Post by Mimi on Sept 28, 2006 19:04:24 GMT -5
3.6 Bared Your Naked Soul
“Anger is nothing
More than an outward
Expression of hurt
Fear, and frustration.”
-- Dr. Phil McGraw
God, they reminded him so much—too much—of her. Sami’s golden curls, long and blonde, rounding her narrow face, growing diurnally into a beautiful replica of her; and Eric, his composed, self-possessed demeanor, his confidence arising from some sense of being her son; and Carrie—his daughter—gifted with her loyal, loving sensibilities, the warmness in her face brightened by the presence of her disarming smile. They were all her children, even with her subsequent absences, personal betrayals, and without or without biological distinction. He forced those reminders from his current state of mind. He’d gathered them into the living room, having roused them from their sleep prematurely. He glanced at his wrist; counting the hours, he’d spent tossing around in the emptiness of their bed, unable to close his eyes. To close them meant seeing her face; the joyful, fulfilled look of contentment as she’d allowed John to kiss her. He physically shook the picture from his head.
The children; he glanced at them seated in a circle of sister and brother bonds; Carrie and Sami beside each other on the loveseat; Eric sat alone on the end of the couch. They studied his countenance; Eric was more vigilant than his sisters’ were. Roman noted their apprehension. He softened, loosening the tense creases lining his forehead, as he sat in the middle of the couch, beside Eric.
“Guys, I have to talk to you about some things.” He spoke in a frighteningly fragile tone, particularly to the three faces lending their undivided attention to him. Eric’s scrutiny unsettled him as he scrambled thoughts and words to express the contempt impaling his heart. He wanted to hate her. He felt that emotion strongly but in searching the faces of their children, it dissipated slowly in the reserve of his anger. Their children made the prospect of hate impossible; hating her was unnatural for him, even in the painful state.
Eric’s voice filled the room, “This is about Mom?” He’d almost called him dad, almost felt the urge of their unbreakable bond. They had one thing in common, an uncontrollable need to defend some semblance of honor. For Roman, the honor of his family had been assailed but Eric rallied around his belief in his mother; he was his Mama’s boy. “I heard you at Grandma Caroline’s. I heard what you said about Mom and John.”
Sami perked up. Her body tensed slightly at the sound of the combination and familiarity of their names; she crossed her legs, Indian-style. “What about Mom and John?” She asked with a fleeting look that passed uncomfortably from Eric to Roman. The question went unanswered as Eric and Roman battled silently. Their pride and honor dueling as the tension arose between them. Eric positioned his feet firmly in front of him as he planted his elbows on each knee as if he were the bishop in a chess game, defining his space. Roman remained unmoved and undaunted. The curiosity of Eric’s attitude confused him profusely.
“What about Mom,” Sami attempted again, wading between her father and brother in their uncomfortable silence. She turned to Carrie—her silence was confounding—perplexed. Carrie simply shrugged and visually traveled the room again. “Eric…Daddy?”
“Tell them,” Eric challenged Roman, “Tell them what you told Grandma and Grandpa last night. What was it,” he said raising his voice, “that slut Marlena and son of a bitch John.” The calmness in his voice, even at its heightened decibel contradicted the power emanating around the room. Eric, in the mold of his mother, spoke without showing any emotion.
Sami spoke first, “Daddy?”
“Go on, isn’t that how it went?” Eric said rising to his full height as he took center stage in their mini-circle. “Wherever she is…I’m going to be there with her.”
“Eric,” Roman said anguished. “This isn’t meant to be you against me? Or your mother.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not. Sit down son. I want to talk to you and your sisters.”
Eric ignored his request. He spun around toward Carrie. “What do you think? Carrie it’s not how he says it…Mom wouldn’t do…”
“Wouldn’t she?” Roman interrupted. “You don’t know her the way you think you do.”
“She wouldn’t.” Eric repeated strongly. “My mother’s not a slut,” he said stumbling over Roman’s derogative description of his mother. He’d cringed when he listened from the top of the stairs at the pub. He still couldn’t stomach that loose, unclean version of his mother.
“I’m sorry you heard that. I was angry.”
“Carrie, she loves John. We all know that.” Eric argued, searching for a comrade in Carrie. “Carrie say something.”
“Why should she?” Sami cried. She moved to sit beside Roman. “Mom left us Eric. She left us last night for John.” She said questioningly. Looking to Roman for confirmation.
“She didn’t,” Eric said defensively. “She would never do that…she won’t leave us.”
“Eric and Sami. Please, I don’t want this to cause a rift between the two of you,” Roman interjected, pulling Sami closer to him.
Eric stood defiantly in the center waiting for Carrie to defend their mother. She looked trapped. She avoided both Roman and Sami’s questioning eyes. Matching Eric’s gaze, she offered a weak smile.
“Sis, I know it’s hard for you…but we can’t let him say those things about mom.”
“Eric,” Roman said shaking his head. “
“What,” he said acknowledging his father disrespectfully. “I’m going to find Mom.” He said tiring of the witch trial in their living room.
Roman stood, halting Eric’s progression from the center of the room. He pressed his palms against Eric’s chest. “I’m your father,” he reminded him forcefully.
“And she’s my mother,” Eric countered.
“You’re mother is breaking up your family. That’s okay by you? The fact that she’s committing adultery with John doesn’t bother you at all?”
Carrie perched on the edge of the couch; she was unable to hold her opinion any longer. She’d decided after Marlena’s confession that she should remain a neutral voice in the incoming chaos; she’d known it would come soon. “Don’t. This is an inappropriate conversation to have with your children. Marlena’s not here to defend herself. It’s unfair.”
“And this is fair to Daddy,” Sami juxtaposed. “Daddy, I don’t want her to come back here.”
“She won’t,” Roman said clutching Sami’s hand.
“If she’s not welcome, then we aren’t either Carrie.” Eric decided.
Carrie’s attention shifted to Eric, “Don’t be irrational.”
“Well, I don’t agree with this.”
“Eric, it’s complicated.” Carrie allowed kindly.
“No Carrie, it’s easy…either you love her or you don’t. I don’t care what he says, she’s my mother.”
“She’s my mom too,” Sami shouted. “But he’s our Dad. I don’t want a slut for a mother.”
“Sami, don’t say things you don’t understand.” Carrie warned her sister, appalled at her apathetic attitude.
“She slept with John,” Sami said.
“Sami.”
“No Eric. I’m not going to act like it’s okay…I hate her. I want her gone.’
“She is gone. She’s not welcome in this house.”
Carrie turned to Roman, “it’s not as serious as all that.”
“Carrie, all of you…I’m asking you not to defy me by seeing her.”
“No.” Eric protested angrily. “You’re not in control of us.”
“I’m not? I’m your father. You’re underage. I make the decisions around here.”
“Since when? You’ve never been here. Not for me…I make my own decisions.”
“Eric don’t defy me.”
“You’re angry right now,” Carrie told Roman. “When you’re more settled maybe you’ll feel differently.”
“No, I mean everything I’ve said.” He said assertively and more so pointedly at Eric.
“What about Belle? She’s a baby. She needs Marlena.”
“Carrie, don’t worry about this. I’ll handle everything.”
It was the sound of the door opening that caught their attention. Marlena turned the knob, having used her key, and walked into the house as John followed. Every face shifted quickly toward her. The anger wrenching Roman’s face sent a chill down her spine. She halted in the entryway, uncertain of her next move. A quiescent loom befell the room. Her breathing slowed into nervous exhaling. She felt John easing them toward the middle of the room where her children were. Eric touched her first reaching out to embrace her.
“Mom.”
She held Eric. His body fit naturally in the bend of her arm. She breathed in his smell. The sanctity of this child’s love for her enveloped her in that scent. “Honey are you all right?” She whispered.
“We’re fine,” he assured her as he pulled away from their embrace. Her quivering body alarmed him and he took her hand into his own to calm her.
“What the hell are you doing in my house?” Roman questioned as he walked toward her and Eric. Looking beyond them at John.
She took a step back, flinching as he came closer. The events of the past night flashed before her. John. Was it John whose presence she felt strongest? He came and stood beside her; he created a protective shell with her in the center of him and Eric.
“Get out,” Sami said reacting to the obvious connection between her mother and John. She rushed forward pointing her finger in Marlena’s face. “Daddy told us what you did…what the two of you did. How can you come here with him?”
Eric defended them. “Stop it Sami.”
“Eric, Daddy’s right…she’s a whore,” she said cruelly eyeing her mother. “You’re supposed to be a good person.”
“That’s enough Sami,” John said tiring of Sami’s uncontrolled antics.
“Black, don’t you ever speak to my daughter. I’m Roman Brady…me…and you’re the imposter who my wife is having an affair with.”
Transcending the moment as it blared in all its anger and resentment, she focused her energy inwardly, drawing her emotions away from the instability arresting her into silence. What could she do or say to appease Sami’s anger, to be remorseful for her decisions, and yet own them because she indeed made them. John’s presence eased the dread threatening to overwhelm her; she felt his hand drop to her lower back; it was the assurance that she wasn’t alone. Eric’s warm palm enclosed against her hand. A trinity of love to shield the hate pouring from her husband and daughter. She wanted to be strong. She decided to be stronger. Stronger than perhaps she’d ever had to be, stronger than the hate in Sami’s eyes, stronger than the disgust in Roman’s face, and stronger than the uncertainty knotting her stomach.
This was her battle, not John’s or Roman’s, and definitely not her children’s battle. The mark of any good woman is her ability to recognize where and what her life means and decide the direction in which it should go, according to self-intention. She’d intended to be a loving wife and mother; life dealt her a different set of cards to play. She’d intended to raise her children with morals and a healthy acknowledgement of hard times; but her life had become an object lesson and not the only lesson. She’d made the decisions and done certain things that others thought unlikely of her; but we are all many things, many feelings, many moods, and many faces. And most important of all: she was not perfect. Perfection really is unattainable. What she needed to do was stand firm in her decisions. These were her children, not her judges. Roman could hurt her physically but mentally and emotionally, she was the victor, because no one could control anything that she didn’t allow them to.
She stepped forward, out of the arc of John and Eric’s safety. Focusing completely on Roman as she signaled to John that she was okay. “Roman, I don’t think we should have this discussion in front of the children. Could I have a moment in private?”
Roman was seemingly unaffected by the extension of her olive branch. It was Sami’s voice who responded bitterly. “I’m not going anywhere. We already know everything Mom.”
“Samantha, I am your mother and I would prefer that you change your tone. No matter what I’ve done or not done, I am still your mother. I always will be your mother.” She told Sami as constrained as she could manage. It had its proper affect as Sami backed down to take a less visible place at Roman’s side. “I don’t want to dissect this in front of the children. Now would you please?”
“No, there is nothing I want to say to you.” Roman stated. “There is nothing to discuss. You’ve made your choice.”
“It’s not about a choice Roman. I want to discuss my children.”
“Our children.”
“Yes, our children,” she corrected herself. “Now, will you please?” She said heading in the direction of the kitchen.
“All right.”
“Doc?” John stopped her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said tipping her head at him. She continued to walk with Roman to the kitchen. “Thank you. I know how much I’ve hurt you,” she said as she turned and leaned against the counter top. Roman stood a few feet back near the swinging door.
“Don’t…don’t apologize to me. We’re beyond that Marlena. Say what you came here to say, what you brought your lover to my house to say. Is he your protection? Is that what he is for you now?”
“This anger isn’t doing anybody any good,” she said avoiding the venomous questions he shot at her. “This doesn’t have to be hard…let’s not make this part hard. It’s over. We both accept that. But we have to parent our children, and in your current state I’m worried about them.”
“Me? You’re sleeping with a man who is not your husband, and you’re worried about me. I would never hurt my children.”
“I used to know that. I always thought that you would never hurt me.” She said reminding him of her cheek, hidden beneath the layers of tousled hair. “I don’t know what you’d do anymore.”
“I wouldn’t have broken our marriage vows,” he snorted. “You did that not me.”
“I’m taking responsibility for that. I’m trying very hard to own up to my decisions. I did. I slept with John. I can’t undo that Roman.”
“And now you tell me that Belle, our child is his baby. I don’t believe you…and I’m not letting you take her out of this house.”
“Roman…” she said sighing. “Belle is John’s daughter.”
“No, she’s not. Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing? You can leave. I’m not going to stop you but she can’t go. None of my children can go.”
“She’s not your child…and even if she was, you can’t keep me away from my children.”
“Not a judge in Salem will give you Belle.”
“Roman…listen to me. I have proof. I had a paternity test done on Belle. It proved conclusively that she was his daughter. You’re fighting a losing battle. I’m not trying to hurt you…I’m really sorry about all of this, but I won’t let you keep them away from me.”
“Marlena, you’ve been lying to me for months obviously. Why would I believe anything you’ve said? I don’t believe you.”
“Roman…I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“No, I never lied. I wasn’t sure of her paternity when she was born. I guess I lied in the things that I didn’t say…either way Belle is not your child.”
“I’m going to fight you. I want a divorce and full custody of the children.”
“Please don’t do this…not this way. I’m not leaving without them.”
“Look at you…you don’t have anywhere to live. How do you expect to take them anywhere? Unless you’re shacking up with Black. I’m not allowing my children to be under the influence of such disgusting circumstances.”
“Roman. I’m not saying with John.”
“Oh, now that you’re free it’s not as fun as sneaking behind my back, is it?”
“It was never like that.”
“Save it Marlena. Get out of my house.”
“Not without my children.”
“I’ve already told you they are not going anywhere. Sami wouldn’t go with you for anything in the world.”
“I’ll change that. We have some issues to resolve but I’m still her mother.”
“What an example you are…I feel sorry for you. You’re so twisted up that you really believe that Belle is John’s daughter, don’t you? You think you and Black can start up a new family with my children. I don’t think so Marlena.”
“Well you know what I don’t care what you think Roman. I don’t want to fight with you about this. I’m going to go take my children. And we’ll discuss things when you’re calmer.”
“I’m calm. I’m never going to allow you to affect me again.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I still love you very much. I wish it could have worked out differently.”
“It’s not over Marlena.”
“It’s over for me,” she said walking from the kitchen. “I’m sorry you all had to witness this. I came for you all,” she said looking at Carrie, Sami, and Eric. “I promised you that I would never leave you again…I meant it. It’s not going to be easy but we’re going to be okay.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Sami said leaving the room to find her father.
Marlena called after her, “Honey, we’re you’re less angry and you want to talk, I’m here. I’ll always be there when you want to talk. I love you.”
“No Mom you don’t. You love John.”
“Marlena, she’ll be okay.” Carrie assured her stepping to hug her. She enclosed her arms around Marlena’s waist. “Did you tell him?” She asked barely audible.
“We’ll talk baby. I don’t want to make you choose between your daddy and me.”
“I know. You know how I feel about you, right? I love you very much.”
“I know that honey.”
“Sami needs someone whose on your side in the house,” Carrie said making the reason for her choice clear. “Save a spot for me.” She said winking.
“Always.”
Eric slid past his mother and sister. “Where are you headed Eric?” John questioned from the corner of the room.
“To pack. I’m going with you and Mom.” He said smiling at his mother.
“Wait, I have to get Belle honey. Pack a couple of things for her.” Marlena and Carrie walked hand in hand to meet Eric at the bottom of the stairs.
“Don’t ever come back to my house again Black,” Roman said busting through the kitchen door with Sami at his side.
“I’m not going to respond to that…because I’m going to respect your house. Don’t you ever do anything to disrespect Marlena again,” he said giving Roman a knowing look. “I won’t be held accountable for my actions if you do.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Interpretation is not my problem. Go on Doc…get Belle and Eric’s things.”
She hesitated in the fear of not knowing what either man would do. Eric and Carrie pulled at her and she continued up the stairs. Belle was still asleep. She packed a bag quietly with Carrie’s help. “You know how much I appreciate you.”
“Yes.”
“Good. Remember anytime.” Marlena said squeezing her again. She put Belle’s snowsuit on and wrapped her in a blanket. Handing the bag to Carrie, she spotted the teddy bear that Roman had brought to her on her first night home. “She loves this bear. Roman bought it for her.” She pulled it close to her face.
“Come on…we’d better get going.” Carrie said putting the pink bear in Belle’s bag. Eric met them in the hallway and they descended the stairs together. Carrie handed John Belle’s bag while Eric balanced his unpacked suitcase in hand.
“You ready?”
She nodded at John, and turned to look at Sami mouthing I love you as she walked towards the door.
“My house key.”
Marlena reached into her purse and pulled the golden key out. She looked it over before walking to the coffee table to set it down.
“Come on Doc….time to go.” John said, taking her by the arm and easing her out of the door.
“It’s not over,” Roman said sternly, pulling Sami into his arms.
“Anger is nothing
More than an outward
Expression of hurt
Fear, and frustration.”
-- Dr. Phil McGraw
God, they reminded him so much—too much—of her. Sami’s golden curls, long and blonde, rounding her narrow face, growing diurnally into a beautiful replica of her; and Eric, his composed, self-possessed demeanor, his confidence arising from some sense of being her son; and Carrie—his daughter—gifted with her loyal, loving sensibilities, the warmness in her face brightened by the presence of her disarming smile. They were all her children, even with her subsequent absences, personal betrayals, and without or without biological distinction. He forced those reminders from his current state of mind. He’d gathered them into the living room, having roused them from their sleep prematurely. He glanced at his wrist; counting the hours, he’d spent tossing around in the emptiness of their bed, unable to close his eyes. To close them meant seeing her face; the joyful, fulfilled look of contentment as she’d allowed John to kiss her. He physically shook the picture from his head.
The children; he glanced at them seated in a circle of sister and brother bonds; Carrie and Sami beside each other on the loveseat; Eric sat alone on the end of the couch. They studied his countenance; Eric was more vigilant than his sisters’ were. Roman noted their apprehension. He softened, loosening the tense creases lining his forehead, as he sat in the middle of the couch, beside Eric.
“Guys, I have to talk to you about some things.” He spoke in a frighteningly fragile tone, particularly to the three faces lending their undivided attention to him. Eric’s scrutiny unsettled him as he scrambled thoughts and words to express the contempt impaling his heart. He wanted to hate her. He felt that emotion strongly but in searching the faces of their children, it dissipated slowly in the reserve of his anger. Their children made the prospect of hate impossible; hating her was unnatural for him, even in the painful state.
Eric’s voice filled the room, “This is about Mom?” He’d almost called him dad, almost felt the urge of their unbreakable bond. They had one thing in common, an uncontrollable need to defend some semblance of honor. For Roman, the honor of his family had been assailed but Eric rallied around his belief in his mother; he was his Mama’s boy. “I heard you at Grandma Caroline’s. I heard what you said about Mom and John.”
Sami perked up. Her body tensed slightly at the sound of the combination and familiarity of their names; she crossed her legs, Indian-style. “What about Mom and John?” She asked with a fleeting look that passed uncomfortably from Eric to Roman. The question went unanswered as Eric and Roman battled silently. Their pride and honor dueling as the tension arose between them. Eric positioned his feet firmly in front of him as he planted his elbows on each knee as if he were the bishop in a chess game, defining his space. Roman remained unmoved and undaunted. The curiosity of Eric’s attitude confused him profusely.
“What about Mom,” Sami attempted again, wading between her father and brother in their uncomfortable silence. She turned to Carrie—her silence was confounding—perplexed. Carrie simply shrugged and visually traveled the room again. “Eric…Daddy?”
“Tell them,” Eric challenged Roman, “Tell them what you told Grandma and Grandpa last night. What was it,” he said raising his voice, “that slut Marlena and son of a bitch John.” The calmness in his voice, even at its heightened decibel contradicted the power emanating around the room. Eric, in the mold of his mother, spoke without showing any emotion.
Sami spoke first, “Daddy?”
“Go on, isn’t that how it went?” Eric said rising to his full height as he took center stage in their mini-circle. “Wherever she is…I’m going to be there with her.”
“Eric,” Roman said anguished. “This isn’t meant to be you against me? Or your mother.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not. Sit down son. I want to talk to you and your sisters.”
Eric ignored his request. He spun around toward Carrie. “What do you think? Carrie it’s not how he says it…Mom wouldn’t do…”
“Wouldn’t she?” Roman interrupted. “You don’t know her the way you think you do.”
“She wouldn’t.” Eric repeated strongly. “My mother’s not a slut,” he said stumbling over Roman’s derogative description of his mother. He’d cringed when he listened from the top of the stairs at the pub. He still couldn’t stomach that loose, unclean version of his mother.
“I’m sorry you heard that. I was angry.”
“Carrie, she loves John. We all know that.” Eric argued, searching for a comrade in Carrie. “Carrie say something.”
“Why should she?” Sami cried. She moved to sit beside Roman. “Mom left us Eric. She left us last night for John.” She said questioningly. Looking to Roman for confirmation.
“She didn’t,” Eric said defensively. “She would never do that…she won’t leave us.”
“Eric and Sami. Please, I don’t want this to cause a rift between the two of you,” Roman interjected, pulling Sami closer to him.
Eric stood defiantly in the center waiting for Carrie to defend their mother. She looked trapped. She avoided both Roman and Sami’s questioning eyes. Matching Eric’s gaze, she offered a weak smile.
“Sis, I know it’s hard for you…but we can’t let him say those things about mom.”
“Eric,” Roman said shaking his head. “
“What,” he said acknowledging his father disrespectfully. “I’m going to find Mom.” He said tiring of the witch trial in their living room.
Roman stood, halting Eric’s progression from the center of the room. He pressed his palms against Eric’s chest. “I’m your father,” he reminded him forcefully.
“And she’s my mother,” Eric countered.
“You’re mother is breaking up your family. That’s okay by you? The fact that she’s committing adultery with John doesn’t bother you at all?”
Carrie perched on the edge of the couch; she was unable to hold her opinion any longer. She’d decided after Marlena’s confession that she should remain a neutral voice in the incoming chaos; she’d known it would come soon. “Don’t. This is an inappropriate conversation to have with your children. Marlena’s not here to defend herself. It’s unfair.”
“And this is fair to Daddy,” Sami juxtaposed. “Daddy, I don’t want her to come back here.”
“She won’t,” Roman said clutching Sami’s hand.
“If she’s not welcome, then we aren’t either Carrie.” Eric decided.
Carrie’s attention shifted to Eric, “Don’t be irrational.”
“Well, I don’t agree with this.”
“Eric, it’s complicated.” Carrie allowed kindly.
“No Carrie, it’s easy…either you love her or you don’t. I don’t care what he says, she’s my mother.”
“She’s my mom too,” Sami shouted. “But he’s our Dad. I don’t want a slut for a mother.”
“Sami, don’t say things you don’t understand.” Carrie warned her sister, appalled at her apathetic attitude.
“She slept with John,” Sami said.
“Sami.”
“No Eric. I’m not going to act like it’s okay…I hate her. I want her gone.’
“She is gone. She’s not welcome in this house.”
Carrie turned to Roman, “it’s not as serious as all that.”
“Carrie, all of you…I’m asking you not to defy me by seeing her.”
“No.” Eric protested angrily. “You’re not in control of us.”
“I’m not? I’m your father. You’re underage. I make the decisions around here.”
“Since when? You’ve never been here. Not for me…I make my own decisions.”
“Eric don’t defy me.”
“You’re angry right now,” Carrie told Roman. “When you’re more settled maybe you’ll feel differently.”
“No, I mean everything I’ve said.” He said assertively and more so pointedly at Eric.
“What about Belle? She’s a baby. She needs Marlena.”
“Carrie, don’t worry about this. I’ll handle everything.”
It was the sound of the door opening that caught their attention. Marlena turned the knob, having used her key, and walked into the house as John followed. Every face shifted quickly toward her. The anger wrenching Roman’s face sent a chill down her spine. She halted in the entryway, uncertain of her next move. A quiescent loom befell the room. Her breathing slowed into nervous exhaling. She felt John easing them toward the middle of the room where her children were. Eric touched her first reaching out to embrace her.
“Mom.”
She held Eric. His body fit naturally in the bend of her arm. She breathed in his smell. The sanctity of this child’s love for her enveloped her in that scent. “Honey are you all right?” She whispered.
“We’re fine,” he assured her as he pulled away from their embrace. Her quivering body alarmed him and he took her hand into his own to calm her.
“What the hell are you doing in my house?” Roman questioned as he walked toward her and Eric. Looking beyond them at John.
She took a step back, flinching as he came closer. The events of the past night flashed before her. John. Was it John whose presence she felt strongest? He came and stood beside her; he created a protective shell with her in the center of him and Eric.
“Get out,” Sami said reacting to the obvious connection between her mother and John. She rushed forward pointing her finger in Marlena’s face. “Daddy told us what you did…what the two of you did. How can you come here with him?”
Eric defended them. “Stop it Sami.”
“Eric, Daddy’s right…she’s a whore,” she said cruelly eyeing her mother. “You’re supposed to be a good person.”
“That’s enough Sami,” John said tiring of Sami’s uncontrolled antics.
“Black, don’t you ever speak to my daughter. I’m Roman Brady…me…and you’re the imposter who my wife is having an affair with.”
Transcending the moment as it blared in all its anger and resentment, she focused her energy inwardly, drawing her emotions away from the instability arresting her into silence. What could she do or say to appease Sami’s anger, to be remorseful for her decisions, and yet own them because she indeed made them. John’s presence eased the dread threatening to overwhelm her; she felt his hand drop to her lower back; it was the assurance that she wasn’t alone. Eric’s warm palm enclosed against her hand. A trinity of love to shield the hate pouring from her husband and daughter. She wanted to be strong. She decided to be stronger. Stronger than perhaps she’d ever had to be, stronger than the hate in Sami’s eyes, stronger than the disgust in Roman’s face, and stronger than the uncertainty knotting her stomach.
This was her battle, not John’s or Roman’s, and definitely not her children’s battle. The mark of any good woman is her ability to recognize where and what her life means and decide the direction in which it should go, according to self-intention. She’d intended to be a loving wife and mother; life dealt her a different set of cards to play. She’d intended to raise her children with morals and a healthy acknowledgement of hard times; but her life had become an object lesson and not the only lesson. She’d made the decisions and done certain things that others thought unlikely of her; but we are all many things, many feelings, many moods, and many faces. And most important of all: she was not perfect. Perfection really is unattainable. What she needed to do was stand firm in her decisions. These were her children, not her judges. Roman could hurt her physically but mentally and emotionally, she was the victor, because no one could control anything that she didn’t allow them to.
She stepped forward, out of the arc of John and Eric’s safety. Focusing completely on Roman as she signaled to John that she was okay. “Roman, I don’t think we should have this discussion in front of the children. Could I have a moment in private?”
Roman was seemingly unaffected by the extension of her olive branch. It was Sami’s voice who responded bitterly. “I’m not going anywhere. We already know everything Mom.”
“Samantha, I am your mother and I would prefer that you change your tone. No matter what I’ve done or not done, I am still your mother. I always will be your mother.” She told Sami as constrained as she could manage. It had its proper affect as Sami backed down to take a less visible place at Roman’s side. “I don’t want to dissect this in front of the children. Now would you please?”
“No, there is nothing I want to say to you.” Roman stated. “There is nothing to discuss. You’ve made your choice.”
“It’s not about a choice Roman. I want to discuss my children.”
“Our children.”
“Yes, our children,” she corrected herself. “Now, will you please?” She said heading in the direction of the kitchen.
“All right.”
“Doc?” John stopped her. “Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she said tipping her head at him. She continued to walk with Roman to the kitchen. “Thank you. I know how much I’ve hurt you,” she said as she turned and leaned against the counter top. Roman stood a few feet back near the swinging door.
“Don’t…don’t apologize to me. We’re beyond that Marlena. Say what you came here to say, what you brought your lover to my house to say. Is he your protection? Is that what he is for you now?”
“This anger isn’t doing anybody any good,” she said avoiding the venomous questions he shot at her. “This doesn’t have to be hard…let’s not make this part hard. It’s over. We both accept that. But we have to parent our children, and in your current state I’m worried about them.”
“Me? You’re sleeping with a man who is not your husband, and you’re worried about me. I would never hurt my children.”
“I used to know that. I always thought that you would never hurt me.” She said reminding him of her cheek, hidden beneath the layers of tousled hair. “I don’t know what you’d do anymore.”
“I wouldn’t have broken our marriage vows,” he snorted. “You did that not me.”
“I’m taking responsibility for that. I’m trying very hard to own up to my decisions. I did. I slept with John. I can’t undo that Roman.”
“And now you tell me that Belle, our child is his baby. I don’t believe you…and I’m not letting you take her out of this house.”
“Roman…” she said sighing. “Belle is John’s daughter.”
“No, she’s not. Do you think I don’t know what you’re doing? You can leave. I’m not going to stop you but she can’t go. None of my children can go.”
“She’s not your child…and even if she was, you can’t keep me away from my children.”
“Not a judge in Salem will give you Belle.”
“Roman…listen to me. I have proof. I had a paternity test done on Belle. It proved conclusively that she was his daughter. You’re fighting a losing battle. I’m not trying to hurt you…I’m really sorry about all of this, but I won’t let you keep them away from me.”
“Marlena, you’ve been lying to me for months obviously. Why would I believe anything you’ve said? I don’t believe you.”
“Roman…I wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
“Wouldn’t you?”
“No, I never lied. I wasn’t sure of her paternity when she was born. I guess I lied in the things that I didn’t say…either way Belle is not your child.”
“I’m going to fight you. I want a divorce and full custody of the children.”
“Please don’t do this…not this way. I’m not leaving without them.”
“Look at you…you don’t have anywhere to live. How do you expect to take them anywhere? Unless you’re shacking up with Black. I’m not allowing my children to be under the influence of such disgusting circumstances.”
“Roman. I’m not saying with John.”
“Oh, now that you’re free it’s not as fun as sneaking behind my back, is it?”
“It was never like that.”
“Save it Marlena. Get out of my house.”
“Not without my children.”
“I’ve already told you they are not going anywhere. Sami wouldn’t go with you for anything in the world.”
“I’ll change that. We have some issues to resolve but I’m still her mother.”
“What an example you are…I feel sorry for you. You’re so twisted up that you really believe that Belle is John’s daughter, don’t you? You think you and Black can start up a new family with my children. I don’t think so Marlena.”
“Well you know what I don’t care what you think Roman. I don’t want to fight with you about this. I’m going to go take my children. And we’ll discuss things when you’re calmer.”
“I’m calm. I’m never going to allow you to affect me again.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way. I still love you very much. I wish it could have worked out differently.”
“It’s not over Marlena.”
“It’s over for me,” she said walking from the kitchen. “I’m sorry you all had to witness this. I came for you all,” she said looking at Carrie, Sami, and Eric. “I promised you that I would never leave you again…I meant it. It’s not going to be easy but we’re going to be okay.”
“I’m not going anywhere with you,” Sami said leaving the room to find her father.
Marlena called after her, “Honey, we’re you’re less angry and you want to talk, I’m here. I’ll always be there when you want to talk. I love you.”
“No Mom you don’t. You love John.”
“Marlena, she’ll be okay.” Carrie assured her stepping to hug her. She enclosed her arms around Marlena’s waist. “Did you tell him?” She asked barely audible.
“We’ll talk baby. I don’t want to make you choose between your daddy and me.”
“I know. You know how I feel about you, right? I love you very much.”
“I know that honey.”
“Sami needs someone whose on your side in the house,” Carrie said making the reason for her choice clear. “Save a spot for me.” She said winking.
“Always.”
Eric slid past his mother and sister. “Where are you headed Eric?” John questioned from the corner of the room.
“To pack. I’m going with you and Mom.” He said smiling at his mother.
“Wait, I have to get Belle honey. Pack a couple of things for her.” Marlena and Carrie walked hand in hand to meet Eric at the bottom of the stairs.
“Don’t ever come back to my house again Black,” Roman said busting through the kitchen door with Sami at his side.
“I’m not going to respond to that…because I’m going to respect your house. Don’t you ever do anything to disrespect Marlena again,” he said giving Roman a knowing look. “I won’t be held accountable for my actions if you do.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Interpretation is not my problem. Go on Doc…get Belle and Eric’s things.”
She hesitated in the fear of not knowing what either man would do. Eric and Carrie pulled at her and she continued up the stairs. Belle was still asleep. She packed a bag quietly with Carrie’s help. “You know how much I appreciate you.”
“Yes.”
“Good. Remember anytime.” Marlena said squeezing her again. She put Belle’s snowsuit on and wrapped her in a blanket. Handing the bag to Carrie, she spotted the teddy bear that Roman had brought to her on her first night home. “She loves this bear. Roman bought it for her.” She pulled it close to her face.
“Come on…we’d better get going.” Carrie said putting the pink bear in Belle’s bag. Eric met them in the hallway and they descended the stairs together. Carrie handed John Belle’s bag while Eric balanced his unpacked suitcase in hand.
“You ready?”
She nodded at John, and turned to look at Sami mouthing I love you as she walked towards the door.
“My house key.”
Marlena reached into her purse and pulled the golden key out. She looked it over before walking to the coffee table to set it down.
“Come on Doc….time to go.” John said, taking her by the arm and easing her out of the door.
“It’s not over,” Roman said sternly, pulling Sami into his arms.
