Post by Tammy on Aug 17, 2006 12:50:10 GMT -5
John and Kate walked back down the stairs and found Roman pacing the floor. John looked at Roman and then looked around for Marlena but he didn’t see her anywhere. Feeling panic rise in his stomach John spoke to Roman with worry in his voice. “Roman…Roman where is Marlena?” Roman suddenly found himself scrambling to come up with an answer, but he couldn’t. John noticed his hesitance and called him on it. “Roman… are you going to answer me?” Roman looked at him with worry, “ I… I don’ t know where she is John.” John was getting irritated at Roman’s lack of answers, “Well she didn’t just disappear into thin air Roman!” “I’m sorry I don’t mean to worry you it’s just that… she didn’t tell me where she was going. She just said that she needed some air… and left!” John paced around the room rubbing is callused hands on the back of his neck trying to think if he should go and look for her or just give her some time to think. He sighed in frustration as he wondered what to do…”Oh I hope she is alright.” Kate gave a smug snort, “You really shouldn’t worry so much John. These past few months away have really toughened her up. I for one have never seen her so bitchy.” Roman stood there in silence watching their exchange. John looked at her with disbelief, “How can you say that? Kate… Marlena and Roman were held HOSTAGE! Now granted Marlena is the strongest woman I have ever meet… but everyone has a breaking point. She is a mess right now. You would be bitchy too if you were gone from your life for years… to come back and find that nothing is the way it was when you left.” John said with exasperation and he plopped down on the couch. Kate tried to think of something to say so John’s image of her didn’t change, “John I didn’t mean anything by it… it’s just that… I found it odd how she was speaking to me earlier. She was so rude and…” John was getting angry at Kate’s bad mouthing of Marlena, so he decided to get out of there and look for his wife. He walked toward the desk to grab his coat from the chair. Kate saw the look of determination on his face, and grabbed his arm to stop him, “John… were are you going… it’s very late.” John looked at her with a thin vale of anger covering his face, “I am going to look for my wife.” He yanked his arm free of her and walked to the door. Before he left he turned around to look at Kate, with wonder in his eyes, “You know… Kate sometimes I feel like I don’t know you at all. You wonder how Marlena could be so rude to you earlier… maybe it was because you were browbeating our daughter.” John hung his head and shook it slightly. Then after a moment he looked back at her. “I really don’t know you at all… do I Kate?” Kate approached him with tears in her eyes, “John… don’t say that. Next to Roman… you know me better than anyone!” John shook his head, “I thought so too Kate, but I don’t know anymore. Sometimes I see the sweet, kind and loving Katie that I have grown to care very deeply for, and then other times…” Kate looked at him with tears in her eyes, “Other times what John?” John felt badly about what he was about to say, but he meant it, “Other times… I see the cold and ruthless Kate that Sami is always talking about. The Kate who cares about no body but herself!” John sakes his head and looks at Roman…he walks over to him and shakes his hand, “It is great to have you back buddy!” Roman shakes his hand and gives him a smile, “It’s great to be back. I will let you know if I hear from Marlena.” “Thanks. I am going to find her and bring her home… where she belongs.” John walked out the door, leaving Kate standing their in a pool of her own tears.
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Marlena sat there in the pew… her head cradled in her hands and tears streaming down her face. As she sat there memories flooded her mind. Memories of years gone by… memories of the life she shared with John and their family. She looked up at the alter and a crystal clear image from their first wedding came to her minds eye. A smile came to her face as she remembered standing there…marrying the love of her life. The fact that she thought he was Roman, didn’t even enter her mind… because it didn’t matter. He was her life, her heart and her soul… his name was a trivial point. His name and identity didn’t matter because, she loved his soul! He was everything that she ever wanted, a wonderful father to their children, an excellent lover, her best friend…her soul mate! Then suddenly different images plagued her mind. Images of herself setting the church on fire, trying to shoot John in the hospital, and lastly an image of John laying her on the altar after the exorcism. That image made her sob slightly… because John had risked his soul to save her. Her crying jarred her from the constant barrage of memories. She looked up to the cross above the alter and spoke of her confusion. “Dear Lord… I am so confused. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. These past few years that Tony held me hostage, have really taken there toll on me I guess” she said with a rye laughter. “I have dreamed of this day for so long… the day when I finally would be reunited with my husband and my children. But this day is nothing like I imagined it would be. My children’s lives are in turmoil… my baby girl, Belle…she has put herself in a terrible position. She is married to one man, while she is in love with another…I of anybody knows what that feels like. My other daughter Sami… well lets just say that she is her own worst enemy. I have this terrible feeling that she has wreaked her life beyond repair. When she is hurt, she lashes out and hurts others. So she has most likely done some major damage to other peoples lives.” Marlena stops momentarily to think about everything that Kate said about Sami… and she wonders for a moment if everything that Kate said might be true. After a few seconds she continues her prayer, “Then there is my son…Brady. He is in the middle of a war zone. I know that he did it to save Phillip… but now we could loose him.” She wiped the tears from her eyes, “Please watch over Brady and the other boys. I must say that I admire Brady for his bravery and his selflessness. He is always thinking of other peoples well being before his own. He is so much like his daddy that way…” She pauses and rests her right hand on her heart, “Oh John…that is where I need the most help Lord! I am so confused…don’t get me wrong I LOVE my husband, and I want to be with him more than anything in this world. That has NEVER been an issue. The problem is…I don’t know where we stand right now. I never expected to come home and find him engaged…I wasn’t prepared for that. I probably should have expected it I guess. He is a wonderful man, any woman would be lucky to have him by her side…I know that I have been truly blessed to have him as my husband.” She paused to look down at her wedding ring that was no longer there…and she sighed, “I don’t understand why I feel this way Lord! I told him that if anything happened to me and I was gone forever… that he should move on. I guess in my heart…I just never believed that he would or could move on without me.” She let out a small snort, “How selfish is that. I know that I am being selfish, but I cant help it. John is my whole life. I always assumed that when I came home things would go back to the way they used to be… but it is painfully obvious that they can’ t.” Marlena was crying heavy sobs now…the reality was finally setting in. The reality that her life was no longer as it was meant to be. Her life was no longer with John… the way she thought it would ALWAYS be! She looked back up at the cross, “I know that John is in love with Kate…he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him otherwise. I know what I have to do God… but it is going to kill me inside. I don’t know how to live without him.” She was sobbing uncontrollable now, trying to speak in between her sobs, “I need you help Lord…I need your strength if I am going…to let John…go!” She lowered her heard to try and slow the tears that were poring from her eyes. She suddenly lifted her head when she heard him speak, “What If I don’t want you to let me go?” She turned around and saw John standing beside the pew…with sadness on his face and tears in his eyes.
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Marlena sat there in the pew… her head cradled in her hands and tears streaming down her face. As she sat there memories flooded her mind. Memories of years gone by… memories of the life she shared with John and their family. She looked up at the alter and a crystal clear image from their first wedding came to her minds eye. A smile came to her face as she remembered standing there…marrying the love of her life. The fact that she thought he was Roman, didn’t even enter her mind… because it didn’t matter. He was her life, her heart and her soul… his name was a trivial point. His name and identity didn’t matter because, she loved his soul! He was everything that she ever wanted, a wonderful father to their children, an excellent lover, her best friend…her soul mate! Then suddenly different images plagued her mind. Images of herself setting the church on fire, trying to shoot John in the hospital, and lastly an image of John laying her on the altar after the exorcism. That image made her sob slightly… because John had risked his soul to save her. Her crying jarred her from the constant barrage of memories. She looked up to the cross above the alter and spoke of her confusion. “Dear Lord… I am so confused. I don’t know what to think or feel anymore. These past few years that Tony held me hostage, have really taken there toll on me I guess” she said with a rye laughter. “I have dreamed of this day for so long… the day when I finally would be reunited with my husband and my children. But this day is nothing like I imagined it would be. My children’s lives are in turmoil… my baby girl, Belle…she has put herself in a terrible position. She is married to one man, while she is in love with another…I of anybody knows what that feels like. My other daughter Sami… well lets just say that she is her own worst enemy. I have this terrible feeling that she has wreaked her life beyond repair. When she is hurt, she lashes out and hurts others. So she has most likely done some major damage to other peoples lives.” Marlena stops momentarily to think about everything that Kate said about Sami… and she wonders for a moment if everything that Kate said might be true. After a few seconds she continues her prayer, “Then there is my son…Brady. He is in the middle of a war zone. I know that he did it to save Phillip… but now we could loose him.” She wiped the tears from her eyes, “Please watch over Brady and the other boys. I must say that I admire Brady for his bravery and his selflessness. He is always thinking of other peoples well being before his own. He is so much like his daddy that way…” She pauses and rests her right hand on her heart, “Oh John…that is where I need the most help Lord! I am so confused…don’t get me wrong I LOVE my husband, and I want to be with him more than anything in this world. That has NEVER been an issue. The problem is…I don’t know where we stand right now. I never expected to come home and find him engaged…I wasn’t prepared for that. I probably should have expected it I guess. He is a wonderful man, any woman would be lucky to have him by her side…I know that I have been truly blessed to have him as my husband.” She paused to look down at her wedding ring that was no longer there…and she sighed, “I don’t understand why I feel this way Lord! I told him that if anything happened to me and I was gone forever… that he should move on. I guess in my heart…I just never believed that he would or could move on without me.” She let out a small snort, “How selfish is that. I know that I am being selfish, but I cant help it. John is my whole life. I always assumed that when I came home things would go back to the way they used to be… but it is painfully obvious that they can’ t.” Marlena was crying heavy sobs now…the reality was finally setting in. The reality that her life was no longer as it was meant to be. Her life was no longer with John… the way she thought it would ALWAYS be! She looked back up at the cross, “I know that John is in love with Kate…he wouldn’t have asked her to marry him otherwise. I know what I have to do God… but it is going to kill me inside. I don’t know how to live without him.” She was sobbing uncontrollable now, trying to speak in between her sobs, “I need you help Lord…I need your strength if I am going…to let John…go!” She lowered her heard to try and slow the tears that were poring from her eyes. She suddenly lifted her head when she heard him speak, “What If I don’t want you to let me go?” She turned around and saw John standing beside the pew…with sadness on his face and tears in his eyes.
