Post by Tammy on Aug 17, 2006 13:14:24 GMT -5
Marlena and Belle are sitting in the living room when the front door opened… and Sami walked in. Marlena and Belle rose quickly from their spots and rushed to Sami…bombarding her with a million questions. Sami held up her hands, “Whoa…calm down…I will tell you everything. Just give me a minute.” Marlena and Belle backed off and went and sat back down on the sofa. Sami gathered her wits about her…took a deep breath and sat across from them on the other sofa. She sat there thinking of what to say…but she never got the time to formulate her thoughts because Marlena’s worry took over, “Sami…how is he? Is he okay?” Sami looked at her mother, “He, will be fine mom.” Marlena looked at Sami in confusion, “What does that mean…he will be fine? What happened to him…and don’t tell me nothing happened…because I felt it…I know that something happened to him…” Sami couldn’t take the tensions and she yelled not really meaning to , “MOM! If you would give me a minute…I will tell you what I know!” Belle looked at Sami in anger after she yelled at their mother, “Don’t talk to mom like that Sami! You know how hard this has been on her since dad left.” Sami returned Belle’s angry stare, “Well…it hasn’t been a bed of roses for me either Belle. If you would both just please be quite for five minutes I will tell you what I know.” Marlena and Belle both nodded in compliance and sat there quietly waiting for Sami to continue…after a moment Sami took a deep breath and began. “Well first off…the nurse wasn’ t going to let me in to see him…but needless to say I made her see things my way.” Marlena and Belle both snickered and then Sami continued. “Anyways…when I got there John was sleeping. He was very…pale and his skin was clammy. I sat there starring at him…and I started crying. My crying must have woken him up because he woke up and said ’ Doc…is that you?’” That brought a slight smile to Marlena’s face even though she was crying softly. Belle looked back and forth between her mother and Sami, “Sami…this is all well and good…but could you please just tell us what happened to dad? You have got me really scared here.” Sami took another deep breath, “Belle… I don’t know what happened to dad. He didn’t tell me.” This caught Marlena’s attention and she rose to her feet, “That is it! You are taking me to him RIGHT NOW!” Marlena walked toward the desk to grab her coat from the chair. Sami sat back on the sofa and let out a frustrated groan, “For crying out loud mom…if you would let me finish!” Marlena whipped around and saw Sami approach her, “I told John that I didn’t want to know what had happened to him…I told him that his WIFE should be the first to know.” Marlena let out a frustrated groan, “Sami…what are you talking about?” Sami grinned, “Well if you would let me get a word in edge wise…you would know what I am talking about. John was about to tell me what happened…and then I passed along your little message to him. I told him that he should be telling YOU what happened…not ME.” Sami walked over to the coat rack and retrieved something out of her coat pocket and walked back over to her mother. She handed her mother an envelope, “Here! That is was took me so long…I gave John time to write you a letter. This letter should explain everything mom…why he left, and what happened to him today.” Marlena looked at the letter and smiled awkwardly, “But Sami…what if he doesn’t tell me the whole truth. What if he tries to protect me from the truth?” Sami smiled slightly, “I told John that if he held anything back from you…I would bring you to see him tomorrow and you would get the truth out of him one way or another.” Belle laughed slightly, “Well…that should scare the truth out of him.” They all laughed. Marlena just stared at the envelope…anxious to see John’s writing and read his words. Belle and Sami glanced at their mother and then at each other. Sami smiled at her sister, “Hey Belle…what do you say we go and…catch a movie?” Belle looked at Sami strangely, “Sami it is almost 11pm.” Sami looked at Belle, “Well last time I checked you didn’t have a curfew Belle.” Sami raised her eyebrows at her sister and then glanced at their mother. Belle finally understood that Sami was trying to give Marlena some time alone to read the letter that her husband sent…and Belle nodded at Sami. “Good idea Sami…I could use an hour or two to get my mind off of worrying about Philip. Let’s go!” Sami and Belle gathered their coats and walked over to their mother. Sami touched her mothers shoulder and brought Marlena out of her fog. “Mom…Belle and I are going to go to the movies. I will probably stay over her place tonight. I will be back first thing in the morning…okay.” Marlena just nodded absently. The girls kissed their mother on the cheek and left.
Marlena was sitting in bed and just starring at the envelope which simply read “Doc!”. She was afraid to read the words that her husband had written. She was afraid to read the reason why her husband had up and vanished…leaving her all alone…ever since he left, she had feared that he had found out about her and Roman and that is why he left. After the girls had left Marlena took a quick shower…got into one of John’s t-shirts…and she climbed into their bed…and snuggled up to John’s pillow. After calming her self down…she finally opened the letter.
Dear Doc, Oh Doc…I don’t even know where to begin. I am so sorry that I hurt you this way…I honestly thought that it was for the best. I am also sorry that I got Sami involved in my problems…I wouldn’t be surprised if she hates me all over again now. Anyways…Sami told me that I needed to tell you what was going on with me. She told me that you felt I was in pain today. She said that you collapsed and everything…oh honey I am so sorry. I never want you to feel pain sweetheart…especially not the pain that I am going through.
The damn burst and Marlena could no longer control her tears. What she feared earlier was true…there was something wrong with John.
There is no easy way to tell you this Doc…so I had just better spit it out. I am a…dr…drug addict Marlena!
Marlena let out a sharp gasp…she brought her hand to cover her mouth to stifle her agonizing cry’s.
I am sorry I was such a coward honey. I know that I should have told you the truth when you first came back home to me…but I couldn’t let you see what I had become without you. I couldn’t bare the fact that I was no longer the man you fell in love with all those years ago. When I made it back home from the island…and you didn’t… it killed my soul. Between the pain of losing you and my back pain…Doc I just wanted to die. I gave up on life…because you weren’t here to share it with me. I know that there is no excuse for what I have become since I thought that you died…but that was the way I felt. I am so sorry I let you down…again!
Marlena was sobbing endless tears, “Oh…John! Nothing…nothing could ever change the way I love you. You could never disappoint me.”
So many times Doc…so many times you would come to me… whether it was in my dreams…or a hallucination…you would come to me and try to help me pull myself together. It would raise my spirits to the sky…and then I would wake up or the hallucination would fade away…and there I was…all alone again. Well…after taking enough drugs to get through my physical therapy…my back finally began to heal. Once I was up and around again…no one could tell that there was anything wrong with me. So I figured that it wasn’t that bad…and since no one could tell…I kept taking the drugs. Then after feeling dead inside for so long… my heart began to beat again…the day I saw you at the airport. Oh Doc…it was like the blackness faded away and everything was in color once again…my heart and soul were given back to me that day…the day you came home. And the moment I held you in my arms…I felt so unworthy of you. I felt so ashamed that you had to come home to a man…who was a mere shadow of the man you married. And in that moment…I decided that this was what I had to do. I had to do everything in my power to become the man that you fell in love with and married…and I couldn’t put that burden on you honey. You had just been through months of your own personal hell…there was NO WAY I was going to pile my problems on top of that. That is why I left Doc…this was something I had to do…on my own! I made a mess out of my life…there was no way I was going to let you clean up my mess.
By now Marlena had stopped trying to wipe away her tears…they were falling too fast to keep up.
That brings us to today. I guess by now you have figured out that I am here…going through rehab. I know you are probably cursing my name as you read this…I know that you want to be with me…helping me through this Doc…but I couldn’t bare to see you watching me go through withdrawal. Being a doctor you know that de-tox is a painful process…and I know that you would feel awful knowing that there was nothing you could do to help me. But then again…I guess you ARE feeling my pain. When Sami told me what happened to you today…as selfish as it is…I had to smile. I had forgotten what it was like to be so connected to someone…so connected that you can read their mind…and feel their pain. I can see that our time apart hasn’t broken that bond we have…because today you were feeling my pain…I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. My de-toxing is coming to an end…and today was an extremely bad day…I started hyperventilating and I went into a panic attack…that is what you felt today! Please don’t worry to much sweetheart…the doctors said that I am fine. Well I better bring this letter to an end. I know that I have no right to ask a favor of you Doc but please…don’t come here! I know that I have hurt you terribly by leaving the way that I did…and for that I am truly sorry. But…I don’t want you to see me like this. When I am back to the man I use to be…the man you loved…I will come home…and I will take whatever you have to dish out. I don’t know if you will be able to forgive me for the way I have hurt and disappointed you…but I promise you that I will accept whatever decision you make regarding our future. You have ever right to hate me…and I wouldn’t blame you if you do. My only defense is that I did this because I love you. I am doing this so I can once again be a man who is worthy of you…and your love. I swear to you Doc…I will be that man once again! Love John
Marlena fell back onto the pillows feeling emotionally spent. Her eyes were puffy and almost swollen shut from the torrent of tears that seemed never ending. She glanced over to John’s night stand and saw a picture of their wedding day. She grabbed the picture and laid it upon John’s pillow. She ran her fingers over John’s face and spoke to him as if he was lying next to her. “Oh…my love. I wish I was with you right now…holding your hand.” Then the shrill ring of the phone startled Marlena and caused her to jump. She looked at the clock and saw that it was close to midnight. She figured that Sami or Belle was calling to check up on her. She sat up in bed and laid their wedding picture in her lap. She dried her eyes, took a deep breath and answered the phone, “Hello?” after a moment the person spoke wearily, “Did I wake you?” Marlena gasped and a smile exploded across her face, “JOHN!”
Marlena was sitting in bed and just starring at the envelope which simply read “Doc!”. She was afraid to read the words that her husband had written. She was afraid to read the reason why her husband had up and vanished…leaving her all alone…ever since he left, she had feared that he had found out about her and Roman and that is why he left. After the girls had left Marlena took a quick shower…got into one of John’s t-shirts…and she climbed into their bed…and snuggled up to John’s pillow. After calming her self down…she finally opened the letter.
Dear Doc, Oh Doc…I don’t even know where to begin. I am so sorry that I hurt you this way…I honestly thought that it was for the best. I am also sorry that I got Sami involved in my problems…I wouldn’t be surprised if she hates me all over again now. Anyways…Sami told me that I needed to tell you what was going on with me. She told me that you felt I was in pain today. She said that you collapsed and everything…oh honey I am so sorry. I never want you to feel pain sweetheart…especially not the pain that I am going through.
The damn burst and Marlena could no longer control her tears. What she feared earlier was true…there was something wrong with John.
There is no easy way to tell you this Doc…so I had just better spit it out. I am a…dr…drug addict Marlena!
Marlena let out a sharp gasp…she brought her hand to cover her mouth to stifle her agonizing cry’s.
I am sorry I was such a coward honey. I know that I should have told you the truth when you first came back home to me…but I couldn’t let you see what I had become without you. I couldn’t bare the fact that I was no longer the man you fell in love with all those years ago. When I made it back home from the island…and you didn’t… it killed my soul. Between the pain of losing you and my back pain…Doc I just wanted to die. I gave up on life…because you weren’t here to share it with me. I know that there is no excuse for what I have become since I thought that you died…but that was the way I felt. I am so sorry I let you down…again!
Marlena was sobbing endless tears, “Oh…John! Nothing…nothing could ever change the way I love you. You could never disappoint me.”
So many times Doc…so many times you would come to me… whether it was in my dreams…or a hallucination…you would come to me and try to help me pull myself together. It would raise my spirits to the sky…and then I would wake up or the hallucination would fade away…and there I was…all alone again. Well…after taking enough drugs to get through my physical therapy…my back finally began to heal. Once I was up and around again…no one could tell that there was anything wrong with me. So I figured that it wasn’t that bad…and since no one could tell…I kept taking the drugs. Then after feeling dead inside for so long… my heart began to beat again…the day I saw you at the airport. Oh Doc…it was like the blackness faded away and everything was in color once again…my heart and soul were given back to me that day…the day you came home. And the moment I held you in my arms…I felt so unworthy of you. I felt so ashamed that you had to come home to a man…who was a mere shadow of the man you married. And in that moment…I decided that this was what I had to do. I had to do everything in my power to become the man that you fell in love with and married…and I couldn’t put that burden on you honey. You had just been through months of your own personal hell…there was NO WAY I was going to pile my problems on top of that. That is why I left Doc…this was something I had to do…on my own! I made a mess out of my life…there was no way I was going to let you clean up my mess.
By now Marlena had stopped trying to wipe away her tears…they were falling too fast to keep up.
That brings us to today. I guess by now you have figured out that I am here…going through rehab. I know you are probably cursing my name as you read this…I know that you want to be with me…helping me through this Doc…but I couldn’t bare to see you watching me go through withdrawal. Being a doctor you know that de-tox is a painful process…and I know that you would feel awful knowing that there was nothing you could do to help me. But then again…I guess you ARE feeling my pain. When Sami told me what happened to you today…as selfish as it is…I had to smile. I had forgotten what it was like to be so connected to someone…so connected that you can read their mind…and feel their pain. I can see that our time apart hasn’t broken that bond we have…because today you were feeling my pain…I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for that. My de-toxing is coming to an end…and today was an extremely bad day…I started hyperventilating and I went into a panic attack…that is what you felt today! Please don’t worry to much sweetheart…the doctors said that I am fine. Well I better bring this letter to an end. I know that I have no right to ask a favor of you Doc but please…don’t come here! I know that I have hurt you terribly by leaving the way that I did…and for that I am truly sorry. But…I don’t want you to see me like this. When I am back to the man I use to be…the man you loved…I will come home…and I will take whatever you have to dish out. I don’t know if you will be able to forgive me for the way I have hurt and disappointed you…but I promise you that I will accept whatever decision you make regarding our future. You have ever right to hate me…and I wouldn’t blame you if you do. My only defense is that I did this because I love you. I am doing this so I can once again be a man who is worthy of you…and your love. I swear to you Doc…I will be that man once again! Love John
Marlena fell back onto the pillows feeling emotionally spent. Her eyes were puffy and almost swollen shut from the torrent of tears that seemed never ending. She glanced over to John’s night stand and saw a picture of their wedding day. She grabbed the picture and laid it upon John’s pillow. She ran her fingers over John’s face and spoke to him as if he was lying next to her. “Oh…my love. I wish I was with you right now…holding your hand.” Then the shrill ring of the phone startled Marlena and caused her to jump. She looked at the clock and saw that it was close to midnight. She figured that Sami or Belle was calling to check up on her. She sat up in bed and laid their wedding picture in her lap. She dried her eyes, took a deep breath and answered the phone, “Hello?” after a moment the person spoke wearily, “Did I wake you?” Marlena gasped and a smile exploded across her face, “JOHN!”
