine. I’m just a little tired.” She said seeing the disarming look spreading over John’s face.
“The baby?”
“Perhaps…it’s been a long day, John. You didn’t have to check up on me, really. I’m a big girl. I should get something on…” She said remembering the towel covering her. “Excuse me.”
John surveyed the room after she walked out of the room; he noticed her suitcases in the corner. “How was it?” he questioned after she returned from the bathroom with a terry cloth robe on. “How’d it go?”
“I don’t want to discuss it.”
“Did Roman…”
“No,” she said assertively, “he didn’t do anything. He walked out before I could really tell him anything besides my decision to end our marriage.” She said half-heartedly. “Sami overheard and she’s torn apart.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He said forcing himself to ignore Marlena’s pained face, to not stand up and hug her closely.
“Me too…I’ve never seen her so distraught John. She was devastated.”
“She’ll be okay. You have to talk to her…and keep talking to her. She’s a sensitive girl but she loves hard…and she’s loyal to a fault.”
“She’s still my baby…my little girl is hurting and I’m the cause.”
“Well, what else could we do?” He said.
“We?”
“Yes, we…as in you and me.”
“John…”
“No…don’t misunderstand me. I heard you tonight Doc. I heard everything you said. I’m not happy about the arrangement but I understand that we have a lot to work out…and we will. I’m dedicated to building a family with you…and all of our children. I’m not going to give up on us. If that means courting you slowly then so be it. I’m going to adore you. I’m going to prove to you how much I love you.”
“You don’t have to prove that to me,” she whispered. “I already know that John.”
“Good. Then I’m going to provide you with reassurance. After you left tonight, I felt as if we’d gotten something back that I thought we lost when you went to Colorado. I thought we were completely over.”
“Thus Avery.”
“Me and you.” John said closing the distance between them. “No more anyone…it’s just you and me Doc.” He touched her face gently. “You and me.”
“No,” she said backing up, “we can’t.” Just his touch could affect her.
“I’m not trying to seduce you.”
“I don’t think you understand what you do to me. It’s like fire in my veins when you’re near me…fire. Whenever we’re this close,” she said motioning between them, “I want you to touch me anywhere. To kiss me or just hold me…anything, but I don’t want that now. I want to be clear about this: I can’t make love to you, not again.”
“I understand.”
“Not until I’m sure.” She added quickly.
“Sure about us?”
“I need to know that our passion is about love and not lust. Just the thought of you touching me, or when I feel your breath on my skin makes it hard to stand across from you without wanting to be with you. That’s scary. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“Doc…I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You can’t be sure of that…and I can’t be sure that I won’t hurt you either. However, we do have to be sure of the children. You only have one chance at that. I’ve messed up completely with Sami and Eric…I want to be better for Belle and this baby, and for the twins…I want to fix our relationships. They all deserve better.”
“You are the best they’ll ever have. You’re not a bad mother.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Listen to me lady…this is the woman I love…don’t beat up on her.” He said squeezing her shoulder. “You are a wonderful mother, Doc. You are a loving human being.”
“What is this make Marlena feel better day,” she said craning her neck coyly.
“Yes. I want to devote my life to that. I always want to make you feel good. Always…just as soon as you’re ready for that again.”
“You’ve already done that for today,” she said smirking as she walked away. “I appreciate you checking up on me. It’s been rather lonely here.”
“Belle’s still with Ma and Pop?”
“Yes, she and Eric are staying overnight. I talked to Eric a little while ago.”
“How does he seem?”
“He’s better and a little less anxious.”
“That’s good Doc.”
“Yes it is. He and Carrie have shown such care and compassion with this situation.”
“Did you expect anything less? You’re their mother…the perfect role model.”
“John, I’m not perfect…I don’t want to be. I make mistakes. I’ve done hurtful things. I’m human.”
“I know…and I love you anyway.”
“I’m tired John. I want to rest up for tomorrow. I just want this day to end.”
He looked uncertain. “Are you sure you want to be alone?”
“I’m sure.” She said ushering him to the door. “You go on home. I’m going to be perfectly fine here.” She opened the door and extended her arm across the doorframe.
“Doc, you don’t have to be brave.” He told her crossing the threshold. “I won’t think any less of you.”
“John, I’m not being brave. I’m okay. So goodnight.” She nudged him, placing her hands the small of his back to guide him out of her room. He swiveled around, catching her off guard as he locked her arms around his waist with his hands. “John…goodnight.” She said staring directly into those mesmerizing eyes, as they connected, pressing foreheads together.
“I love you Marlena Evans.”
Mesmerized, loved, and adored; he could convey those with a simple sentence. She kissed him; an innocent, first-love kind of peck, absent of overwrought emotion and passion. It was the gentlest touch she could manage, but also one of the most sensual she’d ever felt in her life. “I love you, John.”
Her admission compelled him to clench her mouth between his anxious lips. Overpowering her lips between his teeth and tongue, he sucked and pulled at her mouth hungrily. “Doc, I want you so badly…” he moaned.
“John we can’t.” She told him breaking away. “Not now…not yet.”
“Baby, you’re killing me.” He said moving away from their connection.
“I don’t mean to, really. I…”
“I know. You don’t have to explain it to me. I’m going to go.” He leaned forward to kiss her again. “I’m going to call when I get home. And I’ll call you in the morning.” He told her while walking away.
She watched him disappear down the hall before turning to go back into her room. She’d barely crossed the room when a light tap at the door caused her to smile. John had found another reason to come back. “John…I told you I’m fine,” she said opening the door. He was standing with the coldest glare she’d ever witnessed. “Roman?”
He forced himself into the room, pushing by her roughly. “What the hell is going on Doc?”
“Roman.”
“Yes, Roman…your husband not John,” He said with an air of disgust. “Not John…not that son of a bitch.”
He’d seen, she realized inwardly. She’d never wanted him to see it. “Do you hear me?” she heard him shout, pulling her from her thoughts. Veins bulged viciously from his neck. “Roman…calm down.” She said finding the distance between them suddenly too close. How had he moved to close?
“Calm down? Doc, I go home to an empty house…no you…Belle’s at my parents. And then I come here and see you…you and that playboy kissing in the hallway of the Salem Inn. Calm down.”
She moved slowly, taking back steps to the other side of the room. Shame—or something more profound caused her to pull her robe tighter together. “Roman, I’m uncomfortable with the way you’re acting right now. Please calm down.”
“What do you expect me to do? Marlena…our daughter is at home in tears, still. She crying bloody murder and you’re here fucking John.” He said as if it hadn’t occurred to him before then. “You’re here with him while my family is being torn apart.”
“I didn’t…” she cried. “ It’s not like that.”
“You said you’d be home when I got back. You couldn’t wait to get here to meet him, could you? How long has this been going on?”
“Roman.”
He shouted bitterly, “How long?”
“Roman, it’s not what you think. John and I…”
“Don’t say his name…not to me.” He crossed the room toward her.
“Roman.” She was caught off guard by the impact of her body hitting the wall. He hadn’t pushed her so much as he’d backed her forcefully against the wall. Terror sweltered around her. She couldn’t move; he’d formed a blockade with his arms. “You’re scaring me Roman. Please let me…”
“I want to talk to you…I want to know what the hell is going on here. What are you thinking?”
“Roman you’re being irrational…and I’m afraid you’re not in control of yourself right now.”
“Don’t shrink me doc,” he said sarcastically. “Irrational. How rational do I have to be? I’ve seen my wife kissing another man. You’re screwing him behind my back…my children are heartbroken.”
“If you’d let me explain…but first I want you to move back.” She said mechanically.
“No, you’re going to explain to me what the hell is going on.” He gripped her chin roughly. “Are you having an affair with John?”
She eyed him wordlessly.
“Damn it Marlena…are you sleeping with John?”
She winced as his hand increased pressure, “You’re hurting me.”
“You’re hurting me…you’re killing everything we’ve built. Is he worth it? Are you sleeping with him?”
“No…” she said quietly.
“Marlena.”
“Not anymore,” she continued cautiously. “I…I tried to tell you this at home. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you.”
“Tell me what…that you’re fucking John.”
“No, it’s not that,” she said adjusting to Roman’s clenching of her skin. “It’s Belle…she’s not your baby…she’s…” She was silenced by the force of his hand crossing her face. Warmness flared in her cheek as she rubbed the throbbing.
The silence was unbearable. She couldn’t read him; he hadn’t taken his eyes from her face. He was unmarred by the level of his brutality; it was she that felt the shame and remorse. She tried to push pass him unsuccessfully; he pinned her against the wall again. She panicked. She looked around the room for an escape. He clenched her chin again. The closeness, the callousness of his hands on her chin, moving steadily up to cover her mouth. She screamed despite herself. When he didn’t loosen his hold, she screamed again, struggling to get away. He was stronger and angrier. Without much effort, he stopped her from moving and she cried out again. The sound of the door bursting open caused them both to look towards the doorway where John was plowing toward them.
The moments happened so rapidly that she felt as if she were in a dream. John and Roman colliding. John moving her from the chaos of their confrontation as she found a safe haven in the corner of the room. She closed her eyes. She could hear the angry words that Roman spat at John. John’s voice was drowned out in the sea of Roman’s madness. The calmness and peace of earlier were forgotten in the struggle between Roman and John. When she opened her eyes again, John had Roman pinned against the wall with his hands gripping Roman’s neck. She cried out through tears. John stopped, releasing Roman. She dropped to her knees exhausted and John rushed to her side. He scooped her into his arms and brought her over to the bed. Roman watched them perplexed as John stroked her hair gently, the savage that Roman provoked had dissolved and all he could do was make sure she was all right. He touched her stomach; it was by his touch that she remembered their baby in the commotion. Looking up and seeing the look in Roman’s face was worst than the force of his hand across her face. He physically cringed. She wanted to say something, not entirely sure what, but he darted from the room and she was left with John pulling her closer.
“Baby, you’re never going to be alone with him again. Never. I heard you crying out. I was coming back to tell you about the place I found for you…” he explained, looking her over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head; tears were falling relentlessly down her cheeks.
John ran his hand over her face, “Baby, he hit you? I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”
“No,” she said suddenly, “no. Just hold me. Will you please just hold me?”
There was no way she could ever go back. The path had been set and she would have to walk in it.
“Our life is always deeper than we know, is always more divine than it seems, and hence we are able to survive degradations and despairs which otherwise must have engulfed us.”
-- Henry James
God forgives—with a reasonable amount of atonement—because sin is forgivable; the scriptures proclaim that we have all fallen short of the glory of God. Love couldn’t be a sin; God is love and she loved as she had been instructed, but love had been her downfall. Loving John, praying for forgiveness, she needed to be forgiven. In her solitude, she prayed. She knelt on the floor of the marble tiled shower, prostrate and vulnerable to the author and finisher of her faith, supplicating quietly.
Beads of scorching water pelted the span of her narrow shoulder blades, dampening her hair beneath its spray. The tension of the past few weeks had finally gathered in heavy knots in the area between her shoulders. She felt it; Sami’s visceral pain, Roman’s forthcoming pain and loss, and the fallout of her decision to end her marriage, it was all she could do not to turn around and weaken under the burden of Sami’s pleas. It might have been enough—Sami’s adverse reaction—to stop her from walking out of the door. She almost had stopped, and turned back before it was too late until the baby inside of her fluttered around in the pool of its origins, sealed inside her womb; and she was compelled to move on, to continue out of the door, to drive away from their house, to say goodbye to her life as Mrs. Roman Brady.
Who was she now she wondered still beseeching God for a clear conscience: a single mother with children who could possibly hate her, with a baby whose father she was not married to, and an unborn child who would forever be associated to the circumstances of its conception?
She arose slowly from the floor of the shower, and reached to turn off the faucet. Wrapping herself in a towel, she navigated the room clumsily in the darkness; it suited her purpose. Darkness and pain, a terrible partnership. She lay in the center of the queen-sized bed and lowered her eyelids tightly. She wanted to find that calmness, to center herself, because a sense of drifting was slowly encumbering her.
The reverie of her meditation was broken by the sound of heavy knocking. She leapt up and hurried to the door. She was greeted by the lucidity of those sapphire eyes. “Doc, I couldn’t stay away,” he said as soon as she pulled the door fully open. “I wanted to make sure you were alright.”
She stepped aside as John brushed pass her. It had been hours since she’d been in his arms and she could still smell her perfume shadowing him. She closed the door and turned to offer him a seat. “Have a seat.” She spoke as if she hadn’t just revealed the greatest of blessings to him, as if they were strangers, as if she weren’t pregnant with their second love child.
“Are you okay?” He asked surveying the length of her damp body, bathed in the essence of new motherhood. Wondering why it was that she seemed more naked than any other woman he’d seen in that state; she was standing unpretentiously in a towel as if it were her most natural state.
“Fine. Fine. I’m just a little tired.” She said seeing the disarming look spreading over John’s face.
“The baby?”
“Perhaps…it’s been a long day, John. You didn’t have to check up on me, really. I’m a big girl. I should get something on…” She said remembering the towel covering her. “Excuse me.”
John surveyed the room after she walked out of the room; he noticed her suitcases in the corner. “How was it?” he questioned after she returned from the bathroom with a terry cloth robe on. “How’d it go?”
“I don’t want to discuss it.”
“Did Roman…”
“No,” she said assertively, “he didn’t do anything. He walked out before I could really tell him anything besides my decision to end our marriage.” She said half-heartedly. “Sami overheard and she’s torn apart.”
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” He said forcing himself to ignore Marlena’s pained face, to not stand up and hug her closely.
“Me too…I’ve never seen her so distraught John. She was devastated.”
“She’ll be okay. You have to talk to her…and keep talking to her. She’s a sensitive girl but she loves hard…and she’s loyal to a fault.”
“She’s still my baby…my little girl is hurting and I’m the cause.”
“Well, what else could we do?” He said.
“We?”
“Yes, we…as in you and me.”
“John…”
“No…don’t misunderstand me. I heard you tonight Doc. I heard everything you said. I’m not happy about the arrangement but I understand that we have a lot to work out…and we will. I’m dedicated to building a family with you…and all of our children. I’m not going to give up on us. If that means courting you slowly then so be it. I’m going to adore you. I’m going to prove to you how much I love you.”
“You don’t have to prove that to me,” she whispered. “I already know that John.”
“Good. Then I’m going to provide you with reassurance. After you left tonight, I felt as if we’d gotten something back that I thought we lost when you went to Colorado. I thought we were completely over.”
“Thus Avery.”
“Me and you.” John said closing the distance between them. “No more anyone…it’s just you and me Doc.” He touched her face gently. “You and me.”
“No,” she said backing up, “we can’t.” Just his touch could affect her.
“I’m not trying to seduce you.”
“I don’t think you understand what you do to me. It’s like fire in my veins when you’re near me…fire. Whenever we’re this close,” she said motioning between them, “I want you to touch me anywhere. To kiss me or just hold me…anything, but I don’t want that now. I want to be clear about this: I can’t make love to you, not again.”
“I understand.”
“Not until I’m sure.” She added quickly.
“Sure about us?”
“I need to know that our passion is about love and not lust. Just the thought of you touching me, or when I feel your breath on my skin makes it hard to stand across from you without wanting to be with you. That’s scary. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”
“Doc…I’m not going to hurt you.”
“You can’t be sure of that…and I can’t be sure that I won’t hurt you either. However, we do have to be sure of the children. You only have one chance at that. I’ve messed up completely with Sami and Eric…I want to be better for Belle and this baby, and for the twins…I want to fix our relationships. They all deserve better.”
“You are the best they’ll ever have. You’re not a bad mother.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“Listen to me lady…this is the woman I love…don’t beat up on her.” He said squeezing her shoulder. “You are a wonderful mother, Doc. You are a loving human being.”
“What is this make Marlena feel better day,” she said craning her neck coyly.
“Yes. I want to devote my life to that. I always want to make you feel good. Always…just as soon as you’re ready for that again.”
“You’ve already done that for today,” she said smirking as she walked away. “I appreciate you checking up on me. It’s been rather lonely here.”
“Belle’s still with Ma and Pop?”
“Yes, she and Eric are staying overnight. I talked to Eric a little while ago.”
“How does he seem?”
“He’s better and a little less anxious.”
“That’s good Doc.”
“Yes it is. He and Carrie have shown such care and compassion with this situation.”
“Did you expect anything less? You’re their mother…the perfect role model.”
“John, I’m not perfect…I don’t want to be. I make mistakes. I’ve done hurtful things. I’m human.”
“I know…and I love you anyway.”
“I’m tired John. I want to rest up for tomorrow. I just want this day to end.”
He looked uncertain. “Are you sure you want to be alone?”
“I’m sure.” She said ushering him to the door. “You go on home. I’m going to be perfectly fine here.” She opened the door and extended her arm across the doorframe.
“Doc, you don’t have to be brave.” He told her crossing the threshold. “I won’t think any less of you.”
“John, I’m not being brave. I’m okay. So goodnight.” She nudged him, placing her hands the small of his back to guide him out of her room. He swiveled around, catching her off guard as he locked her arms around his waist with his hands. “John…goodnight.” She said staring directly into those mesmerizing eyes, as they connected, pressing foreheads together.
“I love you Marlena Evans.”
Mesmerized, loved, and adored; he could convey those with a simple sentence. She kissed him; an innocent, first-love kind of peck, absent of overwrought emotion and passion. It was the gentlest touch she could manage, but also one of the most sensual she’d ever felt in her life. “I love you, John.”
Her admission compelled him to clench her mouth between his anxious lips. Overpowering her lips between his teeth and tongue, he sucked and pulled at her mouth hungrily. “Doc, I want you so badly…” he moaned.
“John we can’t.” She told him breaking away. “Not now…not yet.”
“Baby, you’re killing me.” He said moving away from their connection.
“I don’t mean to, really. I…”
“I know. You don’t have to explain it to me. I’m going to go.” He leaned forward to kiss her again. “I’m going to call when I get home. And I’ll call you in the morning.” He told her while walking away.
She watched him disappear down the hall before turning to go back into her room. She’d barely crossed the room when a light tap at the door caused her to smile. John had found another reason to come back. “John…I told you I’m fine,” she said opening the door. He was standing with the coldest glare she’d ever witnessed. “Roman?”
He forced himself into the room, pushing by her roughly. “What the hell is going on Doc?”
“Roman.”
“Yes, Roman…your husband not John,” He said with an air of disgust. “Not John…not that son of a bitch.”
He’d seen, she realized inwardly. She’d never wanted him to see it. “Do you hear me?” she heard him shout, pulling her from her thoughts. Veins bulged viciously from his neck. “Roman…calm down.” She said finding the distance between them suddenly too close. How had he moved to close?
“Calm down? Doc, I go home to an empty house…no you…Belle’s at my parents. And then I come here and see you…you and that playboy kissing in the hallway of the Salem Inn. Calm down.”
She moved slowly, taking back steps to the other side of the room. Shame—or something more profound caused her to pull her robe tighter together. “Roman, I’m uncomfortable with the way you’re acting right now. Please calm down.”
“What do you expect me to do? Marlena…our daughter is at home in tears, still. She crying bloody murder and you’re here fucking John.” He said as if it hadn’t occurred to him before then. “You’re here with him while my family is being torn apart.”
“I didn’t…” she cried. “ It’s not like that.”
“You said you’d be home when I got back. You couldn’t wait to get here to meet him, could you? How long has this been going on?”
“Roman.”
He shouted bitterly, “How long?”
“Roman, it’s not what you think. John and I…”
“Don’t say his name…not to me.” He crossed the room toward her.
“Roman.” She was caught off guard by the impact of her body hitting the wall. He hadn’t pushed her so much as he’d backed her forcefully against the wall. Terror sweltered around her. She couldn’t move; he’d formed a blockade with his arms. “You’re scaring me Roman. Please let me…”
“I want to talk to you…I want to know what the hell is going on here. What are you thinking?”
“Roman you’re being irrational…and I’m afraid you’re not in control of yourself right now.”
“Don’t shrink me doc,” he said sarcastically. “Irrational. How rational do I have to be? I’ve seen my wife kissing another man. You’re screwing him behind my back…my children are heartbroken.”
“If you’d let me explain…but first I want you to move back.” She said mechanically.
“No, you’re going to explain to me what the hell is going on.” He gripped her chin roughly. “Are you having an affair with John?”
She eyed him wordlessly.
“Damn it Marlena…are you sleeping with John?”
She winced as his hand increased pressure, “You’re hurting me.”
“You’re hurting me…you’re killing everything we’ve built. Is he worth it? Are you sleeping with him?”
“No…” she said quietly.
“Marlena.”
“Not anymore,” she continued cautiously. “I…I tried to tell you this at home. I didn’t want you to find out this way. I wanted to tell you.”
“Tell me what…that you’re fucking John.”
“No, it’s not that,” she said adjusting to Roman’s clenching of her skin. “It’s Belle…she’s not your baby…she’s…” She was silenced by the force of his hand crossing her face. Warmness flared in her cheek as she rubbed the throbbing.
The silence was unbearable. She couldn’t read him; he hadn’t taken his eyes from her face. He was unmarred by the level of his brutality; it was she that felt the shame and remorse. She tried to push pass him unsuccessfully; he pinned her against the wall again. She panicked. She looked around the room for an escape. He clenched her chin again. The closeness, the callousness of his hands on her chin, moving steadily up to cover her mouth. She screamed despite herself. When he didn’t loosen his hold, she screamed again, struggling to get away. He was stronger and angrier. Without much effort, he stopped her from moving and she cried out again. The sound of the door bursting open caused them both to look towards the doorway where John was plowing toward them.
The moments happened so rapidly that she felt as if she were in a dream. John and Roman colliding. John moving her from the chaos of their confrontation as she found a safe haven in the corner of the room. She closed her eyes. She could hear the angry words that Roman spat at John. John’s voice was drowned out in the sea of Roman’s madness. The calmness and peace of earlier were forgotten in the struggle between Roman and John. When she opened her eyes again, John had Roman pinned against the wall with his hands gripping Roman’s neck. She cried out through tears. John stopped, releasing Roman. She dropped to her knees exhausted and John rushed to her side. He scooped her into his arms and brought her over to the bed. Roman watched them perplexed as John stroked her hair gently, the savage that Roman provoked had dissolved and all he could do was make sure she was all right. He touched her stomach; it was by his touch that she remembered their baby in the commotion. Looking up and seeing the look in Roman’s face was worst than the force of his hand across her face. He physically cringed. She wanted to say something, not entirely sure what, but he darted from the room and she was left with John pulling her closer.
“Baby, you’re never going to be alone with him again. Never. I heard you crying out. I was coming back to tell you about the place I found for you…” he explained, looking her over. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
She shook her head; tears were falling relentlessly down her cheeks.
John ran his hand over her face, “Baby, he hit you? I’m going to kill that son of a bitch.”
“No,” she said suddenly, “no. Just hold me. Will you please just hold me?”
There was no way she could ever go back. The path had been set and she would have to walk in it.
