Post by Mimi on Sept 29, 2006 1:20:51 GMT -5
4.2 I Never Wanted For Myself
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”
Marianne Williamson
She walked unannounced into his office. He was sitting behind his desk. Those warm and affable eyes retreated from his work toward her face.
“Abe…I need your help.” Marlena said desperately. Day three of the restraining order. She’d been in the prosecutor’s office for nearly an hour explaining her situation. Roman’s influence with the law was powerful. She watched the prosecutor’s face graze over as she explained in pointed detail why the restraining order, taken out in her name was completely unnecessary. He’d spoke in a condescending tone about the word of a decorated police officer and how they looked down on anyone who would question that word. “Roman’s done a terrible disservice Abe. John doesn’t deserve this.”
Abe watched her sympathetically. “Marlena…I don’t”
“You’re his best friend.”
“I’m both of their best friends.” Abe reminded her. “I can’t get in the middle of this tug of war between the two of them.”
“I’m not asking you to. It’s not fair,” she said sitting down across from Abe. “Abe, John is Isabella’s father.” She confessed abruptly. He had been compassionate to her once, she knew he’d understand again. She’d cried on his shoulders about these same men. He didn’t turn away with judgmental eyes. The same compassion settled on his face. She reached across the desk. “I’m sorry to put you in the middle of all of this.”
“Marlena, you’re my friend. We’ve been friends for as long as I’ve been friends with Roman. I love you. I don’t want to see any of you hurt.”
“Thank you for saying that Abe.”
“It’s true. I wouldn’t switch places with you all for anything but I love each of you equally. Roman is hurt. He’s reacting to that hurt in the only way he knows how.”
“Abe, I understand that he’s hurting right now…but this is unacceptable.”
“It is, I agree with you. I tried to talk him out of this move. He was adamant. He wants to make John pay for destroying his life.”
“John hasn’t destroyed anything.”
“Hasn’t he?”
“No. I left Roman because I wanted to do that.”
“To be with John?”
“Abe, I love John. I’m going to have him in my life regardless of anything else. He is Belle’s father.”
“And he loves you very much.”
“Yes he does,” she admitted almost proudly. “Sooner or later we’ll all accept that, but until then, Roman has to stop trying to tear him down. I will not allow him to be kept away from our daughter. I want the choice in deciding who is allowed in my life. Roman has no right to do that. He obtained the restraining order illegally, we both know that.”
“Marlena, he honestly believes what he’s doing is right.”
“Abe, he’s being irrational. John’s not stalking me.”
“Of course I know that.”
“My hands are tied…these are my children’s fathers. I don’t want to see any of them in jail. That would break my heart and on top of that devastate the children. What can I do Abe?”
“Let Roman calm down.”
“No,” she said shaking her head defiantly, “he can’t control my life. I’m not willing to give up that power anymore. I want us to work this out like reasonable adults.”
“I understand.”
“This restraining order has to be lifted,” Marlena said grabbing her purse. “I’ve waited three days…I think I’ll speak to Mickey.”
Abe stood and walked around the desk to show Marlena out. “Good luck Marlena,” he said kissing her cheek.
“Thank you.”
Marlena was running late for dinner with Laura and Maggie. She called the penthouse from her car phone. Chelsea answered. Belle had been asleep for an hour; she could hear Eric and Brady’s distinctive voice mingling with in the background. The sound of those two boys, together, despite the anger between their fathers, warmed her to the brink of tears. She squinted the wetness from her eyes, wiping her cheek with a free hand. Chelsea had picked Brady up before heading to the penthouse; he’d been with John for the past two days. Marlena didn’t ask where he’d gone, instead she told Chelsea to give the children her love before hanging up. When she reached Maggie’s new restaurant Tuscany, she parked near the door and rushed inside.
Maggie greeted her at the hostess’ booth. “Hi honey.”
“Maggie, I love it,” she said admiring the elegant decorum of the interior. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. I love it, too. Our table’s there,” Maggie said pointing to the table nearest the dance floor where couples had congregated. Laura was already seated, sipping leisurely on a cup of wine. “I’ll join you in a minute. I have to take care of some things in the kitchen first.”
“Okay.” Marlena squeezed Maggie and headed towards Laura. A beautiful melody filled the room, a sensual saxophone humming romantic chords. She eased into the crowd, maneuvering between dancing couples. He came into her view almost magically. She’d been looking at Laura, smiling because there was a face who knew every thing she’d been through within the past months, when John appeared across the room. Appeared, not entirely. He looked comfortable, like he’d been there for a long time. And she was sitting across from him, flashing a flirty smile that sent waves of nausea throughout her stomach. Her hand moved to quell the waves. Laura noticed her hesitation. She felt herself being guided toward the table.
“Are you okay, honey?” Laura asked helping her into her seat. She was eyeing them silently, forcing Laura to look into the direction of the icy stare.
“Oh, I didn’t know he was here,” Laura said trying to pull her attention away from John and Avery.
“So, we’re over then,” Avery asked, taking another sip of her drink. He’d said everything except that, she thought. “Marlena wins.”
“It isn’t a competition. Avery I’m sorry that you got caught up in this…”
“Game,” Avery finished for him, “between you and Marlena. I’m a big girl John. I can take anything except for your pity. I understand no. You want her.”
“I love her.”
“You loved her then.”
“I did.” He conceded, reaching over to touch Avery’s hand.
She flinched, pulling her hand away. “Don’t patronize me John. I get it. I think Marlena gets it too.” Avery said seeing Marlena across the crowded room. She was almost amused when John finally looked in Marlena’s direction. “She’s not going to be happy about this, John.”
“Avery, are you taking pleasure in this?” John asked steadying his focus on Marlena. He could see the hurt. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Oh that’s right, your girlfriend’s crazy husband and that pesky restraining order. I’m not taking pleasure in this at all, I’m sorry John…I honestly feel sorry for you. I think you’re obsessed with her.”
“It goes a hell of a lot deeper than that Avery.”
“I think I understand that now.” Avery admitted honestly.
“She’s pregnant Avery,” he said turning back to Avery. “What hurts her, hurts my baby…I hate this.”
“She’s pregnant with your baby?”
“She is.”
“Marlena has to be one of the most fertile woman this side of the Mississippi. Congratulations, if indeed you’re the father.”
“I am. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
“Oh, the sure shot…sounds familiar. Again congratulations. I do have a question,” Avery said tracing the rim of her wine stem. “What are you going to do about the restraining order?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’d like to help you. I understand that you and me are over. I still think you’re a great guy. Let me continue to represent you…this is far from over. Roman Brady seems like a man with a mission.”
“And you want to lead the brigade against him?”
“I want to help you.”
“I don’t know Avery.”
“I do. I’m professional…I can be. Besides all that I’m good at what I do.”
John shrugged, “you are that. I don’t know where Roman’s going with this, but I do want to be prepared. Okay. Find a way to get this thing lifted,” he said looking toward Marlena again who was avoiding looking in their direction. “I trust you.”
“Good. I’m going to do everything I can do to get this settled.”
“All right, I appreciate that Avery.”
“You don’t have to, I’m your lawyer and that’s my job from now on. I understand the boundaries.”
“Thank you for understanding.” He shook her hand and made a quick exit to the door.
Avery sauntered slowly toward Marlena’s table, wine had given her bravery. She wasn’t sure what she would say. Marlena looked up and matched eyes when she reached their table.
“Marlena, can I speak to you for a minute?”
Marlena stood, “Of course. Excuse me.” She followed Avery to the back of the restaurant, in the empty hallway leading to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry that you saw that,” she said immediately. “We were having dinner to say goodbye.”
“Avery, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I feel like I do. We’ve never been properly introduced. I’m Avery Chase, attorney at law.” She reached out with her hand open. “I don’t think we need to be friends, but we should respect each other. I actually admire you Marlena. And if we hadn’t had a sexual relationship with the same man, we probably could be friends.” Avery said forwardly.
Marlena listened quietly. She politely shook Avery’s hand. Her manners hadn’t escaped her entirely. The woman standing in front of her could almost be her double. She recognized how John could be attracted to her. It didn’t make her feel any better.
“I’m going to be in John’s life. I’m his lawyer and I want to help him fight this restraining order.”
“His lawyer…is that ethical?”
“His decision Marlena – not mine. We’re all adults here. I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not after John anymore.”
“I’m not worried about you.”
“Of course you’re not. You’re having John’s baby. You have a child with him already. You’re going to have it all.”
Marlena recovered quickly from Avery’s admission of her supposedly secret pregnancy. “I don’t believe in having it all. I am, however, going to be happy.”
“I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“Well, I appreciate your forwardness. As long as we’re clear Avery, we are not in competition. John and I are always going to be apart of each other’s lives. Other people will come and go…I for one am not going anywhere.”
“Touché’” Avery said as Marlena turned on her heels and headed back to her table.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.”
Marianne Williamson
She walked unannounced into his office. He was sitting behind his desk. Those warm and affable eyes retreated from his work toward her face.
“Abe…I need your help.” Marlena said desperately. Day three of the restraining order. She’d been in the prosecutor’s office for nearly an hour explaining her situation. Roman’s influence with the law was powerful. She watched the prosecutor’s face graze over as she explained in pointed detail why the restraining order, taken out in her name was completely unnecessary. He’d spoke in a condescending tone about the word of a decorated police officer and how they looked down on anyone who would question that word. “Roman’s done a terrible disservice Abe. John doesn’t deserve this.”
Abe watched her sympathetically. “Marlena…I don’t”
“You’re his best friend.”
“I’m both of their best friends.” Abe reminded her. “I can’t get in the middle of this tug of war between the two of them.”
“I’m not asking you to. It’s not fair,” she said sitting down across from Abe. “Abe, John is Isabella’s father.” She confessed abruptly. He had been compassionate to her once, she knew he’d understand again. She’d cried on his shoulders about these same men. He didn’t turn away with judgmental eyes. The same compassion settled on his face. She reached across the desk. “I’m sorry to put you in the middle of all of this.”
“Marlena, you’re my friend. We’ve been friends for as long as I’ve been friends with Roman. I love you. I don’t want to see any of you hurt.”
“Thank you for saying that Abe.”
“It’s true. I wouldn’t switch places with you all for anything but I love each of you equally. Roman is hurt. He’s reacting to that hurt in the only way he knows how.”
“Abe, I understand that he’s hurting right now…but this is unacceptable.”
“It is, I agree with you. I tried to talk him out of this move. He was adamant. He wants to make John pay for destroying his life.”
“John hasn’t destroyed anything.”
“Hasn’t he?”
“No. I left Roman because I wanted to do that.”
“To be with John?”
“Abe, I love John. I’m going to have him in my life regardless of anything else. He is Belle’s father.”
“And he loves you very much.”
“Yes he does,” she admitted almost proudly. “Sooner or later we’ll all accept that, but until then, Roman has to stop trying to tear him down. I will not allow him to be kept away from our daughter. I want the choice in deciding who is allowed in my life. Roman has no right to do that. He obtained the restraining order illegally, we both know that.”
“Marlena, he honestly believes what he’s doing is right.”
“Abe, he’s being irrational. John’s not stalking me.”
“Of course I know that.”
“My hands are tied…these are my children’s fathers. I don’t want to see any of them in jail. That would break my heart and on top of that devastate the children. What can I do Abe?”
“Let Roman calm down.”
“No,” she said shaking her head defiantly, “he can’t control my life. I’m not willing to give up that power anymore. I want us to work this out like reasonable adults.”
“I understand.”
“This restraining order has to be lifted,” Marlena said grabbing her purse. “I’ve waited three days…I think I’ll speak to Mickey.”
Abe stood and walked around the desk to show Marlena out. “Good luck Marlena,” he said kissing her cheek.
“Thank you.”
Marlena was running late for dinner with Laura and Maggie. She called the penthouse from her car phone. Chelsea answered. Belle had been asleep for an hour; she could hear Eric and Brady’s distinctive voice mingling with in the background. The sound of those two boys, together, despite the anger between their fathers, warmed her to the brink of tears. She squinted the wetness from her eyes, wiping her cheek with a free hand. Chelsea had picked Brady up before heading to the penthouse; he’d been with John for the past two days. Marlena didn’t ask where he’d gone, instead she told Chelsea to give the children her love before hanging up. When she reached Maggie’s new restaurant Tuscany, she parked near the door and rushed inside.
Maggie greeted her at the hostess’ booth. “Hi honey.”
“Maggie, I love it,” she said admiring the elegant decorum of the interior. “It’s beautiful.”
“Thank you. I love it, too. Our table’s there,” Maggie said pointing to the table nearest the dance floor where couples had congregated. Laura was already seated, sipping leisurely on a cup of wine. “I’ll join you in a minute. I have to take care of some things in the kitchen first.”
“Okay.” Marlena squeezed Maggie and headed towards Laura. A beautiful melody filled the room, a sensual saxophone humming romantic chords. She eased into the crowd, maneuvering between dancing couples. He came into her view almost magically. She’d been looking at Laura, smiling because there was a face who knew every thing she’d been through within the past months, when John appeared across the room. Appeared, not entirely. He looked comfortable, like he’d been there for a long time. And she was sitting across from him, flashing a flirty smile that sent waves of nausea throughout her stomach. Her hand moved to quell the waves. Laura noticed her hesitation. She felt herself being guided toward the table.
“Are you okay, honey?” Laura asked helping her into her seat. She was eyeing them silently, forcing Laura to look into the direction of the icy stare.
“Oh, I didn’t know he was here,” Laura said trying to pull her attention away from John and Avery.
“So, we’re over then,” Avery asked, taking another sip of her drink. He’d said everything except that, she thought. “Marlena wins.”
“It isn’t a competition. Avery I’m sorry that you got caught up in this…”
“Game,” Avery finished for him, “between you and Marlena. I’m a big girl John. I can take anything except for your pity. I understand no. You want her.”
“I love her.”
“You loved her then.”
“I did.” He conceded, reaching over to touch Avery’s hand.
She flinched, pulling her hand away. “Don’t patronize me John. I get it. I think Marlena gets it too.” Avery said seeing Marlena across the crowded room. She was almost amused when John finally looked in Marlena’s direction. “She’s not going to be happy about this, John.”
“Avery, are you taking pleasure in this?” John asked steadying his focus on Marlena. He could see the hurt. “I’ve got to get out of here.”
“Oh that’s right, your girlfriend’s crazy husband and that pesky restraining order. I’m not taking pleasure in this at all, I’m sorry John…I honestly feel sorry for you. I think you’re obsessed with her.”
“It goes a hell of a lot deeper than that Avery.”
“I think I understand that now.” Avery admitted honestly.
“She’s pregnant Avery,” he said turning back to Avery. “What hurts her, hurts my baby…I hate this.”
“She’s pregnant with your baby?”
“She is.”
“Marlena has to be one of the most fertile woman this side of the Mississippi. Congratulations, if indeed you’re the father.”
“I am. There’s no doubt in my mind.”
“Oh, the sure shot…sounds familiar. Again congratulations. I do have a question,” Avery said tracing the rim of her wine stem. “What are you going to do about the restraining order?”
“I don’t know.”
“I’d like to help you. I understand that you and me are over. I still think you’re a great guy. Let me continue to represent you…this is far from over. Roman Brady seems like a man with a mission.”
“And you want to lead the brigade against him?”
“I want to help you.”
“I don’t know Avery.”
“I do. I’m professional…I can be. Besides all that I’m good at what I do.”
John shrugged, “you are that. I don’t know where Roman’s going with this, but I do want to be prepared. Okay. Find a way to get this thing lifted,” he said looking toward Marlena again who was avoiding looking in their direction. “I trust you.”
“Good. I’m going to do everything I can do to get this settled.”
“All right, I appreciate that Avery.”
“You don’t have to, I’m your lawyer and that’s my job from now on. I understand the boundaries.”
“Thank you for understanding.” He shook her hand and made a quick exit to the door.
Avery sauntered slowly toward Marlena’s table, wine had given her bravery. She wasn’t sure what she would say. Marlena looked up and matched eyes when she reached their table.
“Marlena, can I speak to you for a minute?”
Marlena stood, “Of course. Excuse me.” She followed Avery to the back of the restaurant, in the empty hallway leading to the bathroom.
“I’m sorry that you saw that,” she said immediately. “We were having dinner to say goodbye.”
“Avery, you don’t have to explain anything to me.”
“I feel like I do. We’ve never been properly introduced. I’m Avery Chase, attorney at law.” She reached out with her hand open. “I don’t think we need to be friends, but we should respect each other. I actually admire you Marlena. And if we hadn’t had a sexual relationship with the same man, we probably could be friends.” Avery said forwardly.
Marlena listened quietly. She politely shook Avery’s hand. Her manners hadn’t escaped her entirely. The woman standing in front of her could almost be her double. She recognized how John could be attracted to her. It didn’t make her feel any better.
“I’m going to be in John’s life. I’m his lawyer and I want to help him fight this restraining order.”
“His lawyer…is that ethical?”
“His decision Marlena – not mine. We’re all adults here. I just wanted to tell you that you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not after John anymore.”
“I’m not worried about you.”
“Of course you’re not. You’re having John’s baby. You have a child with him already. You’re going to have it all.”
Marlena recovered quickly from Avery’s admission of her supposedly secret pregnancy. “I don’t believe in having it all. I am, however, going to be happy.”
“I’m not going to stand in your way.”
“Well, I appreciate your forwardness. As long as we’re clear Avery, we are not in competition. John and I are always going to be apart of each other’s lives. Other people will come and go…I for one am not going anywhere.”
“Touché’” Avery said as Marlena turned on her heels and headed back to her table.
