Post by Tammy on Aug 17, 2006 13:01:43 GMT -5
John turned to face her with tears clouding his eyes. He can’t believe that she actually asked him not to go…he didn’t think that she had heard anything that he just said to her. He watched as Sami slowly walked over to the bench and sat down. He took a few tentative steps toward her. When she didn’t speak he sat down beside her, waiting for her to break the silence. They sat there looking out over the water for a moment when Sami finally spoke. “This is…weird.” John gave a slight chuckle, “What is weird?” Sami shrugged her shoulders, “This whole…situation. But mostly…the things that you just said to me.” She turned on the bench to face John, “Do you know how many times I have gotten that little lecture?” John laughed again, “I don’t think I can count that high.” He said trying to lighten the mood. Which worked because it made Sami laugh. “Yeah…needless to say I have gotten that lecture quit a few times. But somehow…this time was different.” John looked at her curiously, “How can this time be different Samantha? I’m sure I didn’t say anything different than anyone else has said. Of course with the exception of a…few choice swear words.” Sami let out a hardy laugh, “That is what made it different. Not so much the swear words…but the intensity…and the emotion.” John nodded his head, “What about your mother. She feels strongly about this…subject? You mean to tell me that your little…discussions with her weren’t emotional?” Sami shook her head, “Of course they were emotional John…you know my mother…she could cry if you looked at her the wrong way. This was a different kind of emotional. It just seemed like for the first time…no one ….held back!” They sat there in a silence while Sami was composing her thoughts, “John?” John spoke but didn’t look at her, “Yeah peanut?” Sami smiled at the use of her nickname, “Why haven’t you ever…said anything to me about this before? I mean…in all honesty…I have treated you like shit ever since I found out you weren’t my dad. Why didn’t you ever call me on it?” “Because of your mother. Your mother and I felt terrible about how you found out about the affair. She felt responsible for all the problems you have had over the years. I…I didn’t want to add to that by picking fights with you. It would have just hurt her more.” John stood up and walked to the railing. Sami stared at him, “I think I understand now.” John turned to look at her his backside leaning against the railing, “What is it that you ‘understand’ now?” Sami took a deep breath, “I think I understand why I have done the things that I have. Don’t misunderstand me…I don’t know why I have done ALL of the terrible things that I have done in my life. But…I understand why I have done the terrible things that I have done to you.” John knew that this was a long time coming. He walked back over to her and sat down. He put a finger under her chin and turned her face towards his, “If you are ready to talk…I am ready to listen.” He wiped away a tear that was running down Sami’s cheek. Sami nodded, “I have always said that my anger towards you was because of the affair… but I don’t think that is really true. I think my anger comes from the fact that…you left us in the first place!” John shook his head, “I don’t understand what you are getting at peanut.” Sami took a deep breath, ”I mean that…I am angry that you left when we were little. I think deep down in my heart…that is what has caused me so much pain. I have always told you that I blamed you for breaking up my family…which is true…I have always blamed you for that.” Sami turned to face him with tears running down her cheeks, “I blamed you for breaking up OUR family. You, mom, me Eric and Carrie…that family! When you gave us back to Roman…you destroyed the only family I ever had. I think...that is where all of my anger came from.” Sami wiped the tears from her eyes and walked towards the railing. John had tears in his eyes. He sat there quietly trying to think of something to say but the words just wouldn’t come,” Sami…I…I really don’t know what to say. I didn’t want to give you up all those years ago. It’s just that…Roman was your dad.” Sami whipped around, “No…he wasn’t! Yes…his DNA was running through my veins…that didn’t make him my dad! He wasn’t the one who got up for 4am feedings when we were babies…you did that. He wasn’t the one who played submarines with me when I was taking a bath…you were! He wasn’t the one to teach me how to ride a bike, or how to swim, or how to throw a baseball….YOU did all those thing…not HIM! Last time I checked…those are things that dad’s do with their kids!” By this time Sami was balling her eyes out. John was crying too but he did his best to comfort her, “Sami…you don’t understand…” Sami stepped away from him and out of his tender grasp. She took a deep breath and calmed herself, “Yes…I do understand. I know…I know it wasn’t Romans fault. I know that he was held captive all those years…and I know that he didn’t choose to be separated from us. I understand all that.” She turned to face John, “But…it still doesn’t change the fact that he wasn’t there when we were little John. Roman might have been our father…but you were our dad! There is a big difference!” Sami was crying hard. She looked into John’s eyes which were full of tears. John looked at her and nodded. Before he knew it Sami flew into his arms and held onto him as tightly as she could. John rubbed gently, soothing circles over Sami’s back with one hand and stroked her hair with the other. That is exactly what he did when she was little to stop her tears from falling, and it seemed to still work. After a few moments Sami’s tears began to subside. John pulled back from her and kissed the tip of her nose which caused her to smile. He took her hand and lead her to the bench once again. John sat down first still holding Sami’s hand. After a few seconds she sat down beside him and rested her head on his shoulder and he continued to stroke her hair. Sami was lost in the gentle strokes her ‘dad’ was making on her head. “Ever since you left… I have never felt like I belonged anywhere…you know what I mean?” John nodded his head even though Sami couldn’t see it, “Yes…I do know what you mean peanut. Ever since I walked away from ‘our‘ family…I never felt like I fit in anywhere else. I felt like I was lost in a fog…until I had Brady. Even after that… I never felt complete. Because I knew that Brady was missing out on a great family…like the family that we had.” Sami smiled,” We did have a GREAT family…didn’t we?” She raised her head from John’s shoulder and looked at him. “Even after I got to know Roman as my dad…It never felt right… it still doesn’t. I think that is because you always made me feel so special…like daddy’s little girl. I never had to be anyone special to please you…I just had to be myself! I think that is why I have been such a bitch these past several years. I never knew what to be for other people…I never knew what to do to make them proud of me. So I figured…why even bother!” Sami got a smile on her face that was a mile wide which made John laugh, “I know that look…what is so funny?” Sami started to laugh, “I was just thinking… how well I have hidden my true feeling over the years. Did you know…that I was over the moon when you and mom told me that you were getting married all those years ago?” John let out a laugh, “Damn you are good at hiding your feelings. I though the idea made you sick to your stomach.” Sami laughed, “I told ya I was good. I was actually overjoyed at the idea. I was finally going to have MY family back…with the added bonus of Belle and Brady! I was getting to have my dad back…and a brother and sister! It was what I had dreamed of for years.” John stood there in shock listening to Sami talk about her true feelings. It was nice to finally have his peanut back. John and Sami talked for a little while longer about everything that happened over the past few years. All of the misunderstandings and the hurt feelings. Then after a while they got onto the subject of Marlena and Roman’s ‘deaths’ and John getting together with Kate. Then how Sami turned into Stan. John shook his head in disbelief, “If Tony was here right now…I would KILL HIM!” John stood up and started pacing. Sami felt horrible about all the things she has done to John in recent months, “John…I am so sorry for what I have done to you. There are no…words that I can say to make up for what I have done…I’m not even going to try.” John stopped in his tracks and looked at her, “Sami…I’m not saying that the things you have done are…justifiable…but I understand where you are coming from now. Besides…If I didn’t want to take those drugs…I wouldn’t have. It was my choice!” John went and sat beside her. “But…there is something that you can do for me.” Sami nodded, “Anything!” “You better hear me out first. This is a big favor Sami…you might not be so quick to help once you hear what it is.” John told Sami of his plans and what it was that he needed her help with. He knew that this was going to be hard for her to do…but he couldn’t do this without her. “I now this will be very hard for you Sami…but I can’t do it without your help.” Sami was pacing now, “Personally John…I don’t think you should do it at all! Your life is just getting back to normal…why do you want to stir it all up again?” John shrugs his shoulders, “Nothing about my life right now is normal and you know it.” Sami faced him abruptly, “What about mom?” John nodded, “That is going to be the hardest part of all of this. She…she can’t know Sami!” Sami’s jaw looked as though it was about to hit the wooden surface of the pier, “John…how am I supposed to pull this off? Mom can always tell when I am lying!” John laughed at that remark, “Didn’t you tell me a little while ago that you are the best liar there is?” John’s smile faded, “You now that I wouldn’t ask if it weren’t important. Please Sami…my life and… our families future happiness is riding on this!” Sami took a moment to think. She let out a big sigh, “Oh…alright! I don’t agree with it…but I will help you! I guess it is the least I can do. I hope we can pull all this off.” John pulled Sami into a hug, “We will pull this off…I promise! When we are working together…no one can beat us!” John and Sami pulled apart and John stumbled and fell to the pier, “John!…Oh…are you alright?” Sami went to his side and he sat up slowly, “Yes…I am fine…I just got dizzy for a minute! I need to go home and lie down for a while!” “Are you sure…do you want me to take you?” John got up of the pier slowly so he didn’t get dizzy again, “No peanut…I’ll be fine. Remember…be back here at midnight!” Sami laughed slightly at his fatherly tone, “Yes sir…I will be here sir!” She saluted him. Then she turned serious, “Are you sure you can make it home okay?” John nodded. Sami kissed him on the cheek and left. John stood there on the pier looking upwards towards the heavens, “Please God…give me the strength…to pull this off with as little damage to my family as possible! Amen!” Then he turned to go home to the penthouse and get some much needed rest.
