Post by Mimi on Sept 28, 2006 19:08:34 GMT -5
4.0 How You Would Never Let Them Know
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall.”
-- Confucius
“She’s napping,” John reported cheerfully. “Doc, I can’t believe I’ve been missing this. She has changed so much in the last couple of months.”
A grateful smile grazed Marlena’s lips, picturing John gazing adoringly over Belle. “What’s Brady up to?”
“Baseball.”
“Baseball?”
“Doc, this is my kid. He’s going to love baseball.”
“So Isabella will love…poetry and great eighteenth century literature,” she told John, “and she’ll love practicing medicine.”
The silence on John’s end of the line caused her to chuckle.
“Or not,” he responded wryly.
“Or not. So how is everything coming along?”
“You’re worried?”
“Not at all.”
“Doc, I’ve got this covered. Don’t you worry.”
“Okay, I won’t. Remember Eric has to be picked up by two-thirty…it doesn’t look like I’m going to make it.” The conversation felt familiar. A wife speaking with her husband; familiar ground with John. “Okay, I’ll let you get back to the children. Give them a kiss for me.”
“Will do.”
“Goodbye John.” She said replacing the phone.
It was noon. She’d seen two patients and had one more to see. The light load had been her decision. She wanted to slowly head back toward a heavier schedule. Her schedule included a new case, one she’d been trying to reschedule after her sudden departure to Colorado. She scrawled Miranda Christopher in her elegant penmanship across a folder tab. Unable to release the past was the notation beneath her name. Marlena made a few notes of questions she wanted to direct to Mrs. Christopher in order to draw her out.
“Dr. Evans.” The sound startled her. She followed the foreign sound of the deeply masculine voice, lifting her eyes to the unfamiliar figure shadowing her doorframe. Dressed immaculately in an expensive three-piece suit of a gray tone, he seemed too professional to be her patient. “I’ve startled you,” he said drawing his hands toward his chest. He was English; a proper accent flavored his perfectly annunciated words.
“A little,” she said looking him over. “And you are?”
“Malcolm. Dr. Malcolm Cory.” He walked over to her desk, reaching across to shake her hand.
She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the man standing before her. He was handsome. That was the easy description. Dark features such as eyes and hair gave her a sense of his exoticness, coupled with his English tongue. She found the English inordinately charming.
“Dr. Cory.” She said lifting herself from her chair to walk toward Malcolm. “Excuse my lack of professionalism…my secretary usually informs me when I have visitors. Is there something I can help you with?” She asked leaning against the desk.
“The level of your professionalism has traveled the English Channel and back.” His smile was small, the length of his tiny mouth, and had a charmingly endearing quality.
She cocked her eyebrow, clearing her previously suspicious face, “Has it?”
“It has. To end the suspense I am your new colleague. I specialize in child psychiatry.”
Smiling politely at his newest introduction, she silently rebuked herself for her initial reaction. She extended her well-manicured hand into Malcolm’s waiting palm. “Forgive me again. I’m usually not this suspicious. It’s just been a long day.” She told him apologetically. “I’m pleased to meet you, Dr. Cory.”
“Likewise.”
“Well, you’ve met,” Laura said entering Marlena’s office. “I’m so sorry Dr. Cory, I had scheduling conflict this afternoon. I wanted to introduce you to Dr. Evans.”
“Introductions have been made and now I’ll leave you two to your meeting.” Malcolm said heading toward the door.
“Welcome to University,” Marlena added before he disappeared into the hallway.
“He’s handsome,” Laura remarked after his departure, “I’d say debonair, too.”
“I guess he is,” Marlena said as an afterthought.
“Believe me honey, he is.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Marlena said coyly, crinkling the corner of her eyes with her amusement.
“You are positively glowing,” Laura said observing Marlena as she pulled her into her arms. “Look at you Marlena…you almost seem happy.”
“I think I am.” She said hugging her stomach. “I had a wonderful visit with my new doctor. John bought an amazing penthouse…Eric’s living with me.” She rapidly fired these developments.
“Honey, hold on. The last I talked to you, you were trying to decide what to do about the baby.”
“Well, there have been quite a few developments since then.” She said sitting down. “A lot of things have happened. I’ve left Roman for good.”
“Wait Marlena, you’ve left him for good. Have you told him about Belle and the baby?”
“No.”
“No? Well…”
“I told him about Belle. I haven’t mentioned the new baby.” She lowered her voice consciously. “It’s over.”
“I’m sorry honey.”
“Thank you.” The impulse of confession arose between them. She felt it climbing out of the depths of her private thoughts. Purging would help. “Laura, I have to tell you something. I haven’t had the chance to actually discuss this without anyone, not even John.”
Laura grew quiet with concern. Her face transformed quickly. “I’m here. I’m listening.” She told her as they sat down together.
Marlena brushed her hair behind her ear. “This…Roman hit me.” She said quietly. She’d been hiding the bruise for a week. Make-up worked wonders on the ugly discoloring mark on her upper cheek. The swelling had gone down immediately, but soul bruises last longer than skin bruises. Marlena lowered her eyelids as Laura examined her cheek with tender fingers. The coolness of her fingertips traced an outline of the bruise. “It wasn’t bad.” She said impulsively.
“Honey, how did this happen?”
“He saw us…kissing in the hallway of the Salem Inn. He was so angry with me.”
“Apparently, but how does that lead to you taking a souvenir of Roman’s fist?”
“Laura, Roman hates John. I should have been careful. I went to tell John about the baby.”
“And?” Laura prodded searching her face for answers.
“And we made love…and we talked…and I told him that I was leaving Roman.”
“Roman saw this?”
“No, I went back to the house to tell him my decision. He didn’t hear me or didn’t want to believe it; he left without really acknowledging my decision. I decided to leave and get a room at the Salem Inn.”
“John followed to make sure you were okay,” Laura said knowingly.
“You have a good sense of John.”
“He’s hopelessly devoted to you. I know how much he loves you. I also know that he would lay down his life to protect you and the children.”
“That’s John.” Marlena acknowledged dryly. She told Laura the rest of the debacle that had become her existence. John and Roman’s near-miss altercation. Sami and Eric’s battle lines. Carrie’s acceptance. The new penthouse. Her feelings for John and their baby. Her new family. Everything except her feelings about Roman.
“What about Roman?” She asked defensively.
“How do you feel about him?”
“I don’t.”
“Nothing at all,” Laura asked suspiciously. “Not even anger at the way he handled himself in the situation.”
“No. I don’t blame him.”
“It’s not about blame Marlena. Honey, this man violated every principal of love. He hit you. You have to feel something.”
“I don’t,” she said robotically. “I just want him to find some peace in all of this. I’m not excusing what he did…I guess I’m saying I understand his motivation.”
“That’s not good enough Marlena. If Roman were standing here now, in this office, how would you feel?”
“Numb.”
“Numb. Why?”
“Because…I don’t know what else to feel. I don’t want to feel.”
“Honey, you feel something…you’re holding it in. You were married to this person for a long time. You have children with him. There are feelings and emotions there.”
“I was married to him…”
“You loved him and you lost him…and he came back. But he’s not the same person he was, is he?”
“No.”
“Well, tell me how you feel about that.”
She sighed heavily. How did she feel? Why was it so hard to reach for those emotions where Roman was concerned? “I don’t know.” Marlena said covering her mouth with her palm.
“What are you trying to force back Marlena? Why did you that?” Laura inquired as she touched Marlena’s hand. “What do you want to force down? Say it?”
“I can’t Laura. I just can’t go there. If I do, it means that we weren’t at all what I thought us to be. The Roman who loved me would never hit me. He would never be so brutal.”
“What did your relationship to Roman mean?”
“It meant that I was an adult. Loving Roman after Sam’s death made me human again. I could finally wake up each morning and not want to fall into that endless dark pit.”
“And you didn’t because of Roman?”
“Exactly. He forced me to love life again by falling in love with him and essentially myself.”
“Didn’t you have anything to do with it…getting your life back on track?”
She’d never thought of their relationship in those terms. He was always her savior. He’d always protected her. “If it wasn’t for him…”
“You would still be who you are today. I want you to admit that you helped in the process of healing yourself. You’re a well defined woman. I think you’re getting lost in a tangled distortion of your life.”
She thought on Laura’s words. “You’re always running into somebody else’s memory of you.”
“Exactly. But self-perception is what I want you to be concerned with. What I think of you; what John or Roman thinks of you, it doesn’t matter.”
“Have I defined myself through my relationships with the people in my life, the men in my life?”
“Yes,” Laura answered honestly. “Who are you without John? or Roman?”
“Sami and Eric’s mom…Belle’s.”
“Self-perception.”
“I don’t know. A psychiatrist.”
“Right.”
“A woman.”
“A woman of substance. You’re not defined by anyone else. It’s okay to love people Marlena. That’s normal…but they can’t add to our lives until we’re already full and complete. Do you understand? I lost so much time in that sanitarium because I allowed myself to be defined by outer relationships. What’s important is inside. You have to heal yourself. To thine own self be true. What is your self truth?”
“My self truth?”
“Listen to yourself. Instinct is never wrong. Now tell me what you’re feeling. How did the scene with Roman affect you?”
“I think I did go numb when it happened. And slowly I tried to cover it up, telling myself it wasn’t that bad. I said that to Eric and John…but it hurt me—not physically. He inflicted my very soul, Laura. I’ve never been hit by anyone, not my parents, not anyone. I know what it feels like to want to climb inside of yourself and never come out. I know that because of Sam, DJ, and now Roman.”
“If you climbed inside yourself, how would that help the situation?”
“It wouldn’t.”
“You weren’t ready to face this, but now you are. You have to face it before it eats you up inside. I’m saying to you in very clear terms that you can’t go inside yourself. You can’t hide from this because it’s here. It’s not going away. Roman will be in your life forever.”
“I know.”
“Do you fear him?”
“No.”
“No?”
“I don’t. I’ll never fear him. I worry about how he handles himself in severe situations, and because of the children, I worry. But I’m not afraid of Roman.”
“Well that’s good. You shouldn’t fear him. I’d venture to say that this was a once in a lifetime occurrence. I’d recommend anger management and counseling for him, but I don’t think he’ll ever do that again. I believe the guilt will be enough to keep violence out of any other contact you ever have with him.”
“Somewhere within myself, I believe that too. I don’t want him to hate me…and I feel like he does right now.”
“He’s hurt. Beside that, he’s a man…his pride and ego are extremely fragile right now. He lost you to John.”
“No, he didn’t. I didn’t leave Roman for John.”
“Not entirely, but honey John has a great deal to do with the situations that transpired between you and Roman.”
“I had an affair with John. I’m pregnant with his baby,” she recounted rather incredulously.
“Exactly. I’m curious about something. You don’t want Roman to hate you. How do you think John sees you?”
“He loves me,” Marlena replied confidently. “That’s never been the problem. I’m clear about John’s feelings about me. I’m not sure I’m ready to give myself fully to that relationship.”
“Haven’t you already given yourself fully to him?”
“Yes,” she said slipping her hand inside her jack to rest on their baby. “I’ve completely emptied myself out to him.”
“Why are you so afraid allow yourself that freedom to say you’re in love with John.”
“I’m not. Of course I love John.”
“Why do you feel the need to hide your love for him.”
“Laura, you know why? Don’t you?”
Laura shook her head slowly.
“Every part of me yearns for that man…every inch of me…not just sexually Laura. He fulfills me mentally, physically, emotionally…every piece. I’m the happiest when he’s anywhere near me. I’m the saddest when he’s not. I’m a better mother in his presence. I just feel like a whole person when I’m with him…but that’s not what I’m supposed to feel. I’m supposed to have been complete. You said so.”
“Honey, it doesn’t make it wrong to love him. It’s just not healthy to feel like someone else completes you.”
“Nobody has ever understood how much I need John, not even me. I’m so confused. I want to love him. I do love him. I just don’t want it to be so illegitimate.”
“Who thinks of your love as illegitimate? Surely you don’t.”
“Everyone else does. Lose Roman. Gain John. Gain Roman. Lose John.”
“Marlena, what do you feel?”
“I feel like I want to share my life with John. I want to parent our children together. I want to have anniversaries and birthdays in his arms. I want it all.”
“You’re the only thing holding it up, honey.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
“Yes. You can define boundaries, but in love are there really boundaries? You know this yourself, you and John have an almost chemical attraction to each other.”
She blushed uncontrollably.
“You do. I envy it…we all do.”
“I want to start over with him. A new start.”
“That’s possible.”
“Is it?” She said with a hopeful look. “I hope so.”
“Of course it is. You have to settle things with Roman…but it’s entirely possible. You have to tell John. Make that man happy.”
“He’s happy now. I left him playing daddy at the penthouse with the children. It was adorable Laura.”
“That’s the Marlena I love to see,” Laura said cheerfully. “Smile often. Breathe and smile. You’re allowed to feel happy. I’m giving you permission.”
“Thank you,” she said leaning into Laura’s open arms. “I’m happy to have you back in my life.”
“I’m happy to be here. And it sounds like our time is up,” Laura said after Chloe buzzed Marlena’s intercom.
“Dr. Evans…Mrs. Christopher is here.”
“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fall.”
-- Confucius
“She’s napping,” John reported cheerfully. “Doc, I can’t believe I’ve been missing this. She has changed so much in the last couple of months.”
A grateful smile grazed Marlena’s lips, picturing John gazing adoringly over Belle. “What’s Brady up to?”
“Baseball.”
“Baseball?”
“Doc, this is my kid. He’s going to love baseball.”
“So Isabella will love…poetry and great eighteenth century literature,” she told John, “and she’ll love practicing medicine.”
The silence on John’s end of the line caused her to chuckle.
“Or not,” he responded wryly.
“Or not. So how is everything coming along?”
“You’re worried?”
“Not at all.”
“Doc, I’ve got this covered. Don’t you worry.”
“Okay, I won’t. Remember Eric has to be picked up by two-thirty…it doesn’t look like I’m going to make it.” The conversation felt familiar. A wife speaking with her husband; familiar ground with John. “Okay, I’ll let you get back to the children. Give them a kiss for me.”
“Will do.”
“Goodbye John.” She said replacing the phone.
It was noon. She’d seen two patients and had one more to see. The light load had been her decision. She wanted to slowly head back toward a heavier schedule. Her schedule included a new case, one she’d been trying to reschedule after her sudden departure to Colorado. She scrawled Miranda Christopher in her elegant penmanship across a folder tab. Unable to release the past was the notation beneath her name. Marlena made a few notes of questions she wanted to direct to Mrs. Christopher in order to draw her out.
“Dr. Evans.” The sound startled her. She followed the foreign sound of the deeply masculine voice, lifting her eyes to the unfamiliar figure shadowing her doorframe. Dressed immaculately in an expensive three-piece suit of a gray tone, he seemed too professional to be her patient. “I’ve startled you,” he said drawing his hands toward his chest. He was English; a proper accent flavored his perfectly annunciated words.
“A little,” she said looking him over. “And you are?”
“Malcolm. Dr. Malcolm Cory.” He walked over to her desk, reaching across to shake her hand.
She wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the man standing before her. He was handsome. That was the easy description. Dark features such as eyes and hair gave her a sense of his exoticness, coupled with his English tongue. She found the English inordinately charming.
“Dr. Cory.” She said lifting herself from her chair to walk toward Malcolm. “Excuse my lack of professionalism…my secretary usually informs me when I have visitors. Is there something I can help you with?” She asked leaning against the desk.
“The level of your professionalism has traveled the English Channel and back.” His smile was small, the length of his tiny mouth, and had a charmingly endearing quality.
She cocked her eyebrow, clearing her previously suspicious face, “Has it?”
“It has. To end the suspense I am your new colleague. I specialize in child psychiatry.”
Smiling politely at his newest introduction, she silently rebuked herself for her initial reaction. She extended her well-manicured hand into Malcolm’s waiting palm. “Forgive me again. I’m usually not this suspicious. It’s just been a long day.” She told him apologetically. “I’m pleased to meet you, Dr. Cory.”
“Likewise.”
“Well, you’ve met,” Laura said entering Marlena’s office. “I’m so sorry Dr. Cory, I had scheduling conflict this afternoon. I wanted to introduce you to Dr. Evans.”
“Introductions have been made and now I’ll leave you two to your meeting.” Malcolm said heading toward the door.
“Welcome to University,” Marlena added before he disappeared into the hallway.
“He’s handsome,” Laura remarked after his departure, “I’d say debonair, too.”
“I guess he is,” Marlena said as an afterthought.
“Believe me honey, he is.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Marlena said coyly, crinkling the corner of her eyes with her amusement.
“You are positively glowing,” Laura said observing Marlena as she pulled her into her arms. “Look at you Marlena…you almost seem happy.”
“I think I am.” She said hugging her stomach. “I had a wonderful visit with my new doctor. John bought an amazing penthouse…Eric’s living with me.” She rapidly fired these developments.
“Honey, hold on. The last I talked to you, you were trying to decide what to do about the baby.”
“Well, there have been quite a few developments since then.” She said sitting down. “A lot of things have happened. I’ve left Roman for good.”
“Wait Marlena, you’ve left him for good. Have you told him about Belle and the baby?”
“No.”
“No? Well…”
“I told him about Belle. I haven’t mentioned the new baby.” She lowered her voice consciously. “It’s over.”
“I’m sorry honey.”
“Thank you.” The impulse of confession arose between them. She felt it climbing out of the depths of her private thoughts. Purging would help. “Laura, I have to tell you something. I haven’t had the chance to actually discuss this without anyone, not even John.”
Laura grew quiet with concern. Her face transformed quickly. “I’m here. I’m listening.” She told her as they sat down together.
Marlena brushed her hair behind her ear. “This…Roman hit me.” She said quietly. She’d been hiding the bruise for a week. Make-up worked wonders on the ugly discoloring mark on her upper cheek. The swelling had gone down immediately, but soul bruises last longer than skin bruises. Marlena lowered her eyelids as Laura examined her cheek with tender fingers. The coolness of her fingertips traced an outline of the bruise. “It wasn’t bad.” She said impulsively.
“Honey, how did this happen?”
“He saw us…kissing in the hallway of the Salem Inn. He was so angry with me.”
“Apparently, but how does that lead to you taking a souvenir of Roman’s fist?”
“Laura, Roman hates John. I should have been careful. I went to tell John about the baby.”
“And?” Laura prodded searching her face for answers.
“And we made love…and we talked…and I told him that I was leaving Roman.”
“Roman saw this?”
“No, I went back to the house to tell him my decision. He didn’t hear me or didn’t want to believe it; he left without really acknowledging my decision. I decided to leave and get a room at the Salem Inn.”
“John followed to make sure you were okay,” Laura said knowingly.
“You have a good sense of John.”
“He’s hopelessly devoted to you. I know how much he loves you. I also know that he would lay down his life to protect you and the children.”
“That’s John.” Marlena acknowledged dryly. She told Laura the rest of the debacle that had become her existence. John and Roman’s near-miss altercation. Sami and Eric’s battle lines. Carrie’s acceptance. The new penthouse. Her feelings for John and their baby. Her new family. Everything except her feelings about Roman.
“What about Roman?” She asked defensively.
“How do you feel about him?”
“I don’t.”
“Nothing at all,” Laura asked suspiciously. “Not even anger at the way he handled himself in the situation.”
“No. I don’t blame him.”
“It’s not about blame Marlena. Honey, this man violated every principal of love. He hit you. You have to feel something.”
“I don’t,” she said robotically. “I just want him to find some peace in all of this. I’m not excusing what he did…I guess I’m saying I understand his motivation.”
“That’s not good enough Marlena. If Roman were standing here now, in this office, how would you feel?”
“Numb.”
“Numb. Why?”
“Because…I don’t know what else to feel. I don’t want to feel.”
“Honey, you feel something…you’re holding it in. You were married to this person for a long time. You have children with him. There are feelings and emotions there.”
“I was married to him…”
“You loved him and you lost him…and he came back. But he’s not the same person he was, is he?”
“No.”
“Well, tell me how you feel about that.”
She sighed heavily. How did she feel? Why was it so hard to reach for those emotions where Roman was concerned? “I don’t know.” Marlena said covering her mouth with her palm.
“What are you trying to force back Marlena? Why did you that?” Laura inquired as she touched Marlena’s hand. “What do you want to force down? Say it?”
“I can’t Laura. I just can’t go there. If I do, it means that we weren’t at all what I thought us to be. The Roman who loved me would never hit me. He would never be so brutal.”
“What did your relationship to Roman mean?”
“It meant that I was an adult. Loving Roman after Sam’s death made me human again. I could finally wake up each morning and not want to fall into that endless dark pit.”
“And you didn’t because of Roman?”
“Exactly. He forced me to love life again by falling in love with him and essentially myself.”
“Didn’t you have anything to do with it…getting your life back on track?”
She’d never thought of their relationship in those terms. He was always her savior. He’d always protected her. “If it wasn’t for him…”
“You would still be who you are today. I want you to admit that you helped in the process of healing yourself. You’re a well defined woman. I think you’re getting lost in a tangled distortion of your life.”
She thought on Laura’s words. “You’re always running into somebody else’s memory of you.”
“Exactly. But self-perception is what I want you to be concerned with. What I think of you; what John or Roman thinks of you, it doesn’t matter.”
“Have I defined myself through my relationships with the people in my life, the men in my life?”
“Yes,” Laura answered honestly. “Who are you without John? or Roman?”
“Sami and Eric’s mom…Belle’s.”
“Self-perception.”
“I don’t know. A psychiatrist.”
“Right.”
“A woman.”
“A woman of substance. You’re not defined by anyone else. It’s okay to love people Marlena. That’s normal…but they can’t add to our lives until we’re already full and complete. Do you understand? I lost so much time in that sanitarium because I allowed myself to be defined by outer relationships. What’s important is inside. You have to heal yourself. To thine own self be true. What is your self truth?”
“My self truth?”
“Listen to yourself. Instinct is never wrong. Now tell me what you’re feeling. How did the scene with Roman affect you?”
“I think I did go numb when it happened. And slowly I tried to cover it up, telling myself it wasn’t that bad. I said that to Eric and John…but it hurt me—not physically. He inflicted my very soul, Laura. I’ve never been hit by anyone, not my parents, not anyone. I know what it feels like to want to climb inside of yourself and never come out. I know that because of Sam, DJ, and now Roman.”
“If you climbed inside yourself, how would that help the situation?”
“It wouldn’t.”
“You weren’t ready to face this, but now you are. You have to face it before it eats you up inside. I’m saying to you in very clear terms that you can’t go inside yourself. You can’t hide from this because it’s here. It’s not going away. Roman will be in your life forever.”
“I know.”
“Do you fear him?”
“No.”
“No?”
“I don’t. I’ll never fear him. I worry about how he handles himself in severe situations, and because of the children, I worry. But I’m not afraid of Roman.”
“Well that’s good. You shouldn’t fear him. I’d venture to say that this was a once in a lifetime occurrence. I’d recommend anger management and counseling for him, but I don’t think he’ll ever do that again. I believe the guilt will be enough to keep violence out of any other contact you ever have with him.”
“Somewhere within myself, I believe that too. I don’t want him to hate me…and I feel like he does right now.”
“He’s hurt. Beside that, he’s a man…his pride and ego are extremely fragile right now. He lost you to John.”
“No, he didn’t. I didn’t leave Roman for John.”
“Not entirely, but honey John has a great deal to do with the situations that transpired between you and Roman.”
“I had an affair with John. I’m pregnant with his baby,” she recounted rather incredulously.
“Exactly. I’m curious about something. You don’t want Roman to hate you. How do you think John sees you?”
“He loves me,” Marlena replied confidently. “That’s never been the problem. I’m clear about John’s feelings about me. I’m not sure I’m ready to give myself fully to that relationship.”
“Haven’t you already given yourself fully to him?”
“Yes,” she said slipping her hand inside her jack to rest on their baby. “I’ve completely emptied myself out to him.”
“Why are you so afraid allow yourself that freedom to say you’re in love with John.”
“I’m not. Of course I love John.”
“Why do you feel the need to hide your love for him.”
“Laura, you know why? Don’t you?”
Laura shook her head slowly.
“Every part of me yearns for that man…every inch of me…not just sexually Laura. He fulfills me mentally, physically, emotionally…every piece. I’m the happiest when he’s anywhere near me. I’m the saddest when he’s not. I’m a better mother in his presence. I just feel like a whole person when I’m with him…but that’s not what I’m supposed to feel. I’m supposed to have been complete. You said so.”
“Honey, it doesn’t make it wrong to love him. It’s just not healthy to feel like someone else completes you.”
“Nobody has ever understood how much I need John, not even me. I’m so confused. I want to love him. I do love him. I just don’t want it to be so illegitimate.”
“Who thinks of your love as illegitimate? Surely you don’t.”
“Everyone else does. Lose Roman. Gain John. Gain Roman. Lose John.”
“Marlena, what do you feel?”
“I feel like I want to share my life with John. I want to parent our children together. I want to have anniversaries and birthdays in his arms. I want it all.”
“You’re the only thing holding it up, honey.”
“I am, aren’t I?”
“Yes. You can define boundaries, but in love are there really boundaries? You know this yourself, you and John have an almost chemical attraction to each other.”
She blushed uncontrollably.
“You do. I envy it…we all do.”
“I want to start over with him. A new start.”
“That’s possible.”
“Is it?” She said with a hopeful look. “I hope so.”
“Of course it is. You have to settle things with Roman…but it’s entirely possible. You have to tell John. Make that man happy.”
“He’s happy now. I left him playing daddy at the penthouse with the children. It was adorable Laura.”
“That’s the Marlena I love to see,” Laura said cheerfully. “Smile often. Breathe and smile. You’re allowed to feel happy. I’m giving you permission.”
“Thank you,” she said leaning into Laura’s open arms. “I’m happy to have you back in my life.”
“I’m happy to be here. And it sounds like our time is up,” Laura said after Chloe buzzed Marlena’s intercom.
“Dr. Evans…Mrs. Christopher is here.”
